As The P.A. leaves the brood for a stint in the UK, we are reminded of the uncertainty and planning that surrounds a move of this nature. I thought it would be a good time to mention our friends over in the UK, 1st Contact. I got in touch with them to see if there was anything new to tell you and it turns out my timing was spot on!
They're holding FREE seminars in Cape Town, Johannesburg and Durban during February for people heading over to the UK which will be covering the following:
- Getting started in the UK - What life is like in the UK
- Visas, including the Highly Skilled Migrant Visa
- How to find a job before you arrive in the UK
- How to manage your finances
Dates are as follows:
Cape Town - 13 February 2008 (Southern Sun Newlands)
Johannesburg - 19 February 2008 (Wanderers Club)
Durban - 21 February 2008 (The Riverside Hotel)
*Seminars are usually one hour, starting at 19h30
I've been to a couple of these seminars before (when I first went to London) and they really are the only answer for those of you heading over. They also have plenty SA-based consultants on hand who are ready to answer your myriad of questions. They've all spent time there and they know the best way to do things (except pick up slags at The Redback Tavern). Most of our buddies used them when they went over (1st Contact and the slags). Highly recommended (They've handled over 50,000 clients in the last year (1st Contact, not the slags.)).
As the New York Giants take on the unbeaten New England Patriots [permalink]
It's all fucking happening on Sunday when the New York Giants take on the New England Patriots in this year's NFL Super Bowl. I love New York to death but spent far too much time growing up and holidaying in Martha's Vineyard, Cape Cod and Boston; to ignore the Patriots.
Fucken GO PATRIOTS!
New York Giants vs. New England Patriots LIVE Monday 01h00, ESPN (Channel 230 on DSTV)
Ja so anyway I thought I'd find out some facts about the Super Bowl and general American excess for your brain's pleasure. Enjoy this :
If the Patriots win, it will mean they have enjoyed an unbeaten season. The first time ever.
The Super Bowl attracts a worldwide audience of at least 90 million.
Over 40% of the Super Bowl audience is female.
The Super Bowl is the second largest eating holiday of the year (after thanksgiving).
On game day, Americans eat 15,000 tons of chips.
They also quietly chow 4,000 tons of popcorn.
If you lined them up, bumper to bumper, the string of popcorn would ring the earth five and a half times.
Enjoy this one, 5.4% of the yearly US avocado crop is used to make guacamole for the day of the Super Bowl (25 million kilos).
The rate of car accidents in the US increases 41% in the 4 hours after the Super Bowl.
30 seconds of commercial time for this year's Super Bowl costs $2.7 million (call it R19 million).
That's around $86,000 a second. (R600,000 a second).
"NFL" and "Super Bowl" and "Super Sunday" are trademarked by the NFL. Promoters not sanctioned by the NFL must refer to the event as...
THE BIG GAME.
What a lag. So anyway, on a far more serious note, we'll end off with one of the New England Patriots cheerleaders. Please enjoy Jessica Wanzie.
Jessica Wanzie New England Patriots cheerleader
and sexual beacon
That, my friends, is the real fucking deal. That is a REAL cheerleader. Pure and All-American. Born for this role. Groomed for this role. Look at her - Christ, this chick could be a part time model. She would have been the cheerleader that was boning the high school quarterback. She would almost DEFINITELY have been the prom queen as well. Probably two years in a row.
Fat chicks hated her at school.
She used to mock them and laugh at them.
She drove a convertible.
The fat chicks went on the bus.
The cheerleader used to overtake the bus in her BMW - laughing and pointing at the fat chicks on the bus.
It was such a hoot!
Then one day the fat chicks came into school with guns and blew the fucking place apart.
The Superbowl is LIVE on ESPN on Monday morning in South Africa.
Britney Spears in full force last night [permalink]
Our girl has been admitted to a psychiatric hospital with a the help of an ambulance, a helicopter and 12 (that's dozen, folks) cops on bikes. It reminds me of New Year two years ago when I had to get from the Dutch billionaire's house to Caprice before one o' clock - otherwise the little angel at the time would be leaving. Or my penis would turn into a pumpkin - one or the other, I can't remember. It was a helluva party.
Poncherello couldn't help himself
So anyway, Britney's mother organised the motorcade and ambulance after finding out that she hadn't slept for over three days. Hmm, not ideal. This was taken yesterday - during her sleepless marathon. She looks fine if you ask me. I dig my chicks looking like that. They're the ones who enjoy one-for-one bum smacking compo's in the bedroom. Solid women.
Shame, it's not going very well. I must say that it's not really helping that she REMAINS in LA. I mean obviously the paparazzi will make you crazy. You need to get away from the actual area, Britney. Or better yet, the country! Come to Cape Town my little muppet - book yourself into Montrose Place - you'll LOVE IT!
Here's a vid of the chaos last night. It's pretty fucking hectique.
Controversial American sculptor, Daniel Edwards, pushes it again [permalink]
This guy is amusing me no end. You might remember Daniel Edwards; he was the guy that did the sculptures of Britney giving birth on all-fours and the Paris Hilton Autopsy sculpture, featuring her dog, Tinkerbell; jumping on a dead Paris Hilton.
And since then he did another one that I was unaware of and think you should see. It was called Suri Cruise's First Poop. Jesus, he pushes limits..
Suri Cruise's First Poop
Adorable..
But now, and more to the point of the article, he has done a bronze sculpture of Oprah Winfrey, entitled The Oprah Sarcophagus. A "sarcophagus" for those of you who don't use the word casually in normal daily conversation like I do, is basically a coffin.
With Kfm's breakfast show host, Nic Marais [permalink]
As mentioned earlier on in the week, Nic Marais will be joining us today LIVE today on The 2oceansvibe Show at 15h30. The show is live streaming over the "internet" and you simply have to click the link on this website to start listening to the show. Only at 15h30 (SA time). We will also be accepting LIVE SKYPE PHONE CALLS during the show (info below).
As one of The 2oceansvibe Characters, Nic is no stranger to 2oceansvibe and 2oceansvibe is certainly no stranger to Nic, nor Kfm (2oceansvibe's radio station of choice). So it'll be interesting to see what happens with this show. Nic is bound to have some good tips for us, but I'm more interested in the contrast of the two presenters in the 2oceansvibe studio. Nic hosts a good show with good vibes and excited energy. Seth hosts a crap show with sarcastic vibes and an intoxicated drawl. He's a polite, intelligent young man and his show (number one breakfast show in Cape Town) represents the people and is certainly far from controversial. 2oceansvibe, on the other hand, welcomes controversy.
Kfm does things like "Reach For a Dream."
2oceansvibe does things like "Reach For the Tequila."
Let's face it.. it's going to be chaos.. I'm AMAZED he agreed to do it.
Just kidding - it's gonna be loads of fun! Nic is a good mate and we have regular debates about numerous issues and I'm sure there will be loads to go around. You'll enjoy it - believe me!
Questions to ask Nic can be emailed to editor@2oceansvibe.com Live Skype calls will also be taken during the show and if you have headphones and a mic on Skype then you can dial into us on our Skype name "the2oceansvibeshow".
Sms's can be sent DURING the show to +27 76 907 3679
Nice.
Very sexual.
That will annoy, Nic. Using the word "sexual" in this article.
Nothing wrong with being sexual, Nic.
We'll chat more about this on Thursday.
We'll also continue the Monopoly World Edition argument we started today.
LPG tankers seen as "next big terrorist vehicle for soft target attack" [permalink]
Well it was all fun and games on the 9th of January when we reported on the ship with the four boobs which had been parked for about a week in front of Sea Point's promenade. But now, after nearly a month of sitting there, it's getting a bit worrying. Especially after we did some investigating of our own into the various threats that a tanker of this sort could pose.
THE LPG VESSEL - STILL HERE!?
Our expert terrorism correspondent, Brett Aubin, had this to say:
LPG tankers are seen as the next big terrorist vehicle for a soft-target attack. They have pretty detailed security precautions but there is some concern that RPG\'s (Amongst other things) could rupture the tanks and that, in the worst case scenario, a blast in the 1/10 of a kiloton range could ensure.
Gas in these Red Tanks is refrigerated at about -110 degrees to keep it liquefied; if the tanks are ruptured, masses of liquid gas would instantaneously revert to its gaseous from - causing a massive gas cloud; if there was then a secondary spark from somewhere - this would explode in the same way as a massive fuel air bomb - working in exactly the same way as a Daisy Cutter or MOAB. Characteristics of this blast are a truly massive concussion or blast wave and nasty areas of \'induced vacuum\' where the bomb sucks up all the oxygen in the surrounds to feed the fireball. They exploded Daisy Cutters outside the caves in Tora Bora - the vacuum caused people in the caves to expel portions of their lungs. Nice.
Further investigation found confirmation of Brett's findings. Have a look at this article, and this, and this.
Look, luckily Cape Town and South Africa aren't in the terrorist's scopes, but, you know - must it be parked right here in front of us?
I reckon we get that ship the fuck out of our faces. ASAP.
Just please enjoy this. It was taken this week at Sundance Film Festival. (Forbsie will be familiar with the festival). It's a video of a very annoyed Quentin Tarantino dealing with paparazzi as he leaves Starbucks. He attacks the guy and, I THINK even kicks him. It's enjoyable. Vince Chase would never behave like that.
Check how he holds out is hand and circles it in the air, whilst saying, "what's going on here" over and over with his coffee in his other hand.
HAHAHAHA!! Fuck he is funny.
It's like a scene straight out of Reservoir Dogs or something. You can't tell if he is acting or in real life - he doesn't change - he's just a very funny warped geek. Remember Pulp Fiction when he acted in his own movie as "Jimmie" - the guy who's house Mr. Wolf had to come and clean up? Similar vibe.
Kfm's morning show DJ joins us for Thursday's live online broadcast [permalink]
Oh now that's a bit of a coup, isn't it?! Cape Town's biggest radio station, Kfm's morning show host, Nic Marais (AKA The DJ) has been tricked into joining us for a couple of hours on Thursday arvee for South Africa's first and only regular live purely-online radio show - The 2oceansvibe Show.
As one of The 2oceansvibe Characters, Nic is no stranger to 2oceansvibe and 2oceansvibe is certainly no stranger to Nic, nor Kfm (2oceansvibe's radio station of choice). So it'll be interesting to see what happens with this show. Nic is bound to have some good tips for us, but I'm more interested in the contrast of the two presenters in the 2oceansvibe studio. Nic hosts a good show with good vibes and excited energy. Seth hosts a crap show with sarcastic vibes and an intoxicated drawl. He's a polite, intelligent young man and his show (number one breakfast show in Cape Town) represents the people and is certainly far from controversial. 2oceansvibe, on the other hand, welcomes controversy.
Kfm does things like "Reach For a Dream."
2oceansvibe does things like "Reach For the Tequila."
Let's face it.. it's going to be chaos.. I'm AMAZED he agreed to do it.
Just kidding - it's gonna be loads of fun! Nic is a good mate and we have regular debates about numerous issues and I'm sure there will be loads to go around. You'll enjoy it - believe me!
Questions to ask Nic can be emailed to editor@2oceansvibe.com Live Skype calls will also be taken during the show and if you have headphones and a mic on Skype then you can dial into us on our Skype name "the2oceansvibeshow".
Sms's can be sent DURING the show to +27 76 907 3679
Nice.
Very sexual.
That will annoy, Nic. Using the word "sexual" in this article.
Nothing wrong with being sexual, Nic.
We'll chat more about this on Thursday.
We'll also continue the Monopoly World Edition argument we started today.
Welcome, Eva! And congratulations, my darling! It was always going to happen.
I'm a big fan of Eva's and have been since the day she became a Wonderbra model. There was that famous "Hello Boys" poster that went up and caused havoc on the roads - with men crashing into each other all day long. Those who didn't crash had to deal with a houtie for the rest of the day.
I would also like to take this opportunity to make it quite clear that "Wonderbra" is in fact a brand of women's bra - it has nothing to do with the nickname you gave your best mate from the flats.
Here we see Eva quietly indluging in a spot of omphaloskepsis! Nothing wrong with that! You go RIGHT AHEAD, my babba..
Monopoly World Edition very close to including Cape Town on the board [permalink]
So the people at Monopoly are launching a new set to replace the old version. It will be called Monopoly-World Edition and will feature 22 of the greatest cities in the world. And they're doing it very democratically, by allowing the world to vote! With the highest voted-for city taking the highest rent position on the board (you might remember this used to be the purple block at the end of the board).
In short, Cape Town is currently in 27th place out of 68 cities and it DESPERATELY needs to be pushed up so as to be included in the 22. CAPE TOWN NEEDS YOU, AND THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET CAPE TOWN IN THE NEW MONOPOLY WORLD EDITION BOARD GAME: CLICK THIS LINK TO TAKE YOU TO THE WORLD VOTE WEBSITE
Then follow these instructions.
STEP 1: Scroll down on the right of the screen
and click "Cape Town, South Africa"
STEP 2: On the next screen that comes up you should
click the green tab on the bottom right which says "+ Add to My Cities"
STEP 3: On the next screen you will notice "My Cities (1)"
CLICK IT!
STEP 4: A little screen will pop up with a red button that says VOTE.
CLICK THAT!!!!
The rest of the exercise is pretty simple. You will be shown a new page for you to register (really quick and simple - JUST your email address) which you must complete and then follow any remaining instructions and YOU'RE DONE!
Good luck with that and let's look forward to Cape Town being a part of the NEW MONOPOLY WORLD EDITION.
Christ it'll be emboerrissing if we're not on it!
Like, "Hey where do you live?"
"Cape Town"
"Oh cool, what colour is it on the Monopoly World Edition board?"
"Umm, no it's not on it.."
"Really? Then what the fuck are you talking to me for? Get out of my fucking face you fucking freak. I'll fucking kill you. Prick hound..."
Business Day's weekend publication makes use of intelligent journalists [permalink]
It's a concept largely ignored by most of South Africa's daily and monthly publications - you know, hiring journalists who know what they're talking about, have communication skills and even know how to spell. I'm certainly not saying that 2oceansvibe is exploding at the seams with Shakespearian eloquence and high grammar, but, you know, our daily and Saturday papers are BIG companies! You just can't get away with shit like this:
The online version of our regular weekly broadsheets.
There is no such thing as a "rapit", so even a simple spellcheck
would have spotted that one.. Come now, guys.
And with some minor articles requiring four journalists to report on a local school sports day, I'm a little tired of being experimented on. That was before I was told about The Weekender, Business Day's far more palatable Saturday "offering."
The Weekender - get it
I was thoroughly impressed by the level of journalism, intellect and angles taken by most of the articles - successfully covering everything from tech and sports to finance and politics. Some of them even dare to do more than just report and actually give their views! It just comes across so much better and doesn't feel like you're reading some kid's school project.
So next Saturday, have a look out for The Weekender. Sold in most outlets, and most definitely at Carlucci's.
Sunday, of course, will always belong to The Sunday Times!
Just sit back and enjoy it - like you're being pleasured in front of your computer. Nothing wrong with that.
Quietly enjoy how over the top this video is. Check the chicks - notice how they grind fresh air. It's POOOSHING it! They ALL want Shabba inside them! I can't get over how sexual everything is!
Also, I was previously unaware that there is a chick completely starkers in the video (near the start - at about the 22 second mark). I wish I was Mr. Loverman!
If you don't know who Corey Delaney is then you've probably been living in a jungle for the last couple of weeks. That said, should you not be using this time to call your loved ones? You know, to let them know that you're ok? I also won't tell you about Heath Ledger just yet.
No, he's FINE! Seriously, I'll tell you later. Call your moms.
If you need an update then check out this link and read up on the story and watch the video. It's about that Ozzie kid, Corey Delaney, who threw the biggest party ever and become a cult hero on TV following his hilarious interviews. In fact, I'll give you the video again. Here it is.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
So anyway, I just wanted to let you know that they are now selling Corey Delaney T-shirts - and they're fucking hilarious! Check it out:
As we say goodbye to Seth's current PA, The P.A., who has been a shining example to aspiring P.A.'s the world over, we wonder if the next chosen one will be able to fill her shoes..
Seth and his P.A. in the year 2020
A peep into the future (at this particular point, Seth is explaining to Rey
that the jet should be available within two hours notice, ALL the time)
We're looking for an angel aged around 22 - 28, with their own car, who is clearly quite switched on and keen to learn. This entry level position will welcome the applicant into a job that offers something new every day, where you will have the freedom to create new systems and put forward your own suggestions and ideas. The experience you'll get from this job will get you into anything after a year or two.
You'll have days when you run your ass off and you'll have days that you're bored - but on the whole it'll be fun. You'll meet all sorts of amazing people, you will get freebies, you will get guest lists at clubs, you will get discounts at shops and you will get lunches at Caprice. You will become an important part of a very exciting network; a valuable network that will be available to you for a long time to come.
Apart from Seth's own personal mundane activities (including liaising with Mavis and forming a buffer zone between Seth and annoying people), you will be running around getting things done, shopping for gifts, sending flowers, standing by for contractors, writing emails, sending faxes and will be involved in the orchestration of three other exciting companies that form a part of the 2oceansvibe brand and community.
You have to be particularly bright, confident, presentable and brilliant with people and lying and manipulation. That was a joke.
So get moving and send in a brief one or two page CV and photograph to editor@2oceansvibe.com with the subject "SETH'S PA"
Closing date is February 11, 2008.
Package works out to roughly R10k take-home a month on average.
Let the hilarity continue - as we contemplate a name change [permalink]
You'd be forgiven for thinking the FIA had moved to Cape Town, as the South African Blog Awards introduce a whole new set of rules for this year's awards. Not unlike the Formula One Championship, and in keeping with last year's theme, the organisers have once again plummeted into an orgasm of contradiction and dissimulation. It is this further reminder of theirlack of validity and importance, that helps us understand why they have been nicknamed "The Zucchini Awards."
The SA Blog Awards are YET to announce any judges which, for something starting in just over a week, further enhances the dormant stench of last year's alleged tampering and general contrive that can only be eclipsed by Zimbabwe's current regime. You would think they would attempt to escape the stigma of damaged goods and, perhaps, give it a fresh new name, like "The South African Blog Awards - Seriously."
Or, "THE ZUCCHINI AWARDS."
Seriously.
Your basic muffshow
Further marred by the cancellation of a Johannesburg ceremony, and not shy to add vinegar to the paper-cut-wound, the organisers of the muffshow have succumbed to last year's gripe by The Sunday Times, in that they have now announced (quite cavalierly, I might add) that the organisers will NOT be involved AS CONTESTANTS in this year's awards!
Oh...!
Not..?!
Hell, but that's BLOODY decent of you guys! Are you saying you want to make it "DEMOCRATIC?"
And the other winners from the past - what happens to them? Did 2oceansvibe really win seven awards in the first two years (prior to the annual rule-changing fiasco)? Or should we start fresh with a new name and permanent non-changing set of rules?
Maria Sharapova vs Ana Ivanovic - it doesn't get better [permalink]
This is one of the better moments in sport history - the most beautiful tennis final ever. The 2008 Australian Open Women's final will be fought between Maria Sharapova and Ana Ivanovic.
We were praying for this outcome yesterday and it just goes to show - if you can dream it, you can achieve it. Ana beat that Daniela chick this morning after losing 6-0 in the first set. I love the way she fights. I love the way she claims every point. I love the way she shuffles her feet, making a squeaky sound as her opponent serves. God she is adorable!
Ana - little angel
Maria - in the same league of hotness
I cannot remember when last, if ever, there was a final where I didn't mind who won. There is usually one hot player and one monster - and often TWO monsters. But this time we have two absolute angels - everyone's a winner! Secretly I do want Ana to win, because she is just too gorgeous for words and her little smile just makes me want to cry. It's a tough call. Look, I'm quite sure they both have incredible vaginas, but I think you'll find Ana's is ever so slightly sweeter than Maria's.
Who knows - we'll see..
Here's the quick on-court interview with Ana after her win this morning against whats-her-name. Tennis has been DYING for a chick like this.
One day left to buy tickets online for €78 million at PlayEuroMillions [permalink]
We chatted about this earlier on in the week. It's not some sort of raffle or high school lucky draw. This jackpot comes to pretty much 1 beellion Rand. Let me remind you of the one toy you can afford with that kind of money (and enough change for the upkeep, let alone the champagne).
The 2005 Gulfstream 550
This one is for sale at $59,900,000 - NO PROBLEMO!
That's right, my love. The Gulfstream G550 - the most sexual of all the private jets out there. It flies the furthest out of the jets in its class, and can land on short runways. So you can fly from London to Plettenberg Bay - DIRECT, my boet. Deal with that. Also deal with the new awesome friends you will have! And they will LOVE you!
As I said before, I will have a jet like this one day anyway, but there is no harm in speeding up the process! I bought 5 tickets in the last lottery and won ₤65, which covers those tickets AND the five tickets I bought for this jackpot. You gotta be in it to win it, my love! That's how it works. That's how everything works!
Dave from The Dirty Skirts joins us LIVE on Thursday! [permalink]
The Dirty Skirts fans out there will be very excited about this one. We've managed to secure Dave from South Africa's number 1 rock band, The Dirty Skirts, for two hours on tomorrow's live online 2oceansvibe Radio Show.
The Dirty Skirts SA's #1 rock band
(Passion, Dave, Mark, Jezzabelle)
With their most recent album "On A Stellar Bender" completely sold-out and the band currently working on their new album, It's gonna be a RED hot show tomorrow - probably relatively sexual with booze and weed and a general rock and roll vibe to the vibe. Inside the vibe. Inside you.
Dave from The Dirty Skirts
Live on the show
We'll probably have some groupies sitting on our laps during the show - you know, just working us over and pouring us tequila. Who knows? Anything could happen. Make sure you're listening!
We'll be taking live SKYPE phone calls during the show (Skype name is "the2oceansvibeshow") so feel free to drop us a line.
Any questions about The Dirty Skirts and Dave before then can be sent to editor@2oceansvibe.com with the subject "skirts".
Sexual
See you here at 15h30 (SA time) tomorrow, Thursday 24 January, 2008.
Jack Black's wrestling comedy - a good "chuckle" [permalink]
Jack Black's movie, Nacho Libre, about a Mexican monk who becomes a wrestler is on MNET tonight (channel 101) at 21h00. Those of you who get Jack Black will thoroughly enjoy - whether you've already seen it or not.
Channel 101 - 23 January - 21h00
Those of you that don't get Jack Black (The Insurance Broker) will, however, NOT enjoy it. And that's FINE. Keep it to yourself.
As Ozzie Open gets DANGEROUSLY close to Ana vs Maria final [permalink]
This year's Australian Open may well produce the most visually pleasing women's final in all history. Can you even begin to get your head around watching a final between Maria Sharapova and Ana Ivanovic (you might remember we featured Ana during Wimbledon)?
With the recent passing of Australian Heath Ledger, one can only wonder if this is perhaps God's way of "giving back" to Australia and the world. A final with a hot blonde and a hot brunette. Do you realise what a big moment in world tennis this is? Let alone the history of the world! Let's do a quick run through of what the fantasy entails - here they are:
Maria Sharapova
Reminds me of someone..
Ana Ivanovic
Please, sweet merciful Lord - make it so
But the two objects of our affection still have to get through their respective semi-finals, so I've "jumped the gun" as it were and assumed that they will get through. That's what I do. I jump guns. The whole fucking time. Throw a gun at me - I'll jump it.
WHOOSH!
BOINGGG!
You see what I did there?
So anyway, Maria Sharapova is playing that visual terror, Jelena Jankovic at around 13h30 Ozzie time tomorrow. So that's about 05h30 SA time. Get up at 6, should be fine. I would also like to add at this point that Jankovic is NOT hot. I swear to God, she is not. If you think she is hot, you are mistaken. She is revolting.
Ana is playing after that against Daniela Hantuchova, who is also pretty hot. So if there was ever a women's semi-final to watch, it's that one, my friends.
Australian actor, Heath Ledger, has been found dead in his New York apartment - naked on the floor. The cause of his death is currently unknown, although sleeping pills were found nearby. There were no illegal drugs found in the apartment.
Well it certainly is a time of unexpected deaths and suicides. It's really weird - this comes so soon after Owen Wilson tried to take his life. Both nice guys. Both young.
It's just never Keith Richards, is it? He just keeps on truckin'!
Lindsay, Amy and Britters - three very different and unique styles [permalink]
I thought we would have a quick update on what some of our favourite worn out starlets are wearing. These were all taken this week. Let's have a little look..
Amy Winehouse looking stunning!
Going for a little jog - a picture of health!
Britters, sporting what is being
dubbed the "Lil-lets" look.
Pretty radical stuff! Nice to see the girls are taking good care of themselves. And then we also have Lindsay Lohan who chose a wonderful outfit yesterday which allowed us this shot.
Very nice, Lindsay. That is what we refer to as "tidy."
I lost this little babba's name after saving her naughty little picture to my very hard drive.
Sorry about that.
I'm sure you don't mind - as long as you can "clock" her tabs. Very nice tabs, they are - pert. They remind me of this girl in London. God, she was sweet. Neurotic. Psycho. But sweet, nonetheless.
A sweet psycho.
An adorable neurotic.
Ooh, LOOK at you!
God she is a cutie. I am perfectly fine with that look. Her mouth is very naughty. Very naughty indeed.
ps. after some discussion and reflection, we have decided that this little angel is just too thin. We don't condone such skinnyness and didn't want it to go without mention. But she won't be changed. She is Tuesday Tabs # 64, and that will never be taken away from her.
Her tabs are great though - but she would get hurt.
I've been through this before on 2oceansvibe and I feel compelled to do it again.
I was taking a drive on my scooter this morning en route to a light breakfast at Miss K in Green Point (block next to Vida e block (awesome)). I came up to a red traffic light and stopped. Whilst waiting at the light, there were a number of cyclists simply whizzing through the red. Once the light turned green I caught up with one of the cyclists and drove alongside him, asking him why he felt he shouldn't stop at the light. He had a VERY annoying face - the kind you would love to punch. Hard. I asked him if he was aware that it was a law that he should stop at the light.
Nothing. He just carried on cycling, with his stupid face.
Then I asked him if he had any kids. "Yes," he answered.
That was when I came up with a very simple and hopefully conclusive question, "Given that bicycles are the only form of transport that children have - do you think it is a good thing that kids are witnessing thousands of cyclists going through red traffic lights non-stop, everyday? Should I not be allowed to also go through red lights on my scooter?"
He came up with a fantastically pathetic retort and asked, "Are you on drugs?"
No my friend, I am not on drugs. But can I ask you something?
WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
The fact that it is illegal is actually incidental to the argument.
Do you think it's right for adults to be seen going through
each and every red light on their bikes?
Surely kids will do the same thing and end up dead?
Given that a large handful
of Atlantic Seaboard cyclists are parents,
is this a good example?
Should I not also be able to go through a red on my scooter?
Are cyclists above the law?
Excuse the pun, but you don't have a fucking leg to stand on.
Take responsibility, for God's sake. This issue is a lot bigger than simple "lactic acid build-up."
UPDATE: A discussion seems to have developed on one of SA's cycling forums in response to this article. Check out the 6 pages (so far) of debate here.
21 January, 2008
RENT THE LIFESTYLE YOU DESERVE
Rare sea-facing Camps Bay beachfront apartment becomes available [permalink]
Whether it's an eyesore or not, Camps Bay's controversial Sonnekus Apartment block offers a highly sought after position and lifestyle. RIGHT on the beachfront, the sea-facing apartments hardly ever become available for rent. I am happy to announce that we had a look at the latest DG Rentals stock and found you one! With two bedrooms! Finally, you can rent the lifestyle you deserve! With Caprice and Vida e just down the road, you'll wonder how you survived before!
Experience the real you
Nothing wrong with that! And, for the singles out there, it's not a bad draw card either - believe you me! Honestly, with Kloof Nek offering you very easy access to the city (if you insist on working) and Pick n Pay further down the strip, it's a no-brainer. I don't know if you've had a look at the weather forecast of late, but I should let you know that Atlantic Seaboarders are enjoying quite a few HOURS in the sun after "work". And they don't even have to do that to enjoy a very sexual tan - they get it for just being there! And so will you.
That's all. I just thought I would tip you off. In case you were wondering what was missing from your life.
Click HERE to check out the two-bedroom apartment and, if you're keen, give Dierdre or Farieda a shout at DG Rentals on 021 433 2580. They're also the Atlantic Seaboard's number one holiday rental agents so, if you're looking for something short term, check out www.dgrentals.com.
I took the liberty of getting this weather forecast for the rest of the week. The "mercury" is basically dry-humping 40 degrees on Friday!
ps. with apologies to the ex-pats in London who are experiencing, what the British press described today as, "Miserable Monday - the bleakest day of the year. Awesome!
21 January, 2008
ANOTHER GOOGLE #1 FOR 2OCEANSVIBE
As Montrose Place rehab article ranks first place after three days [permalink]
While this does happen very regularly, it is not often it takes such a short period of time. The 2oceansvibe community and advertisers have always been aware of how well2oceansvibe ranks in Google, but the process usually takes a couple weeks. Yesterday we found that our article on Cape Town drug rehab facility, Montrose Place, took just three days to take first place in Google for the very likely search phrase, "Cape Town exclusive rehab" and "Cape Town luxury rehab."
So now Montrose Place is in Google! BANG! Just like that!
Featuring on 2oceansvibe is like buying a CD for a friend. It's a gift that just keeps on giving!
And that, my friends, is why we're all a part of the 2oceansvibe community; part of "The Family." Because you know there is something going on here. Something different. Stick to it and good things will happen to you.
So no one won last week's half a billion Rand jackpot and now the lottery world is watching in awe as Europe's richest lottery PlayEuroMillions has experienced a very rare QUADRUPLE ROLLOVER. It is only because of these exceptional circumstances that this week's draw is to be set at a staggering₤59 million!That is the same as $114 million, or €78 million. Or (and this is the one I like), R800 million. Eight hundred bars, my boet! Call it a billion. It's basically a BILLION RAND. It's FINE!
This latest news obviously suggests some changes are necessary since we drew up last week's shopping list which including that $17 million yacht I found on the internet. No..no.. things are a little different this time. If I win the R800 million jackpot I'm going to be thinking QUITE seriously about this:
The 2005 Gulfstream 550
This one is for sale at $59,900,000 - NO PROBLEMO!
You see, I don't just lose the plot and buy whatever I can. You'll remember that when we discussed this last time, the jackpot was sitting at only half a billion Rand. Now, this little Gulfstream 550 over here is for sale at roughly R400 million and, although you will still have R100 million in change, it's just not clever financial planning. That was why I mentioned buying that yacht last time for $17 million, just as a start. But things have changed a little since they announced this week'sPLAYEUROMILLIONS jackpot is just under R1 billion - making it a lot less silly buying a plane like that. I would always buy a plane like that eventually but there is no harm in speeding up the process! It's a 9-18 seater (depending on the layout you choose), you'll be interested to know and does New York to Tokyo non-stop in 14 hours. Sounds PERFECT! Thanks! I'll TAKE IT! I think we'll go for the 2oceansvibe blue, with the lettering in white down the side. Stunning!
I bought five lines for last week's lottery and won back ₤65. There is NOTHING wrong with that - NOTHING to be ashamed of! That pays for the tickets I bought last time AND this time (I always buy 5 lines). That's what I keep on saying to everyone about these massive rollovers - you would honestly be a fool not to enter. It's SUCH a little money for the mindfuck of money that could be yours. You'll be SO much happier with R800 million!
The ever-territorial Glen Beach Locals (GBL) surfing fraternity have laid down yet another stern reminder to outsiders, that surf intrusions of any kind on "this break" will be more than just frowned upon. And a little suggestion to beginners wasting time with their shit - NO KOOKS!
And don't forget it
It will be very interesting to watch over the next couple of weeks to see if the likes of the LL's (Llandudno Locals) or the KSI (Kom Skom International) dare tempt fate and ride one of the most expensive waves in the world.
Glen Beach
Do KSI dare?
With a mini-break set a few meters in front of no-more-than 12 multi-million Dollar villas and a surfer's view of Table Mountain and the cableway, one can begin to understand the GBL's (Glen Beach Locals) over-protectiveness.
But that is just the attitude that KSI (Kom Skom International) finds amusing. With world champion Ian "Mettie" Metcalf as their spiritual guide (from long before - I'm talking the days of the "783's" (Kommetjie dialling code)), I wouldn't be surprised if KSI simply laughs in the face of danger and starts dropping in on the GBL's waves, telling them that their poes stinks (with the SPU (South Peninsula Unity) right behind them).
So that's what everyone in Cape Town is thinking about and talking about at the moment. We'll keep you in the loop. Until then I think I should also tell you that the new Kom Surf Shop is opening tomorrow (Saturday 19 Jan) in Kommetjie.
A smart person would nip over Chapman's Peak, quietly stop off at Cafe Roux for lunch and then check out the new Kom Surf Shop around the corner. Or the surf shop first, and then Cafe Roux. Whatever. You get the picture.
ps. It is interesting to note that the various rivalries from Glen Beach to Llandudno were actually referred to in last season's summer hit "No Matter" by Will & G (incl. download) . They go into detail in the very last minute or two of the song with gang-type shout-outs like "Glen Beach Y'all". They even go on to suggest that Hout Bay locals are "playa haters."
And that was that. I didn't really think anything of it. But then I was emailed some links to other YouTube videos of the same guys. It seems there is a whole series of videos. From the looks of things they're pretty excited about being in Cape Town and, although South African, I reckon they're probably from out of town.
Singer's face improves with new modern surgery [permalink]
Naturally there have been great scientific improvements in the world of plastic surgery, since the days of Michael Jackson's first nose job. God, how quickly they grow up! Since then he has ballsed it up over and over again, with a recent photograph showing him virtually sans nose.
Well I am happy to announce that he has obviously hired the best of the best modern plastic surgeons and seems to bringing some sort of order to his face.
ps. That was a joke. The person in the pic is actually Teri Hatcher from Desperado Housewives. What I was trying to do was highlight how similar to Jacko she looks. That's all.
Jesus!
18 January, 2008
INTERESTING VIDEO FROM 2007 J&B MET
Collage of pics and videos set to music [permalink]
I found this pretty interesting and thought you should observe. It is a video with soundtrack and some voiceover, showing a group of friends celebrating last year's J&B Met. So anyway, someone has put it on YouTube and I felt you should also experience it, you know - just in case you missed it.
PlayEuroMillions enjoys a TRIPLE ROLLOVER! [permalink]
GIVE ME A BREAK! Or rather, give me a fucking private jet! R550 million! That is very serious money, my friends. That's €55million! That's a property in London AND New York AND Paris AND Ibiza AND Clifton. I did some internet window shopping and also found this:
The 180ft Oceanfast Motoryacht
Yours @ $17,500,00
It's too easy!
WITH ONLY ONE DAY LEFT UNTIL THE DRAW - That's pretty much the main reason why I bought 5 tickets this morning - because I'd be a fucking idiot not to. Yachts, private jets and beautiful angels all over my stick - they don't come cheap; any help will do - including the PlayEuromillions lottery!
Those in the know will be acutely aware that G-Man holds a very important position in the 2oceansvibe community. As Seth's muse, G-Man gets the full Seth and nothing but the Seth, so help me God. Through thick and thin G-man has advised Seth, cautiously; always keeping right on the edge of good taste and lunacy.
A gifted musician, G-Man has had a string of hits, some of which will be featured on the show - along with the rap that he and I recorded at Street Level records some time ago.
G-Man
Seth's world on his shoulders
There is so much to be discussed. So much cuck (kak) to discuss!
It's gonna be an action packed show with potential topics including: murder habits, norms vs. non-norms, barmen vs waiters, Heather Mills, Clive Owen (among other annoying celebs), mans natural urge to perve women, Top Gun and much, much more.
We will, as always be taking live SKYPE phonecalls so check out the details below.
G-Man will be live on Cape Town's
most talked about cult radio show
As he accepts the IAS Freedom Medal of Valour [permalink]
They had the Scientology awards the other day and a video interview was put together on Tom Cruise who is, let's face it, Scientology's Jesus. The video is somewhat disturbing, featuring Mission Impossible music in the background. Now I don't know if life is emulating art or vice versa, but I can tell you for a fucking fact that Cruise is throwing out scenes from his movies, as he SPICES his way through this interview. It might terrify you.
IAS Freedom Medal of Valour
I think congrats are in order!
He's not shy to use expressions like, "it just hit me [pause] ...... BANG!" JUST like he did in Top Gun, Days of Thunder, A Few Good Men and Jerry Maguire.
It's radical. You'll enjoy it. Try to watch the whole thing, in particular the end from the 08:40 mark where he gives us his evil laugh and throws in another "bang" statement. THEN, at the end of the video, the voiceover person announces that Tom Cruise has introduced LOH (LRH?) Technology to over one billion people! INCREDIBLE! Don't know what the fuck that means, but it sounds like rubbish. Nonetheless, Tom has earned himself the IAS Freedom Medal of Valour.
Melbourne teen party animal taking things to another level [permalink]
This kid is fucking hysterical! Our boy threw a party, a-la Risky Business, whilst his folks were away and rang up a $20,000 bill for damage to property and cars, as well as the expenses for the entire police force having to deal with the 500 strong crowd of kids throwing missiles. It got so bad they had to get a fucking HELICOPTER in the sky!
These parties don't ever actually happen. Parents fear them and movies exaggerate them, but it never really happens. And then came Corey Delaney who has been ALL OVER the news for the last couple of days, doing interviews and MOCKING presenters as he goes along.
Corey Delaney - rules!
This is his time
Here is the first one where the presenter insists that he apologises. "No," he tells them. The presenter asks him what he would say, hindsight, to other kids planning on having a party. "Get me to organise it," came the response! Then, at the end, the presenter says he should take some time off and have a good look at himself... And just wait till you hear his final line he pumps her with. This kid is OUT OF THE PARK!!!! Oh, and he REFUSES to ever take off his sunglasses.
Ever.
What a BEAUT!
And then, today, the Ozzie news media have learnt that he is YET to speak to his parents since the party! Are you getting this? His parents arrived home to the destroyed home and legal bill, and STILL HAVEN'T SEEN HIM!
HIS PARENTS ARE TALKING TO HIM VIA THE NEWS NETWORKS
AND INTERVIEWS ON RADIO AND TV.
ARE YOU SEARIOUSLY UNDERSTANDING THIS?
It's too funny!
So the news stations located him today, fucking CHILLING on the beach, DEFIANT! God, it's beautiful to watch!
Check out the most recent interview, featuring those now famous shades:
The 2oceansvibe Live Online Radio Show welcomes another character [permalink]
Those in the know will be acutely aware that G-Man holds a very important position in the 2oceansvibe community. As Seth's muse, G-Man gets the full Seth and nothing but the Seth, so help me God. Through thick and thin G-man has advised Seth, cautiously; always keeping right on the edge of good taste and lunacy.
A gifted musician, G-Man has had a string of hits, some of which will be featured on the show - along with the rap that he and I recorded at Street Level records some time ago.
G-Man
Seth's world on his shoulders
There is so much to be discussed. So much cuck (kak) to discuss!
It's gonna be an action packed show with potential topics including: murder habits, norms vs. non-norms, barmen vs waiters, Heather Mills, Clive Owen (among other annoying celebs), mans natural urge to perve women, Top Gun and much, much more.
We will, as always be taking live SKYPE phonecalls so check out the details below.
G-Man will be live on Cape Town's
most talked about cult radio show
Ferris Bueller principal joins sex offenders list [permalink]
You might remember the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off - the 1986 classic starring Matthew Broderick. One of the great characters from the movie was the school principal, Ed Rooney, famed for his phone manner; always answering the phone, "Eeeeeeeed..... ROONEY!" The character was played by Jeffery Jones. Let's get a pic of him going to jog our memories.
Jeffrey Jones IS Ed Rooney
Ja, well, look.. things haven't gone too well for our boy and I think it's fair to say he has experienced a fall from grace of sorts. You'll be interested to learn that Ed Rooney became a registered sex offender, after pleading no contest to a felony count of employing a minor for purposes of taking sexually explicit photos. Not ideal, Ed.
Let's get an up to date shot of our boy on the screen..
Yu!
I can't see the problem here. I'd gladly leave my kids in his hands.
2.5 hour live show recording from 10 January [permalink]
Finally you can download past online radio shows on The 2oceanvibe Show Recordings page. (I still have to add the others - be cool).
This is the latest The 2oceansvibe Show recorded live on 10 January, 2008 : featuring LPG's, Stellenbosch university tales, Robin Masters, private jets, blood diamonds, the Equitorial Guinea plot, sliding scales, Jo'burg vs Cape Town, the 2oceansvibe "vibe" and much more.
The free-flow of Peroni's does become particularly apparent after some time.
Aah Carla Bruni - the soon to be wife of French president, Nicolas Sarkozy. Ex-supermodel and ex-flame of a number of English (and other) rock stars, Carla Bruni has been known to get her kit off from time to time. Here's one of them for your Tuesday Tabs viewing.
Taken quite a few years back - probably around the time that Mick Jagger was tapping her.
Montrose Place amongst world's best luxury drug rehabilitation centers [permalink]
Cape Town and South Africa has finally joined the ranks of the world's best andmost exclusive luxury drug treatment and rehabilitation facilities. Montrose Place outshines most of them, offering an extended care retreat with exceptional world-class facilities and highly sought after staff, positioned in Cape Town's most pleasurable surroundings.
And what better time to talk about Cape Town and South Africa's newest and most exclusive drug treatment retreat! Just after New Year! - JUST as most of Cape Town finds themselves madly rummaging through the bathroom cabinet, desperately trying to find that last razor blade to finally end the pain. The self-loathing. The Loser Complex.
PUT THE BLADE DOWN, MY ANGEL! EVERYTHING WILL BE OK!
Shhh! Come with me.. Look what Montrose Place has to offer!
Montrose Place
South Africa's most exclusive and luxurious rehab facility
I'm amazed it took Cape Town so long to get this together! It's absolutely PERFECT! Not only has Cape Town produced the best drug addicts in the world, but the WORLD has desperately needed a luxury substance abuse facility in Cape Town. Foreigners LOVE this city so much - the natural beauty simply lends itself drug rehabilitation! We've seen the celebs and playboys first hand - they could come into town, party their heads off one last time, and finish off with a visit to the most exclusive drug rehab treatment retreat in the country! An extended holiday featuring extended care! And the people behind Montrose Place couldn't have picked a better suburb - Bishopscourt - Cape Town's oldest and most prestigious suburb.
I'm no pro on rehabilitation and treatment centers, but I must say that total luxury would be an essential for me. The fact that it comes with a private chef and maid service would make sense - and the irony certainly wouldn't be missed, given that my own domestic executive, Mavis, would more than likely be the cause of my entering rehab in the first place.
Oh very nice. Sort yourself out in style.
Private en-suit bedrooms with kitchenettes, as well as a personal driver will back up the rumours that both Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears have been making enquiries. The retreat's promise of "discreet airport transfers" certainly does suggest this type of clientele. Let's face it, this place is right up their street; certainly a lot easier than having helicopters swarming you during the usual stints in the U.S. Britters reckons she doesn't need rehab. Fair enough, she probably didn't see this video.
Using the latest scientific treatment standards, as well as the classic "12 steps" and "Minnesota" models, one wonders if they will put together some sort of a mini-rehab package for Capetonians. They could call it the "Camps Bay Model". You know, just a quick 3 day clean up... until next time. Very useful for the playas and coke whores found on the other side of Table Mountain!
I visited the center the other day and, with home theatres, 15-meter swimming pool, khoi pond, spa and salon treatments, yoga room, library, internet and air conditioning, I begged (to no avail) one of the Directors to tip me off when any of our favourite worn-out starlets (or 6-foot Minnesota models) have checked in. I'd be glad to help the rehabilitation process with my own special jacuzzi treatments. And then, once checked out, we could also test the process by seeing how they handle saying no to the bottle of rose Dom I CRACK open as the sun gently sets in front of The Safe House, with some Pink Martini playing on the iPod.
After a stunning Sunday lunch at Cafe Roux, it seems that everyone has decided to be annoying this morning. And so, as a result, I cannot get into character right this very second. But I couldn't completely neglect you (especially after burning you on Friday) and thought you might like to suck on this in the meantime.
And a very good morning to each and every one of you! Wow! Look at us - all here together! God, you look beautiful.
So besides the weather there are a few other, just as important, issues that need to be discussed. (Don't click that weather link if you're reading this in London).
FIRSTLY, do not forget today's live online 2oceansvibe Radio Show at 15h30 (SA Time) with Nick Goldblatt. Nick is one of the funnier people in your life - try not to miss that. Remember we will be taking live SKYPE phone calls during the show. (details at the bottom of this page).
SECONDLY, you have only ONE DAY left to get your tickets for this week's PLAYEUROMILLIONS lottery - which announced a Friday jackpot of just over R400million. That's virtually a million lap dances at Mavericks! It's also enough to buy the private jet we used to get from Plett on Sunday. There's nothing wrong with that! Click here to buy lottery tickets online.
And LASTLY I will remind you of one of The 2oceansvibe Characters, The Marketer's (Jonty Fisher) column on the Mail & Guardian's website, which sports a brand new article entitled "The arms deal may yet take down more than one president." As usual, Jonty provides a one-stop shop for lazy psuedo political analysts like myself. He sums up in one article what local papers drag out over MONTHS. Get into it.
I was compelled to do an in-depth article about the French president, Nicolas Sarkozy, and the fact that he is boning Carla Bruni - and the fact that Mick Jagger has nailed her already (a thousand times) and got bored of doing so and TOSSED her. But, instead, I thought we would peruse the new Ferrari F2008 - this season's hot ticket within the 2008 Formula 1 season.
Within you.
Within me.
Lanfranchi, Fisher, Wolff, Formenti, Murray, Phil, Mass - this one's for you..
Bizarre ship chills out on the seaboard [permalink]
Just when I thought I had seen all the ships that sail the seven seas, this little motherfucker pops up in front of Sea Point - and doesn't look like its going anywhere. And what a bizarre looking ship it is!
Hmm - what's going on there?
Do any of you out there know what the fuck this ship is or does? Why those weird red round things? Is there nuclear waste in there? Oil? Contained fart from Bhukara customers? Mumps? Lies?
Ta.
UPDATE..
Thank you to the readers, in particular Simon D and Albert L.
This is what we call a LPG VESSEL. They come in various shapes and sizes - a stunning gallery of which can be seen here.
LPG stands for Liquefied Petroleum Gas and that is what is contained inside those breasts sticking out of the ship. LPG is a hydrocarbon fuel and is lighter than petroleum. Great for cooking! More info can be found here at BP's website.
I enjoyed Abert D's inital response, which was:
I could be wrong, but, those round things are the latest in aesthetically pleasing container design. Imagine being at sea for a month with nothing but the sky and the ocean to view – then, out of the blue this ship with these beautifully shaped containers passes on the adjacent ship lane – it will really lighten up any seaman’s day.
The 2oceansvibe Live Online Radio Show welcomes another character [permalink]
After skipping a couple of shows over the last month, it seems we are gradually getting back into some form of order and routine. And what better way to kick off 2008 than with one of 2oceansvibe's most sought after and highly revered characters, Nick Goldblatt - LIVE on Thursday's 2oceansvibe Online Radio Show!
Nick Goldblatt
Highly sought after
It's no secret that I am personally a huge fan of Nick Goldblatt and have been trying to get him on the show for QUITE some time. Some of you will be aware that we have, in the past, had to settle for other global personalities.
An enigma of sorts, Nick Goldblatt is the ONLY 2oceansvibe Character to use his full name on the site. That, already, tells you a bit about the guy. A man of action, a man of mystique. There is SO much more to discuss - SO many questions!
WHY does Nick Goldblatt spend so much time in ANGOLA?
WHY is Nick Goldblatt mysteriously off to Australia at the end of the month?
WHY was Nick Goldblatt the "go-to" guy during his days in Stellenbosch?
WHY was he involved with drip-irrigation system installations in some of the Stellenbosch Residences?
Was it perhaps due to the fact that he was originally from The Free State, which he so fondly refers to as 'The States'?
And who is this Robin Masters type individual who insists on only Nick Goldblatt handling his affairs? The guy that sends Nick Goldblatt to The Isle of Man and Cyprus on various missions. And why does Nick Goldblatt never know where the man is (traveling on a cruise ship, apparently).
Nick Goldblatt joins the sensational lineup of guests
on Cape Town's most talked about cult radio show
These and other important questions will be discussed during Thursday's LIVE show, RIGHT HERE on 2oceansvibe at 15h30 (SA TIME - GMT +2).
A bit of banter. A bit of music. A bit of smut. And a whole lotta booze.
REMEMBER
We'll be taking SKYPE calls during the show
Our Skype name is "the2oceansvibeshow"
We will also take sms messages during the show on +27 76 907 3679
Questions to ask Nick Goldblat during the show
Can be sent in before the show to editor@2oceansvibe.com
with the subject "Nick Goldblatt"
Can you believe it? Last week's Tuesday Tabs feature, Olga Kurylenko, has just been chosen as the next Bond girl!
Olga - from Tuesday Tabs to Bond girl in a WEEK!
Coincidence? I DON'T THINK SO!
God, it really has been a roller coaster ride for her! Imagine.. you've just finished the last bit of the champagne after being chosen for 2oceansvibe's Tuesday Tabs, when suddenly the phone rings and you're told you're the next Bond girl! I think I know a lucky little girl! But things like that happen on this website the whole time - trust me, we're not overly surprised.
Well done Olga! We're proud of you! And good luck to the other girls featured in one way or another on 2oceansvibe - good things will come to you, my sweet angels. These are magical times..
Can you get your head around that? Four hundred million Rand is up for grabs at PlayEuroMillions. Do you realise what a difference that will make to your life? I, for one, can guarantee you that more people will like you. You will also be able to travel non-stop, first class, around the world, FOREVER! You will also be able to buy ANY property in Clifton. Let's face it - you will be able to buy entire roads of houses in Clifton.
Trust me, R400 million WILL buy you happiness. I doubt you'll ever cry again. You could be like Britney!
Our favourite online lottery, PlayEuroMillions has just announced this weeks jackpot (which stops entries in 3 days) is at EUR 39 million (it's a DOUBLE ROLLOVER). At today's exchange rate that works out to over R400 million!
I won enough to cover my tickets on the last jackpot and have just bought my tickets for this one. I'll be honest - I can feel something BIG is going to happen. I promise to launch a 2oceansvibe TV station if I win.
Do yourself a favour and lose the boss and the job in one click!
Using very valid factors including stress levels, smoking, promiscuity, driving skills and anger issues, blender.com has put together a Death Calculator, which (probably quite accurately) manages to work out when each star's expected death should be.
It looks like we'll be saying goodbye to Lohan in 2010 (we cannot confirm if it will be during the World Cup, or not), and Britney in 2016.
Well this came as a pleasant surprise! I had never heard of American model, Stacey Elder before and was directed to her very recently by one of my advisors. "What a set," I was told. I did some investigating of my own and stumbled upon one of the better Tuesday Tabs I have ever presented to you.
Words like "good Lord" and "oh my sweet fuck" come to mind.
Check this out (Click the pic to lose the prick).
Thanks Stace
Are you ok with that?
Whilst I'm a big fan of all breasts, big and small, I will say one thing. If any of you girls out there are INSISTING on getting a boob job - THIS is the EXACT size you want. And those of you wanting a boob REDUCTION, THIS is ALSO the EXACT size you want.
Kfm's Richard Hardiman finally gets his time in the sun! [permalink]
I can't cope! Just listen to this CAREFULLY! It's like God and The TBG are up to something.
Just a couple weeks ago on TBG Day (December 27), one of the 2oceansvibe characters, The UK Showbiz Guy (London's #1 hit music station, Capital FM's Johnny Vaughan) was with us in the 2oceansvibe online radio studio and surprised us by organising a LIVE visit from The TBG! (I will publish a download of the show soon, I promise).
And then, TODAY, I get a TBG sighting from ANOTHER one of The 2oceansvibe Characters, "Harders," who happens to be Richard Hardiman from Cape Town's #1 hit music station, Kfm! It's fucking mental! It's like everyone fell into a bath full of The Secret!
This is what Harders had to say:
The TBG and Richard Hardiman
Dearest Seth,
Although I am still shaking and the adrenaline is still coursing through my veins, I need to get it out to the world that…sheesh...its harder to talk than I thought…that today my life changed as I now it.
I met the TBG.
I know.
I was in my old stomping ground Hout Bay, visiting my mum. We were minding our own business; mum telling me that I was the favourite and the will was all made out to me etc. when I looked up and saw a golden halo above this guy in the corner of the deli.
I looked twice as it is just after Christmas and baby Jesus did say he would come back…however it was perhaps even better. The TBG!
I murmured to mum to take a peak…not being educated and a Hout Bay dweller, naturally I had to explain we were in the presence of greatness…almost to the point where I would sign over the will to him in an instant…she was impressed and got the will out…I made her put it away…money is not the TBG motivation I told her.
It got better though – he recognized me! He bought mum and I a slice of chocolate cake with cream and had the waiter send it over! Obviously like Santa he knows when you have been good…mum was again suitably impressed and brought out the will again. I told her to put it away- not necessary mum.
As we left I casually introduced mum and asked him if he would like a picture (my clever ruse to get one of him)…he declined (he is the famous one after all) so eventually my cool exterior disappeared and I had to admit what HUGE fan of his I was…mum told him how much I adored him and eventually (I think just to get rid of me) he gave in and this is the result!!!!
Santa can screw himself now; I have my picture and he shook my hand!!
Lots of love
Richard. Three words - UN BE LIEVABLE! Well done Harders! It has finally happened to you and the excitement is tangible (something you can see, smell,touch). It is SUCH a CRAZY turn of events!
I mean, how does this all work?
The one day The TBG is in the 2oceansvibe radio studio which was very easily the greatest day of my life, then the next day he is sending slices of cake over to a Kfm radio DJ, who ALSO happens to be one of The 2oceansvibe Characters! Huh? What the fuck! I just don't understand. It's like radio and The TBG and energy and all sorts of shit.
I need a rest. I just need to get my head around this.
Something is going on.
One thing is for sure, The TBG is orchestrating ALL of this. I met him the other day and it is QUITE obvious that he is creating something. Something big. Something important. Probably something like a better world for all mankind.
I really think Britters should just make the most of this muffshow and sign up a reality show with any of the American networks. You will remember last week she was restrained and taken off to hospital after holding her kids hostage.
Ambulance! Wheee!
Brit in superb nick..
So then she was released from hospital after a bizarre visit from Dr. Phil.
DR. PHIL!
Can you fucking believe it?! Christ L.A. cracks me up - I just GOTTA go and spend some extended time in that town and shake it up a bit.
So anyway, Brit bounces herself out of hospital after ripping an IV tube out of her arm - and continues straight into the arms of someone she used to run from - Brit paparazzi guy, Adnam Ghalib.
I know!
Adnam and morph
So they've been running around from one "safe house" to another, hiding from the other photographers, whilst our boy, Adnam, is busy trying to broker the sale of new pics to various tabloids for one meeelion Dollars! I shit you not!
And she is not being paid a cent for this little soap opera! GET A REALITY SHOW QUICKLY, BRIT - RIDE IT I SAID!
CLICK HERE FOR FULL STORY
By the way, if you're an ex pat living in London and you're NOT listening to Capital in the morning, you're making a CONSIDERABLE mistake. Tune in - trust me - Vaughan's got the 2oceansvibe.
The UK Showbiz Guy
Quietly enjoying it
Today was his first day back at work and, after having a listen to them during his annual stay in Cape Town, he wasted no time bringing up The Dirty Skirts. Armed with their CD "On a Stellar Bender," he was hilarious as usual - including playing one of their hit tracks "Home Wrecker."
Pretty hilarious stuff, including his take on the band, the song, as well as some of Cape Town's local radio stations and their lack of...well...anything.
Plettenberg Bay mayhem eclipses Atlantic Seaboard [permalink]
I was surprised at the lack of other planes at the Plettenberg Bay airport when we flew in on Thursday for Saturday's wedding. It seems people are still driving up to Plett these days.
1 hour vs. 7 hours.
I'll take the 1, thangyaverymuch.
The Gang - back safely
Plett was nothing short of a complete and utter fuckshow. Besides the most lavish and beautiful wedding at The Barn (down Robberg side) we were subjected to service levels that demanded bribery at every turn. Cornuti promised a waiting list of 2 hours to eat and a R100 tip seemed the only way to get a drink at the bar. The Lookout Deck took an hour to bring our hot dogs and toasted chicken mayo's - whilst Europa on the Main Road felt that forty minutes would suffice for a cappuccino (after the waitress returned to the table to confirm that I wanted the cappuccino with foam).
Chaos, absolute chaos.
We had a first hand look at the flooding and destruction of the Inconvenient Beach next to The Lookout Deck and I can confirm it is a mindfuck. Amazing... memories.. washed away. Think of how many kids got their first blow job RIGHT THERE - under the waves.... crazy.
A rare accommodation planning error and lack of vacancies resulted in a last minute booking at the 2 Star ** Crescent Hotel near the Robberg circle which was a first for me and The Fabrics Guy. I wasn't aware that you could GET 2 stars - I thought it started at 3!
It didn't take us long to work out the reasons why the establishment wasn't awarded a third star. Little things. You know - like air conditioning... and cupboard doors.
Our request for a room with a sea view was met with confirmation of the fact that NONE of the rooms have a sea view.
We vowed not to request anything else.
The Crescent Hotel
But seriously, in all fairness to them, you do get fresh linen and breakfast and daily servicing. So, if you want to spend sweet fuckall on accommodation in Plett and have no desire to watch satellite TV, The Crescent Hotel will do you just fine. It is also a quick 5 minute drive to the Plettenberg Bay airport if you're coming in on a private jet - in which case you probably wouldn't be staying at The Crescent.
Back in Cape Town.
Season winding down.
Not enough time in the day to build this empire...
Olga Kurylenko - Never heard of her! Doesn't matter! [permalink]
Good morning friends and welcome to your life. It's a new year and you're looking better than ever! 2008 - it's gonna be crazy. So tasty. So mnandi.
Christ I'm glad new year is over, my body is a mess! We spent it at Caprice which was out of control - everyone came right - one of those 'magic' nights resulting in a series of high-fives the following day. That's if I could remember the following day. Which I don't at all.
Yesterday was COMPLETELY useless. I do recall something, however, on the Crime & Investigation channel about women who murder their husbands. Nice. Good one to show on New Year's day - following the New Year celebrations - a time traditionally reserved for extensive wife-beating.
There will be no radio show this week as I will be in Plettenberg Bay, witnessing the blessed holy union of two people, overseen by God and Christ Jesus.
Last week's unprecedented show with Johnny Vaughan and The TBG was completely off the hook and there will be a download of the show SOMETIME soon! I promise.
All this talk of God (who gave us his only son) suggests that we should, perhaps, pause to reflect on all that is good and evil in this world. A world where temptation will test us at every corner. Temptation and sin..
Like this, for example...
A belated TUESDAY TABS for yesterday!
Welcome Olga Kurylenko!
(Click pic to remove prick)
Olga Kurylenko
Whilst the photo certainly does lend itself to amateur R Kelly type photography, I am happy to report to Olga Kurylenko is actually a successful 28 year old model and actress, from the Ukraine (another one who managed to resist the bright Lights of Mavericks).
All above board here, my china.
Happy New Year, girls and boys.
May each drop of rain and ray of sunlight for 2008 bring you hope and joy and wank on this and the wings of an eagle and the guidance to wank. May you find the time to laugh and reflect with your family and blah and something something and peace and love and prosperity and burp.
The Roofer thought it necessary to announce that "fuckall is happening at 2oceansvibe at the moment, hey?," as I headed back from a break with the folks in Franschhoek at La Petit Ferme.
(Stunning, by the way..)
I ummed and arred and declared that there had surely been at least one article every two or three days.
"MORE like every four or five days!" he guffawed. But that wasn't enough for our boy, who was quite clearly on a roll, of sorts. "If I see one more fucken picture of Camps Bay I'm gonna cotch on myself," he went on to say, colourfully.
Good heavens! What EXACTLY were we dealing with?
We will leave that question up to the gods as we publish this NEW picture, NOT of Camps Bay, in this NEW article on the 29th of December 2007, exactly THREE days since the last article (which came three days after the preceding article).
Franschhoek, ladies and gentlemen..
The hotel receptionist insisted on taking the picture
We (the Louis Vuitton tog bag, and I) had a cottage and pool to ourselves, as the Franschhoek valley soothed us with its unique tranquil, yet sexual charm.
Louis - very at home in a rural environment
The winelands rest was well received, and I returned to the Bantry Bay pad before lunchtime today, narrowly escaping being gobbled-up entirely by Victoria Road ('Route Mayhem').
It was after quite some time that I realised I was chewing on the heel of the sofa, like a dog. Trying to make sense of my bizarre behaviour, I realised that the neighbour (in his 60's, overweight, angry) had chosen TODAY to operate incredibly powerful industrial machinery at home. TODAY. December 29, a Saturday, at lunch time..
Surely not?
Even with a previous altercation suggesting hypocrisy in hand, I maturely resisted the urge to knock on his door and deliver my very own version of Tom Cruise's case-closer from A Few Good Men. But I couldn't just STOP the script NOW, without giving it a CHANCE. So I allowed myself further interaction, SHOULD he be OUTSIDE his house during my imminent stroll to Carlucci's and The Pharmacy for a can of Coke and a pack of Calmettes"respectively" (oh very smart!).
Calmettes - friend
The chances were slim.
Keen to give the script half a chance, I rolled a tight one and walked out the door. Destination Carlucci's.
Whaddaya know... THE GUY WAS OUTSIDE, CARRYING A POT PLANT!
I remembered my promise to myself and cleared my throat, delivering the intro to the scene, "Umm, excuse me hi there...."
"YES! how can I help you," he shouted, VERY AWARE that something like this could well occur, following his most recent offloading of shock and awe over Bantry Bay.
"Sorry to bother, I just wanted to ask if perhaps you've recently been operating very powerful machinery in your home?" I glanced at my watch. I was looking good. Very cool.
"Who cares. Why do you ask?" he attacked.
"No, look, it's nothing serious.. I just found it interesting that it was just the other day, thisweek, that you came outside to this road and scolded me for swearing." (I had been expressing myself to The P.A. in the road a few days earlier as she drove by to show me the busts of my head that required approval before their shipment to The East.)
It was at that exact moment that he realised the enormity of the killer blow I had just delivered. His Godawful wife/whore came to his shoulder during his ensuing verbal BARRAGE.
"I WILL DO WHAT I DAMN WELL PLEASE WITHIN THE LAW ON MY PROPERTY AND HOW DARE YOU AND THIS NEIGHBOURHOOD AND BY GOD AND NOTHING TO DO WITH FOUL LANGUAGE AND WHO DO YOU THINK YOU..." and thisss and thattt.
I remained silent, lit the joint and walked away..
It was so tragic.
It was also the end of the movie.
As the villain, he was a very good supporting actor.
But I had won.
Damnit, WE had won! You and I.
I walked on, looking straight ahead at the beautiful sexual buzz outside Carlucci's, perfectly playing out the final few seconds of the summer blockbuster.
His original fish-wife could be heard shrieking in the background, "Get a life!"
Coming to you via LIVE-streaming internet radio at 14h00 (SA TIME) [permalink]
The stars seem to have aligned as our regular live Thursday online radio show, The 2oceansvibe Show, HAPPENS to coincide with TBG Day - December 27! That is exactly why we will be celebrating TBG on air from 14h00 until 16h00 with the founder of TBG Day, Johnny Vaughan (The UK Showbiz Guy).
TBG Day - 27 December 2007
As a special part of the show, The UK Showbiz Guy has managed to get in touch with The TBG and has some sort of "special message" to deliver to us from the great man, LIVE ON AIR!
The UK Showbiz Guy
Has special message to deliver..from The TBG
I don't know what the message is about and I don't want to talk about it for much longer - I've only just changed into fresh shorts for the day and don't want to spoil them right now. All I can say is that it simply doesn't get bigger than this!
So join us tomorrow, 27 December, LIVE at 14h00, for this SPECIAL TBG Edition of The 2oceansvibe Show!
In the meantime, enjoy these pics of The Atlantic Seaboard, Boxing Day, 2007 - on the eve of TBG Day.
"My old camera "fell off a cliff" the other day. I can't remember exactly what happened - I think I blacked out at the same time. The camera is gone. It doesn't matter if it can be repaired or not - it is GONE."
The Insurance Broker enjoyed the story and confirmed my claim had been approved to a maximum of R3,400. What with the price of spools these days I decided to go with one of these new "digital" cameras (like that's gonna take off!). I was quite set on getting one from the Canon range.
I went into that electronics store at the Waterfront. I think it's called Audio Vision. The one where the staff possess the efficiency of an Italian at 15h00. Using the Melissa's Deli pricing technique, Canon cameras started at pretty close to R2.5million. Pushing it a bit. It normally wouldn't be THAT big a deal, but I wanted to get the most out of my claim.
A little birdie told me about something called My Kinda Prices. Look, it wasn't really a little bird, it was actually a falcon. But you can't exactly say that a bird of prey told you something. It's very rare for that to occur. Falcons generally don't have time for gossip, they're too busy out there, in the sky, swooping and dive-bombing small rodents and just looking awesome and stunning.
"Hello animal friend!"
"Hi there!"
"Say, what kind of an animal are you?"
"I'm a FALCON!"
"Christ! That is fucking HARD CORE!"
"I know......Thanks."
"Can I get your autograph?"
"Sure! There you go."
"Fuck that is awesome! Thanks, Falcon!"
"Anytime. Thanks for the support"
So anyway, this falcon tells me about www.mykindaprices.com and tells me it is one of those price comparison site. "They're all the same," I told him, remembering I had featured one on 2oceansvibe in the past. It was a good site and worked well - but there wasn't anything sexual about it. I listened to him a little longer and realised this one was VERY different to the others. I jumped onto my internet jet-ski and tootled down to www.mykindaprices.com
Wow! is all I can say. Not only does it compare prices in South Africa, enjoy this - it ALSO SHOWS PRICES OVERSEAS, like in the UK - featuring retailers who's websites allow for overseas shipping. Do you know how often things are cheaper overseas? Exactly. So I was pretty impressed with that. You even get things that aren't really available here. Like the new Apple iPhone (unlocked!).
But then I realised the thing that sets this site in another league. It's the RANGE of things it covers. Jeepers Hudders! It's not just about electronics and braai equipment - these guys even have perfumes, sunglasses, toys and... wait for it.... what you've been waiting a long time for - LIVE PRICE COMPARISONS FOR FLIGHTS AND CAR HIRE!Check this out:
How cool is that? Now you don't have to waste time going to each carrier's individual website! No surprise that Nationwide is the cheapest quote there. I mean, you can't exactly charge full price when your planes only have one engine.
