Get into the week

I watched a tv programme on MNET on Sunday night. It was part of a rare treat combining said show, ‘Show me the Mommy’, with Carters (Ruda’s hair is looking positively revolting. God knows where Derek is.) and the eight o’ clock movie, ‘Love Actually'. What a pleasure.

‘Show me the Mommy’ is something to behold. The idea is for the mothers of the girls to spend time with the suitor and for him to choose the daughter from experiences with their mother. Three mothers, three daughters, one guy. The guy was Coenrad and he was a piece of work.

Coenrad. Relaxed... yet challenging the camera

When they showed general day-to-day footage of him (getting out of the car etc.) they had a clip of him taking a jog. Not just jogging.

Shadow boxing while he jogged

Shadow boxing

Like Rocky.

(expats and poms in the UK around 2000 will have visions of Nasty Nick from Big Brother at this stage)

Mr 2oceansvibe would do better than Coenrad. The first mother told him her daughter did part time modeling. Indeed, she was a little angel and certainly would have been my choice. The best of the bunch.

Mother daughter pair number one

He was impressed with this and said he was ‘between jobs’ and busy trying to “break into modeling”. You should come to Cape Town, Coenster. People often get their lunch for free in Camps Bay for unknowingly being extras in ads. Everyones a model. It’s your birthright. I had a big break taking a piss on the side of the road in a Volkswagon ad. The ad world needs good pissers. I saw the gap. I took it. Coenrad mentioned before that he wanted to get on the show to ‘get exposure’. What about finding love, Coenrad?

So anyway, on their date she chose to take him to the shooting range. (We should definitely present this show to an overseas audience. Great PR.). She exclaimed after the date that Coenrad was ‘A FANTASTIC shot. She was visibly turned on. She decided that he would be “A great asset to our family”. Jesus.

Mother daughter pair number two

The second mother was an absolute tart and virtually gave the bachelor a blow job in the Jacuzzi at a health spa they went to. Naturally Coenrad chose her daughter (this, by the way, is purely based on his time with her mother) and won a date with her daughter. Her daughter is the one who (on national television) said to the show’s hostess that her man needs to spend stacks of money on her. I quote, “if I want love I’ll get a dog. If I want sex I’ll get a dildo”.

On national television

Oh my God

This is why they make these shows. It’s certainly not to find love – it is for us to be absolutely flabbergasted at the people we share our nationality with (I’ve just got absolutely flustered over whether nationality is a capital ‘N’ or a small ‘n’. Keep rolling). Honestly, how else can you showcase this lot? God they’re amazing! The third mother was heavily overweight and chose to go on a Boot Camp date. To boot camp. Real boot camp. It was her choice. With obstacle courses and leopard crawling. ……. Needless to say she almost died and he hated her by the end. Her daughter was a terror.

Mother daughter pair number three

The hostess of the show is not dissimilar to Maude and I cannot fathom as to what she is doing there. Apparently she came up with the idea. Bernie Ecclestone heads the Great Formula One Road Show – he doesn’t present it. He knows his strengths.

But don’t go changin', local TV. There is nothing better than watching us trying to reproduce and copy big money US network TV type shows. It’s those little local rough edges than humour us so much. The cringe factor keeps us coming back. Like turning on Supersport and actually watching Joost and Joel talk (using his sinuses to create his voice, rather than his vocal chords). We have a dirty desire to watch.

Keep ‘em coming.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com