Just how 'super' are they?
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When confronted with a girl who ranks anywhere between an eight and a ten, ALWAYS assume you're talking to a four. This will eliminate all clumsy speech and nervousness from yours side. This method also stops the natural urge to look at her breasts. Our supermodel (it has now become one word) is overwhelmed by a sense of security and comfort and is almost ready to interact further with you.
You might remember the article I wrote where I mentioned a missed-call I received from the Czech supermodel, Petra Nemcova. Unaware of her status of beauty, I spoke to her as though she was a four, although she was (and still is) a ten.
If I may:
"Anyway, there is a particular sense of failure, yet delight, when one realises that one spent a large amount of time that day unwittingly on the phone to a super model. You're angry with yourself for not savouring every word she uttered with her beautiful mouth. But you're happy that (because you never knew who you were talking to) you stayed calm and came across ICE cool. Secretly, she wants you. "
You see, I've been through this before. But now I have some extra info I have recently acquired through various exercises I do with my brain. The latest idea has been submitted to me by the "Supermodel Acquisition Department" of my brain (S.A.D.).
You've read a thousand GQ's, FHM's, Esquire's and Arena's. They've all given ways to be cool and things to say. None of them have worked. But now, courtesy of my brain, I have found the answer. It can be used on eights and nines as well, not just super models. This is what you do.
You walk straight up to the supermodel and, whilst imagining she's a four, you say to her:
"Excuse me, I was just wondering, are you quite down to earth?".
Read that again. It's too brilliant for words! If she takes the typically Cape Town angle and looks at you like you have bird flu, then you WIN! She LOSES! She walks away and you've saved yourself from spending time with a vacuum. Even the semi-intelligent ones will HAVE to engage in a chat of sorts to avoid such obvious punishment. This is what we call 'a foot in the door'. The intelligent ones (God bless them) will probably be hypnotized by your brilliance and have already decided what they will be making you for breakfast.
Petra - down to earth
So, besides from walking away and punishing herself, she has an option of two answers.
"Yes, I am down to earth" tells us that we're dealing with a complete fucking idiot who is obsessed with counteracting her bitchiness by constantly reassuring herself (and everyone around her) that she is incredibly down to earth. She doesn't even realise what you have just done. But you get the airtime that you wouldn't have otherwise got from her. They'll chew your ear off if you get this right. You can't marry this one, but the volume of chat is high in these circumstances and you should use this time to be SEEN talking to her. Great PR. This gives other eights, nines and tens the opportunity to take note of you. They see you very relaxed (because you've pretended to be chatting to a four) and they see the supermodel talking relentlessly (trying to be down to earth). This appeals to them, as they realise they have no need to be threatened by you. They immediately remove you from the box used to store the guys that lose control of their bodies when speaking to them.
"No, I'm not down to earth" is probably the ultimate answer. This tells us she has a sense of humour and, if she hasn't walked away (in which case you win, by default), it means she is aware of her position in society and is quite amused by the whole thing. She's been looking for someone like you for five years.
Everything goes perfectly from there. In no time you will have the supermodel-at-home lifestyle. You arrive home and she is lying on the sofa in front of the fire with an oversized jersey hanging to just below her stunning hip-bone, a glass of red in her hand and a golden labrador puppy at her feet.
Welcome home. You've earned it.
Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
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