Don't even mention it. Seriously. Keep walking.
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It makes me sick to the pit of my stomach to think back at how I was very much violated last night at the Cape Town Sexpo, currently wanking at the CTICC. It is fitting that I got my first rogering from behind, at a Sexpo. I mean, where else would you want it done?

Now, I don't scream and shout about money (particular when it's smaller than today's half a billion Rand lottery) if I can help it, but I WAS concerned at how I basically set fire to R100 last night. That's how much it cost. For a fucking. From behind.

I went with The TBG (we're talking again) and I can quite honestly tell you it was nothing more than a MASSIVE dildo workshop. FACT. That was it. Seriously. Dildo's EVERYWHERE! If you dream of swimming in an ocean of dildo's, then DEFINITELY go! Then it's PERFECT for you!

The TBG, standing with a guy dressed as a pair of tits and a vagina

Christ, what a waste. They had a Teazers stall as well, which gave the same sensation as walking in on your gran changing her underwear. Not that the Teazers chicks were too old - I'm just referring to that strange awkward sensation of standing next to, let's face it, creeps - all watching an absolute WRECK behaving like a fireman - in a COMPLETELY FULLY LIT EXHIBITION HALL! Strange days, indeed! There was a penis shaped mechanical bull, that no-one was riding on. And there were thousands of little lubricant stalls, with pale women standing on their own. Normal chicks. Just standing there - HATING LIFE! Oh, there was a guy painting people's portraits too.

Shit, sorry, I forgot to mention he was using his COCK to paint with. FACT. Dipping it in the paint every now and then. Jesus, come to think of it, did that REALLY happen?

The grand finale of our 15 minutes at the Sexpo was a 5 minute semi-strip show by a world famous porn star, called Arianna Starr. Never heard of her. Average.

Honestly, I urge you not to go - I could pull off a better expo with my balls. It is no different to an Adult World shopping trip. And that's free to get into. The petrol will be less too, as we found out at the exit of the car park. The signage was so horiffic that we were SPAT out ONTO the highway - the N2, heading towards the N1. Awesome! I couldn't quite grasp how swiftly things had turned from crap to shit. Needless to say, we were only able to turn back somewhere near Cape Tech.

Ja. And we paid R100 for all of that. I doubt I need to remind you that R100 is a sixth of a VIP lap dance, upstairs, at Mavericks - who did bloody well not featuring at the Sexpo, I might add. Good move, guys.

And girls...

Hi Bianka!

The last Expo I went to at the CTICC was the Winex - you'll recall what a fuck show that was! There definitely seems to be some kind of a trend here.

Keep it up, guys - you're killing it!
 

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
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