And have given up completely on learning to fly like a bird
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You may have missed another piece of outstanding South African journalism featured on iol, and possibly the odd print publication a couple of days ago. It was to do with our correctional Services Minister, Ngconde Balfour, confirming that serious action will be taken on prison staff, following another escape (murderers and rapists - not ideal).

But that wasn't the part that got me. The part that got me was the second paragraph where it mentioned:

"Last Friday night, seven dangerous awaiting-trial prisoners escaped from an Mthatha prison by sawing through burglar bars - a method that has been used to escape before."

I've hosed myself every time I've read that today. And even now, after dragging myself to write this down for you, after thinking about it for half an hour, I am still rolling on the ground, slapping my side and peeing myself.

A

METHOD

THAT

HAS

BEEN

USED

TO

ESCAPE

BEFORE

 

[let that sink in]



You know...... come to think of it.......you're probably right. Although bizarre and out of the ordinary, this very leftfield technique of escaping prison, by actually SAWING through the bars, would almost DEFINITELY have been used before to escape.

Yes, I seem to remember seeing or reading about it happening before. I just can't remember where.

Now where was it..... Where did I see it....

Oh YES! It was IN EVERY FUCKING CARTOON I'VE EVER SEEN FEATURING A STEREOTYPICAL PRISONER TRYING TO ESCAPE! In fact, I'd say it is not only every human's first idea that comes to mind when thinking about escaping prison, but you'll probably find that starfish would probably even come up with this very same technique. And ashtrays. Starfish and ashtrays could probably conjure up the same plan.

So yes, it certainly is a technique prisoners have used before to escape.

Hmmm. Oh, hang on!
I've just thought of something!

What is the one thing keeping me out of this jail cell?

Hmm, there seems to be something blocking this window over here. What are these? These...these BARS! I need to get rid of them! Now how should I do that?

I can't seem to bend them....if only I could get them out the way. Maybe I should cut them. Yes! I should cut them! WITH A FUCKING SAW!!!!!!!!

So yes, I'm glad the writer clarified that it was a technique used before to escape from prison!



[There will be a very tiny handful of you out there who aren't laughing and are tempted to write to me and tell me that the writer may have been referring to the fact that sawing through bars has been used before at that PARTICULAR prison and that he was, perhaps, highlighting the fact that they hadn't addressed a recurring problem. That will be VERY boring of you to do that and I think we all agree that the probability of my aforementioned apparent ambiguity (sic) being true FAR outweighs your very boring argument which does nothing but ruin our fun.]


Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
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