Mental

I have decided to hit Hermanus for a couple of days everyone. Apologies. Now is a good time for you to go through all the archives. CLICK ARCHIVES and read every month - follow the soap opera of Cape Town.

Will be back for New Years at The Planet bar at the Mount Nelson.

For more info on New Year's at Planet bar:

CALL BRUCE @ MOUNT NELSON
+27 21 483 1861

Will have plench to talk about later. Have a good time, buckle up, drive safely, smoke decent weed and wait for more from 2oceansvibe.

Remember..... we love you.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Announced!

It's been a fun filled 2/3 weeks and we've received over 100 Dirty South competition entries. We will be showing the other favourites of ours later in the week (we have to resize the pics etc.) .

In the meantime.... CONGRATULATIONS SAMANTHA!!!! with the following pic that everyone seemed to enjoy. Good girl - you make us proud.

More about that later guys! Please be gentle with me - it's the silly season and I'm tired..... so tired. But keep an eye on the pic of the moment!

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

F*ck it's a small world!

Welcome Johannesburgers, welcome poms.

Cape Town is under attack and we're f*cked for at least 5 weeks. But hey, we love you Jo'burg kids. The Camps Bay show was getting a little tedious before you arrived. We were getting tired of the sports cars and models and were really craving some spice in our lives. We realised something different as we had a look at a bucket of Millers at Caprice. It came to my attention that Ra Ra skirts are being drowned out by vests. Large amounts of gym work and Studio Line hair gel are a mere two parts to the package we were blessed with that day.

There is so much more to explain our dropped jaws.

Just relax guys.... Sit back, look at the view. Stop talking so loudly about 'pus*y'. Have a sip on your beer, don't down it.I see American Swiss' mass advertising and marketing around the country has paid off. Good work. But please Ra Ra's come back - all is forgiven!

New inside info : A Ra Ra is really the double layer Ra Ra. A single layer Ra Ra is known simply as a 'Ra'. Hence the triple layer being known as the 'Ra Ra Ra'. Generically they are Ra Ra's. So when you are't referring to a particular Ra Ra skirt or wearer, then they are ra ra's. Like the double layer would be.

"Sh*t, look at that angel in the Ra Ra Ra with the creased trim. "

Top Ra Ra colour of the season (it hasn't died yet. It might never. Hold tight) - Shocking Pink. I swear.

New banned phrase to use unless you are joking - 'Small World'.

It's no longer amazing to find out that someone you've just met knows someone else that you know well. It happens every second of the day all over the world. In a town like Cape Town its impossible not to know someone connected to someone else. That's why we have to wait for the imports to come to town. In particular the fairer sex. (Oh god…. This column has the word ‘sex’ in it – BAN IT). The speed at which men make a beeline for a new face in town is phenomenal.

The rule: First come first served and you've got two weekends to get anywhere with the angel before you have to step aside for the next punter.

Do you also like her? Sh*t that's so fuck*ing weird! I DO TOO !- SMALL WORLD.

Small World is now only allowed to be used as shown above. When it's absolutely hilarious. It cannot be used in a serious way ANYMORE.

eg. "I bought the red BMW"

"F*CK YOU'R KIDDING ME! My father's BMW used to be red......

SMALL WORLD!!!!

Then you can take it to extremes, when the discussion has nothing to do with a surprise connection....

eg. "look at that hanglider over there........sh*t it's beautiful.

[pause]

"Small world hey!"

Very often the person you're doing it to doesn't even realise it's happening. They just nod and agree that it is a small world. Such are the norms that we seem to be surrounded by. People with brains are becoming a rarity, people. Shame, like that guy at Caprice last night who was emwoerrissing himself at the bar counter. Cocaine is bad for you my sweetheart - and we all know you're on it. You look like a tit and you're never going to come right.

There are no more rental cars in Cape Town. Is that not amazing? Not one? Not even a f*cking panel van. Are those pessimists out there going to continue preaching that Cape Town is not getting busier? Please stop boring me. Tourisms going down, the property bubbles going to burst... blah blah blah. SO BORING. Be positive or f*ck off - doomsday prophets should be on a soap box at speaker's corner - not around me thank you very much. You'll find things will go better for you if you perk up a bit. Tool.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Why does Seth lie?

I lied and it kills me inside. Why must I lie to you when you are so special to me. My gorgeous little readers!

I just can't focus today guys and gals. Forgive me. There'll be more tomorrow.

I think I know a little boy who needs a lie down.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Competition is tight!

We enjoyed the way you kids embraced the Dirty South competition. With close on 100 pictures to go through we think we will have chosen a winner by Monday.

Hold tight.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

And your friend

I've taken it to the next level people. When I get back to my Bantry Bay villa I pop my 'lifestyle' into a full size fold out keyboard. In fact many articles on this highly informative website have been written using that very same keyboard.

BUT NOW WE HAVE PUSHED IT!

They gave me a call about a new toy they had. I pulled round and left with what can only be described as a skip in my step.

It's a BLUTOOTH MOUSE FOR MY PHONE!! That's right folks. I now don't have to even use the little pen that comes with the phone in order to operate it (highlight sentences, start programs etc.) - it's an effing joke.

If you're not into toys then I'm sorry to bore you. But maybe that's why you're inefficient ?

Just look at it. Perve it. Want it.

IT'S MENTAL

For more on the i-mate, click here

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Because you think you're sophisticated

But seriously folks..... I really have to tell you about this. You may remember me saying something about visiting 'Planet' Bar at the Mount Nelson the other day. In fact I'll show you again. This is what I wrote:

I tell you a very cool vibe but please don't go if you're going to act like a twat. The Planet Bar at the Mount Nelson is cooler than cool. If you think you're going to get a stuffy vibe and a stiff reception then you're doing yourself a great injustice. They're going for a 25 - 35 upwordly mobile feel with with a twist of chutzpah (How is that f*cking word!), and class. And if my memory serves me correctly the girls who work there are little angels. For the girls out there I believe the boys are on track too. I stuck to the champagne and Red Bull cocktails. No, they don't call it a 'shambles' but they should! No one uses the word 'shambles' anymore. Eg. "God their house was an absolute 'SHAMBLES'". "His hair was a SHAMBLES".

We have also got the inside track there and have been told that tickets are available for the New Year's Party and very limited. They want to be semi-selective with who they sell tickets to. You see this party is what you really want to experience. But please don't come if you're looking for a party with bum-funnels and wit blitz. Come to this party if you want to have a proper party, with sparkling wine and oysters. Come to this party if you want to get elegently wasted. But don't fear, guys and girls will be letting their hair down, it will be crazy, but it won't be debauched. Personally, I'm sure I'll be absolutely broken - but I'll be happy with my surroundings.

There will be plench couples and plench single people. I have also been informed that a number of the staff are single.

Yes, that's right. And they are MNANDI !

It's R225 a person which includes a sushi, oysters and salmon session as well as sparkling wine on arrival and midnight. The price also includes exclusivity as there will be only 200 guests. Oh, there is also HOT music from 8pm.

Get hammered in style with people like you. Trust us, it's our number one choice!

CALL BRUCE @ MOUNT NELSON
+27 21 483 1861

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

And it opened up my eyes and I pissed myself

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

From when the site went down for a couple of hours the other day

This is certainly not a poem type of website but when we see such effort we do open up our soft side. This was sent in by Huge M.

My Poem

Today I visit like everyday
2oceansvibe my holiday
Its my little break from work
and my time to sit and smirk

Alarms today what do I get
Some mother fu*king message set
Who the hell has f*cked this up
Fix it now or I'll fu*k you up

I ask you please Mr editor Seth
Please this feels like alot like death
I promise you on bended knee
I will 10 votes cast for Dani

I will hunt for you a pic of TBG
And send it forth for you to see
Please oh Seth fix this site
Oh f**k it, access is our right!

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Now here's a worthy option

Check it out - here's an option for a New Year bash. R250 for boys and R150 for girls gets you free drinks all night and a bit of action I'm sure. Local and international DJ's

Click image for full details.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Hurry hurry hurry

That's right kids, no more entries after today. So CLICK HERE if you don't know what you're doing and you wanna win prizes.

GO GO GO !!!

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

'KIDS' actress takes it to the next level

You must remember Chloe Sevigny from the very risque and eye-opening movie, K.I.D.S many years ago.

Known for her 'art' movies, Chloe has pushed it a little this time. In her new movie called 'Brown Bunny' (we also found the name funny) she gives a gentleman full blown head. That's right, a (shhhh) blow job. Did you say blow job? GOOD HEAVENS!!

I can just hear the last firewalls at financial institutions (that still allow viewing of 2oceansvibe) closing. Good God! We'll have to ban this website, they said 'BLOW JOB'.

So, because we hold nothing back from you, our precious readers, we have some still shots - a collage - from the scene in 'Brown Bunny'.

May I just add something, particularly to the financial institutions who have stopped access to this website, THIS DOES NOT MAKE IT A PORN SITE. You silly, pathetic imbeciles. This is VERY newsworthy information and a damn site less horrific than videos of heads being chopped off.

So, before I totally lose the plot, click the image below for the scene.

WARNING:
DO NOT VIEW THIS IN FULL VIEW
OF YOUR ENTIRE OFFICE
Tool

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Be gentle with us

I don't really and I never do know where to start. I see how busy the site is on a monday and I do feel bad for being so slack but you must understand how tiring it's been. You see it's season now and we must welcome everyone from far and wide into the tiny cove (cove?) called the Atlantic Seaboard. I don't think you can choose a better word than 'droves'. They (you?) are pouring in in their DROVES. Daytime on the weekend is honestly becoming a freak show.

Driving to Camps Bay form Bantry Bay this morning, on my way to an eggs Benedict at Caprice, I reflected on the chaos surrounding us. IT IS F*CKING CHAOS. I am amused when

STOP !!!!

Sorry kids, I must stop myself before I forget something. Pacey from Dawson's Creek (Joshua Jackson?) was at Caprice last night. Whaaaah!!! That's right, the f*cking PaceMeister was there. Whats more amazing is how that blonde chick that pumped Ethan Hawke in the Rhodes House toilets (what IS IT with the Rhodes House toilets?!!) was strapping herself to Pacey from the word go. Don't you feel silly standing and giggling and not talking for so long my angel? Not? 'cos you look silly.

Earlier on we had a very chilled lunch/dinner at Bayside Cafe and admired the Camps Bay Show. Took a pic of this very exhausted looking Paparazzi dude taking pics throughout our meal. He was aiming his camera into Tuscany Beach. Quite wierd to see these vultures in real life. He was sweating like an under trained pig on show day as he lugged around his 50kg of camera gear. It must have The Pace Setter that he was after. Freak.

Stopped by what could be described as an 'upmarket' event in Franschhoek on Saturday. Well done to all involved. You know who your are. For me the revelation of the 'sprinkler dance' now having a new version in the form of the 'lawnmower dance', was something to behold. To the single guys out there I promise I tried to get the hired help angels a little oiled with tequila - but the head of catering was on to me. By their third shot each they began to panic. It would have been a nice treat though. A little mnandi angel... overlooking the vineyards.... planning the week ahead in your mind. Remember to call granny on Monday etc.

Thanks to AVIS for their new service called AVIS Point-to-Point for taking us to and from the venue. I must apologise that our friends in their thirties still manage to offload their supper in moving vehicles after parties. I thought we had stopped that.

Chat amongst yourselves whilst I remember what I wanted to talk about...

THE NUNS!!

Just a quick one. Feel free to tell us your views on the subject. What we want to know is.... WHERE ARE THE YOUNG NUNS? Whenever you see nuns they're ALWAYS over the age of 50. Where the f*ck were they for ages 18-35? HELLOOOOOO!!!!! WHERE THE F*CK ARE THE YOUNG NUNS!!!!! After conversing with the website's more intelligent advisors and consultants over the weekend we have some possible reasons to think about. The one reply was "They were all little sluts for most of their youth and their twenties and thirties..... then they turn over a new leaf" - good, very possible. Someone else reckons they're working at missions until they're really old. Another one told me to watch the western documentary that covers it called 'Young Nuns'. Apparently it's a proper western but instead of shooting guns they heave Gideon bibles at people - just as lethal and probably more accurate.

Some say that there is a special deal with the priest training camp whereby the young nuns are being molested until they're old and then they become nuns (please don't even TRY to moan about that last line, it'll be too boring). We look forward to finding out the true reason why we never see young nuns anywhere. Imagine a ten-strong group of hot nuns walking along the beach in Ra-Ra skirt nuns outfits and Dirty South nuns hats. MNANDI!

My throat is sore.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Our favourite piece of white trash continues her reign

Now why did an entire plane have to complain about the stench made from Britter's feet? Why Britters? We're not angry Britney, we're just upset. It just hurts, you know?

READ THE STORY HERE

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Cape Town topping the thirties....again

Not much to say. The pictures say it all. Don't be angry. Just come here. Come play with us. Hop on the 2oceansvibe yacht and play. Play nicely. Come see the angels. Touch them.

Cape Town today - very cuck

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Hosted at Brad's Grill - Congratulations UCT !!

A picture of health and success! A hearty congratulations to last night's winners of the Brad's Grill Annual Bachelor Party Boat Race, held at ........ yes, Brad's Grill in Harfield.

The race has traditionally been between UCT and Stellenbosch and last night was no exception. The best and the worst of each side, and a few others, banded together to form two 22-man sides.

After two practice rounds, the fastest 8 from each side came against each other for the final. F*ck it was tense!!

With the fastest time recorded at Brad's Grill, UCT came a nose ahead of Maties to claim the coveted title. Amazing that Maties not only practiced together for five years, but also had a combined weight and height DOUBLE that of UCT. Maybe it was because legendary UCT skipper, Richard Neville was there for the boys? Maybe it was because they took their shirts off? We can't put it down to one thing but it was certainly a lot to do with guts and determination. Every single man out there put his hand up and stepped up to the plate! Tears filled the old gaurds' eyes as they watched over the proceedings. Shades of Doc perhaps?

WELL DONE UCT, ON A WELL DESERVED BOAT RACE VICTORY!

UCT BOAT TEAM
WINNERS OF THE UCT vs MATIES BOAT RACE CHAMPIONS
LEAN, YET POWERFUL

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Opportunity of a lifetime - MENTAL !!

OBVIOUSLY you've all heard about the party tonight at Rhodes House. We've given away a number of tickets to people who have sent in entries for the DIRTY SOUTH COMPETITION - but now it gets a little crazy!!!

The tickets we're giving away are for saving on the R50 cover charge at the door. But you will probably still have to queue. So howz about this.....

There is one more place on Seth's door list - to pay eff all AND SKIP THE QUEUE - surely this is the chance of a lifetime!

The prize is for girls only as Seth's door list needs one more girl.

How do you win this incredible opportunity? Very simple. Send in a genuine picture of yourself and we'll choose one by 5 o clock today.

Good luck and God (always a capital 'G' for the big guy kids) speed.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Finds one last thing to do

It seems the overexposure of Electra continues. Surely she must be close to 40 now? She's been on more Maxim and FHM covers than I'd care to remember and it seems she won't go away.

PLEASE look at her Aerobic Striptease DVD due for release on December 21st. Those of you who aren't tired of knocking one off to Carmen can check it out at Amazon - CLICK HERE FOR MORE

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Heartache and joy felt around the globe. The other pussy is safe !
(cntd. from article below)

Well we're sure you've all had a relatively sleepless night wondering about the plight of the two kittens in Melbourne. We have more.

Before we move one, we sincerely hope that you don't think we're a fag 'What a cute kitty, let's save it' website. We are in fact merely demonstrating the power of 2oceansvibe. The slickness and smoothness of our international reporting. The fact that we have people around the world, ready at all times to report on important and life threatening matters. How do you think we got the pics of Tara Reid's tab popping out so quick? EXACTLY! NAILED!

So it seems that overnight the one little pussy escaped from the alley.

[moment silence, as he/she must surely have perished]

Pull yourselves together! There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

THEY RESCUED THE OTHER KITTY CAT CAT CAT !

And yes, they have found a home for it too! Now here's the part that 2oceansvibe enjoys. A bit of style. They've decked our feline friend out with the latest Burberry Kitty cat cat cat accessory - the Burberry basket!

Now for you uneducated lot out there, Burberry is what we call a 'brand name'. The classic tartan stripe is unmistakable. We'll remind you of the rapper Jay Z's outstanding taste shown in his lyrics to the song 'Bonnie & Clyde' which was a duet with Beyonce.

The only time you wear Burberry to swim
And I don't have to worry, only worry is him
She do anything necessary for him
And I do anything necessary for her
so don't let the necessary occur, yep!

Followed by the chorus:

[Jay] All I need in this life of sin, is me and my girlfriend.
[Bey] Down to ride 'til the very end, it's me and my boyfriend.
[Jay] All I need in this life of sin, is me and my girlfriend.
[Bey] Down to ride 'til the very end, it's me and my boyfriend.

F*ck me this website is informative!

Back to the kitten:

HATING the Burberry checks! V cool. Double thumbs up.

And yes, they have a name for the little angel. EMERALD.

The road's name is Emerald Lane. Get it? Emerald...... Emerald Lane !!! Because of the road name. Emerald! Get it?

Similar to Posh and Becks naming there kid Brooklyn after the place where they bonked to make the little tyke. Genius.

The city of Melbourne can sleep again.

Seth Oscar Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

The plot thickens (read story below called 'Hold The Phones')

Our correspondent in Melbourne reports:

The fiire brigade been, now they are terrified out of their wits and run right to the back of the alley, so we have left food and blankie for them, hopefully they will come back tomorrow.

The world waits, breathless......

Seth Oscar Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Beverley Hills TRASH 9021 HO

It's absolutely crazy! The kids at Dirty South have given us 20 tickets to the 'Beverley Hills Trash 9021 HO' party at Rhodes House on Thursday night.

WE WANT TO GIVE THEM TO YOU!! Because we adore you!! It's all for you!

So, just like we did last time with the Homegrown Honeys party tickets - the next 10 entries to the Dirty South competition will win double tickets to the Rhodes House party. I know, we really shouldn't. But we can't help ourselves. And yes, everybody is dressing like pimps and ho's.

Apparently the party will be on the next level. I've seen the guest list. I like it a lot. Can you handle it?

Seth Oscar Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

For you

We got this video of Michelle, the dancer at Vacca Matta, Durbanville. It is in MP4 format and needs QUICKTIME to run.

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD VIDEO (1.62 Mb)

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

To that

Why did a guy have to nearly get cleaned by a car at Cappers (Caprice) on Sunday? F*cking lucky, the car screeched and drove over his foot! No more Pink Gin's for you my dear! Cape Town's Number One Chick (NOC) was there. Un be lievable. Even when the tyres were schreeching the boyz found it hard to turn away.

I tell you a very cool vibe but please don't go if you're going to act like a twat. The Planet Bar at the Mount Nelson is cooler than cool. If you think you're going to get a stuffy vibe and a stiff reception then you're doing yourself a great injustice. They're going for a 25 - 35 upwordly mobile feel with with a twist of chutzpah (How is that f*cking word!), and class. And if my memory serves me correctly the girls who work there are little angels. For the girls out there I believe the boys are on track too. I stuck to the champagne and Red Bull cocktails. No, they don't call it a 'shambles' but they should! No one uses the word 'shambles' anymore. Eg. "God their house was an absolute 'SHAMBLES'". "His hair was a SHAMBLES".

Listening to baby face Gareth Cliff today allowed me to remind myself of what I must never say when people ask how I am. "Can't complain".

PLEASE DO NOT REPLY WITH 'CAN'T COMPLAIN' ANYMORE. IT IS OVER.

It is normally in a 'Scottish' accent and almost always doubled....

"Good morning! How are you?"

"Can't complain...[pause]... Can't complain..."

I'll put my knee through your nose to enure you have something to complain about. Freak boy...

Before I forget I must give a public warning. THE CAMPS BAY BLIND PEOPLE ROSE LADY IS BACK. Yes, that's right. The revolting rose lady who doesn't go away until she has completed her two full sentences has returned. I'm sure I wrote about her before. She looks troll-like and you see her from when she arrives at the front door of a restaurant. Once she has done most of the room and you know that you're next, you try your best to catch her eye. YES! You manage to catch her eye before she gets to the table. You give the big so-sorry-love-to-help-but-you're-really-going-to-ruin-my-vibe with a smiley face and shake of the head. Whilst her eyes are still locked on yours, you smile, shake your head, and mouth the words 'NO THANK YOU' very very clearly to her.

SHE CONTINUES, LIKE SOME DERANGED LUNATIC TOWARDS YOU. She is so big you can feel her every step under your very own feet.

Again, more frantically, you mouth the words 'NO THANKS' to the troll-woman.

She gets to the effing table and begins,"Would you like give a donation for the blind etc etc etc.". Once her sentence begins you verbally tell her "No thanks". AND THE BITCH CONTINUES!! "All proceeds etc etc etc". AAAAAAARRRGGGHHH!! You f*cking terrible terrible bitch you have ruined my whole night!! AAARRGGGHHH let me strangle you quickly!!

J*sus it's a killer. I said it before and I'll say it again, there is a time and place for everything. But essentially 'begging' whilst people are treating themselves to a paid for lavish meal is actually crass and in very bad taste (saying 'excuse the pun' is no longer funny). Either send naked supermodels around with roses or f*ck off completely. If anyone is involved in the campaign I will GLADLY put you in touch with a top marketing company who will happily think up some new ideas for your cause. They'll charge a good price too I'm sure. Then maybe you can put your proceeds to better use than buying crack cocaine and TIK. Which we know you do. We read the articles.

There's a new club open in Observatory. In the same place as the old Heidelberg Tavern. Yes, that's the one.

Dear owners of the new club in Obz in the place where Heidelberg was, where's our invite?

Regards,

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

As a story unfolds in the city centre, Melbourne, Australia

I was contacted this afternoon via email and directed towards the plight of two kittens, dumped in an alley somwhere in downtown Melbourne.

Currently it seems the kittens are too out of reach to be saved. They are being fed somehow (using something long. Like a broom perhaps?) and the fire brigade has been called.

We wait.....motionless........for the next update....

How will this end I hear you asking yourselves! Time will tell....

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Permanent

They are f*cking pushing it now. Please be aware of where two new permanent speed trap cameras are.

1) Eastern Boulevard from Hospital Bend through to town. Just before the highway bends right heading towards the Strand Street offramp. Just after the Searle Street offramp. A BIG FAT CAMERA.

2) If you're heading into town past the Convention Centre and you take you first right after the Waterfront turn off and head head to the Green Point circle - there is a trap just before the traffic lights, just before the circle. ANOTHER BIG FAT CAMERA

I GOT PUMPED BY BOTH OF THEM YESTERDAY

THE ONLY REASON WE ARE GETTING NAILED BY THESE CAMERAS IS WE'RE THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT PAY.

We're also happy to report the latest trend that some vandals have set. It seems that some of our youth (or not perhaps?) have formed some sort of an underground sect whose prime aim it is to spray paint the lenses of as many speed cameras as possible. They call themselves PAST - People Against Speed Traps.

We got in touch with the founding member, Stuart Doyle, who informed us that membership is paperless and free of charge. All you need to become a member is a can of spray paint. Membership is automatic on the completion of your first speed trap blinding excercise.

Got get 'em kids!

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Unreal

Can you deal with this dog's outfit?

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Now here's a worthy option

Check it out - here's an option for a New Year bash. R250 for boys and R150 for girls gets you free drinks all night and a bit of action I'm sure. Local and international DJ's

Click image for full details.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Meet on a plane

They have just sat down and the one turns to the other and says:

"Hi there, the name is Bond....
James Bond"

The other one says:

"Hi there, Damme...
van Damme...
Claude van Damme...
Jean Claude van Damme

WHAAAAAA !!!!

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Nick's revelations

If you're into MTV's 'Newlyweds' then you'll no doubt thrive on the news that it's all an absolute sham and they hate each other.

Even though they have re-signed for another year of crap, it is, in fact, all lies. Similar to the Jerry Springer show.

Check out the article HERE

The story is from an email that a lady sent in. She was helping backstage with her and the boyfriend, ex nobody, Nick.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Shame

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

A white trash bun in the oven?

Craigslist, the number one classifieds/personals/sales/jobs/info website in the states produced the following advert on Tuesday. Apparently she's pregnant and they want to name the revolting production 'Cheeto'.

If we still loved Britters we would care. But she let us down and she is no longer special in our hearts. All you get is a golf clap Britters.

CLICK HERE FOR ADVERTISEMENT

Meantime, The Sun in the UK reports on Britters buying her dog a new cot and a poncho. And who said that nothing is newsworthy these days!?

CLICK HERE FOR MORE
ON THIS TERRIBLY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Hurting it in the middle of the week

What is going on? I went out for an absolute bender on Wednesday night. From kareoke in Long Street to Jo'burg bar to the Waterkant area - pretty f*cking crazy but then I had the fright of my life.

I got home in a taxi which just so happened to have 4 girls in it. They came into the house as I collapsed on the sofa. Then they started chatting about the sun starting to rise. Then they decided to get a taxi home. I asked them why?

"We have to be at school in two hours.
We're at Rustenburg in Standard 9"

[ Shhh! Let it sink in ]

It was probably the fastest taxi I have called in my life! But that's not the point of the story. What I want to know is WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON? I mean Wednesday REALLY IS a school night. Standard NINE!! NINE I said! (Grade 11 for the new age kids out there) You 4 are VERY NAUGHTY YOUNG LADIES!!

I hope someone gave you lot a damn good hiding. If not, I'll give you one the next time I see you. A proper hiding. That's right young ladies. I will put you over my knee, lift your triple layer shocking pink ra ra skirt and give you a bloody good spanking.

Evil children.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Running low

Well done on the latest entries to the 2oceansvibe Dirty South competition - We have given away 8 double tickets since yesterday. Klippies and cola have supplied us with a stack more. It's your last chance today. We're giving away 20 tickets today - for the party tomorrow at Dockside - so keep 'em coming.

To win tickets, simply send in your entry to the 2oceansvibe Dirty South competion. CLICK HERE TO DO IT. Do it. Do it. Do it!

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Sent in from the US - with luuurve

CLICK FOR PIC

Samantha from the US sent this in. What a kind gesture! Thanks Sam.

Well we tell you time and time again so we'll say it again....

WE LOVE YOU TOO BABY SHOES!

When you click the pic you'll notice her face not showing. I think that is only fair. Obviously we've got the original and are happy to report that Samantha IS an absolute ANGEL!!!

Nice to see people embracing the concept of the competition. Out of the piles of entries we've received you're definitely in the finals!

Because of cries of "'I have to organise a camera from my brother" .... etc etc etc we have decided that the competition will be extended to the 15th of this month.

Keep 'em coming boys and girls.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Some little boys and girls who are heading for sh*t street

I was sent an email about CIVAIR this week and felt it should be published. Please note we ARE NOT an Issabel Jones type 'protect-the-consumer' website. But we do get a little ticked off with bad service and pricks from time to time and enjoy punishing them for it.

Here is the email I received:

I'm sure you've all heard of Civair - the low cost airline that is supposed to be offering cheap flights between the UK and SA. They've been advertising for a while now, and their website is all set up (www.civair.com) Yes that's right. If you log on now you can book flights, pay and be under the illusion that you're actually going to fly somewhere.

This is not the case.

On Tues pm I called my sister (due to depart on 4 Dec with Civair to Durban) in much excitement to find out how her packing was going and generally get more excited about the thought of being together for Christmas. Her tone told me that something was wrong. Apparently she and her partner had just received an email! from Civair vaguely explaining that they would not be flying on the 4th - all flights were moved out to the 18 Dec...and even this date they could not confirm would not be moved out later! Never mind that this was a group email sent to all the 'passengers' - there was little in the way of explanation about why the dates had changed and no apology! So with much anger, frustration and disappointment I decided to investigate a little further. I called the telephone no's on the website - which were permanently engaged (someone obviously turned the phones off) Then I sent a fax and wrote emails.

Having not had any response, I drove out to the airport to try and locate their 'offices' for myself. After much confusion, they do not have an office! Although the tourist information desk, ACSA, and airport staff are under the impression that they are located somewhere...they just can't tell me where. Then I hear that their desk will be set up on the 18 Dec..yeah right.

I manage to find out that Civair actually is a charter company who organise helicopter flights, and they have a base out in the hangers about 5 kms from the airport. I manage to locate them and walk into the offices. Three staff members are sitting at their desks (one is hiding behind an office door) no one can answer my questions and no one offers one word of apology. The worst of it, is when questioned "Do you have a plane to fly" - they are "unable to comment" and whether the flights will actually take place on the 18th "They cannot guarantee this".

So the only thing to do is get a a refund, which will take a 'while' to come through...whatever that means. And then they take off a merchants commission? So you dont even get your full refund! I've contacted the Argus (they ran a story on this on 30/11), iafrica.com, Carte Blanche and today will contact 3rd Degree and Special Assignment. I'm so tired of South Africans and potential visitors to this country being subjected to this kind of bullshit. Enough with the quick-money-making schemes that are corrupt and cause so many people so much unhappiness. I'm tired of being ripped off and seeing others experience the same thing.

After doing some internet research on Civair and Andy Cluver their CEO - you can see that he's been pushing this new airline for about a year.

This is blatant false advertising. It becomes apparent on certain web pages that the negotiations for Civair to purchase the Boeing have not been completed. How can they be taking people's money without a bloody plane to fly!

Please forward this to everyone you know, this company and their website needs to be shut down.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Finally.... a solution

One of the most emwoerrissing thing that can happen to a person is waking up in the morning and checking the cellphone - only to find that 4 calls were made in the middle of the night.... drunk.

Canberra - An Australian phone company is offering customers the chance to blacklist numbers before heading out for a night on the town so they can reduce the risk of making any embarrassing, incoherent late-night calls.

A survey of 409 people by Virgin Mobile, a joint venture of The Virgin Group and Optus, found 95 of people percent made drunk calls.

Of those calls, 30 percent were to ex-partners, 19 percent to current partners, and 36 percent to other people, including their bosses.

The company also found that 55 percent of those polled would grab for their phone first the next morning to check who they had drunkenly dialed, compared with just eight percent who went for the headache pills first.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

You're a fool if you haven't been

We received a tip off from one of you lot (our loyal, ever adoring 2oceanvibe readers) saying that the pizzeria at the very end of Bree Street was definitely something to check out at lunch times. The main reason to go was apparently the staff - 'smoking hot' we were told.

Well we were in for a treat - it turns out the food was as good as the staff! Our motive will definitely have changed next time we cruise round - although the angels will certainly make it a treat.

Four of us cruised in on Friday last week and were perched on an outside table. Immediately we were captivated. There was something going on. Something was alive. It's the city buzz. Sun was streaming down and we were surrounded by the Cape Town City Cool Crowd - something we're not used to. I'll give it to you kids - very cool. But in amongst the city cool is a smattering of the observatory cool type - that laid back 'hey whatever' crew. One guy with his hair in braids and another table catering for an ad agency type with his new G4 apple mac laptop. This place certainly caters for the mixed crowd - something we like.

The staff have an attitude that draws you in - and they're pretty hot I tell you what! Our waitress, Janna was an absolute star. She's the kind of gal who would tell you to go f*ck yourself if you were out and said something at the wrong time.... but for now she's all over everything and super sweet. The food came out perfectly - the Buitenverwagting Buiten Blanc (This season's favourite again kids) was poured with such precision I thought she was a surgeon!

We pushed it a bit. We had the wine, the sparkling water, the started salad, the starter garlic pita bread and then pizzas all round. God those pizzas were amazing! I had the Morituri - bacon and avo I think. I added extra feta. Anyway check it out yourself. I also had a few bites of another one with salmon and caviar. Who says you can't kick at a pizza joint?

But seriously guys and girls, when last did you go to a pizzeria which served fine wines? And when last did you have an exceptional genuine Italiano pizza? Pizza with 5 star service and a bit of vino for lunch on a Friday!! It's f*cking crazy man!!! In the sun!! With gorgeous angels serving you! And serving you damn well I might add!

The place must rock at night time too. Such a vibe! We'll sort that out another time but for now...... if there's sun and it's lunch time and you've got an hour on hand.... don't waste your time at Tuscany Beach - come 5 minutes in land. Go to the botom of Bree Street to the parking area next to Investec - where Vacca Matta was/is and check out Colcacchio Pizzeria - you'll be happy you did.

Thanks Janna.... gorgeous angel....

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

At Dockside on Saturday

Well 2oceansvibe just keep on wanting you to be happy! It's unreal!

Klippies and Cola have given us got 10 DOUBLE tickets to the FHM Homegrown Honeys party happening this Saturday (04 December) at Dockside. DID YOU SAY DOUBLE TICKETS? I sure did pumpkin! Do you want to know what to do to win a double ticket? Very easy.....

The next ten entries that come in for the 2oceansvibe Dirty South competition WILL WIN DOUBLE TICKETS!!

Do we all remember how the 2oceansvibe Dirty South competition works? Check it out HERE.

Starting NOW..... the next ten entries to the 2oceansvibe competition will receive double tickets to the FHM Homegrown Honeys party at Dockside - all thanks to Klippes and Cola - CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY!!!

Go go go!! To win, click HERE and follow the instructions

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Brought to the streets of Cape Town - URBAN COWBOY

We received a very peculiar video clip of an individual by the name of Brett. After some research we have the following facts about this little pumpkin. Apparently he......

- has featured in a Tom Jones video.....
- did a dance skit for 30'seconds (SABC feature)
- Dressed up as a ho and danced in front of a 200 strong audience at a media party
- Caught riding a bull backwards in a superman outfit

We'll stop there and let you work him out. Once again we're relatively speechless.

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD
BRETT THE COWBOY PUMPKIN

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com