Prince played Creep by Radiohead the other day, at the Coachella festival in Indio, California. The quality is not amazing, but it's a good experience. Feel it inside your body.
Nice..
Further investigation on the Billboard websites tells us that Prince has thrown a wobbly and is banning all footage of the song. Even Radiohead aren't allowed to see it. Beautiful! Check this out:
All videos of Prince's unique rendition of Radiohead's early hit were quickly taken down, leaving only a message that his label, NPG Records, had removed the clips, claiming a copyright violation. But the posted videos were shot by fans and, obviously, the song isn't Prince's.
In a recent interview, Thom Yorke said he heard about Prince's performance from a text message and thought it was "hilarious." Yorke laughed when his bandmate, guitarist Ed O'Brien, said the blocking had prevented even him from seeing Prince's version of their song.
"Really? He's blocked it?" asked Yorke, who figured it was their song to block or not. "Surely we should block it. Hang on a moment." Yorke added, "Well, tell him to unblock it. It's our ... song."
This reminds me of one of the videos that The UK Showbiz Guy showed me which was a mockup of a potentially genuine situation. The video is made by David Chapelle and Charlie Murphy. Charlie is Eddie Murphy's brother and was obviously hanging around Eddie when he became the biggest star in America in the 80's. He (Charlie) has got loads of stories about the crazy incidents that occurred, living in this surreal environment. In particular, here is his rendition of when Prince decided to play basketball:
Hilarious.
Before I sign off here, it is important that everyone reads and understands this quote by Prince on what is means to be truly "cool."
Cool means being able to hang with yourself. All you have to ask yourself is 'Is there anybody I'm afraid of? Is there anybody who if I walked into a room and saw, I'd get nervous?' If not, then you're cool.
The guys at Ape Town receive all kinds of photos from people all over the world, wearing their Ape Town T-shirts. The most recent one that was shared with me was none other than John Smit proudly wearing his Ape Town T-shirt at the Barcelona stadium. Look at him! Pleased as punch!
John Smit hearts Ape Town "The T-shirt with the PERFECT NECK"
This is very good timing in fact, as Ape Town has a whole new range which can be viewed at www.apetown.co.za, including some of the originals, as well as some new ones.
It is at this point that I wish to announce something that I have been trying to keep a secret for some time now (clears throat). Ladies and gentlemen, 2oceansvibe has collaborated and listened with Ape Town to design, produce and offer to you; a LIMITED EDITION design of the same high quality and perfect fit T-Shirt - called, "The Hectique! T-shirt."
As I said, these T-shirts are limited Edition and they won't be available forever. Get your now and wait for the next collaboration.
Quite seriously though, those who own Ape Town T-shirts will tell you, they really are of the highest quality and, almost more importantly, they've earned the name of "the perfect fit" - something that a lot of T-shirt manufacturers get wrong these days (especially the neck!).
The Hectique! T-shirt is the exact same product.
The Limited Edition Hectique! T-shirt
A collaboration between 2oceansvibe and Ape Town
Local website offers downloads of local DJs' "sets" [permalink]
Pretty progressive stuff here, folks. It looks like the kids are now able to reenact their Friday night alcohol and drug-fueled dance floor frenzy, in the comfort of their own homes and cars!
Seriously though, this is quite a clever little concept. These guys have basically enabled the fans out there to download MP3's of their favourite DJ mixes, for their iPod/CD/hard drive listening pleasure. All in one place.
From (I'm quoting now) "house legend Peter Abrahams" (sick!) to "techno Massives Killer Robot" (rock on!) to "drum and bass success story - Counterstrike" (mental!), you can now listen at your convenience and not just when you're tripping on the dance floor!
thanks dave
Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com [permalink]
28 May, 2008
AFRICAN SURFER . COM
A surf trip from Cape Town to London up the West Coast of Africa [permalink]
Yes, that's right. Three guys, a 1981 Toyota Land Cruiser, a passion for surfing and the spirit of adventure. What a wonderful vibe! It's basically the road trip of a lifetime!
I've known about these crazy kids (Tim, "Lurks" and "Stone") for a while and have been following their progress for some time. I was chatting to The Roofer of late (who, you'll remember, has been punishing those big 25-30 foot waves over the last couple of weeks) and he reminded me of a classic story to do with the African Surfers and that famous old Santa-Claus bearded adventurer, Kingsley Holgate (you might remember him from those Captain Morgan ads, having a bath on the Serengeti plains and the like - "his office").
So the African Surfers have been doing this trip in an old fucked up Toyota Land Cruiser up the West Coast of Africa and they were visiting and surfing places where no white guys had been before (not many people have traveled overland like this to find waves!).
So then you get Kingsley Holgate, the great white African explorer. Sponsored by Captain Morgan. Sponsored by Land Rover. Big white beard. Pioneer etc. - pretty much the Camel Man. So he's all kitted out with sponsored gear and car - trying to find new untouched territory. And every time he finds a "new" place, he hears about these white goons who have been mucking around in the same place, JUST before him; and they had always JUST left - continuing up the coast. So Kingsley kept on going and everywhere he arrived it was the SAME story - "stealing his thunder," as it were! Then, eventually, he caught up to our boys!
Kingsley Holgate manages to catch up with Tim, Lurks and Stone
Pretty funny stuff! Three guys with an old car and a shoestring budget, outdoing Kingsley Holgate with his backup team and sponsors all over!
So go and check out AfricanSurfer.com and keep track of the guys and their experiences - they're doing something quite unbelievableand the stories and pics are something to behold. Check out their trip so far..
The little pink pins show all their stops - radical..
230C Kompressor "Evolution" - one of a kind in South Africa [permalink]
I bought this car about two years ago and it had never been driven before. It was brand new, but it was actually a 2003 Mercedes Benz 230C Kompressor "Evolution" (Special edition.) It came in as an import after never being taken out the box by the previous owner (had 30km on the clock when I bought it and even had the plastic over the seats and SAT NAV screen and dials.) It's a one of a kind in Cape Town and comes with every conceivable extra. Let me break it down for you.
I was FINISHED when I got this pic from Zone (future 2oceansvibe Character) and noticed the words "Panty Dropper" written on the back window of this car. I mean, that was PLENTY!
But then I noticed that our boy had gone a little further - what with the numberplate and all..
Great to watch
It was only after THAT, that I spotted the wing at the top and the spicy lights.
What a wonderful individual!
Just out of interest, those of you from the burbs will recognise the exact location of this sighting as the traffic intersection at the far corner of the Rondebosch Common.
"Aaah Yes! Next to the ..."
"The William Slater Hospital... yes, that's the one."
I don't quite know what to make of these new pics of Britters posing with a rose in her mouth. She seems to be trying to re-enact the picture of Julia Roberts on the front cover of Vanity Fair. I just..I just don't know why..
Amazing vibe she's going for. But that's not the thing that concerns me here. What concerns me is this next picture. I simply cannot make out what is going on. It's like her tabs have had an argument and refuse to talk to each other. Infact, it seems they refuse to even LOOK at one other. They're basic standing back-to-back, angry, contemplating making a run for it.
Well I MUST tell you, I am QUITE impressed with myself! In the last half an hour I managed to get my iPod fixed, buy some fresh vegetables and help a bunch of refugees, WHILST listening to music. What a pleasure! I never knew giving could be so relaxing.
Basically what happened was I went to visit the Apple Store in town off Roeland Street to get a new cover for my iPod and, while I was in the area, I popped into Fruit & Veg City to get some (yup, you guessed it) fresh fruit and veg. Stalkers out there will be interested to note that my purchases included bananas, grapes, squash, peas and carrots.
Fresh produce - inside your body
I was listening to Run DMC on my iPod as I headed back to my car. That's when I noticed one of these TAC drop-off points we've been reading about. You know, for this "xenophobia" vibe that's going on at the moment. I know I made light of the situation initially but it's got pretty bad. That's why I got a blanket from the back of my car and dropped it off. Now I feel better about myself. AND I had music playing the whole time. AND I had brand new fruit and veg!
What a morning!
Refugees
So if you've got anything from blankets to jackets and shoes, help these guys out and drop some stuff off. You can get your iPod fixed at the same time, as well as the opportunity to buy some fresh produce rather than that rubbish you've been eating!
TAC Drop-off point 50 Canterbury Street
Off Roeland Street
Near Fruit and Veg City
2oceansvibe favourite gets cracking in second round [permalink]
One of the few select angels in the 2oceansvibe "stable," Ana Ivanovic, is playing in the second round of this year's French Open. If the mention of Ana on this website is new to you, you might want to check out some past mentions of her here, here, here and, of course, her photo gallery here.
Ana Ivanovic - part of the 2oceansvibe "stable"
So anyway, Daddy's little pumpkin pie is playing today at 11h00, French time. The beauty of this whole vibe is the time in SA is the same as the time in France. So if you, like me, have a TV in front of your desk, you'll be able to catch this display of beauty on SuperSport 2 (channel 202) at 11h00.
She did a little video interview after her first round match which happened to be the very first match of the entire tournament. Shame, babba! Click this image below to see the video of this sweet, sweet, adorable little pudding!
Good luck, my angel. Daddy is very proud of you. We hope you don't come across the nasty man-woman, Mauresmo! You shouldn't be exposed to such evil. You should be taken from one match to the next on a pink pillow and only made to play other angels.
The trailer is out for the new Brad Pitt "vehicle," The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. The film follows the life of Benjamin Button, a man who is born at the age of 80 and begins his life aging backwards. So, basically, he gets younger and younger until, 80 years later, he is a baby - and then he ceases to exist.
Check out the trailer:
I'm fine with that vibe. It's an argument that comes up a lot and usually has to do with creating wealth and the problem with only being able to enjoy it when you're older, rather than in your youth.
This film is an adaptation of the brilliant story written by F. Scott Fitzgerald who, funnily enough, was inspired by a remark of Mark Twain's "to the effect that it was a pity that the best part of life came at the beginning and the worst part at the end."
The film is only being released much later in the year so you have plenty of time to get the book. I've read it and highly recommend it. It comes with a number of other fantastic short stories.
Caprice pavement muso stars in local music video [permalink]
Well, I tell you WHAT, you are in for a TREAT! This was made a couple years back and I keep forgetting to show it to you. It features Andy Abrahams, one of the many faces of Camps Bay. You'll recognise him as the guy with the funny eyes that plays his guitar for the pavement tables outside Caprice and Vida e.
Enjoy this music video that someone made with him during their trip to Cape Town. It's called "Camps Bay of Cape Town."
We DEFINITELY know some of those shmodels in that video.
New lingerie website is massive kick for guys and girls [permalink]
Whilst our number one local online clothing retailer, Adam & Eve, offers everything from shoes and T-shirts to dresses and bikini's, they do stop at lingerie. And I can understand why. Enjoy this website I found on the internet (different to the websites that one might find in, say, a forest) which presents their range of lingerie and swimwear with actual moving, walking, turning models. VARYING models. Big ones, small ones, pear shaped and skinny - they've got 'em all!
Your very own Barbie doll
Please be very careful before you go through to this website, KnickerPicker.com. You will get stuck into it and you won't come out for at LEAST half an hour. Believe me - it's addictive.
As you will see above, I chose the girl second from the left to be my model. Then I chose a relatively see-through lingerie combo and asked her to walk towards me. She walked, seductively. There was a moment when she looked directly at me. I liked that, albeit a tad cheeky.
Then I told the little tart to spin around. I liked what I saw. But I wanted to see her walking, from behind. GO! I commanded her - WALK! She walked, as instructed.
Good, nice and easy..
"Nice," I told her. Then I switched her with another model to see the difference.
An hour later I had them all trying on various pieces of swimwear - making them spin around and parade nicely for Daddy Cool.
I thought you'd enjoy this aerial shot of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's new pad in Brignol, that's near to Aix-en-Provence, for those of you familiar with the area. I'm not entirely sure how far away that is from Menerbes, which is where the Rotherham family have recently bought (laydezz...), but I'm sure we'll run into the United Nations (the Jolie-Pitts) at SOME stage and laugh our heads off at how Jen has completely lost it.
Expectant parents Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have plunked down a cool $60 million on a sprawling 1,000-acre estate in the south of France. With 35 bedrooms, plus a vineyard, lake, forest and moat, Maddox, Pax, Zahara, Shiloh and the soon-to-be-born twins are going to be playing house in high style.
The pre-Roman estate also boasts a swimming pool, billiards room, indoor pool, his-and-hers gyms, sauna and jacuzzi and a huge banquet hall.
Magnificent cascading stone-walled terraces have been replanted with 13 different varieties of olives, and water is everywhere on the sprawling estate—20 fountains, aqueducts and a stream that runs through hidden tunnels, passes through the moat and fills the lake.
I LOVE the fact that the stone-walled terraces have been replanted with 13 different varieties of olives. Thank GOD for that! I also LOVE the fact that there is a moat - I've ALWAYS wanted a moat. Our place in Menerbes doesn't have a moat, but it does have the most STUNNING day-bed that mother had built. If I had to go on about the other things I LOVE about Brad and Ang's place, , there is a good chance that I would mention the "aqueducts" and the "his-and-hers gyms." I'm not quite sure how the two gyms would differ. Would it just be a case of the weights being setup differently to accommodate one sex per gym? Or is this simply a blue vs. pink colour scheme variation thing?
“I decline to accept the end of man,” stated William Faulkner.
Long after he himself has passed to dust, a writer often seen as Faulkner’s literary descendant now re-examines that unthinkable scenario - with somewhat less braggadocio.
A retching, sickly man and his fearful young son walk an empty freeway from a broken past to an unknowable future. Burnt out cars, skeletal trees and the smoke-enshrouded ruins of cities form their scenery. This is the underworld brought to life and father and son have become "each the other's world entire."
For those unfamiliar with Cormac McCarthy’s sparse style, archaic phrasing (he revives words long dead and buried, like ‘roofingtin’; ‘illcarved’) and backroads America landscapes, The Road might prove frustratingly inconclusive – you can’t classify it. It’s not a sci-fi, although it is a future-set tale of survival – two refugees following a road through the post-apocalyptic wastes.
You aren’t told how things came to be this way; only that one night there was a "long shear of light and then a series of low concussions.” That’s as much as you’re going to get by way of explanation. Plot is less important; the characters’ reactions to their circumstances are what matter. In fact, the unknowability of it all might unsettle the reader as much as it does the characters.
As father and son make their way, for no apparent reason, to the coast, they must scrounge for every morsel and fight off characters more desperate than themselves.
This theme of characters often as lost as the reader might feel, began in 1985 with Blood Meridian, a violent retelling of the Davy Crockett legend; it continued in the nightmarish The Orchard Keeper, then traveled on into McCarthy’s breakthrough Border Trilogy – which led to a film version of All The Pretty Horses. After that, this underground author gained notoriety and his next release, In the Country of Old Men, was snapped up for movie rights before it hit the shelves. A more accessible thriller of sorts, it disappointed some who had followed McCarthy’s slow, non-conformist journey from cult author to Oprah guest.
In The Road (also soon to film, with Viggo Mortensen), he reverts to form, with a slower, more introspective pace. The Road has a sense of timelessness – mythological, almost – grounded firmly in the landscapes his characters traverse.
In a story that might as easily have been set in the Dark Ages, events unfold with a directness and honesty that moves - without relying on sentimentality. McCarthy still shows how to communicate volumes in one sparse sentence. He remains, and covets, the loner character – a figure so isolated in his fictional world that only the reader is looking out for him. In The Road, it is this empathic force that could leave you with a catch in your throat and more surprisingly, given the bleakness of the author’s general outlook – a small sense of hope for humanity - Gareth Pike
3 million records. 300,000 compact discs and more than 6 million songs. That's pretty impressive. And it's all for sale. They reckon it's valued at over $50 million.
Click here to check out the website Paul Mawhinney has put together, detailing the enormity and sale of his collection. It's got everything from pop to country and, whilst it almost definitely doesn't have anything by Rupert Mellor (let alone the hit "The Weekend's Mine"), I'm sure it's enough to impress your mates.
Cupboard space was scarce at the Mawhinney's
So if you're in the market to add some other influences to your existing Kwaito collection, give our boy a call.
TBG fan experiences rare sighting of TBG in neon! [permalink]
Well, could one EVER imagine such a sensory overload?! Dealing with a TBG Tall Blonde Guy) sighting is a brain explosion in itself, let alone having to contemplate the well-documented magnificent aura encapsulating the great man's entire body. But now, you're getting all of that.... IN NEON!
I simply couldn't imagine staying conscious with such a vision before me. I mean, that's probably what heaven looks like. But we wouldn't be able to deal with it as humans. We have to become angels first; at which point we will be equipped with coping with such powerful celestial bodies. That's IF we pass God's much anticipated "judgment day." Which, to be honest, should go well. I mean I haven't pumped too many fat chicks. I think he'll be pleased with my stats.
Back to this monumental TBG sighting. Let's see what Zachary had to report on his moment with the icon of peace and joy.
A tower of a man
Hi Seth,
I live in Jo'Burg and head to 2oceansvibe every time I need a reprieve from Gauteng's hustle & bustle (i.e. a bit too often).
This past weekend I flew into CT for a party of my dear friend Lauren in Camps Bay (West Camps Bay - to be specific). Its theme was neon and, well, a jol of undue proportions manifested itself on the seaside cliffs in one of the sickest pads this side of Beverly Hills. The highlight of the night came from my privileged and first (though hopefully not last) sighting of the TBG. It was amazing to have such an impromptu visit by a celebrity. It reminded me of my days growing up in LA. The TBG dawned these little decorative neon orange stickers in some artistic pattern all over his arm. He wore a white shirt that seemed to magically reflect all the neon colours of the evening. Needless to say, the most creative costume there. I attach a picture, though I fear I was too star struck myself to be in it myself, though the birthday girl Lauren is.
I mean, we know he is omni-present and blessed with gifts - but little did I know the artistry and flair he could bring to any old evening in Camps Bay. Needless to say, I hope he does the Vortex circuit this Spring.
Maximum respect,
Zach
Three words, Zach - Wow, wow and WOW! I know a LOT of people who would mark that down as the party of a lifetime! And look at that blue eye shadow around his eyes! It enhances the fact that he is clearly some sort of mythical creature.
AGAIN, the TBG blesses us. AGAIN, his magnificence refuses to dissipate. AGAIN, he heals and blesses everyone in his path.
Thank you, TBG.. for everything. I trust everyone reading this will be thanking God tonight in their prayers for The TBG. Mind you, God probably prays TO The TBG, so that doesn't really make sense.
Grab a piece of the Atlantic Seaboard lifestyle [permalink]
I've been looking at some places in Clifton - you know, just browsing. As usual, I've been dealing with The Atlantic Seaboard's top selling property group, Dogon Group Properties (DG). And, as usual, they've been taking very good care of me. Whilst in their care, I was told of some job opportunities coming up that I thought the 2oceansvibe readers should be made aware of.
Apart from allowing space for new dynamic agents to join their ever-successful fleet, they're alsolooking for an IT guy or girl who can take control of their existing website and computer systems. That wasn't the thing that got me; what got me was the fact that the successful candidate would have the freedom to expand on it, coming up with new ideas and systems - using ALL their online and IT knowledge in a creative environment.
Honestly, that's QUITE an opportunity. I thought you should be told about that.
I've got the right person's details to contact about the jobs so, if you know of anyone, tell them to send their CV's to stuart@dogongroup.com.
(TIP: I'd mention 2oceansvibe in that email if you want special attention. It will almost definitely help getting your application to the top of the pile!)
One's grammar is all important in that headline. A couple of commas here and there ("Butlers, Pizza, Virgin") and you've got an image of the hired help using pizza to bribe the boss's daughter into some kind of orgy.
But no, whilst that does sound like an excellent role-playing scenario that I will almost DEFINITELY try, what I am in fact referring to, is a 2oceansvibe reader's account of her most recent Butlers Pizza delivery. Many of you will be aware of my obsession with Butlers pizza driver perfection and, in particular, that I REFUSE to have a pizza delivered by someone who has done any less than 1,500 missions. Imagine my UTTER DISMAY when a reader emailed in a report about a delivery by someone on their FIRST EVER MISSION!
A Butlers Virgin! Oh sweet Jesus!
Risky. Very..........risky.
Check it out:
G'day Mr Rotherham
So... i thought i'd share with you that I broke in a virgin last night...
Chris was a bit of an over eager beaver when it came to friendliness... and as with most virgins - he was very quick coming around :p
i know you like your butlers boys experienced, but i think Chris here deserves some credit...
Cheerio
Christy
Jesus. Rather than you than me. Look, you canget the odd lucky one. Granted. If you want to break in virgins, that's the risk you take. You'll find the roads were clear that night with no red lights and the order was probably placed at a convenient time. There were no complications for him to deal with. Can he perform when it's peak hour and he's slicing five pizza's a minute? Chances are high YOUR pizza will be the one he doesn't slice properly. And if there is an accident on Forest Drive, does your beloved "CHRIS" know that you can hang a right into Peak Drive, turn left into Links Drive, left into St. Stevens Road and end up at the traffic lights, thus rejoining Forest Drive after the accident?
Probably not.
But look, it's your decision. Take the rookie, abuse him, play some mind games with him - fine. I've been through that stage. I've had my fun. But now, I just want my pizza; and I want it good. I'm sticking to the old dogs - solid performers who wouldn't be averse to a suck on a joint and a brief smut talk session.
That's all I'm saying.
Good luck, to both Chris's. You guys are perfect for each other.
As he comes clean on life before he became clean [permalink]
Gary Busey's earlier life and the drug habit that came with it is very well documented and, as we've seen before here and here, it certainly has had some long term effects.
Gary Busey - the legend continues..
The cool thing about the BoozMesiter is he is NOT shy to discuss his crazy days and what he used to get up to.
In a recent Maxim interview, Busey was asked what the craziest place was that he ever snorted cocaine off. Gary didn't have enough time to think about it and apparently left the interview without answering it. But then, a little later, his agent called and said that Gary had thought about it and remembers ONE of the craziest places he ever hoovered coke off:
"I came home one day, took off my windbreaker, and three bindles of cocaine fell to the floor. Well, my dog, Chili, who has short hair, came in and laid on her back with her legs in the air, and she rubbed all my cocaine on her back and side. I yelled, “No, Chili! No!” So I got a straw, and I started brushing her hair and snorting where I saw cocaine. Back, butt, side—not a spot was left. It took me 25 minutes to snort all the cocaine the dog had on her coat. The fringe benefits of this were that the fleas, the dog hair, the mud, and the sweat went in my nose, too. It’s not a good flavor coming off the dog."
Jeez, that's not really a place you want to be. If any of you out there have found yourselves partaking in this type of behaviour, best you put in a quick call to Montrose Place.
British "songstress" treats us to a lesbian "tryst" [permalink]
There are a few reasons why I decided to publish this article. Not least of which being my innate desire to use the words "songstress" and "tryst" in the same sentence. But the main reason is, as you thought, the need for random gratuitous displays of two women kissing, one of them being Joss Stone. I like Joss Stone - she's got, what I call "spunk."
This is from her new movie she is working on called Snappers.
As The Roofer and The Film Guy tackle "Sunsets" [permalink]
You would have probably caught some articles and shots of the small crew that went out on jetski's over the weekend to take on some of the biggest waves known to man. It is unfortunate that they didn't publish our very own 2oceansvibe characters, The Roofer and The Film Guy, dominating those very same 25-30 foot waves. But there's no need to panic, 'cos we managed to get hold of this shot of the roofer about to contemplate "the bowl" at Sunsets last weekend.
The Roofer - living the "vibe"..
Mondo!
UPDATE:
We've just found another pic of The Roofer on the world's number one surfing website - www.surfline.com - in this pic you get a slightly better inkling of what these maniacs are dealing with.
Recently out of rehab, it is nice to see Eva Mendes is doing the right thing and stripping for Italiano Vogue magazine. And she did okay, I suppose. A lot of people get very excited about the idea of Eva Mendes with her guys out, but I don't really have that same desire. She's just never done it for me. Not sure why. Her teeth are massive, for one. Look, I probably wouldn't say no, but I'm not tearing down the walls to get to her.
Her Wikipedia page is a classic. Born of Cuban descent, her parents divorced when she was XYZ and her mother "suffered" trying to provide for her and blah blah blah, whatever... get them out already!
Click pic to enlarge (two pics on the following page):
MUCH excitement as new buzz-word hits the headlines [permalink]
I don't know if I have the strength to watch this one unfold; that mass journalistic masturbation that comes with a big news event having one specific word attached to the story, which happens to be tricky to pronounce and/or spell. It is usually a word that is new to the masses and everyone joins the hysterical rush to grasp the word, learn its spelling and pronunciation, and then pretend that they knew it all along. The sad thing is it goes for the journalists as well. Especially over here where mainstream broadsheets often have multiple journalists covering the most basic of stories (if you pay peanuts..). A new "big word" for these guys is like a nineteen year-old getting a boob job - it's all very exciting and any opportunity to flaunt them for the first couple of months will be abused. Look, fake tits never get boring, but you know what I'm trying to get at.
"Tsunami" rolls off our tongues quite naturally nowadays and you would swear everyone was using this word a few years back. No. Incorrect. We were not. Some of us knew the word but we certainly weren't using it willy nilly. Hardly anyone knew the word, let alone the spelling and pronunciation. But then came the tsunami that wiped out the twin towers and people were dropping tsunami into normal conversation like it was a full stop.
"God that beer was good! It really has a TSUNAMI of flavour!"
Whooo! Well done, A-hole! How about we order you a TSUNAMI of shut the fuck up?
And now, suddenly, we have discovered the word XENOPHOBIA. Oh my God! It's so bad - I can feel my neck stiffen as it gains momentum. And it's only going to get worse. Believe me. The fact that the word starts with an "x" makes it SO fucking exciting and intriguing that the journalists out there cannot help but use it. The "ph" forming a "f" sound in the SAME word is simply too much for... ahem, words. And then "phobia" gives it that edge - like a virus that is spreading out of control. Christ, the word is SO desirable! The one weekend paper I read this weekend had the word displayed in about six headlines, as well as featuring it in the weekly cartoon. It's like a xenophobic fuckhouse over here.
Mind you, South Africa's two biggest online news sources, iol and News24, aren't doing too badly today. These two screen shots were taken at exactly the same time this morning. Nine mentions on two front pages..
(I know one shouldn't laugh, but the headline link in orange at the bottom of the iol screen shot above, is a little overly dramatic for my liking. Imagine, almost wishing a holocaust to happen.)
You see, what has happened here is the South African people and media are so used to crying "racist" or "racism" when people of different ethnic backgrounds come to a head, that we drew a blank with this latest trend of black on black violence. No-one knew what to do! It was first quite a novelty to refer to black people as being racist against white, as it was the exact opposite of the original norm. But now... black on black.... what the fuck are we going to call that? Aaah, ZENNOFOBIA!! Sorry, ZENNOPHOBIA!!
What?
Huh? I don't believe you. How can a "X" make a "Z" sound? Isn't the "X" meant to make a click sound?
Are you sure?
Cool.
EVERYBODY HAS GOT XENOPHOBIA!!! RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!
I've just watched coverage of the same South African "xenophobic" violence on three international TV channels and NONE of them used the word xenophobia or xenophobic. God, it's just too adorable for words. It's like when I did a project at school on the Coelacanth. Ever since then I drop its name in the most ridiculous places. I ordered it the other night at The Codfather.
They didn't have it.
Let's ride this xenophobia bullshit through and hold thumbs for the moment our journalists and general public get tired of it and decide to learn about a new, more fun word, like "clusterfuck" (which, funnily enough, describes exactly what is going on here).
As artists "untoon" the animated sexbomb [permalink]
I've always appreciated hot cartoons and don't think there is anything wrong with being "turned on" by a cartoon. People can laugh but, you know, I have friends who laughed at me in 1994 when they found out I had watched porn on my COMPUTER! Now they sit, very quietly, with GIGS of the stuff on their own hard drives. Ja, kyk hoe lyk hy nou!
Some of you will remember Jessica Rabbit, the love interest of Roger Rabbit from one of the original cartoon blockbusters Who Framed Roger Rabbit. She was quite hot.
Jessica Rabbit
So the guys that worked on the image basically added "realistic lighting and textures to the original cartoon, giving it more of a human feel. These are the same guys that recreated Homer Simpson earlier on in the year.
So here it is. And please, do not be ashamed of being turned on by this drawing. In a few years from now, all humans will be cartoons and it won't be weird for you anymore. Click pic to enlarge.
The new Jessica Rabbit - would you?
Yes you would.
Not bad. Not bad at all. Pretty fucking smoking hot if you ask me. She's packing quite a set there! She'd look good in the passenger seat of the Audi R8. We'd drive fast. Her chest would heave as her breathing becomes heavier and deeper. She looks like she enjoys a bit of speed. We'd have a ball. Stopping off in carparks for a recap now and then.
Then I'd drop her off and pretend to be going to the office. Meantime I'll be going back to The Safe House where Betty Boop will be spread eagle on the sofa, waiting for Daddy Cool to come home and teach her a lesson!
There's nothing WRONG with that. Jessica wouldn't mind. She's a cartoon for God's sake - they don't have feelings!
PS. It is interesting to note that I have had a masterpiece created for me before, with photographs of me interacting with cartoon bikini clad women! You can see it on the wall behind me on the webcam. Click LIVE WEBCAM in the red block on the left navigation menu to check it out.
19 May, 2008
I'VE GOT AN AUDI R8 PARKED DOWNSTAIRS
As we take a break from doing laps on the Camps Bay strip [permalink]
A local company has decided, for one reason or another, to lend me a brand new Audi R8 for a while. The guy called me on Friday and asked if I would mind. I'm usually hesitant to take up these kind of offers, as you don't know what they want from you in return. But, you know, who gives a toss - it's an Audi R8. Take it.
The Audi R8 - 4.2L V8
Sexy, almost evil
I have just this second come back from what seemed like half an hour, but, looking at my watch, I notice it is now earlier than when I left?! It sounds confusing, but you'll understand once you have a drive in this puppy and become aware that time travel is very much a reality!
Based of the Lamborghini Gallardo platform, (Audi owns Lamborghini) the Audi R8 has just won both the World Performance and World Design titles at the recent 2008 World Car of the Year Awards, laughing at the likes of Maserati, Aston Martin, Mercedes-Benz and the rest of the boys who had to step aside for this beast. At R1.6 million to own, with a top speed of over 300km/h and 315kw stuffed up it's arse (0-100km/h in 4.5s), this supercar is, quite truly, a fashion/speed/power/sex icon.
You want to touch it... hold it.
Capetonians are known for being too cool to be caught staring at anything unusual or desirable, preferring to look at the thing or person secretly, and hiding one's gazes before the other person sees. This is part of the reason why international celebrities love Cape Town, because they think no-one sees them or cares. Oh don't worry, we see you! We just won't let you catch us looking. That wouldn't be cool, maaan..
It is therefore quite something to cruise along the Camps Bay strip witnessing locals and tourists alike openly GAWKING and unashamedly taking out cameras to take pictures. Mind that drool, buddy. This car's looks ALONE are a complete mind fuck. ESPECIALLY with those very naughty boomerang strips of LED-type lights (always on) along the bottom and sides of the front lights. It looks like some sort of prototype vehicle being developed in conjunction with alien space craft technology.
Seth explains to a neighbour that, whilst her advances have been noted,
and as pathetic as it all may be,
she
will simply HAVE to wait in line..
It is also an absolute FACT that this car WILL get you chicks. That side of things I don't necessarily agree with. I do not feel good about myself when I see married women sitting WITH their husbands at Caprice, quite visibly wetting themselves, staring at me with a look that confirms the worst - that they are quite willing to drop their husbands and family for a piece of this package rolling passed them. For a piece of Seth and his rocket. I don't think that is good and certainly don't think Audi took it into account when they built this car. We can't live in a society where cars are being made which render women uncontrollable and void of any inhibitions. Very naughty, Audi. You're basically home wreckers.
And that's the MARRIED women! The usual rabble are just completely incorrigible. It's not even worth a mention.
It's disgusting.
I can't get into the car's performance right now because I want to pose along the strip just one more time before dark. What I can say is I have NEVER in my life ever experienced such speed and handling before. Honestly, I thought I was going to take off. Going down Kloof Road with the roar of the engine right behind my head (visible through the glass covering the back) and a 6-speed gearbox that sucks the gear into the next slot before you get it there, I simply could not shake it. God, that sound, it's so addictive. I just want more of it. All the time. I want it inside me.
Check out more about the Audi R8 here and below are some of the awards that this thing keeps on winning.
The R8 was awarded Best Handling Car and Fastest Car In The World of 2007 by Autocar magazine.
It was awarded SportsCar of the year by German magazine Autobild.
Playboy Magazine awarded it Car of The Year for 2008.
The Automobile Journalists Association of Canada (AJAC) named the R8 Canadian Car of the Year, and, in addition, awarded it Best Prestige Car and Most Coveted Car of 2008.
Top Gear Magazine named the Audi R8 the 2007 Car of the Year.
Automobile Magazine awarded the R8 the 2008 Automobile of the Year
The Audi R8 was named 2008 "MSN Car of the Year", with 42% of the votes, beating the Ferrari 430 into 2nd with 13%, and the BMW M3 into 3rd with 11%.
In the 2008 World Car of the Year awards, the R8 was awarded World Performance Car of the Year and World Design Car of the Year.
European Car Magazine rated the R8 as Car of the Year
Come out, come out, wherever you are.. [permalink]
You know I just can't help myself mentioning it when I notice that Cape Town will be enjoying 28 degrees on Sunday (during Winter), whilst our ex-pat friends in London (who have been "raving" about the Summer) enjoy HALF of that temperature with a nippy little 14 degrees! Suddenly we're all very quiet..
So anyway, I found the perfect option to celebrate the return of Summer on Sunday. Do yourselves a favour and pop down to Cafe Roux in Noordhoek (first stop as you get over Chapman's Peak) and enjoy James Stewart playing a couple of sets with Barry Van Zyl (drummer for Johnny Clegg)!
LIVE on Sunday at Cafe Roux!
Jeez, NOTHING wrong with that! 28 degrees, a bit of live music (James will be playing his new Kfm hit, Beautiful Mistake) and they're even throwing in a complimentary glass of vino!
I'm in! I suggest you do the same! Booking is essential so I'd sort that out pretty pronto if I were you.
James Stewart feat. Barry Van Zyl @ Cafe Roux
Sunday 18 May from 4pm
R80 per person - kids gratis
Booking essential - info@caferoux.co.za
or call 021 789 2538
As Euro Millions Lottery hits R650 million with a TRIPLE ROLLOVER [permalink]
I called Future Exotics at the Waterfront to ask what the Ferrari F430 Spyder was going for. The lady gave me a figure of something like four or five million Rand. I laughed a little bit under my breath.
"Why are you laughing?" she asked...
The Ferrari F430 Spyder - cheap
I mean, really! What difference does it make? I can't even remember if those were the exact figures, because, honestly, anything under R50 million BORES me. Especially after tonight's PlayEuroMillions lottery which is experiencing a VERY RARE triple rollover - with a jackpot of $86 million!
Make a plan. Share the tickets with a friend. Do whatever you must, but don't be a fool and ignore it. Wanting to be a part of it, but not buying a ticket, doesn't do anything! I promise you that! Nothing will happen! But just one ticket, or two, or three, will give you that chance of living the lifestyle that comes standard with private jets, sports cars, supermodels, French champagne and staff. LOADS of staff - everywhere! You'll basically be living the holiday.
Here's an ADORABLE little article, especially for the laydezz and the poofs out there.
I made The Safe House even safer over a week ago, when I purchased some yellow roses from Woolies. I did the WHOLE "number" - cutting the stems under water and adding the special rose steroids that came with the blomme. And WHAT a result!
They really caught my attention yesterday and I thought I'd show you a little pic of them.
Woolies roses - stunning!
I know! Aren't they just the most GORGEOUS things you've ever seen?
It's the new Plush album launch party tonight at The Assembly. The show kicks off at 10pm with Farryl Purkiss opening, followed by the main performance by Plush. Only the coolest kids will be there - including the gorgeous angel following that Plush have developed over the last few years.
It's gonna be off the hizzo (that's street talk for "off the hook") and we're gonna make it even more exciting for you! 2oceansvibe has a guest list at the door for the first 5 people who can show the word "2oceansvibe.com" written on their arm.
Seriously.
Written on your arm.
In pen.
Otherwise it's R40.
It's up to you.
Plush
Live at The Assembly
61 Harrington Street
Cape Town
Friday 16 May, 2008
Doors open at 9pm
Don't you love that classic male intro? "Yeah, so I'm at this bar the other night.."
Brilliant!
So anyway, I was at this bar the other night ordering a drink. I can't remember what the drink was (probably French), but this little vixen of a bar lady took my order. She was about to turn around to get the drinks and then, as though the spirit of Don Juan and Casanova took control of my body, I said unto her:
An example of a bar environment
"Sorry, before you get that, what is your name?"
She gave a broad smile, blinked a few times and declared, "Nicola."
"Aah, yes...Nicola," I said, quickly followed by the words, "I thought so."
"You thought so? How did you know" she asked, confused. (bless her)
And this is when it all fell into place in the section of my brain which designs clever little saying and concepts. I pretended that it wasn't important, and that she had pushed me to explain it to her:
"No, it's just.... it's just a friend of mine. A friend of mine said that there was a fucking hot chick working here, with the name Nicola."
WELL!
When I tell you that the chick melted on the fucking spot I'm not over exaggerating. God, it was disgusting! Drinks were being poured for free! Eyelashes were fluttering! She was drinking secret shooters with me! It was PATHETIC! Within ten minutes the phone number had been written down on a till slip and passed to me via a friend. God, it was like I was the only guy at the bar. I really killed it. It was mass murder. Seriously. Napalm.
You see it's very confusing for the angel to get her head around it all. Because the second section of the pickup line wouldn't have come along if she hadn't asked "why." And she ignores the fact that it's close to impossible for any human being to not ask why. So in her cute little butterfly-ridden angel brain, it couldn't have been planned. SHE prompted the grand finale. He CAN'T be a player. Oh my God, this guy is a KEEPER!
She'll be on the phone to her mother and practicing her signature with your surname before dawn.
It was very naughty of me to come up with such a perfect pickup routine but, as you know, I can't help myself - I just want you to be the best you can be. It's all for you.
Bath full of chocolate up for grabs in Cosmopolitan competition [permalink]
So Cosmopolitan Magazine are celebrating the launch of their new website and have invented this new competition out of thin air which let's you stand a chance of winning a BATH full of Lindt Ludor chocolate balls! How many balls is that, I hear you ask? I can't give you the exact number of balls (certainly more than, say, a football side), but I can confirm that it weighs in the region of 80kg - which is pretty much the same amount of weight you will gain on your hips and arse if you ate it all.
Blondes prefer balls
Shit, that chick in the pic is as pleased as punch, isn't she! Hey baby shoes, you like all of that chocky choc choc? Does the little angel want to eat some of those balls? I think she does! Naughty, babba!
Sorry about that - it's just a bit much, you know - naked chicks in baths, with all those balls around - one's mind can lose track of what to do or say.
Moving SWIFTLY on - I would prefer if you guys and girls out there could spread the odds out a bit with this competition and SHARE the 80kg of chocolate balls - I couldn't quite imagine the state of your waist, skin and tummy at the end of that! It's not really how we behave, as part of the 2oceansvibe family..
Ok, the competition...
COSMOPOLITAN LINDT CHOCOLATE COMPETITION RULES
Ready? Ok. This is it. It's very quick and it's very simple.
Jpeg images must not be bigger than 1Mb.
Competition closes June 10.
I swear to you - that is all you gotta do.
Cool. So go on and send your entries to win@cosmopolitan.co.za asap!
Competition closes 10 June. Top five photo's will be on the Cosmo website from 16 June, at which point final voting will be opened to the Cosmo readers.
The winner will be announced on the 4th of July!
That's it! Good luck!
In keeping with the "vibe," we'll end off this article with this link to "Chef" from South Park's song entitled "Chocolate Salty Balls."
Look, I'll get straight to the point. I went to gym yesterday for the second of my trio of weekly treadmill runs (4.5km, 20 minutes, speed 13 - fine) and can report that NEVER before have I seen SUCH a gathering of supermodels at gym. Dear God, it was CARNAGE! And they weren't interconnected - all carrying on in their own little world.
Those of you who were there, you might remember the Angelina Jolie lookalike with white hot pants on and the iPod strapped to her arm? Ja, her - she was running in front of me - HATING THAT!
So anyway I just wanted to tell you about the new Magic Hour.
But now, and almost more importantly, I have a video which is going to completely blow your head apart. It is of a gym nature and it is of the GREATEST importance that you watch it.
From the movie Perfect with John Travolta and Jamie Lee Curtis. Promise me you will watch John closely..
2008 Playboy Playmate of the year - Jayde Nicole [permalink]
Well this chick is just going to fall over backwards when she finds out that she is not only the Playboy Playmate of the year, but ALSO this week's Tuesday Tabs feature on 2oceansvibe! Christ, what a year!
I must say, I really pushed the boat out this week - both boy and girl readers will be very pleased with this one. Do be careful upon opening this in the office, as I have included a little treat of sorts..
Never before has London had a more amusing mayor [permalink]
I wanted to say something about this a couple weeks back when Ken Livingstone was beaten by The Conservative Party's Boris Johnson in the London mayoral election, but my laughter renders me useless every time I start to write about it. I am only able to do so now because I am making myself think of something incredibly sad.
I've been following Boris's (full name is Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson) antics for a number of years and couldn't quite believe what had transpired. Neither did most of the poms, it seems. The morning after the elections found most of the UK scratching their heads, wondering how the fuck it happened. I can almost guarantee you that a NUMBER of people voted for him as a joke - I can almost hear the poms commenting, "ooh, he's funny, let's vote for him!"
Boris Johnson
The new Mayor of London
Non-stop entertainment
With his shoddy appearance and crazy antics, he is often referred to as a "bumbling buffoon." I personally find him terribly amusing. As an MP and editor of The Spectator, he has had a series of scandals over the years including allegations of theft, racism and adultery. His victory speech after winning the election for London mayor ended with "Tomorrow we get cracking. Tonight we drink." Seriously - listen here. This probably stems from his background, which includes studies at Oxford, where he was a member of the famous Bullingdon Club, which was/is, essentially, a drinking club.
A younger Boris Johnson
It's basically impossible to get a guy like this into a position like this and we should embrace it. Nothing altogether horrific will happen so any concerned poms should chill the fuck out and enjoy the show. Especially when you're dealing with a guy who enjoys the camera so much and seems to churn out continuous non-scripted hilarities. It will turn into a political type of Britney Spears paparazzi reality show scenario. You will enjoy this video clip of him walking up to give a speech after being signed-in as mayor. He nearly wipes on his pip.
For me, there are some other clips that stood out, and here they are. The first is of Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London, playing a celebrity game of football against Germany, where he proceeds to RUGBY tackle an opponent. What a legend!
This second video has become incredibly famous and is from a TV show he was on. This clip is known as "The Elephant Trap." The other members of the panel pressure Boris into revealing scandalous details. It's good.
Artist paints Cape Town mayor's portrait with his main chap [permalink]
As I mentioned in my "scathing" attack on the Cape Town Sexpo, the one thing that stood out for me (none intended) at the exhibition, was an artist who uses his sexual organ to paint with. He goes by the name of Pricasso.
Good one.
Here is a video of our boy using his boy to paint a picture of Cape Town's mayor, Helen Zille.
Not bad!
I have heard reports subsequent to my visit to the Sexpo, claiming that the Friday night was loads of fun and that there was, in fact, a Mavericks stand at the show.
They've just completed and launched TomCruise.com - A visual feast of all things Tom Cruise. His movies, that is. There is no mention of Katie, Suri, Scientology or aliens.
It's basically a celebration of Cruise's 25 years making movies and, if you're into that, I can definitely recommend the video featured on the site. It gives different clips from all his movies. It turns out Jack Nicholson did, in fact, order the code red.
That actually reminds me of when I phoned The Insurance Guy the other day. He had this chick answering the phones, who subsequently checked into a mental institution. That was before the chick that replaced her, who killed herself. The one after that was fired on day four. Aah, good times.
So anyway, I called and the head-case answered. The Insurance Guy wasn't in and she asked if I would like to leave a message.
"Yes please. Could you tell him that Colonel Nathan R. Jessep called."
"I certainly will. Would you like to say what it is regarding?" she asked.
"Yes, it's regarding a situation I have with Santiago," I gave.
"San ti ago. Got it. And what number should he get you on?"
[Fans of A Few Good Men will note that it was falling beautifully into place]
"Please get him to call me on my Guantanamo Bay number."
"Certainly."
Too easy..
No mention of Tom Cruise's film career would be complete without a link to the underwear dance scene in Risky Business, the movie that made him.
2 for 1 burger special running NOW - anytime from Monday to Friday [permalink]
It's common knowledge that Caprice has the best burgers in town and one would be prudent to note that the annual Caprice Winter Burger Special starts TODAY!
Burger mayhem at Caprice
Victoria Road
Camps Bay
How it works is for every two burgers you order, the cheaper of the two will be taken off the bill. So if there are six of you ordering burgers, then the three cheapest burgers will be free of charge.
I know - it's mental!
The rules also state that there will be NO BURGER TAKEAWAYS during the special which runs from now until God knows when. That's fair enough. You'll also be interested to learn that the burger special even applies to one person. So you can go there, order two burger - chow both of them yourself and only pay for one!
I'm fine with that. You can do that every day, throughout winter! Your arse will be a shambles, but you'll be pretty damn content!
Actual "clothes" fast becoming a thing of the past [permalink]
It WOULD be particularly odd for me or you to be seen walking down the street in a basic pair of underpants. FACT. We would almost definitely be arrested. It would be seen as "lewd" and the charge would refer to issues of "public indecency."
This wonderful individual was spotted cruising through Camps Bay on a Vespa, which he parked, before walking along the pavement passed Caprice - nowhere near the beach or sand, wearing nothing but his underwear.
A wonderful individual
It's a what?
A Speedo?
I see.
And this Speedo, it is the exact shape as a pair of underpants, no?
Then why should a mere change of material used to make the garment, render it any less inappropriate?
If I walked into a bar with a dildo sticking out of my arse, would it be fine if it was made of ivory, with leather trim?
ANOTHER DOUBLE ROLLOVER! Not to be missed! [permalink]
Logic MUST prevail! For the price of a small round of drinks, you stand a chance of becoming one of the wealthiest people in the world. Why would you NOT enter the PlayEuroMillions lottery? Simply go to the loo the next time it's your turn to buy the round, and that's your ticket paid for!
Have a good look at this figure - R500,000,000
It can also be written like this - $62,000,000
Both look fine to me. But you know the story - you gotta be innit to winnit!
As usual I've been thinking about what I will spend my R500 million on. I think we'll start with the $15,900,000 Sikorsky helicopter. What do you think?
NOTHING wrong with that, hey?! I'll snap that shit up without even THINKING! I've also got my eye on this little Lambo which I might buy for a couple bar. Granted, people will judge but, you know, whatever, I'll buy their friendship.
And I'll make sure of it, by driving to the chopper in this little beast!
The Lamborghini Gallardo
Reassuringly expensive at around R3 million
(chump-change - let's face it!) CLICK HERE TO OWN IT
I need to stop there, before I start window shopping for private jets like I usually do!
Don't make the mistake of not entering. Seriously, that's just silly. Everybody is playing - it's fun and it's great to dream. Sometimes those dreams come true - but you gotta be in the dream to win the dream.
Don't even mention it. Seriously. Keep walking. [permalink]
It makes me sick to the pit of my stomach to think back at how I was very much violated last night at the Cape Town Sexpo, currently wanking at the CTICC. It is fitting that I got my first rogering from behind, at a Sexpo. I mean, where else would you want it done?
Now, I don't scream and shout about money (particular when it's smaller than today's half a billion Rand lottery) if I can help it, but I WAS concerned at how I basically set fire to R100 last night. That's how much it cost. For a fucking. From behind.
I went with The TBG (we're talking again) and I can quite honestly tell you it was nothing more than a MASSIVE dildo workshop. FACT. That was it. Seriously. Dildo's EVERYWHERE! If you dream of swimming in an ocean of dildo's, then DEFINITELY go! Then it's PERFECT for you!
The TBG, standing with a guy dressed as a pair of tits and a vagina
Christ, what a waste. They had a Teazers stall as well, which gave the same sensation as walking in on your gran changing her underwear. Not that the Teazers chicks were too old - I'm just referring to that strange awkward sensation of standing next to, let's face it, creeps - all watching an absolute WRECK behaving like a fireman - in a COMPLETELY FULLY LIT EXHIBITION HALL! Strange days, indeed! There was a penis shaped mechanical bull, that no-one was riding on. And there were thousands of little lubricant stalls, with pale women standing on their own. Normal chicks. Just standing there - HATING LIFE! Oh, there was a guy painting people's portraits too.
Shit, sorry, I forgot to mention he was using his COCK to paint with. FACT. Dipping it in the paint every now and then. Jesus, come to think of it, did that REALLY happen?
The grand finale of our 15 minutes at the Sexpo was a 5 minute semi-strip show by a world famous porn star, called Arianna Starr. Never heard of her. Average.
Honestly, I urge you not to go - I could pull off a better expo with my balls. It is nodifferent to an Adult World shopping trip. And that's free to get into. The petrol will be less too, as we found out at the exit of the car park. The signage was so horiffic that we were SPAT out ONTO the highway - the N2, heading towards the N1. Awesome! I couldn't quite grasp how swiftly things had turned from crap to shit. Needless to say, we were only able to turn back somewhere near Cape Tech.
Ja. And we paid R100 for all of that. I doubt I need to remind you that R100 is a sixth of a VIP lap dance, upstairs, at Mavericks - who did bloody well not featuring at the Sexpo, I might add. Good move, guys.
And girls...
Hi Bianka!
The last Expo I went to at the CTICC was the Winex - you'll recall what a fuck show that was! There definitely seems to be some kind of a trend here.
It's a wonderful vibel! And it's all about the Chess Masters Championship in Bangkok. Our boy, Murray Head, delves into the smut, vermin and evil of the nightlife - giving special focus on the varying sex tourists - lacing his lyrics with suggestions of low intelligence and simplicity. Mocking them, basically.
Let's have a listen - enjoy the lyrics and the way it kicks in BEAUTIFULLY at the 50 seconds mark. It's amazing AND hilarious at the same time. He mentions angels as well.
CLICK FOR VIDEO
One Night in Bankok by Murray Head
Bangkok - Oriental setting
And the city don't know
What the city is getting.
The creme de la creme of
The chess world in a show
With everything
But Yul Brynner.
Times flies -
Doesn't seem a minute
Since the Tirolean Spa
Had the chess boys in it.
All change - don't you know that when you play at this level
There's no ordinary venue.
It's Iceland or the Philippines or Hastings or;
or this place!
One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster.
The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free.
You'll find a God in every golden cloister
And if you're lucky then the God's a she
I can feel an angel sliding up to me.
One town's very like another when your head's down
Over your pieces
brother.
It's a drag
it's a bore
it's really such a pity
To be looking at the board not looking at the city.
Whaddya mean? You've seen one crowded
polluted
stinking town.
Tea
girls
warm and sweet
warm
sweet
Some are set up in the Somerset Maugham suite.
Get Thai'd! You're talking to a tourist
Whose every moves's among the purest.
I get my kicks above the waistline
sunshine.
One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy.
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can't be too careful with your company.
I can feel the devil walkin' next to me.
Siam's gonna be the witness
to the ultimate test of cerebral fitness.
This grips me more than would a muddy old river
or reclining Buddah.
And thank God I'm only watching the game
controlling it.
I don't see you guys rating the kind of mate
I'm contemplating.
I'd let you watch I would invite you
But the queens we use would not excite you.
So you'd better go back to your bars
your temples
your massage parlou
One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster.
The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free.
You'll find a God in every golden cloister.
A little flesh
a little history.
I can feel an angel sliding up to me.
One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble . . .
Last chance for June 5 as shows sell out! [permalink]
Chris Rock's No Apologies world tour has virtually sold out - even the extra dates they booked to cater for the demand! But there are SOME tickets left!
Last chance, baby shoes!
Check this out.
Durban 3rd June SOLD OUT
Cape Town 4th June SOLD OUT
Cape Town 5th June (Almost) SOLD OUT
Johannesburg 6th June SOLD OUT
Sun City 7th June SOLD OUT
Johannesburg 8th June (Almost) SOLD OUT
Ja, exactly - it's going completely bonkers! The only options left are the VIP nights that they have block booked for Cape Town on the 5th (that's the one I'm hitting) and Schweeberg on the 8th. Tickets range in price from R600 to R850 and includes prime seating and up to a ten-seater booth at the VIP After Party. As official MC for Chris Rock's SA tour, DJ Fresh will be spinning some discs at the after party, where guests will enjoy some gorgeous canapes, Smirnoff Black cocktails and drinks, not to mention the smoking hot Lindt girls!
I've also been informed that there will be various photographers and journalists circulating, so you'll probably be spotted in the social pages, darling! As you do! The after party will also involve some all-important interaction with the number 1 comedian on the planet - Chris Rock.
Oh, also, there is a special 2oceansvibe offer - any bookings for 10 people or more gets R100 off every ticket and a 10-seater booth at the after party. That's what I'm fucking talking about!
Just to fill you in, The Little Black Book is owned by 2oceansvibe's most important social connection, uber organiser and creator of only the most exclusive events - Marina. It's more than my sexual energy that gets me into all the right events!
There has been a NUMBER of guests on the now famous 2oceansvibe live online radio show, but never before have we managed to get an individual who is so HIGHLY sought after and WANTED, as much as Chad Fichardt. Affectionately known as "Chester," this 2oceansvibe Character's company is nothing short of a TREAT for anyone who knows, or is aware of him.
"Chester"
Chad lived with me in London for close on three years and is one of the very few people than make me helplessly laugh out loud. This is a VERY unique character, who other friends have been BEGGING me to get on the show. I can't believe this is happening and I STRESS that you involve yourself.
Apart from various ailments including allergies to wheat, dairy, carbohydrates, sugar and pretty much any other food type, Chad's SKILLS include accents, top 10's, age issues, quotes and, above all, music. Chad is a hybrid of all sorts of cultures, expressions and ideas. He's got something on EVERYTHING!
This is a rare moment in time and I urge you to ask Chad (Chester) absolutely ANYTHING on your mind and I guarantee a very special response.
Email your questions to editor@2oceansvibe.com or sms (now, and during the show) to +27 76 907 3679.
We'll' be taking LIVE Skype calls during the show on our callsign "the2oceansvibeshow" - we'll take any calls that come in whilst we're talking - not during songs.
It's going to be OFF THE HIZZO. That is street talk for "off the hook." Which, in turn, is street talk for something outstanding.
As she gets quite comfortable at 2oceansvibe [permalink]
There aren't too many angels in the regular 2oceansvibe "stable." There's Britters and Hilts, then we are known to touch on the likes of Ports, Scarls and even a bit of Clauds. But I've noticed an increase in Gisele mentions and I think it's fair to say they we are actively "keeping an eye" on her. Like this stunning pic I found of her.
Mother wouldn't approve of the smoking.
But her "supermodel" status would probably get her through the door.
I don't like seeing a lady smoke, but there is something about a supermodel looking like a wreck with smeared eyeliner and a fag. Not to be mistaken for a similar image in one's mind, that of women who turn into complete psychopaths.
I showed this to you quite some time ago and, given British Prime Minister Gordon Brown's recent television exposure, I felt I should highlight it again. You simply MUST watch his jaw when he speaks on TV. It is QUITE staggering how he continues to drop it before nearly every sentence.
You can practice spotting it using this handy educational video I made some time ago.
It's almost like a "mock charge" (IF VIDEO DOESN'T WORK, REFRESH PAGE (CTRL-F5) AND TRY AGAIN)
And for those of you who for some bizarre reason cannot watch youtube videos, here is a still of Gord's jaw action.
I'll tell you what's cool. Cool is when you' become one of earth's biggest rock stars and Louis Vuitton asks you to do an ad campaign for them, the fee for which you donate to charity.
Keith Richards - rock
Keith Richards held nothing back as he discussed fashion and other topics with The Times (UK):
When I got older I wore my old lady's clothes. If you notice, all the buttons are the other side.
I wore whatever my mother put me in when I was little. Boring shorts and wee T-shirts. I wore school uniforms. I hated brown shoes. I started dressing up when I had to find what fitted. Fashion thinks more about me than what I think about it. I just wore what I wore and people noticed. The sexiest thing a woman could wear? Being stark f***ing naked.
Show me a woman who is faithful, and I won't believe you.
I don't do underwear. I never do the washing. How would I know whether my clothes stink? I throw them away.
Keith Richards is immensely cool.
FACT.
Look out for Martin Scorsese's new "vehicle," called Shine a Light - a documentary about The Rolling Stones. thanks charlie
Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com [permalink]
I've had a Personal Assistant for as long as I can remember. They get switched every now and then - but they are always there. You'll remember I was recently advertising for a new P.A. - well I found one and she has become The P.A. on the 2oceansvibe Characters page. She replaces the old P.A. who has jetted off to London and has now become The Character Formerly Known As The P.A.
All of that said, I have noticed that not everyone has a P.A. That is very unfortunate. People will often come up to me and ask if I think they should get a P.A. I always say yes - P.A.'s are worth their weight in saffron. But some people aren't quite ready to make the jump - they're worried that they "might not be able to justify it." They don't know if they will have enough things for their P.A. to do.
"My Life Organised is your ultimate in premier lifestyle management – your second pair of hands, your own personal PA - to get those jobs done and those lists ticked off. Ultimately our tailor made packages, for all walks of life, give you the time to do the things you love and not the chores you hate, and eventually regain the time and freedom to focus on living your life list free.
We stop at nothing. My Life Organised can drop your pet at the vet for her check up, pop into Woolies for the forgotten groceries, gather quotes for that long awaited alarm installation, stand in line for your passport application, meet the plumber at midday as your dishwasher has exploded once again – we can fax, send, phone, research, find, quote, arrange, meet, collect and deliver – you name it and we’ll organise it…"
That's what I'm talking about!
Although I already have a P.A., I am AWFULLY busy and thought I would test having another freelance P.A. So I commissioned My Life Organised to take care of some odds and ends for me. Funnily enough the one job was to wait for the plumber as the dishwasher had vomited on itself in The Safe House. I tested them to see if they could do two things at once and asked for my fridge to be stocked, as well as for fresh flowers to be positioned in the lounge.
All done! Perfectly!
Bloody impressive and everything itemised and billed for correctly on a stunning little email!
I didn't use them again because The P.A. was getting a little miffed at the idea. But, for those of you who can't seem to get it all done, do yourselves a favour and get in touch with www.mylifeorganised.co.za
Well lookie here, Penelope Cruz is back after 68 weeks! What a feeling it must be for her to be back after over a year! G-Man must be terribly excited, what with his fetish for the Spanish actress, who's real name is in fact Penelope Cruz Sanchez (no relation).
This week we bring you a still pic from her new flick, Elegy.
Sounds awesome.
Click pic for clearer view.
Hmm. Ja. I think the jury is still out on that one. Or, more to the point, those two.
Oh, I nearly forgot - you can see a couple of videos of that scene from the actual movie here.
Mmm, you liked that, didn't you? I'll show you something even more exciting - this weeks PlayEuroMillions Lottery is sitting at $62 million. Yup, that's right. It's basically HALF A BILLION RAND!
We've seen a number of embarrassing moments at Caprice, when it comes to the yellow-marked handicapped zone in front of the main entrance. My personal favourite being the time a troop of slicksters emerged from a brand spanking new black Mercedes-Benz. The driver was stopped by another patron as they made their way into the cafe/bar.
"Awesome car!" the patron commented to the leader of the group.
"Hey thanks man!" gave the illegally parked driver.
"Oh, one more thing... which one of you are handicapped?"
It was too emboerrissing for words, with a number of muffled guffaws from other tables - a result of the alarming levels of sophistication currently on display. Proof that money can't buy class.
Whilst I certainly might be a candidate to buy a Lamborghini at some stage of the game, I will probably take care of where I park. People look at Lamborghinis ALL the time, whether they are driving passed or parking. Thus making it the most unsubtle car to illegally park in a handicapped zone. Especially at the entrance of a landmark restaurant in the absolute hotspot of one of the planet's most desired cities.
The handicapped zone
A test of ignorance
The driver was warned by a Caprice staff member and he confirmed that he wouldn't be staying long.
Shame, not two minutes later a lawman arrived, as our boy proceeded to argue the case in front of everyone and had to standby as the cop wrote out a ticket and ordered him to remove the car. It was like a scripted life lesson video - the kind you'd show to a group of kids as an example of karma and how to behave, socially.
As we clarify a case of mistaken identity [permalink]
Whilst it did cross my mind when publishing last week's article about the homeless gent washing his hair on Camps Bay beach, I didn't think I should highlight it. But now, after receiving a NUMBER of email and sms messages, I feel it necessary to mention that the man in the photographs was NOT the South African Springbok Rugby coach, Peter de Villiers.
Although the likeness is quite uncanny:
LEFT: Homeless gent washing in Camps Bay
RIGHT: Peter de Villiers Note: This is not the same man
It really is sad to witness the airs and graces of someone trying so hard to be of a certain status or caliber, but without the knowledge that mere conversation can very often be the most damning of evidence to the contrary. Whilst I'm sure everyone agrees that people should simply be themselves, David Bullard pretends to be of upper-class, but then, unwittingly, reveals himself as nothing but a commoner.
Sophisticated?
David Bullard - in disguise
Not that we've got anything against commoners. Heavens, I'm as common as the next person! It's just a minimal level of refinement that we're looking for here. My girlfriends in the past have come from a plethora of socioeconomic ranks and backgrounds, and it has never been an issue for me. Little things like how to hold a knife and fork are not a problem, as these issues are all covered in the Seth Rotherham Upliftment Programme (SRUP) which kicks in if the relationship gets to the third week. But, for example, when you're dealing with a racist nouveau riche princess with a habit of dropping BOTH the C and the K bombs, I'm afraid there is not much that can be done.
You see, it's not the actual WORDS that are uttered, it is the apparent assumption that I wouldn't be bothered by it. One can only deduce that these topics of conversation are more than commonplace in this person's world. Good heavens, my darling! You better get your things..
David Bullard, is one and the same.
Following the naive child-like article that earned him the notoriety he so richly craved, he still seems acutely unaware of what might constitute tacky conversation - the hallmark of a true commoner with zero refinement. This report from yesterday's iol:
"Early on, he reveals cockily that "for 14 years I have been conning you all, I have been writing this complete shit at R10 a word … (meaningful pause) which is not bad."
He's lived the high life, he's "pissed around the world in the sharp end of aeroplanes", driven the fastest cars, stayed in the best hotels, and so on. It's no wonder, he says, that other columnists have lavished invective on him."
Oh God, it's too emboerrissing to behold. He clearly doesn't know, does he?
*muffled, barely contained laughter*
Someone really should explain it to him. But, then again, rather don't. I do get a perverse thrill out of watching this all play out, like a freak show. It's a sick fetish of mine. In a way, it could be likened to the paraphilia witnessed in the movie Crash, with James Spader, where everyone was getting off on car accidents.
I'm pretty chilled today as it's another public holiday. Again. It's almost like there are more public holidays than normal days. It feels like I have a public holiday inside my body. That said, I'm chilling at The Safe House today. You know, just coming up with genius ideas whilst what's-her-name chills on the sofa and flips through magazines and speaks when spoken to. It's 09h30 and I'm dangerously close to rolling a tight one and grabbing a Vida e coffee on the Camps Bay strip.
Now, regarding today's 2oceansvibe online LIVE Streaming Radio Show, which would usually be at 15h30 SA time, I just don't know... Is it worth it when the whole of South Africa are fucking around away from their computers?
I understand that it is NOT a pubic holiday in the UK. Is this correct? If so, then the only way for me to ACTUALLY go through the motions and give you a live show with music and me, possibly stoned, would be if I experienced an OVERWHELMING amount of messages and encouragement from you.
So, if you want today's 2oceansvibe Show to happen, send emails of encouragement and excitement to editor@2oceansvibe.com - if I get enough, then I'll make a plan. Otherwise, I'll just spoon here with this supermodel (Christ! What is her fucking name?!) on the sofa and watch Magnum P.I. all day.
Bye now.
Seth
ps. I'm QUITE aware that I wrote "pubic" earlier, instead of "public." I feel it just reads better. Not to be confused with a "public hair" which is when your pube falls on the ground whilst you're out and about in public. Then it becomes public domain and is declared a "public hair."
O
K
UPDATE: Thanks to the readers out there that sent in emails of encouragement, but, I'm afraid nothing
was going to get me from The Safe House into the 2oceansvibe Radio Studio! See ya tomorrow!
As Jonny Faull raises funds to go to Harvard [permalink]
Somebody told me the other day that "your Net Worth is your NetWork" and I couldn't agree more (we've chatted about the book, Never Eat Alone). That's pretty much how I work things and I'm always keen to help someone out that I believe in. You know, someone I can place a bet on. Or, more to the point, someone who looks like they could be heading into the political arena!
Whilst donations to political parties are heavily scrutinised these days, there's nothing like getting in with someone on the inside, before he even gets there!
Enter Jonathan Faull (UCT) who has recently been accepted to the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University, to pursue a Masters in Public Policy (MPP). A week later, still doing cartwheels, our boy found out about the costs of the course. We won't mention exact fugures, but let's call it half a bar!
Check out the website and let's give the boy a hand. You never know how handy it could be! Personally, I think the ROI is bigger than we think.
NOTHING wrong with having a guy inside one of the big campaigns in years to come.
YOU: Hey, Jonny....I'm having a bit of a problem and I need some paperwork to disappear. I just remembered a few years back when you were raising funds to go to Harvard and you had that website and I...
We don't make obvious jokes, here at 2oceansvibe; preferring CLEVER jokes... sophisticated jokes. It is for that exact reason that we will refrain from making any lewd "ring" jokes to do with the fact that this topless scene comes from Mischa Barton's new movie, Closing the Ring.
I'm not kidding - that's what it's called.
Click image for NSFW image of Mischa Barton's Tuesday Tabs.
Mischa Barton, Closing the Ring
I'm quite pleased with her form. They're a great size. Great shape. Very comfortable. Good work, Misch kebab!
It wouldn't be fair to not tell you about the video of this scene being available on the internet. So I'll tell you. It's available on the internet. If you want to see it, click the link on the "i" of "2oceansvibe," below.
Does it get any better than morning shower on Camps Bay beach? [permalink]
I know people who, at the right moment in the year, would pay up to R20,000 to land in Cape Town, have a morning shower on a hot day on Camps Bay beach, and fly STRAIGHT home afterwards. And I don't mean just a normal beach shower. I'm talking about a PROPER shower, with soap. And lather.
The Roofer was in Camps Bay on Friday and made use of his phone camera to send me a very special MMS.
Aah, good morning to yer!
R20,000 experience
How about that? Our homeless buddy over here basically MADE R20,000 on Friday morning!
That is what the future will be like. We'll be able to plugin to other people's minds, for a fee - to experience what they're experiencing. People will pay this homeless guy R20,000 for that hour. I tell you what, he won't be homeless for very long after that! Instead, he will increase his fee, and let you experience boning one of the models that follow him around.
