I've run this by some chicks who have agreed with me, so please don't bore me with angry emails. I'm talking about the viewing options regarding Ladies tennis these days.
Oh, before we get into that, did you not THOROUGHLY enjoy how the poms wrote up Tim Henman, following his five-set first-round victory? Headlines included "Tim is back!" and "Brave Tim battles to victory!". Should you not be even slightly emboerrissed that his first round match resulted in a five-set "thriller?" That is a sign of BAD things to come! The guy he was playing was about as good as I would imagine Mavis to be (on grass).
Anyway, back to the ladies. I am of the opinion and belief that men's tennis is far more exciting. I think this is a given. Everything they do is faster and harder. It's just way more hectic. I'm stoked that the women are getting the same prize money "purse" this year, but I think it is ESSENTIAL that we get a new hottie to perve. Even though Anna Kournikova never used to win, it was quite nice watching her for the first few rounds.
I am happy to report that I have found someone new for us to look at. Whilst I'm sure many of you are head over heels in love with Elena Dementieva, I have chosen a 2oceansvibe favourite - Ana Ivanovic!
Ana Ivanovic - something to look at
The little angel went through to the third round today so we could see some more of her. In the meantime I have put together a little photo gallery for you to see some more pics of her. To, you know, convince yourself. So:
As Daddy Cool makes his way through a mess of sniffs and Corenza C, we take a moment to feed you another snippet from the Strengthening Ties Tour 2007.
A lorry bringing a new load of "Coke"
You see this logo everywhere you go in the United States. It's a soft drink they have over there called "Coca-Cola". They also refer to it as just "Coke".
Although the logo is red, the actual soft drink is fizzy and black in colour. But I must say, it tastes AWESOME! We drank loads of it whilst I was there. I'm actually thinking about bringing the brand to South Africa - I think it's got legs. But they probably won't let me do it. You know. Because it sounds too much like "cocaine". And, more importantly because the liquid is black and that's racist.
I know things are slow at the moment, but Daddy Cool has a slight cold at the moment....
You'll be surprised to learn that Heather will be 40 in three years time. You will, however, be pleased that she has taken some moments in her 37 year life to take her tabs out - for our exclusive enjoyment. Thanks, angel!
Ex-Catholic girl
Not that the presenting of her tabs hasn't had its drawbacks; it is for this very reason that Heather Graham is estranged from her parents. This is following them instructing her never to be involved in any movie promoting sex or nudity. Starring in Boogie Nights was probably the final straw...
Well, thank God she went this route! Because now you are blessed with images including this one below. I'll be honest, she has a FINE pair!
[ THIS ARTICLE IS FROM THE YEAR BEFORE LAST AND WILL BE REPEATED EVERY YEAR
AROUND WIMBLEDON TIME, AS IT WILL ALWAYS APPLY.
ITS ABOUT TIM HENMAN
THE FOUR-TIMES WIMBLEDON SEMI-FINALIST (Who is about to be knocked out of the first round of Wimbledon, today)]
One of the joys of getting SKY News (besides from being able to view live footage of English Football Yobbos preparing for Euro 2004) is the exposure we get of 'COME ON TIM' fever! I used to think it was reserved for Wimbledon but it looks like we get it throughout the year! And what fun it is to watch!
It is virtually every sportsman's hidden superstition that his performance can be 'jinxed'. Particularly through something verbal. The dictionary definition explains the word as 'bad luck, or a person or thing that is believed to bring bad luck. My trusty Microsoft Word thesaurus gives 'curse' and 'gremlin' as alternatives. 'Gremlin' did not give Bishop Tutu's name.
Supporters of various sportspeople and sports teams would never dream of uttering words like "God, I hope De Wet Barry doesn't get injured". It just wouldn't make sense to risk such magical mystery.
Then you get the British Public who, fully aware of the potential power of 'jinxing', manage to give Tim Henman more exposure before an event than any other individual in the world. Not that other nations don't support their players - it's just the way the press over there handle it.
Here we see Timiny, wearing his trademark gum-guard.
Living in London for just under three years allowed my digs mates and I to witness it first hand every year Wimbledon came around.
"COME ON TIM ! YOU CAN DO IT"
.......would not seem out of place in the slightest. They never go for 'Good luck, Tim' or 'Do your best'. It always seems to be in the form of a whine and the annual question..... 'Is this Tim's year?'
They were having discussions yesterday on Sky about exactly that -'Is this Timiny's year'! What they are referring to is obviously the winning of something big. I browsed over Timiny's website which produces some very dull stats. He won the Paris Masters last year, but really, it's not Wimbledon, its not the US Open, it's not the French Open, it's not the Ozzie Open, its not Stella Artois!
He has won three singles titles since October 2001 - The Adelaide International Series (Jan '02), The Washington International Series (Aug '03) and the Paris Masters (Nov '03).
I notice on Sky News that they are now whining before every event. This time the Stella Artois Championships. Yesterday they had Tim interviewed with the hopes of a nation clearly on his shoulders (once again). Needless to say he was knocked out of the second round! I nearly fell over this morning when I turned on the news. Please do yourself a favour and get the Daily Telegraph today. God, the pain of seeing another full front page pic of Tim dealing with the letting down of a nation.
I wouldn't be surprised if they hit him with 'WAIT FOR WIMBLEDON TIMINY - YOU CAN DO IT !!!' tomorrow.
Needless to say, I think the poms need to do everyone a favour and back off a bit. The guy must be wearing hair dye because you have to be completely grey to deal with the kind of expectations and let downs he does.
It would probably help if Timiny was less of a nerd, mind.
I don't know if I will be able to cope with him actually managing to win Wimbledon so I'll get it started.......
I've been keeping this in for six months. You see, quite some time ago a few of us proclaimed December 27 as "TBG Day". We felt a day was needed to celebrate and think about everything that is the TBG (Tall Blonde Guy). And what better date to choose than that which is only two days apart from Christ?
And so we spent a day celebrating the great man and debating various topics to do with what makes him tick, his healing power, his magnificence and, naturally, his well-documented aura.
We had some TBG T-shirts (TBG-shirts) made for the day, so I was never able to report on what a fun time we had, as I knew that you would also want a TBG-shirt. And so, finally, these TBG-shirts are available to you!
"Have you seen the TBG"
"Han visto el TBG?" is obviously Spanish and translates to "Have you seen the TBG?"
The TBG always creates intrigue, even in print
So now, you may order your very own TBG-shirt. In white or red.
You probably caught the article below about the Merc licking the Golf's balls? Well, we've managed to get some answers.
Like a dog, the Merc sniffs the Golf from behind
Due to 2oceansvibe's incredibly sexual cult-like following, it wasn't long before one of our readers, who happened to know the woman who drives (drove) the Golf, managed to get this hilarious email in response to his probing email:
More evidence of why you should go out jolling on a Friday night instead of staying home with a hot water bottle and behaving... Parked my car on Friday after work. Get woken at 2am... drunk chick flying up OVD has lost control of her car and smashed into mine with such colossal force that it was pushed up onto the bonnet of the Merc SUV behind. Unlucky for her, the cops were around, so she got arrested and chucked in the Sea Point cells for a good couple of hours. I tried to get the cops to add "crimes against fashion" to the charge sheet but to no avail. They're SO unreasonable!
If I had just gone out...
Amazing!
I'll tell you something EVEN MORE amazing, is another reader get even MORE info from the same chick!
Long story... basically drunk chick crashed into me when I was parked on
OVD at 2am on Saturday morning. She works at the [censored] store so I tried
to get the cops to also arrest her for crime against fashion, but to no
avail. Little green baby is a write off! And my bumper sticker
collection... Gone Forever.
Shame! Imagine your car was parked with a gear lock on and it gets written off! Fuck that's crazy!
thanks charlie
Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com [permalink]
I jumped in my car on Friday and went for my first Cape Town Super Circuit since my return from the netherworld. It's good to be back. People seem to finally be at one with Winter.
So let me run you through it. You DO know the route for the Cape Town Super Circuit, DON'T YOU?
Let's begin....
Coming down Camps Bay Drive from Kloof Nek provides a moment of reflection as we negotiate the twists and turns, always taking in a moment to swallow the almighty setting to one's right; the stretch where the Atlantic Ocean plays backdrop to a well-thought-out squadron of palm trees saluting Camps Bay beach which, in turn, provides the protective border of Camps Bay's ego - The Strip. But we're not there yet...
Camps Bay Drive and view of The Strip
form the beginning and end of the Cape Town Super Circuit
So we continue down Camps Bay drive, through the 3-way stop at The Vet and on to the traffic lights (we're COMPLETELY phasing out the use of the word "robots" - it's just emboerrissing, guys. We just sound silly. I'm very proud of our local sayings and quirks but there's not enough time to deal with the self-inflicted confusion created from using the word when speaking to a foreigner. There is just NOT enough time, guys. We've got lives to save for chrissake!). Careful observation at the lead up to the traffic lights can often provide good viewing to the right, out in front of Dizzy's cafe. Foreign model angels don't mind hanging around this area and help to water down the spasm of Engel and Volkers' decrepit estate agents scurrying in the nearby vicinity (whom you are legally allowed to bump out the way, you might be interested to know).
Dizzy's - good action. Particularly Tuesday nights.
A right turn at the traffic lights gives way to a throng of activity outside Pick n Pay and that wretched little strip of restaurants where the waiters fuck your leg as they try to get you into their establishments (A very tacky concept I seem to recall from a 25 quid one-week package holiday I did to the Canary Islands with The Silent Assassin).
The Strip, phase 1
And so we continue down Victoria Road like a blood corpuscle creeping through the vein that is The Camps Bay Strip - featuring sea, sand, sun, babes, surfers, families and Lamborghini's. Also featuring such non-entities as Blues Restaurant and finally giving way to the Camps Bay heartbeat, Caprice. The hatches were down, suggesting mushroom-shaped heaters, backgammon and red wine with very down-to-earth models wearing thick hand-knitted jerseys.
Continue along Victoria Road: featuring naughty little Camps Bay High school girls waiting for taxi's, Clifton beaches parking activity, and the slow cruise passed Carlucci's (driver's window down to eye-level, MAX). You could be in for anything here, including hot bored housewives, Brazilian supermodels and lovable crooks. Maybe stop by next door and grab some Badedas or some specially made foot cream from Garth at the Camps Bay Pharmacy. If that's your vibe. I mean, if you're a chick. You know. Otherwise you could buy something more manly and cool, like Berocca or Essentialle. Or buy yourself a Kiwi and strawberry Snapple from Carlucci's. I really don't give a fuck - do what you want.
Carlucci's - bored housewives and lovable crooks
"Hi Garth, make it two asthma pumps, Essentialle, Calmettes,
Corenza, Berocca, Grandpa powders and a pack of gum."
And so we continue along the seaboard and towards the ocean as we join Beach Road, announced by the Sea Point swimming pool. Enjoy Beach Road and be sure to take in the beautiful promenade with its impossibly glorious combination of locals, tourists, children, rent-boys, drug addicts, health freaks, Yorkshire Terriers and 75 year-old senile Jewish women with blue hair wearing boob tubes. Sensible informed individuals can be spotted on the porch at the "bump-into-anyone" proofWinchester Mansions to your right. My last four outings at this establishment with The DJ, The Surfer, The celebrity MC and The Loose Forward respectively, proved this fact ("bump-into-anyone" proof). A noteworthy Cape Town indulgence.
Winchester Mansions - not as "very small" as Cape Town
Moving swiftly on.
[ Due to construction at the stadium, the Mouille Point leg of the Super Circuit has been put on pause due to the closing down of Fritz Sonnenberg Road. This will be ammended upon completion, at which point Neo, Bravo and Wakami will form part of the Cape Town Super Circuit]
A right turn into Glen Garriff and a left at the following lights (next to the library) onto Somerset Road will give you a good length of road to stretch your legs as you open the sunroof, lower the window to eye-level and play some unmockable AC/DC - just in time for the Giovanni's run. New local business seems to have blended into the Giovanni's lifestyle fairly well. But I am confident that a post 11am drive-by would produce the very expensive-to-run Prada-wielding Italian and Jewish housewife fraternity who would prefer a sexually charged coffee with their personal trainer, than an ACTUAL gym session. (The gym was too full to train in, anyway). Also great to watch the supermodels with oversized sunglasses chain-smoke cigarettes as they look down their noses at the Mavericks girls in tracksuits who attempt to conceal their worst come-down ever.
" Giovanni's - Prada and Louis meet here
And on we go!
So we continue cruising, this time alongside past-and-present P.A.s' favourite, Blue Bay Clothing (upstairs - you'll find that "one-off" dress here, girls), as well as Melissa's and Vida e on your right. Much to look at and a good opportunity to pop into Vida and grab a coffee to sip on for the duration of "the circuit". Or, if you have R750 on you, you might want to pick up something to nibble on at Melissa's.
Blue Bay clothing upstairs (ladies), Melissa's and Vida
Further down, once you've taken in the who's who at Mano's restaurant and new trendy double-thumbs-up Jade (above Mano's), you are urged to close your eyes and ignore the traffic department and chaos that is the final stretch towards your right turn at the end of Somerset Road, into Buitengracht Street.
Mano's and Jade - Who's who
Play nicely along Buitengracht street as you go through the various sets of traffic lights, until you take a left turn just after Relish, into Park Road. Park Road will offer you much eye candy provided by Greens Restaurant patrons and the discerning erotic connoisseurs vanishing in and out of Kink Boutique. Mmmmm.... touch me.
Greens - at the wrong time of the day
Kink - sexual
Hang a right turn up Kloof Road and take it all in. Say hi to Paddy as he crosses the road and then blast up, through the next lights and into the penultimate stretch that presents some activity at Cafe Vespa and Cafe Paradiso (Tip to Paradiso: knock down the wall guys, raise the outside seating and give the patrons and the pedestrian some mutual eye-contact. It works at The Ivy in L.A. I promise you it will work here).
Vespa - younger, hotter
Patron/pedestrian eye-contact works at The Ivy, L.A.
Be sure to cast an eye over the entrance of Loft Living, further up, where good taste seems to provide some fine pieces of ass (male and female) getting in or out of their Land Rovers.
Loft Living - interiors and derrieres
Cruise further up and check out the action at Bacini's Italiano Restaurant which is sure to be pumping in the summer. Hang a quiet right turn into Bellevue Road and continue straight up towards Kloof Nek Road. Now would be a wonderful moment to catch a view of Lions Head, dominating in front of you.
Bacini's! Babes in the summer
Lions Head - quietly dominating
Hang a right further up the road and make your way up to Kloof Nek Road. If all passengers look to their left , they will notice Cape Town's glory and Johannesburg's pain, Table Mountain.
Aaaah..
And on you go to the top, Klook Nek. Drive straight over the top, where the road's name changes to Camps Bay Drive again, at which point you can give yourself a well-deserved pat on the pack!
I watched Cameron Diaz's new movie, "The Holiday" on the plane sometime over the last three weeks and got quite into it.
Cameron Diaz's face
I don't know if it was a result of the whiskey record I was trying to set on the flight, but I remember having a moment where I convinced myself that this was the best movie in the world, ever. I also remember having a nice little cry during the movie - so I was clearly a little fragile. Either way, it's a great little movie and you should see it if you haven't already.
So anyway, I thought I'd have a squizz around and find you a little topless shot of her. I'll be honest, I quite enjoy them..
I keep wanting to work on my London and L.A. memoirs, but this crazy town keeps on giving me other urgent things to talk about. Like this bizarre road accident.
The Roofer, The Entrepreneur and I were driving to the airport at about 07h30 on a very nippy Saturday morning, en route to East London and, ultimately, King Williams Town. When, on the steep part at the end of Ocean View Drive, just before the traffic lights, we saw this little whoopsie. There was no-one around and it was deathly quiet.
What the fuck happened here?
Like a dog, the Merc sniffs the Golf from behind
The detective in all of us got to work and we decided that the green car must have come screaming up the road, hit the wall on the other side, spun around, and landed as is.
We were all pleased with the decision and were about to depart when we noticed something that blew our case completely out the water.
The fucking gear lock was on! So this car was PARKED here! So someone obviously came up the road, lost control, and rammed the Golf into the Merc.
But the front of the car wasn't touched at all! We can see the front wheel is fucked. Could the Golf have been pushed so far up the Merc from that alone?
Or did the Merc ram the Golf?
God knows.
Imagine trying to sneak out of a chick's house after a one night stand and being presented with a muff show like that!
Shame.
thanks charlie
Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com [permalink]
Good morning friends. Look, it's no secret that I have been neglecting you. I'm not denying it. But I must just make mention of the fact that I was only back for a couple of days and had to fly off again; this time to East London. We drove from there to King Williams Town to attend a funeral. Only got back last night so still trying to get into the rhythm. Working on a couple of stories for you but, in the meantime, I want to give you an example of what QUALITY humour looks like.
Quality
thanks chad
Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com [permalink]
14 June, 2007
THE SKIRTS, NOW ACCEPTING DURBAN HEAD
As Durban welcomes SA's biggest rock group to town [permalink]
You'll feel like a real tool if you miss either of these two gigs.
The Dirty Skirts are hurting Durban on Friday 22 June at Society Bar and Saturday 23 June at Raffles Rock.
Watch them.
Rock with them.
Touch them.
Tell them you've got the 2oceans vibe and they'll probably give you a high five, followed by a tequila and a left over groupie.
Never heard of her. But a quick Geegle search confirms that this young lady is a Playboy Playmate. I thought it would be appropriate, given that I have just returned from the city with the highest number of fake breasts per square mile in the world.
Well done, Davin - you're good to go.
Very chilled Sunday night vibe.
Carte Blanche and a quiet 8 o' clock movie.
Snuggling. Nothing major.
Spoon position. Chilled.
Maybe just some gentle grinding from behind.
Tracksuit pants. Nothing radical.
Maybe grind a little bit harder.
But still very chilled.
Let her arch her back and push against you.
Very harmless.
Tickle the side of her tummy.
Maybe run that hand a little bit higher.
One more big thrust.
ACTION
"I honestly didn't expect this to happen"
Course you didn't.....
I found a sports store yesterday in Santa Monica. It was probably the most comprehensive sports store I have ever been to in my life, selling anything and everything. It made Sportsmans Warehouse look like a deli.
I bought a baseball ball and mit so that I can finally do that methodical throwing and catching the ball thing between my two hands - like you see in the movies. The kind of thing Tom Cruise does when he is coming up with ideas or studying. I want to do it when I come up with new serums and cures for chronic diseases found in children. I can also do it when I am deciding on a particular punishment for little angels who have been naughty, as they lie on my bed, quivering with excitement, pretending to be scared - waiting for the result of the ball-and-mit decision process.
It would usually be a light beating.
Here's another toy I found, in the boxing section.
If they whip it out for feeding time, is it a nipple slip? [permalink]
Freud would have a field day with this one. Just like the philosophical riddle of the tree falling in the forest: If a celebrity whips out her breast in general public to feed her baby, can it be counted as a nipple slip? And, more importantly, are we allowed to find it arousing?
It's all very confusing and intriguing for me as I've been told I must have been taken off the tit early. This, combined with being an only child surrounded by Yorkshire Terriers and 1,000 porcelain dolls (including rare one-offs where they "smashed the mould") might give you more insight into what exactly is gong on here.
Nonetheless, here is Maggie! I'm not sure why she is doing this. Must be the confusion caused as a result of the beating James Spader gave her (quite justified) in The Secretary.
Two pals witness the mystery that is.. [permalink]
It is quite a treat for me to be in L.A., surrounded by movie stars, only to receive a brand new sighting from Cape Town of someone who's fame dwarfs these pretenders around me - The TBG (Tall Blonde Guy).
As his mystery and seemingly nuclear aura continue to grow every day, another duo manage to get a piece of the action and have stamped their sighting into cyber history. The TBG looks pretty magical in this shot. He seems to be growing his hair a bit and I must say it looks incredibly amazing! I don't know if the TBG has ever looked better. In a glorious shot with the TBG, Farrell S and his buddy, James, recall their special moment.....
The TBG, flaunting his golden locks
Dear Seth,
I feel I need to share my experience with the rest of the country.
On friday night my mate, James and I were enjoying a few drinks at Tiger Tiger. All of a sudden this mysterious figure appeared at the bar. I just knew that it was the TBG. The aura that the great man exudes is just incredible. We were both overcome with emotion. We knew we had to capture this moment. Understandably we were hesitant as the great man was surrounded by several gorgeous women.
WOW, he truly is a legend! He was friendly and was all too happy to pose for a pic. He is an example to 1 and all.
Hey Y' all. This is the first Tuesday Tabs coming at you from L.A. That stands for Lost Angeles. That's in the United States. The American ones. The United States of America. Not to be confused with the Orange Free State, where Nick Goldblatt is from, which is also known as "The States".
Some of you will say that it (Tuesday Tabs # 33) is late and that I didn't really put it up on Tuesday. But I'll lie to you and make excuses about time zones and all sorts of shit which will be very confusing, so let's just forget about it.
Here is Gena Lee Nolin, from Baywatch. I'm sure some of you have been DYING to see her tabs for many years and I'm pleased that your dream will be fulfilled. It's unfortunate that the whole experience could be a major let down. I was not impressed with Nolin's tabs WHATSOEVER. I don't know what they're trying to do. They're possibly the worst boob job ever and the areola leave a lot to be desired. Honestly, they're very confusing and I don't appreciate weird breast optical illusions. It's like David Blaine is living inside her breasts.
I'm about to bed down for the night before the flight to LA tomorrow and I simply must show you what The Hoff gave The UK Showbiz Guy to give to me. It's just too beautiful to behold.
Another year has passed and I, as your Commander-in-Chief, must, once again, tour key cities and strengthen ties between the people that matter - The 2oceansvibe community that continues to grow in strength and power, climbing ever closer to the ultimate goal of ruling the earth with the ever-etched-in-our-minds mantra, "Work is a sideline, live the holiday." A special place where people sun tan all day and drink champagne with The Hoff, whilst advising Jessica Alba on her blow job technique. A place where Paris Hilton begs for mercy and Britney is scolded for being late with the ironing. We're getting closer, people. Stick around.
The Big H will fetch me from Heathrow on Saturday morning with a six-pack of cold lager in the car, at which point we will be chauffer driven to my lodgings. The Fabrics Guy will be arriving at the same time and we will spend a couple of hours getting into character.
This is what people in London look like.
Proceedings will get underway at the nostalgic Pitcher and Piano, Fulham. Jugs of vodka red bull will be imbibed as we toast England's thumping at the hands of our multi-coloured non-racial Springboks. Feel free to include yourselves. Recess will be called when things get out of hand and we will return to our lodgings, so as to get into character for the next leg. All eyes will be on The Big H as he displays his wonderous technique of convincing A-list clubs that a visit from Seth Rotherham is nothing short of glorious. I believe previous years' first-choice, Bouji's, is out of favour and we will be gracing bigger and better things.
The UK Showbiz Guy will play lunch-host on the Sunday as we reflect on the first night and spend the afternoon contemplating our navels (omphaloskepsis). This will also provide a moment for the items and recorded messages The UK Showbiz Guy was given by The Hoff to be handed over.
Tuesday will appear in a flash and I will be boarding a flight to Los Angeles. The Advertising Guy and The Italian will receive me and escort me to the LA lodgings. It just so happens to also be the day that Hilts goes to jail, down the road. I'm sure we'll do a drive-by to witness the hysteria.
Lost Angeles
Much gallavanting will be had as we spend a week leaving a trail of destruction in all of LA's key hot-spots, with the continuing reassurance that Seth Rotherham is, in fact, "quite a big deal around here."
And that will be it. The unknown stuff in-between all of that will be the essence of the Strengthening Ties Tour - the great unknown - when one thing leads to another and we find ourselves at the right place at the right time. You'll hear all about it.
So bear with me on my travels. Those well-versed in my ways will be aware that I can very often fluctuate between prolific written entertainment (drivel) and spates of pure nothingness.
I love you all very much and stress that your joy and happiness is the very air that I breathe. It's all for you.
I think this little mention comes at a good time - shortly after my review on John Shannan's book, "Modern Man is a Wimp" where Shannan makes an alarmed reference to "metrosexuals" and the fact that men find it necessary these days to use moisturisers and other products to beautify themselves. Personally I don't have an option as I suffer from the same condition as my mother, in that my skin and body turns out to be QUITE delicate and requires only the finest and costliest products to be applied at all times. It is well documented in my article I wrote about Bededas bubble bath.
Seth is pampered from time to time
That aside, more and more of today's men are taking time out to pamper themselves and have joined the previously female-only strive for eternal youth - ever aware of the prime condition of the men seen in adverts gracing the GQ's and Vanity Fair's of the world. My mother was sending me to secret facials behind my dad's back since I was 16. I remind you that I was, and still am an only child.
I got a call from Glasshouse the other day, inviting me for a pampering. They received a swift "yes" from my side and welcomed me at their premises in "The Foundry" (near Beluga there) a few days later.
Glasshouse - "Rejuvenation for men" was started by sisters Carol and Beryl Erikson, who's motives for starting this company are slightly dubious, given that they are both single. Their full-service grooming parlour STRICTLY for men offers everything from facials, peels, manicures, pedicures, massages and body wraps to teeth whitening, waxing, tinting (pushing it a bit) and will even serve you a cold beer (in a glass) for your troubles! You can even watch sport on plasma TV's whilst they tend to your gorgeous body.
They treated me to a Hot Stone massage and educated me in the ways of grooming by informing me that these massages don't come with a happy ending.
Fair enough.
I just thought.....you know....for the price you're charging.........never mind.
So that's it people. Treat yourself. Live longer. Look younger. Score more chicks. Find love. Get Married. Keep pampering yourself. Look younger. Get a divorce. Score more chicks. etc. etc.
Their website has a full breakdown of all their services, prices etc. Check it out here.
Or go and visit them at:
110a The Foundry
74 Prestwich Street
Green Point
Phone: 021 419 9599 www.glasshousemen.com
After only living in Cape Town for 8 months! [permalink]
Pretty moving stuff here. In the latest TBG sighting it seems the great man was present at the last Dirty Skirts gig at Bang Bang. Ever-alert Carl D maximised the moment that was presented before him. The TBG (Tall Blonde Guy) looks PARTICULARLY relaxed in this pic. God! Just LOOK at him!
Amazing! And to think that Carl D got his first TBG sighting after moving to Cape Town only eight months ago! How unfair!
Some people have lived here their whole lives and never laid eyes on the walking miracle. Let's see what Carl D had to say:
Hey Seth!
I gotta say, I have been keeping my eyes peeled for my first TBG sighting, since moving to Cape Town 8 months ago!
I was quite taken back, by how friendly he was! And how readily he was willing to take a photo, so I could prove to all my friends back home (and on facebook;-) (we call it "Facefuck", Carl) that I really got to meet him!
I first noticed him bopping his freakishly long body up and down, along to the Dirty Skirts tunes! I was afraid to approach him at first, but after enough Jagermeister shots, I confronted him! (knowing it was my one chance to get a pic...).
We chatted about some stuff, I honestly wish I could remember... I gotta say the TBG rocks! I think he should start a band or something... Maybe even star in movies..
Anyway, thanks for the memories, TBG. You're the best!
I simply MUST draw your attention to this. You'll remember when I first told you about Katee Holmes. You know, the girl who is filming the moment she loses her virginity and is then having it sold as a porn movie.
Yes, that's the one!
Well, it gets better!
Very naughty
There is now A COUNTDOWN CLOCK on her official website! I don't think things have ever been so out of control in this blessed world of ours. The clock is counting down to the second that she allows someone to enter her for the first time. How crazy is that? Not too crazy, I suppose. I mean, if the guy loves her then that's fine. But I doubt he will. He'll just be a regular porn star who is going to give her the hiding of her life. She's probably been very naughty as well. I think filming this moment automatically makes her a very naughty girl so he can kill two birds with one main-chap and give her a hiding as well.
I've never gone mental over Carmen Electra but I am quite aware that there is a large host of males out there who do pull out her file from time to time. After some research I am pleased to enlighten you with the fact that her real name is Tara Patrick. Those of you have have been naughty enough to have delved into a bit of porn MIGHT be aware that one of God's most famous porn stars has virtually the same name - Tera Patrick. Pretty similar, yes? It was, funnily enough, Prince that got her to change her name to Carmen Electra and also guided her through her first and last RAP album.
I know, 2oceansvibe is basically the fountain of knowledge.
Carmen stopped by the other day and fell asleep on the sofa at the Safe House. I took this pic for you.
You may have read this article the other day about a blog run by an ex-rent boy. He names and shames prominent South Africans who he claims paid him to play with his main-chap.
An example of what might be expected
during these encounters
It's been mentioned in a number of papers over the past few days and for some bizarre reason they simply refuse to give the address to the blog.
That's probably going to be it for today, kids. I'm just contemplating everything after finding out the only place to entertain The Hooker upon his return to Cape Town on a Wednesday. I'll tell you where to go. Downstairs at FTV bar. I never go there, but I tell you what, if you need to find a place on a Wednesday, that is it. Downtairs. Not upstairs. I had about 5 chicks all over my stick the whole night.
Thanks to Dan Nicholl, our buddy over at iafrica's Sports Department, we are able to gain some insight into the incredible day-to-day experiences afforded to SA's newest quota player, Lukho Watshembi.
Lukho Watshembi
Saturday 12 May: I’m in the squad! Can’t quite believe it – guess Jake has finally changed his mind about me. And he created an extra spot in the squad for me, to make sure I’d be there, which was rather touching. Went out to celebrate with Ross Skeate, who said he’d grow his biggest sideburns ever in tribute. He’s one of my best mates, but he’s decidedly strange when it comes to facial hair. Anyway, Springboks here I come… Monday 14 May: Mixed morning. The papers all reckon I’m only in the squad because Oregan Hoskins overruled Jake, which was a little hurtful. Phoned Oregan to ask him; he said he had no influence whatsoever on selection, but that it wouldn’t hurt if I brushed up on my French. Cryptic guy. Also muttered something about hoping John Robbie got savaged by a rabid hyena, but wasn’t really listening. Then got a text message from Ebrahim Rasool, the premier of the Western Cape, inviting me for breakfast tomorrow! Pretty cool! Ironed my Western Province blazer, and watched some television; nothing much on MTV, and eventually fell asleep with Channel O playing. Actually a pretty good channel.
Tuesday 15 May: I’m black! No, really! Mr. Rasool wanted to see me to tell me that actually, I’m black! Quite a shock, to be honest, and wasn’t sure how to react. Called my dad to tell him, but he said he couldn’t speak on the phone, as the Third Force had tapped his line, and would be listening in to the conversation. Guess I’ll have to deal with this on my own.
Our Founders House stooge in Standard nine (grade 11, I suppose) was a man by the name of John Shannan. Besides being a few years older than us, he could buy booze and had genuine stories about naked women - so it didn't take long for us to believe that John was "cool". He pretty much won us over from day one - smuggling in beers (Hunters), letting us watch movies and even turned a blind eye when we bunked out at night to go to Naughty's in Rondebosch. Not only that, John also had a car and talked about actually boning chicks (ahem...Fabrics Guy). Look, he played hockey, but The Chief had brainwashed us into believing hockey was cool years before, so we didn't know any better.
He was an eager beaver and at four or five years our senior, happened to be the most fucked oke at The Advertising Guy's 18th. Naturally, it all ended in tears when he decided to play garden cricket using wine glasses as balls. True story. He has the scars to prove it.
I got an email from John (now living in London) about four months ago, telling me about a BOOK he had written, called "Modern Man is a Wimp." Describing the book, he explained that it , "takes a look at all the things going on in the world today that have changed since we were kids." The chapter outline is: Political Correctness, Metrosexuality, Homosexuality, Advertising and the Media, Modern Day Fads, Raising Children, Drugs and Celebrity Culture".
Right up my street!
I told him to rush me a copy, which finally arrived the other day. I took note of the sub-title, "How male moisturisers, political correctness and Britney Spears have turned the modern man into a brow-beaten apology."
Hmmm, I see...
It looked very interesting so I found a quiet moment, put on some Celine Dion, and got stuck into it.
"Right....what do we have here?"
And what a satisfying read it was! Whilst John would be horrified at the cost of my particular brand of moisturiser (let alone the mere fact that I use one), I certainly do support him in his various arguments.
It's not often that authors have the balls to openly discuss and argue topics that we raise amongst our peers. It's about time someone attacks the all too PC ridden topics others would be too scared to write about. He confidently, humourously, and yet fairly, questions topics including why, exactly, angry minority groups have more power than the masses - often resulting in changes in legislation. Brave.
The general theme of the book has to do with how the modern man is not able....sorry...NO LONGER ALLOWED to stand up for himself. A good example of this is how it is perfectly fine for ads on TV to openly ridicule men, whilst John argues that mockery of any other group is strictly taboo. South Africa has a car insurance group that insures only women - imagine if they had one strictly for guys? Precisely.
I wore blinkers during the chapters about metrosexuals, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, but he made a comeback in his support for weed and spanking of children (my arse was introduced to, and broke many a wooden spoon from an early age).
When tackling political (in)correctness and how we are now restricted from sensible discussion, he mentions something that has happened to me on a number of occasions. I have met people in the past who, when trying to point out a particular person in a large group, have said things like:
"The guy in the red shirt."
And I'd go, "the guy at the door?"
And he'd go, "no, the guy with the sunglasses on."
"That guy?"
"No, the guy next to him"
"Oh", I'd declare, annoyed. "The black guy!"
"Jesus, bru, you can't say that!"
That is how pathetic it has all become. Why would you be scared of describing someone by identifying his most telling feature? If someone had a penis instead of a nose, you wouldn't fuck around describing his shirt colour.
And so it goes on.
This is, quite simply, the book you've been wanting to read. The book that finally discusses the annoying things - the things we think can't be discussed. Apparently they can. You'll spend most of the book shouting in ecstasy, "YES! EXACTLY!"
Do yourself a favour and get this book ASAP. At 150 pages it is short enough for you to tackle, and long enough for you to be able to join those what-book-did-you-read-last conversations.
That looks you in the mouth, and feeds you. [permalink]
Werecently showed you the destruction of our beloved Metropolitan Golf club and Green Point Stadium which is making way for the creation of an Olympic sized Opera House. We lamented about how sad it was to not be able to catch a quick nine on the Atlantic after work any more.
And that was that. We had a little moan and then we left it.
But then I started to remember that it wasn't just the golf course and the stadium and the neighbours and the gay brothel that were being effected by this annihilation....
Did anyone actually stop and think about the HORSES?
"Silver" does not bite the hand that feeds him
Has anyone ever actually noticed that the South African Police horses LIVE on Fritz Sonnenberg Road? Right in between the old stadium and the golf course. People are running amok moaning and groaning about property prices and disruption to the peace and God knows what else, but no-one has even spared a though for one of God's most beautiful and non-racist creatures, The Horse.
We had already saved the lives of about five children the other morning, so The P.A. and I decided on a fresh new task for the afternoon and made a trip to Pick n Pay to buy some carrots, followed by a FEAST with the horses.
MNANDI?
Piglet feeds "Black Beauty"
"Silver" enjoys the timeless carrot/penis joke
Do to your neighbour as you would want done to you.
Dating service? Or quick pomp organiser? [permalink]
I've had an ad on the right hand side of the page for a couple of weeks now for pleaseme.co.za. Whilst it certainly is a legitimate dating service, I have been told by people in the know that kids have been going pretty far on those first dates.
It seems fairly simple to work and asks you to send an sms and, depending on your criteria, you will be sent matches in your area! Makes sense. I mean, have you ever stopped to think how many other people are at home, right now, bored, touching themselves...
Finding love, and/or a bit of action?
If any of you out there have any experience with this easy action option, do let us know!
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