With Baglett, on today's live-streaming online radio show [permalink]
Catch you at 15h30 right here on The 2oceansvibe Show with special guest, the ladies favourite...drum roll..... BAGLETT!
And so, in preparation:
Send any questions you may have for Baglett to be dealt with during the show to editor@2ceansvibe.com
We'll also be taking LIVE Skype calls during the show so add our callsign "the2oceansvibeshow" to your Skype and make sure you have a headset and microphone attached to your poephol. Sorry, I meant "computer."
See you at 15h30 RIGHT HERE for the live online 2oceansvibe radio show.
CLICK HERE at 15h30
Please enjoy this new video clip of The Busemeister being interviewed by an 11 year old girl. This guy is all over the show! He virtually bites the little girl's head off because he can't understand her. Then he goes on a tirade about Paris and Britney. Then he gets deep. Then he blocks the camera. Then he basically tells the kid to go fuck herself.
Awesome! More! More!
Ever so slightly cooked
Click here if you missed the first vid of Gazza on the red carpet with Ryan Seacrest.
It's funny that "sport" has always had pornographic/glamour undertones. I remember, in particular, in the UK where a number of glamour publications (magazines and broadsheets) often used the word "sport" in the title. "Sunday Sport" was always my favourite. The kind of publication that someone like Jordan would have cut her tits.
Rosey and The Goose..
Tasteful?
Not that Golf Punk is pornographic in the slightest. But it certainly doesn't mind featuring some absolute ANGELS in every issue - referring to them as "Bunker Babes." They use the words "Golf Porn" to describe pictorials on golf courses around the world. These guys.... these guys are funny guys.
Having enjoyed the mag overseas, I subscribed to South Africa's new Golf Punk magazine the moment it launched (it's R250 for the year - give me a break - that's like a round of 2oceansvibe cocktails at Caprice.). I don't play much golf, although I do have my own set of clubs - Nike clubs (yup, just like Tiger). I bought them mainly to put in the boot of my car - I mean, no discerning man about town would dare open his boot without a set of clubs in the back. God, can you IMAGINE! They're also very handy for sneaking off to the driving range which is pretty much as far as my set go. Look, I've done time at Royal Cape but, you know, I'm just scared, I guess..
I've never bought any of the other golf mags out there, as they just don't tweak me. The thing is that I do enjoy golf and I do enjoy discussing it with "the boys," but I just don't want to talk about crap and I want to learn from people that speak my language (cool speak - that's what we speak). I want to know interesting golf stories (the current issue has a great feature about Tiger Woods's chances of a Grand Slam, which would be the first time in 78 years! Fuck me!). I want to get cool, useful tips, but don't want them to be told to me like I'm a tit (the March issue features tips on how to get yourself out out someone's back garden on an estate course - nice!). I want to get cool golf gear, funky gear - not gear for twats (I was suitably impressed with their fashion section - I want that pinstripe Dunhill jacket inside me). They've even got cool interviews with non-golf-pro celebrities (Rubens Barrichello has a cameo). It really is action packed..
And then, of course, they've got the Bunker Babes:
(Click to enlarge)
Witty caption to do with golf, angels and balls
Very badly behaved little angels! Why are you being so naughty in the bunker? Babba will get dirty! Naughty babbaaaa!
God, it's great! SO satisfying! Interesting, fucking funny, and sexual at the same time! Like my arse. Do yourself a favour and grab a copy, you'll be glad you did. It's quality - pure quality!
It will come as no surprise to you that one of The 2oceansvibe Characters is the Editor in Chief of Golf Punk SA magazine - "The Celebrity MC", to be precise! And there is even a music section written by ANOTHER 2oceansvibe Character - "The Personal Jukebox".
That's right my angels! Tomorrow! Right here! [permalink]
After the so called "internet" let us down last week, I am pleased to announce that the special Girlie Show will be taking place tomorrow. Here is the article I wrote last time to get you in the mood...
Oooh I think I know some very excited little girls out there!
That's right, peeps - Baglett, the writer behind South Africa's hottest and most talked about chick blog site, will be LIVE and sexual on tomorrow's online radio show - The 2oceansvibe Show - in all her glory... for you.
(I'll allow the girls a moment to complete their flack-flacks)
With her identity hidden from the faithful following that hang on to her every word, one wonders what will be revealed during tomorrow's 15h30 show... As I've said before, I am often approached by her fans (chicks and guys) asking who she is and what she does and how hilarious she is and she's brilliant and "it's like Sex and The City" and it's THIS and it's THAT! God, they just don't stop! But I certainly have to agree - she's one funny chick. And smart. And hot. But you'll just have to trust me on that last one..
With her slogan, "Because life is one big trust fund and boyfriend hunt," you'll piss yourself at her brutally honest girl's take on Cape Town life, money, friends, sex, work, home and (last, but certainly not least) boys! And that is EXACTLY why we're calling tomorrow's show:
**The Girlie Show**
Thursday at 15h30 right here
Live and online!
(Yay! Clap excitedly!)
I know! It's just gonna be so much fun! We're gonna play SO nicely!
(scream!!!)
So put your hair in pigtails, get some glitter and join us as I snap into chick mode and we climb into some champagne and indulge you with two hours of girlie chat and girlie music! We'll do our best to work out the difference between guys and girls and how we can put that into practise using examples like Brad and Amy and Angelina and Rachel and oh-my-God-what-is-Britney-doing etc. etc.
And so, in preparation:
Send any questions you may have for Baglett to be dealt with during the show to editor@2ceansvibe.com
We'll also be taking LIVE Skype calls during the show so add our callsign "the2oceansvibeshow" to your Skype and make sure you have a headset and microphone attached to your poephol. Sorry, I meant "computer."
I didn't really watch the Oscars the other night. I watched little snippets in between watching Justin Timberlake's live concert at Madison Square Gardens on channel Go (ch.110). JT definitely has some smooth dance moves. I can do most of them. Seriously. Obviously not in sequence! I mean I'd have to rehearse for hours before I could present them to you. That's what Justin has to do. You do know that, don't you? He doesn't just arrive there and pull those moves out of his ass. He has to practice for HOURS! Honestly. So, you know, I don't know if that makes it SO amazing.
Gary Busey
The poor man's Nick Nolte
Nonetheless, it seems that the main excitement at The Academy Awards occurred on the red carpet. Or, if you're reading this from France, "le red carpet." The moment I refer to involves Gary Busey and his incredible excitement at seeing Ryan Seacrest. Some of you may know "the poor man's Nick Nolte" for his cameo role on the hit TV series Entourage in which he played a spaced-out art type. Or you may recall him from one of his 142 movies; in particular the movie Point Break, the 1991 surf-themed offering featuring Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze (Busey played FBI agent Angelo Pappas. Nice one).
It would be both informative and amusing at this juncture to mention that Gary Busey starred, not 3 years later, in a movie called Breaking Point. That is fucking funny if you ask me. Point Break, and then three years later, Breaking Point! Imagine if Tom Hanks made a movie a little later called Gump Forrest. Whaah!
Gary Busey had a bad motorbike accident in 1988 which doctors feared would leave him brain damaged.
Really? You wouldn't have thought.
Did you enjoy that?
Then how about this - CLICK HERE to download a clip from Ryan Seacrest's radio show, recorded after the Oscars. It's a live phonecall from Seacrest to Busey, asking him what the fuck was going through his mind. Busey is half asleep, but still fucked in the head.
Allow me to introduce you to this year's US Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover girl. Marisa Miller!
What a lovely young girl! And you can tell by the photo that she is incredibly down to earth. We'd work well together - as long as she can chill the fuck out and read some magazines on the sofa whilst daddy does some work.
In order for our little babba to be a part of the Tuesday Tabs phenomenon, she is going to have to take those puppies out. That is why we managed to get hold of this earlier shot of the angel.
In reply to his girlfriend's video confession [permalink]
Those of you who are cool will remember the article we published earlier this month which featured a video that Sarah Silverman made for her boyfriend, TV show host Jimmy Kimmel - in which she confesses to fucking Matt Damon.
The video became an instant global internet hit with something like 8 million views. It didn't take long for Jimmy to reply with a video of his own - this time a confession that he is fucking Ben Affleck. It's pretty funny and features a fuckload of famous people - Brad Pitt, Josh Groban, Cameron Diaz, Robin Williams, Harrison Ford, Macy Gray, Robbie Fleck, Don Cheadle and loads more. They do this rip-off of USA For Africa's"We Are The World" music video where everyone is singing together in a big studio. I was kidding about Rob Fleck.
Jimmy Kimmel is fucking Ben Affleck
I'd advise you to watch the original Sarah Silverman video for some background before you watch this. Not that you have to do everything I tell you. You can do what you want. That's fine. You just won't be a part of the plan.
thanks sa
Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com [permalink]
So we found ourselves at the Arniston Spa Hotel this weekend. We weren't actually staying at the hotel, but rather a mate's place. Nonetheless, we thought we would enjoy the very sexual vibe at the Arniston Hotel pool.
For the uninformed and those of you who don't know about the hotel or have never heard of Arniston before, I took the liberty of getting this "excerpt" (oh, excuse me!) for you from the hotel website :
"The Arniston Spa Hotel is set in one of the Cape’s most exquisite locations, next to an old fishing village, surrounded by pristine beaches and nature reserves. The luxurious 4-star Arniston Spa Hotel is internationally known as one of the world’s great getaways. Touched by the spray from the Indian Ocean, we welcome you with panoramic views of the unspoilt ocean and endless beaches. Blessed with an abundance of sea life, the hotel promises delicious oysters from nearby shores and the freshest fish from the local fishing boats."
Aah - fucking chilled
The "Residents Only" sign didn't bother us too much as we decided it was for management to protect themselves when getting rid of undesirables. We made ourselves desirable by chilling in the sun and requesting a cocktail menu. It all sort of fell into place as I opened the cocktail menu - the first cocktail my eye caught was the classic...
"Alabama Slammer"
"Christ Almighty," I exclaimed to The Surfer, who confirmed that it was becoming "all too easy."
"Have the gentlemen decided what they will be having?" the waiter asked.
"We certainly have, my good man! Why don't you rack us up two of your tightestAlabama Slammers!" I confirmed.
"Oh very good, sir!" he shrieked, walking away.
I called the waiter back to the table as I asked, "I beg your pardon, what is your name?"
It became all too apparent why some folk travel half way across the globe to try the Alabama Slammers at The Arniston Hotel. They were absolutely fucking incredible - an explosion of taste - something out of a porno. We had about five each which, at R42 a glass, gave us the confidence to indulge in the thoroughly sexual swimming pool. The sun was shining down on us as we silently said a prayer of thanks to the God of Cocktails and played a game of Diver Dan.
The rest of the afternoon was a blur and I can't remember a thing. We weren't thrown out or anything, but I definitely recall the Alabama Slammers making the world feel like a better place. A softer, more fun place. Like everything was made of marshmallows.
I just wish that you were there so I could stuff marshmallows into your mouth and tickle your bum.
As you yelp with joy..
Maybe next time..
And if you're there next time without me, just remember that you'd be a FOOL not to dry hump a few of those Alabama Slammers at the pool.
The supermodel for the man on the street [permalink]
Following the latest news that Heidi Klum wanted to "take" Britney "in" and put her right in her own home, it turns out that was all a load of crap. In a more recent article, Klummers admits that she was pressurised into saying that.
Not that I give a toss, I was just looking for an intro to show this video of Heids that I found on Tyler Durden's site. PLEASE ENJOY THIS WITH ME. God, she is just the best supermodel out! The one chick in the video says something about a "wrestling name" and Heidi just starts pissing herself and laughs like a fucking geek. It's an awesome start to your Monday.
Must...do.......what Christina's...tabs...tell me to do... [permalink]
Christina Aguilera is clearly not a big fan of formula, as her body is currently producing enough milk to kill a civilian. I've always maintained that it's not about the size of the breasts, but more about what they're doing. Are they being naughty? Are they peeping? Are they telling fibs? Or, in this case, are they fucking exploding?
I hope Al Gore took these puppies into account when he created gobal warming and decided to drown those people in that tsunami in California that one time.
Jeepers Hudders!
Christina Aguilera was on Ellen this week and the blonde lesbian host, Ellen Degeneres (who has regular lesbian sex with blonde smoker, Portia de Rossi), didn't waste time discussing the two extra continents in the room. Check out this video of Christina on the show. It's pretty damn funny.
I think just a brief word is expected with regards to yesterday's fuckshow. Many of you will have worked out that the 2oceansvibe server was "down." Or, what I refer to as "fucked." The web techie guys would have NO DOUBT used annoying little phrases like, "the boot file on the server's root file was corrupt" or "the control switch was reversed due to a spyware virus breach."
"Oh, REALLY!?"
"Ja, there was a glitch in the system and...."
[BAM! - MASSIVE elbow to the jaw..... geek drops to the floor]
Ja, ja, whatever, Propeller Head - you fucked it up. YOU did something. YOU were looking at porn and YOU fucked it up.
Don't lie.
You're lying.
Get out of my FACE!
Phew.
Ok.
Needless to say, yesterday's live 2oceansvibe Show was cancelled and we will be featuring the same guest, Baglett (squeal!) on next week's show.
Welcome back. Sorry about that little drama yesterday.
I hope you missed me.
God, I missed you.
I cried.
Did you cry?
I cried more.
It's like we've got that you-hang-up no you-hang-up kind of love.
Those in the know will be aware of the fact that today's 2oceansvibe Show is being hailed as *The Girlie Show*. Baglett and me (whooah! I mean "I" - Christ, relax!) will be talking about all things girlie and, in particular, girls vs guys, relationships etc. The radio show is online and it's live and it's RIGHT HERE at 15h30 today! South Africa's first and only regular online live-streaming radio show. Yes, that's right.
And what could be more girlie than a picture of Paris Hilton and her new doll!? The Paris Hilton doll. It's a normal doll - not a blow up.
Penises sold separately.
The Paris Hilton Doll - with working vagina
Send any questions you may have for Baglett to be dealt with during the show to editor@2ceansvibe.com
We'll also be taking LIVE Skype calls during the show so add our callsign "the2oceansvibeshow" to your Skype and make sure you have a headset and microphone attached to your poephol. Sorry, I meant "computer."
Three years (yesterday) since Hunter S Thompson blew his head off [permalink]
Hunter S Thompson blew himself away three years ago, yesterday. I take a lot of my own binge writing from Hunter and would certainly call him an "influence". There aren't many influences out there who are renowned for writing when completely hammered and stoned. I am republishing the article I wrote the day after his death, three years ago. Do yourself a favour and download the article at the end which finds Hunter S Thompson writing about George W Bush. In it, he refers to Tony Blair as "that simpering little whore". Classic stuff.
Here it is - 21 February, 2005.
I was pretty shocked when I heard the news of 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas' writer, Hunter S Thompson's death today (Monday). It's one of those names that you don't expect to die. Some names come up in the news and the announcement doesn't sound all to crazy. The WAY in which Thompson ended it all (with a gun to the head) made sense though. Thompson was too smart for his own good, a non-norm. He thought WAY too much. We're all familiar with thinking thoughts that we know we shouldn't think. Thoughts to do with why we are here and 'what's it all about' and 'what's the point'. We're all clever enough not to let those thoughts turn into discussions within ourselves. That's when it gets dark. We know we can't handle it. That's when you start freaking out. That's what Thompson did. He would always go that way.
Hunter S Thompson & Taki. 2oceansvibe kind of people. We've still got Taki though. If you don't know who Taki is, check out the two last months in the archives. I mentioned something about him somewhere there.
During the haze of the Cape Town season, I stumbled upon an article in one of the Cape Town papers. It was ahead of the US election and Thompson was called upon to comment on the situation. A 'state of the nation' from a totally different is basically what it was. It was an interview really. A 4,500 word interview. Cocktails etc. on the beach dragged the article out for me. I read it over a period of three weeks - only on the beach. I had to read it carefully. Hunter S Thompson is too funny. He has seen so much. He knows so much. He backs up his statements and ridicules others without blinking.
The interview began with a request for Thompson's comments on George W Bush. I knew it would be a roller coaster when it began like this:
The first time I noticed George W Bush," Hunter Thompson tells me, "was when he passed out in my bathtub at the Hyatt Regency in Houston. He was with a guy who had come to sell..." Thompson, sitting at his desk in a faded-green dressing-gown, stares down at a plate of untouched food: Danish pastries which were warm half an hour ago, smothered in red jam and melted ice-cream.
"Look, I'm not going to put this next sentence on the record. Let's just say that 'a friend of mine' was buying cocaine. I have friends in Houston from all walks of life. Lawyers. Professional men. Bush was hanging around with this crowd of what you might call gilded coke dilettantes."
Another killer line was :
"I never thought," Thompson says, "that I would ever see a president worse than Richard Nixon. But he is the worst president in American history, this one. Because he is the dumbest. And because he has destroyed, in four years, what it took two centuries to build up. He has taken this country from a prosperous nation at peace to a dead-broke nation at war. We are losing this stupid, fraudulent war in Iraq and every nation in the world despises us, except for a handful of corrupt Brits, like that simpering little whore, Tony Blair."
"Simpering little whore, Tony Blair"
Whaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!! Can you cope with that? The interview was printed in major newspapers across the World. He really didn't care about what he said about anyone. Read the book or see the movie, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", written by Thomson in the days when he used to be commissioned to write stories. He was sent to Las Vegas and absolutely drowned himself in drink and drugs. His story was hilarious. If you haven't seen or read it, you should.
So that's it, just a toast to Hunter S Thompson. Cheers.
Not sure what to do with this one. Basically, the chief of the local organising committee of the 2010 World Cup, Irvin Khoza, got a little uppity when a journalist asked about the alleged troubles affecting his committee.
Iol reports that Irvin Khoza did not enjoy the line of questioning and, a tad miffed, he suggested that the journalist:
"stop thinking like a kaffir"
Yu!
Okaaay! Very nice! A little tricky to work out, as the racial slur is being uttered by an African gentleman - the race to which the word would historically be directed. Confusing indeed!
Irvin Khoza - doesn't enjoy journalists
Maybe he's trying to bring the word to the forefront and use it the same way black American rappers use the word 'nigger.' But they reckon that white people can't use it. They've claimed it. They "own" it now .
So is that what is going on here? Is Irv trying to own "kaffir?" Jeepers, I don't think I like the sound of that - 'cos it won't sound very nice if Mavis starts to call me a kaffir. No, that won't be good at all.
I think I'm going to claim some socially unacceptable words myself and just use them. In shops and stuff. If an old white woman's trolley is in my way in Pick n Pay, I'll just casually hit her with, "So sorry, would you mind moving your trolley please..... poes?" thanks styli
Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com [permalink]
20 February , 2008
SUCK ON A JACK BLACK
The microbrewed American taste you've been longing for. [permalink]
Not to be confused with Jack Black, the comedian. This is Jack Black, the beer - named after Jack Black, the 1920's American outlaw, who came WAY before any other Jack Black that you may know. And I'm pleased to report that Jack Black Premium Classic Beer is out and about in Cape Town.
I was maxin' and relaxin' at Caprice the other day and cast my eyes down at the glass beer fridges behind the bar.
"What the fuck is that?" I politely asked.
"That's Jack Black, a new beer we're stocking" the barman replied.
"Hmm, grab me one.." I instructed.
Hmm - what have we here...
Crisp, flavoursome and ever so slightly sexual - I proceeded to clean about five of them. I could feel the outlaw in me coming out as I demanded some explanation. From what I can remember, the barman recalled some story about Mr. Jack Black and the fact that he was a master brewer who found himself in a bit of a pickle during the American Prohibition (thank GOD we didn't have to deal with that). Not that it stopped him - he didn't give a toss and kept on producing his special brand of beer.
Look, the guy got sentenced to death, but that's not going to stop us from celebrating his very 2oceansvibe maverick spirit. Jack Black Beer is now being produced in small batches right here in their Western Cape microbrewery. It is thoroughly enjoyable and I suggest you give it a bash.
I checked out their website and it proudly declares:"Jack Black is a premium beer with no compromises, no apologies and no prisoners." Nice, I like that vibe.
I dug a little deeper and found Jack Black Beer available at ULTRA Liquors in Green Point. Oh very clever! I bought a case and I stocked my fridge. This is what my life looks like at the moment
And DRINK!
Further research has found Jack Black Beer available at the following outlets:
Retail outlets
ULTRA Liquors - All Western Cape Locations
Diamond Liquors - Green Point
Liquor Ranch (hilarious) - Hout Bay (obviously)
The Bottle Top Liquors - Rondebosch (students will eat this stuff)
Vino Pronto - Gardens (like pronto - like right now - like wine, right now)
Drinking/eating establishments Caprice - Camps Bay
Bacini's - Gardens
Bonzai - Green Point
The Bay Hotel - Camps Bay
Fire & Ice - Gardens
Ginja & Shoga - Bo-Kaap
Home Restaurant - Claremont
Home Again Restaurant - Gardens
Katima - Hout Bay (nice!)
La Cucina - Hout Bay (prime TBG sighting turf)
Planet Bay, Mount Nelson - Gardens Neighbourhoodgoods Market - Old Biscuit Mill
Oblivion - Claremont
Rick's Cafe - Gardens
New York Magazine have launched a new issue with a new article with new naked photos of Lindsay Lohan - PERFECTLY timed for this week's Tuesday Tabs! I know, it's like everyone's heart is beating like a drum and it's lost, and it's looking for a rhythm like 2oceansvibe!
Apparently these pics were recreation of a famous set of pics of Marilyn Monroe. This is what New York magazine had to say:
In 1962, photographer Bert Stern shot a series of photos of Marilyn Monroe that have collectively come to be known as “The Last Sitting.” Taken during several boozy sessions at the Hotel Bel-Air, the photographs are arguably the most famous images ever captured of America’s most famous actress: Monroe, sleepy-eyed and naked, sips from a Champagne glass, enacts a fan dance of sorts with various diaphanous scarves, romps with erotic playfulness on a bed of white linens. Six weeks after she had posed, Monroe was found dead of an apparent barbiturate overdose.
Umm, ja - very spicy, if you ask me. Marilyn wasn't a ginger and had fewer freckles. Her tits are also 17 times the size of Marilyn's.
Either way, we've finally got a candid view of LL's tabs.
As South Africans contemplate the future [permalink]
I've always expressed concern for the negative vibes thrown around with regards to the future of South Africa. I have always remained positive and have advised doomsday prophets to either go ahead and leave the country, or put their heads down, remain positive and enjoy the place we live in; aware of the work that needs to be done - work that I am more than happy to put in.
Sunday night's Carte Blanche produced a muffshow of rape, murder, doom and gloom. Again, people on the edge revisited their worst fears and contemplated immigrating. This, a week after the Jerry Maguire style memo by Alan Knott-Craig, calling for calm.
It's a debate that never ceases and is usually carried out by ill-informed individuals; not that I am a guru on the subject. In fact, that is EXACTLY why I will be attending tonight's 65th Harold Wolpe Memorial Trust Open Dialogue at UCT. If you're worried or care about this country in the slightest or have a strong viewpoint or feel that everyone is right or wrong, I suggest you attend before you say another word.
I'm going. Are you?
TOPIC
The Dream Deferred, Shattered or Redeemed?”: Reflections on Thabo Mbeki post-Polokwane
SPEAKERS
Mark Gevisser, is one of South Africa’s most respected journalists, and author of the recently published Thabo Mbeki: The Dream Deferred. He was born in Johannesburg in 1964 and educated at Yale. His journalism has appeared in publications ranging from the New York Times, Foreign Affairs, The Nation and Vogue to the Mail & Guardian, the Sunday Independent and the Sunday Times in South Africa. His celebrated Mail & Guardian political profiles were collected in Portraits of Power: Profiles in a Changing South Africa. His previous biographical work includes the film The Man who Drove with Mandela, about Cecil Williams. Recently he has also been working as a museum exhibition designer, heritage consultant and television scriptwriter. He is currently curating an exhibition on the gay history of Johannesburg at Constitution Hill, developing a film script set at the ANC’s 1930 conference, and working on a new book about South African politics.
Adam Habib, is Deputy Vice-Chancellor: Research, Innovation & Advancement at the University of Johannesburg. Adam graduated as a political scientist having received his Bachelor and Master of Arts degrees from the UKZN, Bachelor of Arts (Honours) from the Wits, and his MPhil and PhD from the Graduate School of the City University of New York. He has held academic appointments over the last decade at the Universities of Durban-Westville and Kwazulu-Natal and the HSRC. Prior to being appointed Executive Director of the Democracy and Governance Programme of the HSRC 2004, he served as the founding director of the Centre for Civil Society and a research professor in the School of Development Studies at the UKZN, a position he still continues to retain in a part-time capacity. Adam has served as co-editor of both the social science academic journal Transformation and the official disciplinary journal of the South African Association of Political Science, Politkon. He also sits on the editorial boards of Voluntas and the South African Labour Bulletin.
Jeremy Cronin is the SACP deputy general secretary, an ANC National Executive Committee member, and ANC MP. Politically active since the 1960s, he was jailed for seven years. Jeremy received his BA from UCT and his MA from the Sorbonne in Paris and lectured philosophy at UCT. Following Cronin's release from prison he began working with the UDF but in the late1980s, increased harassment from the security forces forced him and his wife to leave South Africa and move first to London and subsequently to Lusaka where he worked closely with Joe Slovo for the ANC/SACP alliance. He was a negotiator at the Codesa Multiparty Negotiations and was the Co-Convenor of the Reconstruction and Development Programme Drafting Committee. Jeremy is also a writer and a poet. Inside (1983), his first poetry collection, reflects on the period of his life when he was imprisoned. He has recently published a new collection of his poetry, titled More Than A Casual Contact (2006). He is renowned as a performance poet and has regularly participated in political rallies and readings.
DATE
Tuesday 19 February 2008
VENUE
Lecture Theatre 1, Kramer Law Building, Middle Campus, UCT
TIME
6pm – 8pm
Refreshments will be served from 6pm – 6.30pm
"The Hottie and The Nottie" pulls in $27,696 on first weekend [permalink]
Paris Hilton's new movie, the hideously titled "The Hottie and The Nottie", has surpassed all expectations and turned $27,696 in the first three days of it's release. It's a shocker. I've lost that much change in my car. It earned in thousands what Titanic earned in millions on its first weekend. Hilton's flick was released on 111 screens, which equates to $250 per screen. That's like the price of a sandwich at Melissa's.
Shocker
And then, towards the end of last week we learn that imdb.com, planet earth's movie database and thermometer, has received enough bad votes from users for Hilton's movie to rank it stone last. That's right - the worst movie of all time. It currently scores her movie 1.1 out of 10 after 4,500 votes. Yu!
Shame, man. I just don't get it. You almost want her to fluke a movie that happens to be fucking hilarious. As much as you hate her, you really gotta feel for someone who goes on Letterman before the movie launches and claims that its the next There's Something About Mary. Yip, that's what she said.
Check out this video of her return to Letterman's show after he PUNISHED her the last time following her release from jail.
"Well known SA entertainer" and singer, Jurie Els, blocks article [permalink]
Oh dear, it's all falling apart. You'll remember we covered a story about Robbie Klay, the SA singer who came forward to say that he was molested a few years back by a "well known SA entertainer." Klay said that he wanted to give his story so as to create awareness for kids out there who might be suffering at the hands of other Afrikaans entertainers. Klay was preyed upon by "the uncle" up to three times a day for seven years. Activities included some hand jobs, as well as chatting on "the uncle's" mike from time to time.
Jurie Els stopped the story that mentions the name
of the person who had a penchant for Robbie Klay's cock as a child
Today it has been revealed by News24 that, although they are not allowed to mention the name of the person in the soon-to-be-published story, a gentleman called Jurie Els has succeeded in a bid to get an urgent interdict against Media24 to halt any publishing of said story.
I love the way our media suggest things. "We cannot tell you the name of the person in the story regarding sexual molestation, but we CAN tell you that the story was blocked by JURIE ELS!" They casually allow the reader to get out their pocket calculators and type in 2+2. The answer given by the calculator will probably be "573."
They leave it up to the readers to work out that they should turn the calculator upside down to read the answer properly.
It's Valentine's Day today, so I'll begin by saying happy Valentine's Day to all the laydezzz out there! Mm mm, you lookin' so fine! I just wanna treat you right baby and show you that I care. And that's why we gonna go on a date. Just you and Daddy Cool. Do not be afraid of the sexual energy in the air - that's perfectly normal, and encouraged.
The Valentines Day Special
Today - LIVE online at 15h30 (SA time)
Today's live online radio show, The 2oceansvibe Show, will be just me and you. That's right, you heard me my baby - we're going on a live virtual date!
Join me as I take you through the entire date process - from getting changed and choosing the right aftershave and underwear, to picking you up and taking you out for a slice of Rotherham Romance!
The show will feature the music that would be playing during each step of the date process - from the excited getting-ready tunes I play at home - to the carefully selected song that plays when you first get in the car. It's gonna be a roller coaster ride, my angel. That's why they call me The Cobra.
Happy Valentine's Day, my angel.
Shhh... don't say a word.. just close your eyes x
Dr. Seth will also break up the show with moments to answer your romantic boy/girl questions and conundrums. This kind of advice will prove invaluable as you continue your never ending journey to find love and happiness. I call this "finding Panasonic" - you know, the quest for zero defect. Put Seth to the test.. Questions for Seth to answer during the show can be sent now to editor@2oceansvibe.com or sms to +27 76 907 3679 (076 907 3679).
SYPE CALLS will be taken during the show, so what you should do is, nearer the time (15h30 today) add us to your SKYPE profile (the2oceansvibeshow) and we'll do some live calls.
THE BEST QUESTION WILL GET A YEAR'S SUPPLY OF ENTRIES INTO THE PLAYEUROMILLIONS LOTTERY DRAWS. EVERY WEEK FOR A YEAR!
Did you know that the Super 14 was starting this weekend? Of course you did! You probably saw it mentioned on the news or something. I tell you how I know that Super 14 is starting - it's when I go down to the Camps Bay Vida e for my morning coffee and spot The Character Formerly Known As The Loose Forward, AKA Bob Skinstad, in a fucking Magnum P.I. Hawaiian shirt, being filmed by UK's SKY Sports, giving a pre-tournament breakdown of what to expect in this year's Super 14! Un be lievable!
Good morning, Magnum
And apart from the Super 14 starting on Friday, I thought I would highlight the fact that Stormers are playing the Bulls on Saturday at Newlands! That, my friends, is MASSIVE! Particularly since last year's winners, the Bulls, are without French model Victor "Fabio" Matfield and Scotsman Hanneke Meyer. Apparently fellow Scotsman, Bakkies Botha, is also probably out - so The Stormers better pull finger and get the momentum going!
I notice Jean de Villiers is capitano of The Stormers, which I'm fine with. And Bobo (one name - like Madonna) is back in the Cape! Welcome back, lad - we missed you!
I see Supersport found it necessary to show highlights of Brent Russell in their most recent Super 14 blitz package. Weird. Come on, guys, that was a long time ago. I think you'll find Brent over in the UK, dominating at Saracens.
As we highlight the blogs that deserve recognition [permalink]
We have made it quite clear that 2oceansvibe doesn't think it's worth competing in the SA Blog Awards, but that certainly shouldn't stop YOU in giving others the recognition they deserve.
2oceansvibe wishes to highlight some newer, perhaps lesser known blogs that we think should receive recognition further than just their faithful readership and mentions on other websites
It is currently the nomination process of the 2008 SA Blog Awards and we wish to direct your support to some of the blogs that we are big fans of. Check these out and go through to the 2008 SA Blog Awards and show them your support.
Our suggestions:
Baglett - www.baglett.blogspot.com
This chick is just brilliant. Whilst her identity is kept secret, she is starting to form quite a following. I am often approached by strangers (normally chicks), asking who Baglett is and they carry on about how brilliant she is and "she should have her own show" and "she's hilarious" etc. etc. It's like she's a rock star but no one knows what she looks like. She's like the real Milli Vanilli - only gorgeous looking (trust me - I know). I reckon she should be nominated for Best New Blog at the very least. And Best Original Writing.
Shaun Oakes - www.shaunoakes.com
Self proclaimed "Cape Town's favourite son," Shaun certainly does amuse. With some spine-chillingly coincidental similarities to 2oceansvibe, you'll feel right at home! I'd punt Shaun for the Most Humorous Blog award and probably also Best Original Writing.
Nadoes - www.nadoes.com
I fucking love these guys. The people's rugby side, The Nadoes, command an eclectic mix of fun, sports and general mayhem on their website. I'd nail these guys down for Best Sports Blog among others.
The Fishbowl - jontyfisher.blogspot.com The political commentary you've been looking for. Written by Jonty Fisher who also writes for the Mail & Guardian as a part of their Thought Leader offering. Jonty puts across beautiful arguments and opinions that I feel quite happy adopting as my own. I generally win the political dinner party debates. Check it out for Best Political Blog.
I'd like us to give those guys a push so, as a part of the 2oceanvsibe community, let's all go on through to the SA Blog Awards 2008 and give them the recognition they deserve!
Check out the other links half way down in the left menu of 2oceansvibe and enjoy the other websites we have linked to - there certainly are some other worthy candidates.
You may have noticed that new block to the right of the Vida e block on Somerset Road, Green Point. You may not have noticed our new favourite eatery called "Miss K - Food Cafe" that sprung up out of nowhere. I popped in the other day.
miss k
People who go there get laid more often
than those who don't.
FACT.
I worked out that the name of the food cafe comes from the name of the delightful owner and chef, Kirsten! Miss K = Kirsten. See what she did there? No? Well, she took the first letter of her name and then...... I'm kidding.
So anyway I cruised in there the other day. It's so fucking cool. There's plench outside space and the sun pumps it beautifully, with umbrellas if you need a bit of shade for your pip. There is enough parking for an oil rig so you won't be a dithering wreck when you walk in. The vibe inside is perfect - clean lines, slick, happy, with skylights. Apart from free standing tables and food display area, I enjoyed the other section set alongside the open kitchen, with a strip of tables and sexual padded seating all along the one wall. Like something you'd fine in New York or something. It's so fucking cool. It's like "Hey - I'm eating heeeere!"
Too cool
So after being blown away to smithereens by service so rarely found in Cape Town (Manna Epicure might want to pop in with pen and paper), I was very pleased with the menu which had everything Daddy Cool wanted. They've got a similar (but better) range of chow to Melissa's with buffet etc., and the bill arrives with one less zero.
I've eaten there a couple times now and, besides my daily visit to Vida e next door, this little place is quickly becoming a permanent fixture for me on Somerset Road. The food is quick and so very very tasty - probably tasty enough to please Kirsten's string of past private contracts for some of planet earth's most famous sportsmen.
It seems we are a glamour model who featured in US Playboy a couple years ago (May, 2006, pg. 48) and we also used to bone Jim Carrey. I don't know when that was, but we are 25 years old now and he is 46, so whenever it was, Jim definitely gets a high five!
And I am very impressed with her guys - SUCH good angles and weighting. Put together with nicely designed areola.
How formal was that sub-heading? "Live televised performance impresses" - Jesus, what a wanker! Who are these people that talk like that? They're the same people who say that Amy "scooped" 5 Grammy's last night. They LOVE using the word "scoop."
BANG! A tight smack to the jaw is what you will receive for that kind of behaviour, capitan.
Anyway check it out - she's pretty good sober.
On recommendation by The D.J. I bought her earlier album, Frank, and thoroughly enjoyed it.
I suggest you do the same.
Just chill out. Forget about the annoying bullshit.
Just when you thought it was safe to go outside [permalink]
I must say, although bordering on trippy, this new sport on Victoria Road made famous by clowns in circuses across the world, is certainly more bearable than watching their two-wheeled counterparts shooting red-lights along Victoria and Beach Roads.
The Atlantic Seaboard Unicycle Boys
(ASUB)
Then you get these guys who certainly do have their own brand of annoying vibes - the most annoying of which being the PURE FACT that they are riding a fucking unicycle in broad daylight. I mean, it's not causing a scene or anything. And it's not like it's a smooth ride - they are CONSTANTLY balancing and whooooah and whooooooahhhaaa and regrouping and waiting for their mates to catch up and let's try again and it's so good for your balance and your fine motor and other muscles that normal cycling doesn't even use and... blaaah
This is quite a lag. Jesse Metcalf, who plays John Rowland on TV series Desperate Housewives, got fucking CLEANED by UK rapper Mams Taylor outside a Hollywood nightclub last Thursday. Apparently it had nothing to do with Jesse trying to impersonate Vinny Chase.
Apparently Jesse fucken disrespected Mams's chick, Taryn Manning. Apparently he had no fucken manners. He tried to step to, and he got klapped. It was an honour thing.
Check the hit here - fuck he connects him BEAUTIFULLY!
Interestingly enough, no-one has mention a WORD about racism. Which is weird. I was always told that only racists hit garden boys.
More here.
Check out Christina Aguilera following the birth of her babba, Max.
Fine!
BAM!
Jeez, hating that!
And check, she's got that blue vein vibe goin' on with her tabs. I remember discussing this with some buddies the other day, and we're actually perfectly fine with it.
In fact, if I'm not mistaken, I think we agreed that it was somewhat appealing.
So there you go.
And a bit of bush girls - let's bring back a little bush. The boys miss it.
Cryptic clues as to the man's identity [permalink]
Clues are scarce and whilst it is not known how old the man is or whether or not the man is overweight or whether or not he has a beard, it seems that a very well-known SOMEONE in SA's entertainment industry enjoyed a spot of fiddling for about seven years which came to an end about four years ago.
Local singer and actor, Robbie Klay (one of the stars of the hit series "Amalia" which I have never heard of in my life) told News 24 of his "sex hell" at the hands of the mystery man that included some hand-action and a bit of kop, up to three times a day apparently.
A re-enactment of the kind of approach our boy may have taken.
These are actors and it is not known whether or
not the famous SA entertainer to which Robbie refers, is bald or not.
Klay, who is refusing to name the crafty fiddler, had this to say, "I don't want to destroy his life, and therefore don't want his name to be revealed. He is very well known." Robbie claims to be coming out about this story purely to educate other kids on what to do if the same thing happens to them.
Klay has apparently confidentially declared the name to Beeld newspaper.
Well, let me tell you something, my darling - his name WILL come out and he WILL be named and shamed. It just happens. You can't drop clues like that and not expect the public and media to sniff out that name like fucking bloodhounds.
He went on about the other classic hallmarks of these kind of stories - that the guy made him promise that it was their little secret etc.
We also don't know if "the uncle" was one of the famous people involved in the rent boy skandaal of May, last year.
I took this pic in the last year and I can't remember where I saw it but it's been on my desktop for way too long. Check it out.
Check how it says SKATEBOARDING IS NOT A CRIME
over the whole board.
It's pretty funny how as kids we used Tipp-Ex pens to write cool words all over our crap skateboards. Like actually writing "cool" and "rad" - it's too funny. This board above reminds me of the Variflex XP series skateboard (my first board). That's what I had before I got my Santa Cruz Christian Hoisoi with Gullwing trucks, NMB bearings, Bones wheels and clear grip tape. My folks also bought me a pair of Reebok Pumps from the States.
My ollies improved dramatically and, now that I could do a 360, chicks definitely took a greater shining to me.
That's right. You might have seen me pulling-in to that chick at the social. And that wasn't all we did, if you know what I mean..
God only knows how I found this video, because I certainly wasn't looking for it. I've got these little aliens in my head and they make me look for things and do stuff. But I only realise what I've done when it's done (whence it's done?) and I never know how I got to that point. Like finding this song, for example - I just woke up and it was playing in front of me on my computering machine's screen. Hectique.
Well, not as hectique as when I wake up sometimes and find the charred remains of a pre-teen Cambodian child in front of me and a lighter in one hand and a bottle of Zippo fluid in the other with Donovan's Hurdy Gurdy Man playing loudly in the background. It's not a nice feeling waking up to that - it just doesn't "sit well" in my tummy. It's also awkward getting Mavis to vacuum up the ashes when I know the right thing to do is return the ashes to the child's mother. But I can't do that I'm afraid. Otherwise the morale will drop and the flip-flop production line under my floorboards will slow. Demand is too high for fake Havaianas - I just can't risk that. I've already blown R20 this month on feeding them mud.
Seriously though, this is fucking incredible - Tom Jones does a duet with EMF of their biggest hit - Unbelievable.
The Voice will haunt you at the very end of the recording. It's too powerful for human ears.
Last minute rush to buy tickets for R1.4 billion jackpot [permalink]
If you haven't yet bought tickets for the R1.4 billionPlayEuroMillions jackpot, you are running DANGEROUSLY close to being labeled a FOOL. Because only a FOOL would ignore something so outlandishly massive. Enjoy this little fact I saw on SKY News reported this morning that, if won by a single player, it will be
THE BIGGEST LOTTERY WIN EVER
Again, you'd be a fool.
In our article earlier this week we mentioned a few of the toys that wouldn't even dent your winnings:
This island is 225 acres in size, including white sand beaches, a reef, a villa development, a 1.5 million liter reservoir, a power generation plant to rival ESKOM, 7km of road, a RUNWAY, a 9-hole golf course, tennis court - WHATEVER - it's ALL THERE!
So that leaves us with change of about €105 million, which is about R1.15 billion. Which is still burning a hole in my pocket. So we'll have buy that Gulfstream G550 jet we investigated last time, you know, to GET to the island.
Ok, so call it R400 bar for the plane - we'll be left with R750 million. So the plane will take us from the airport to other airports around the world. And the nice thing about the Gulfstream G550 is it can land on short runways. So you can fly direct from London to Plett, if you felt like it.
But I tell you where I have a problem. It's traffic. It's things like the J&B Met. I want to land in the met - I don't want to be "dropped off" outside like some twat. No, no - I think we need the Sikorsky S-76C++, the helicopter you might remember Bill Parish (Anthony Hopkins) using in the Brad Pitt movie Meet Joe Black. Let's drill another $15 million (R112 bars) :
Nice one. So we're left with R638 million after all of that!
Fine - we'll get a pad in Clifton, London, New York, Paris (we've got Provence covered already) and Ibiza. We'll still be left with half a billion Rand to RELAX with. You know, to spoil the angels and close friends with - jewellery, champagne, gifts for P Diddy, cars, fine-dining, car guards etc.
It's too easy. You'll be SO much happier. Trust me, people who say money can't buy you happiness are LYING.
I bought 15 tickets the other day and have JUST bought ANOTHER 10 (I swear to God - I am NOT fucking around this time). That's 25 tickets! Trust me I'll win AT LEAST ENOUGH to cover the tickets.
I SUGGEST you do the same! Only a FOOL would ignore it this time.
As local headlines question their own significance [permalink]
And a good morning to you, my sweet pumpkin pie!
This is quite a nice little one to get our Friday warmed up. Spotted on The Sun website, we find a sexually charged French airline crew playing very nicely up front on a London bound European flight. Our flamboyant trolley dolly is clearly quite focused about getting her tabs out, as we see towards the end of the video. She's a cute little angel as well! Actually, I wouldn't say little, but certainly acceptable! "Big boned," perhaps. No I'm teasing, she's quite gorgeous. Very sexual with some good muffin top.
You'll enjoy this video - check how our girl looks at the camera as she chews her gum - GAGGING for it!
Did you enjoy that? I certainly did. I'd say it's a perfect start to our Friday.
OR you could get your teeth into the local headlines which are about as monotonous and bland as whisked egg white. Seriously, these are the TOP stories on iol, and therefore local front pages.
The Grade 4's hand in
their newspaper project
Well, gee, let's ponder that first one. I wonder, IS Thabo Mbeki losing favour? Amongst who, exactly, are you asking? His peers? The country? The youth? How about this - and far more importantly - WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK? What difference does it make? IS THIS YOUR TOP STORY? What about that car boot sale they had at SACS Junior School the other day? Surely that's a bigger story than this? Boomalacka Boomalacka wha wha wha!
And look at THAT SECOND STORY! Eskom, the country's electricity supplier are banking on senior personnel to fix their one and only job - supplying electricity to the country! Are you SERIOUS? Fuck that's MENTAL! Are you basically trying to tell me that they're not relying on the Maverick's dancers to sort out the country's electricity crisis? Phew - fair enough - that's BIG news - let's pop that on the front page! I don't have the strength to click articles like that but I notice in the extract shown above, the executive management are going to make the power crisis their TOP PRIORITY!! No shit! It's their ONLY FUCKING JOB! IS this meant to be some sort of a revelation?
IS this a HEADLINE? I can imagine the journalist phoning Eskom..
"Ummm, errr, I'm calling from XYZ and I'm writing a big story on the progress of the current power crisis and how Eskom is dealing with it?"
"As we've said to everyone, we are not commenting on anything other than the fact that all senior staff are focusing heavily on troubleshooting the problem and coming up with a favourable result"
"Ummm.... I don't won't to PRY, but could you just tell me one thing...PLEASE?"
"It depends on what you want to know"
"Ok, I might be pushing my luck, but, could you just tell me if Eskom's executive management have made the current power crisis a PRIORITY?"
"Hmm, ok, I can tell you that. Yes, they have made it a priority."
"HAHAHAHA!!! I FUCKING TRICKED YOU INTO THAT ONE BITCH! WHOOOH! I'M GONNA RUN THAT ON THE FRONT PAGE! WHAT A COUP!!!!
Chrrrrist! Who writes this shit, man?
That's like putting out an evening headline saying, "Sun to rise in the morning!!!!!" Put THAT on the front page! Fucking AWESOME!
God, it's poor.
In other news, another yank woke up, loaded his gun and went blasting around town in Missouri. He popped a cop on his way to a council meeting and then blew that place to smithereens.
The energy is electrical and ever so slightly sexual, as we welcome one of 2oceansvibe's good friends and SA's top comedian, Cokey Falkow onto TODAY'S LIVE online radio show - The 2oceansvibe Show.
Yeah! Touch yourself!
Cokey Falkow
Live in "the studio"
With his cult-like following, those of you who have seen Cokey live or bought his DVD will know that this is very easily QUITEthe best that South African comedy has to offer! I remember writing about a show of Cokey's I went to and I said something like "any comedian that gets an audible laugh out of me deserves the highest praise." I honestly pissed myself. Now THAT is quite something, my friends!
God I'm so relaxed today. Yesterday was a fuckshow so I ground two Calmettes into my ProNutro this morning and it's been RAD ever since! I've had two coffees, two beers and a two drags on a joint so far. I HIGHLY recommend that EXACT combination! God I wish you were here. I'd just smother you with love. I'd let you fall asleep on my lap as I stroke my hand through your gorgeous hair. Do you think of me?
So TODAY is bound to be loads of fun. I suggest you put a little note in your low-fat diary for 15h30 (Thursday 7 Februruarary 2008) to join us for the live show. If you miss it there is no need to panic because we have STARTED uploading the past shows onto 2oceansvibe for your listening pleasure. Take off your clothes and check out the past shows here including last week's show with Kfm's Nic Marais which was a hoot.
In the meantime, if you have any questions for Cokey or perhaps some annoying/interesting things that you want us to discuss on the show, then email questions to editor@2oceansvibe.com with the subject "CokeyFest."
Live Skype calls will also be taken during the show and if you have headphones and a mic on Skype then you can dial into us on our Skype name "the2oceansvibeshow".
Sms's can be sent DURING the show to +27 76 907 3679
Sick.
We'll end off with a clip from Cokey's DVD about South African dogs, just to, you know, give you a taste...
I'm sure you must be getting tired of the Britney reports by now, but let's just keep in mind that this is a very real story. This isn't a waste of time story about someone who hasn't achieved anything. This isn't a story about Paris Hilton or Oregan Hoskins. No, this is a story about one of the most successful pop artists of all time - someone who has achieved and should be noticed and reported - albeit to her detriment. You can say what you want about her music or behaviour but this is an important story. Britney updates are now a daily staple on major news channels, including SKY News, who would generally shun anything remotely tabloid. This is not a tabloid story, this is a story about the decline of an icon. And she is an icon - a pop icon who fills a particular space in the entertainment industry; just like JFK filled a particular space in the political world and Murdoch in the media world. Whilst the one space might be deemed by some to be more important than the other, the point is that our lives and the world are made up of these different entities/realms - sports/politics/entertainment/tech/media/economics - whatever, you get the point.
Heath Ledger's death, for example, created awareness of prescription drug overdose - something of GREAT importance and a great lesson for all - PARTICULARLY Capetonians. Just because your world might be all about finance, doesn't mean that sport or music is any less important - they ALL join together to form different industries and cultures. If you don't dig it, don't read it. This particular spectacle is a part of our lives and it is newsworthy. People say that "they" should leave her alone. That's all very well; I'm not a big fan of the paparazzi and they are quite clearly killing Britters but, you know, get the fuck out of L.A. my angel! That's what I'd do. Why don't we know much about Johnny Depp? Because he lives in France! Quite simple.
This is the cover of the latest Rolling Stone coming out tomorrow.
Rolling Stone is not a tabloid magazine
Jesus, I really went for it back there. Phew, I feel much better now. But seriously, this is tragic shit. Check out this excerpt from the Rolling Stone feature - it's not pleasant reading.
You know how songs remind you of places and people? Well, believe it or not, Britney's "Hit me Baby One More Time" nailed down a particular moment in time for me. I'll never forget it - the song had JUST come out and I had JUST moved to London with The Silent Assassin. I remember us walking along Oxford Street, running from one shop to another as the song started playing on various radio stations. Who is this angel, I thought to myself? Jesus, she was cute. How long will she last, I wondered? A fucking long time it turned out. But not long enough.
I mentioned how Britters isn't exactly helping the situation by staying in L.A. - I mean really, it is a complete and utter fuckshow and it's not helping anything. I was completely and utterly gob smacked when I saw this helicopter video of Britney driving. Have a look at it. Chill out for the first couple of minutes and then check what happens when her car stops. It's fucking RADICAL! You've never seen anything like it. I'd also lose my fucking mind. But I'd leave L.A. before that happened. I'd probably check myself into Montrose Place.
So, in closing, and just to bring you up to date, Britney's dad, who she hates, is currently in charge of her estate as she is deemed unfit to handle her own affairs. Adnan, the paparazzi she was boning is being kept from her and her ex friend/sidekick, Sam Lutfi has been slapped with a restraining order and cannot come within 250 feet of her (I didn't know anyone could reach that far - I can't get further than a couple meters at the most).
Karolina Kurkova has done well. Perfectly in proportion and correct from every angle, she is said to have one of those faces where the left and right sides are identical. Like my balls.
Karolina was one of the youngest models to grace the cover of Vogue US (17 at the time) and is currently one of the Victoria Secret angels. Not bad going. I wonder if the Victoria Secret marketing people are going around telling everyone that Karolina is a 2oceansvibe Tuesday Tabs angel. Probably.
So anyway, check out her vibe below. Click pic.
Karolina Kurkova
Anatomically correct and in proportion
You'll notice the nipples are relaxed and are pointing inwards. Don't panic, that's not permanent. A little Lionel Richie's "Ballerina Girl," a glass of champiz and the ear nibble/nose-breathe-out into the ear combination will get those guys to attention in no time. She'll probably also experience a light red rash on her chest, toward the neck region - again, nothing to panic about. This simply means you're doing your job right.
I'm not going to say I'm altogether surprised, but it turns out we have actual proof of some of The TBG's powers - namely, that he can cure migraines. I'd say that's pretty much a given - I mean, for someone who is rumoured to have given sight back to the blind and once even turned a white person black.
Let's see what Liz had to say, as she also gives us a very important tip about meeting the incredible mystery that is The TBG (Tall Blonde Guy).
Hi Seth,
I just knew that this year was the start of something big. I don't really know how I knew it but I just did. And then in an amazing confirmation of this fact from higher celestial beings I looked up this morning and thought "OMFG, that's the TBG!" I was standing in La Cucina in Hout Bay at exactly 10:13 am today, when I saw him. His aura, his spirit, his overwhelming presence were just as I expected. I must add that I was not looking my best, something I will regret for the rest of my life. Anyway I rushed up to him and he generously agreed to be photo'ed with me. And then he spoke:"What's your name?". I couldn't believe that he was displaying interest in a mere mortal such as myself. Anyway after I got over the stunning excitement of seeing him I took time to watch him quietly from a distance. He sat alone in La Cucina. Maybe someone joined him after I left, as I wasn't there for long, but I like to believe he was sitting there alone, regrouping his resources after having spent the night rescuing orphans from a fire.
There are a few points I'd like to make after having encountered him. I suffer from migraines quite often and was getting through one today. Even having only been near him for a mere moment or two, I can witness that my migraine has totally disappeared. Secondly, a lesson to all you folks out there: Never, ever, ever leave home not quite looking your best. You NEVER know when you'll bump into the TBG!!!!!!
-Liz
Liz, firstly congratulations on being so blessed! You are truly one of the lucky ones. To have left home at the right time (albeit a tad disheveled) that day and to also have a migraine on board of which you were cured, makes for a dramatic TBG sighting. I very much doubt you've had a migraine since and would love to have some feedback on that topic.
And thank you for the tip. Indeed, why risk leaving home unkempt? Don't risk a poor TBG sighting photo. Look good - all the time - you never know.
I would certainly suggest such an encounter to my aunt who has apparently suffered from migraines for years. But I doubt the stars will align in such a rare manner so as to allow her a TBG sighting. Like Santa, the TBG only grants sightings to children who are good.
As we say goodbye to Seth's current PA, The P.A., who has been a shining example to aspiring P.A.'s the world over, we wonder if the next chosen one will be able to fill her shoes..
Seth and his P.A. in the year 2020
A peep into the future (at this particular point, Seth is explaining to Rey
that the jet should be available within two hours notice, ALL the time)
We're looking for an angel aged around 22 - 28, with their own car, who is clearly quite switched on and keen to learn. This entry level position will welcome the applicant into a job that offers something new every day, where you will have the freedom to create new systems and put forward your own suggestions and ideas. The experience you'll get from this job will get you into anything after a year or two.
You'll have days when you run your ass off and you'll have days that you're bored - but on the whole it'll be fun. You'll meet all sorts of amazing people, you will get freebies, you will get guest lists at clubs, you will get discounts at shops and you will get lunches at Caprice. You will become an important part of a very exciting network; a valuable network that will be available to you for a long time to come.
Apart from Seth's own personal mundane activities (including liaising with Mavis and forming a buffer zone between Seth and annoying people), you will be running around getting things done, shopping for gifts, sending flowers, standing by for contractors, writing emails, sending faxes and will be involved in the orchestration of three other exciting companies that form a part of the 2oceansvibe brand and community.
You have to be particularly bright, confident, presentable and brilliant with people and lying and manipulation. That was a joke.
So get moving and send in a brief one or two page CV and photograph to editor@2oceansvibe.com with the subject "SETH'S PA"
Closing date is February 15, 2008.
Package works out to roughly R10k take-home a month on average.
Sarah Silverman's video for boyfriend, Jimmy Kimmel [permalink]
I'll bring you up to speed. There is a Late Night Live type show in the US called Jimmy Kimmel Live. Jimmy Kimmel's girlfriend is a comedian chick called Sarah Silverman (she's been on Saturday Night Live a number of times and has had small parts in flicks like There's Something About Mary, School of Rock, and others) and they've been seeing each other for years. She's a cool chick.
Matt Damon is a buddy of theirs and is often on Jimmy's show. But he's never properly on the show. They have an ongoing joke whereby every time Matt Damon comes on the show, it is towards the end of the show - causing Jimmy to snub Matt Damon with things like "apologies to Matt Damon - we ran out of time." Here are some examples for your viewing pleasure.
So anyway, in the last couple of days, it was Jimmy Kimmel's fifth anniversary of his show, the aforementioned Jimmy Kimmel Show. He had his bird, Sarah, on the show and this video was her gift to him. It features her and Matt and was obviously a joke.
I found it pretty funny. You seem to enjoy my vibe, so you'll probably enjoy as well.
As The P.A. leaves the brood for a stint in the UK, we are reminded of the uncertainty and planning that surrounds a move of this nature. I thought it would be a good time to mention our friends over in the UK, 1st Contact. I got in touch with them to see if there was anything new to tell you and it turns out my timing was spot on!
They're holding FREE seminars in Cape Town, Johannesburg and Durban during February for people heading over to the UK which will be covering the following:
- Getting started in the UK - What life is like in the UK
- Visas, including the Highly Skilled Migrant Visa
- How to find a job before you arrive in the UK
- How to manage your finances
Dates are as follows:
Cape Town - 13 February 2008 (Southern Sun Newlands)
Johannesburg - 19 February 2008 (Wanderers Club)
Durban - 21 February 2008 (The Riverside Hotel)
*Seminars are usually one hour, starting at 19h30
I've been to a couple of these seminars before (when I first went to London) and they really are the only answer for those of you heading over. They also have plenty SA-based consultants on hand who are ready to answer your myriad of questions. They've all spent time there and they know the best way to do things (except pick up slags at The Redback Tavern). Most of our buddies used them when they went over (1st Contact and the slags). Highly recommended (They've handled over 50,000 clients in the last year (1st Contact, not the slags.)).
As the New York Giants take on the unbeaten New England Patriots [permalink]
It's all fucking happening on Sunday when the New York Giants take on the New England Patriots in this year's NFL Super Bowl. I love New York to death but spent far too much time growing up and holidaying in Martha's Vineyard, Cape Cod and Boston; to ignore the Patriots.
Fucken GO PATRIOTS!
New York Giants vs. New England Patriots LIVE Monday 01h00, ESPN (Channel 230 on DSTV)
Ja so anyway I thought I'd find out some facts about the Super Bowl and general American excess for your brain's pleasure. Enjoy this :
If the Patriots win, it will mean they have enjoyed an unbeaten season. The first time ever.
The Super Bowl attracts a worldwide audience of at least 90 million.
Over 40% of the Super Bowl audience is female.
The Super Bowl is the second largest eating holiday of the year (after thanksgiving).
On game day, Americans eat 15,000 tons of chips.
They also quietly chow 4,000 tons of popcorn.
If you lined them up, bumper to bumper, the string of popcorn would ring the earth five and a half times.
Enjoy this one, 5.4% of the yearly US avocado crop is used to make guacamole for the day of the Super Bowl (25 million kilos).
The rate of car accidents in the US increases 41% in the 4 hours after the Super Bowl.
30 seconds of commercial time for this year's Super Bowl costs $2.7 million (call it R19 million).
That's around $86,000 a second. (R600,000 a second).
"NFL" and "Super Bowl" and "Super Sunday" are trademarked by the NFL. Promoters not sanctioned by the NFL must refer to the event as...
THE BIG GAME.
What a lag. So anyway, on a far more serious note, we'll end off with one of the New England Patriots cheerleaders. Please enjoy Jessica Wanzie.
Jessica Wanzie New England Patriots cheerleader
and sexual beacon
That, my friends, is the real fucking deal. That is a REAL cheerleader. Pure and All-American. Born for this role. Groomed for this role. Look at her - Christ, this chick could be a part time model. She would have been the cheerleader that was boning the high school quarterback. She would almost DEFINITELY have been the prom queen as well. Probably two years in a row.
Fat chicks hated her at school.
She used to mock them and laugh at them.
She drove a convertible.
The fat chicks went on the bus.
The cheerleader used to overtake the bus in her BMW - laughing and pointing at the fat chicks on the bus.
It was such a hoot!
Then one day the fat chicks came into school with guns and blew the fucking place apart.
The Superbowl is LIVE on ESPN on Monday morning in South Africa.
Britney Spears in full force last night [permalink]
Our girl has been admitted to a psychiatric hospital with a the help of an ambulance, a helicopter and 12 (that's dozen, folks) cops on bikes. It reminds me of New Year two years ago when I had to get from the Dutch billionaire's house to Caprice before one o' clock - otherwise the little angel at the time would be leaving. Or my penis would turn into a pumpkin - one or the other, I can't remember. It was a helluva party.
Poncherello couldn't help himself
So anyway, Britney's mother organised the motorcade and ambulance after finding out that she hadn't slept for over three days. Hmm, not ideal. This was taken yesterday - during her sleepless marathon. She looks fine if you ask me. I dig my chicks looking like that. They're the ones who enjoy one-for-one bum smacking compo's in the bedroom. Solid women.
Shame, it's not going very well. I must say that it's not really helping that she REMAINS in LA. I mean obviously the paparazzi will make you crazy. You need to get away from the actual area, Britney. Or better yet, the country! Come to Cape Town my little muppet - book yourself into Montrose Place - you'll LOVE IT!
Here's a vid of the chaos last night. It's pretty fucking hectique.
Controversial American sculptor, Daniel Edwards, pushes it again [permalink]
This guy is amusing me no end. You might remember Daniel Edwards; he was the guy that did the sculptures of Britney giving birth on all-fours and the Paris Hilton Autopsy sculpture, featuring her dog, Tinkerbell; jumping on a dead Paris Hilton.
And since then he did another one that I was unaware of and think you should see. It was called Suri Cruise's First Poop. Jesus, he pushes limits..
Suri Cruise's First Poop
Adorable..
But now, and more to the point of the article, he has done a bronze sculpture of Oprah Winfrey, entitled The Oprah Sarcophagus. A "sarcophagus" for those of you who don't use the word casually in normal daily conversation like I do, is basically a coffin.
With Kfm's breakfast show host, Nic Marais [permalink]
As mentioned earlier on in the week, Nic Marais will be joining us today LIVE today on The 2oceansvibe Show at 15h30. The show is live streaming over the "internet" and you simply have to click the link on this website to start listening to the show. Only at 15h30 (SA time). We will also be accepting LIVE SKYPE PHONE CALLS during the show (info below).
As one of The 2oceansvibe Characters, Nic is no stranger to 2oceansvibe and 2oceansvibe is certainly no stranger to Nic, nor Kfm (2oceansvibe's radio station of choice). So it'll be interesting to see what happens with this show. Nic is bound to have some good tips for us, but I'm more interested in the contrast of the two presenters in the 2oceansvibe studio. Nic hosts a good show with good vibes and excited energy. Seth hosts a crap show with sarcastic vibes and an intoxicated drawl. He's a polite, intelligent young man and his show (number one breakfast show in Cape Town) represents the people and is certainly far from controversial. 2oceansvibe, on the other hand, welcomes controversy.
Kfm does things like "Reach For a Dream."
2oceansvibe does things like "Reach For the Tequila."
Let's face it.. it's going to be chaos.. I'm AMAZED he agreed to do it.
Just kidding - it's gonna be loads of fun! Nic is a good mate and we have regular debates about numerous issues and I'm sure there will be loads to go around. You'll enjoy it - believe me!
Questions to ask Nic can be emailed to editor@2oceansvibe.com Live Skype calls will also be taken during the show and if you have headphones and a mic on Skype then you can dial into us on our Skype name "the2oceansvibeshow".
Sms's can be sent DURING the show to +27 76 907 3679
Nice.
Very sexual.
That will annoy, Nic. Using the word "sexual" in this article.
Nothing wrong with being sexual, Nic.
We'll chat more about this on Thursday.
We'll also continue the Monopoly World Edition argument we started today.
LPG tankers seen as "next big terrorist vehicle for soft target attack" [permalink]
Well it was all fun and games on the 9th of January when we reported on the ship with the four boobs which had been parked for about a week in front of Sea Point's promenade. But now, after nearly a month of sitting there, it's getting a bit worrying. Especially after we did some investigating of our own into the various threats that a tanker of this sort could pose.
THE LPG VESSEL - STILL HERE!?
Our expert terrorism correspondent, Brett Aubin, had this to say:
LPG tankers are seen as the next big terrorist vehicle for a soft-target attack. They have pretty detailed security precautions but there is some concern that RPG\'s (Amongst other things) could rupture the tanks and that, in the worst case scenario, a blast in the 1/10 of a kiloton range could ensure.
Gas in these Red Tanks is refrigerated at about -110 degrees to keep it liquefied; if the tanks are ruptured, masses of liquid gas would instantaneously revert to its gaseous from - causing a massive gas cloud; if there was then a secondary spark from somewhere - this would explode in the same way as a massive fuel air bomb - working in exactly the same way as a Daisy Cutter or MOAB. Characteristics of this blast are a truly massive concussion or blast wave and nasty areas of \'induced vacuum\' where the bomb sucks up all the oxygen in the surrounds to feed the fireball. They exploded Daisy Cutters outside the caves in Tora Bora - the vacuum caused people in the caves to expel portions of their lungs. Nice.
Further investigation found confirmation of Brett's findings. Have a look at this article, and this, and this.
Look, luckily Cape Town and South Africa aren't in the terrorist's scopes, but, you know - must it be parked right here in front of us?
I reckon we get that ship the fuck out of our faces. ASAP.
Welcome, Eva! And congratulations, my darling! It was always going to happen.
I'm a big fan of Eva's and have been since the day she became a Wonderbra model. There was that famous "Hello Boys" poster that went up and caused havoc on the roads - with men crashing into each other all day long. Those who didn't crash had to deal with a houtie for the rest of the day.
I would also like to take this opportunity to make it quite clear that "Wonderbra" is in fact a brand of women's bra - it has nothing to do with the nickname you gave your best mate from the flats.
Here we see Eva quietly indluging in a spot of omphaloskepsis! Nothing wrong with that! You go RIGHT AHEAD, my babba..
Monopoly World Edition very close to including Cape Town on the board [permalink]
So the people at Monopoly are launching a new set to replace the old version. It will be called Monopoly-World Edition and will feature 22 of the greatest cities in the world. And they're doing it very democratically, by allowing the world to vote! With the highest voted-for city taking the highest rent position on the board (you might remember this used to be the purple block at the end of the board).
In short, Cape Town is currently in 27th place out of 68 cities and it DESPERATELY needs to be pushed up so as to be included in the 22. CAPE TOWN NEEDS YOU, AND THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET CAPE TOWN IN THE NEW MONOPOLY WORLD EDITION BOARD GAME: CLICK THIS LINK TO TAKE YOU TO THE WORLD VOTE WEBSITE
Then follow these instructions.
STEP 1: Scroll down on the right of the screen
and click "Cape Town, South Africa"
STEP 2: On the next screen that comes up you should
click the green tab on the bottom right which says "+ Add to My Cities"
STEP 3: On the next screen you will notice "My Cities (1)"
CLICK IT!
STEP 4: A little screen will pop up with a red button that says VOTE.
CLICK THAT!!!!
The rest of the exercise is pretty simple. You will be shown a new page for you to register (really quick and simple - JUST your email address) which you must complete and then follow any remaining instructions and YOU'RE DONE!
Good luck with that and let's look forward to Cape Town being a part of the NEW MONOPOLY WORLD EDITION.
Christ it'll be emboerrissing if we're not on it!
Like, "Hey where do you live?"
"Cape Town"
"Oh cool, what colour is it on the Monopoly World Edition board?"
"Umm, no it's not on it.."
"Really? Then what the fuck are you talking to me for? Get out of my fucking face you fucking freak. I'll fucking kill you. Prick hound..."
Business Day's weekend publication makes use of intelligent journalists [permalink]
It's a concept largely ignored by most of South Africa's daily and monthly publications - you know, hiring journalists who know what they're talking about, have communication skills and even know how to spell. I'm certainly not saying that 2oceansvibe is exploding at the seams with Shakespearian eloquence and high grammar, but, you know, our daily and Saturday papers are BIG companies! You just can't get away with shit like this:
The online version of our regular weekly broadsheets.
There is no such thing as a "rapit", so even a simple spellcheck
would have spotted that one.. Come now, guys.
And with some minor articles requiring four journalists to report on a local school sports day, I'm a little tired of being experimented on. That was before I was told about The Weekender, Business Day's far more palatable Saturday "offering."
The Weekender - get it
I was thoroughly impressed by the level of journalism, intellect and angles taken by most of the articles - successfully covering everything from tech and sports to finance and politics. Some of them even dare to do more than just report and actually give their views! It just comes across so much better and doesn't feel like you're reading some kid's school project.
So next Saturday, have a look out for The Weekender. Sold in most outlets, and most definitely at Carlucci's.
Sunday, of course, will always belong to The Sunday Times!
Let the hilarity continue - as we contemplate a name change [permalink]
You'd be forgiven for thinking the FIA had moved to Cape Town, as the South African Blog Awards introduce a whole new set of rules for this year's awards. Not unlike the Formula One Championship, and in keeping with last year's theme, the organisers have once again plummeted into an orgasm of contradiction and dissimulation. It is this further reminder of theirlack of validity and importance, that helps us understand why they have been nicknamed "The Zucchini Awards."
The SA Blog Awards are YET to announce any judges which, for something starting in just over a week, further enhances the dormant stench of last year's alleged tampering and general contrive that can only be eclipsed by Zimbabwe's current regime. You would think they would attempt to escape the stigma of damaged goods and, perhaps, give it a fresh new name, like "The South African Blog Awards - Seriously."
Or, "THE ZUCCHINI AWARDS."
Seriously.
Your basic muffshow
Further marred by the cancellation of a Johannesburg ceremony, and not shy to add vinegar to the paper-cut-wound, the organisers of the muffshow have succumbed to last year's gripe by The Sunday Times, in that they have now announced (quite cavalierly, I might add) that the organisers will NOT be involved AS CONTESTANTS in this year's awards!
Oh...!
Not..?!
Hell, but that's BLOODY decent of you guys! Are you saying you want to make it "DEMOCRATIC?"
And the other winners from the past - what happens to them? Did 2oceansvibe really win seven awards in the first two years (prior to the annual rule-changing fiasco)? Or should we start fresh with a new name and permanent non-changing set of rules?
As Montrose Place rehab article ranks first place after three days [permalink]
While this does happen very regularly, it is not often it takes such a short period of time. The 2oceansvibe community and advertisers have always been aware of how well2oceansvibe ranks in Google, but the process usually takes a couple weeks. Yesterday we found that our article on Cape Town drug rehab facility, Montrose Place, took just three days to take first place in Google for the very likely search phrase, "Cape Town exclusive rehab" and "Cape Town luxury rehab."
So now Montrose Place is in Google! BANG! Just like that!
Featuring on 2oceansvibe is like buying a CD for a friend. It's a gift that just keeps on giving!
And that, my friends, is why we're all a part of the 2oceansvibe community; part of "The Family." Because you know there is something going on here. Something different. Stick to it and good things will happen to you.
Montrose Place amongst world's best luxury drug rehabilitation centers [permalink]
Cape Town and South Africa has finally joined the ranks of the world's best andmost exclusive luxury drug treatment and rehabilitation facilities. Montrose Place outshines most of them, offering an extended care retreat with exceptional world-class facilities and highly sought after staff, positioned in Cape Town's most pleasurable surroundings.
And what better time to talk about Cape Town and South Africa's newest and most exclusive drug treatment retreat! Just after New Year! - JUST as most of Cape Town finds themselves madly rummaging through the bathroom cabinet, desperately trying to find that last razor blade to finally end the pain. The self-loathing. The Loser Complex.
PUT THE BLADE DOWN, MY ANGEL! EVERYTHING WILL BE OK!
Shhh! Come with me.. Look what Montrose Place has to offer!
Montrose Place
South Africa's most exclusive and luxurious rehab facility
I'm amazed it took Cape Town so long to get this together! It's absolutely PERFECT! Not only has Cape Town produced the best drug addicts in the world, but the WORLD has desperately needed a luxury substance abuse facility in Cape Town. Foreigners LOVE this city so much - the natural beauty simply lends itself drug rehabilitation! We've seen the celebs and playboys first hand - they could come into town, party their heads off one last time, and finish off with a visit to the most exclusive drug rehab treatment retreat in the country! An extended holiday featuring extended care! And the people behind Montrose Place couldn't have picked a better suburb - Bishopscourt - Cape Town's oldest and most prestigious suburb.
I'm no pro on rehabilitation and treatment centers, but I must say that total luxury would be an essential for me. The fact that it comes with a private chef and maid service would make sense - and the irony certainly wouldn't be missed, given that my own domestic executive, Mavis, would more than likely be the cause of my entering rehab in the first place.
Oh very nice. Sort yourself out in style.
Private en-suit bedrooms with kitchenettes, as well as a personal driver will back up the rumours that both Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears have been making enquiries. The retreat's promise of "discreet airport transfers" certainly does suggest this type of clientele. Let's face it, this place is right up their street; certainly a lot easier than having helicopters swarming you during the usual stints in the U.S. Britters reckons she doesn't need rehab. Fair enough, she probably didn't see this video.
Using the latest scientific treatment standards, as well as the classic "12 steps" and "Minnesota" models, one wonders if they will put together some sort of a mini-rehab package for Capetonians. They could call it the "Camps Bay Model". You know, just a quick 3 day clean up... until next time. Very useful for the playas and coke whores found on the other side of Table Mountain!
I visited the center the other day and, with home theatres, 15-meter swimming pool, khoi pond, spa and salon treatments, yoga room, library, internet and air conditioning, I begged (to no avail) one of the Directors to tip me off when any of our favourite worn-out starlets (or 6-foot Minnesota models) have checked in. I'd be glad to help the rehabilitation process with my own special jacuzzi treatments. And then, once checked out, we could also test the process by seeing how they handle saying no to the bottle of rose Dom I CRACK open as the sun gently sets in front of The Safe House, with some Pink Martini playing on the iPod.
