Come back, Mavis - all is forgiven
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Mavis has apparently been working so hard that she felt it was necessary to go on holiday. She requested two weeks holiday. I thought it should be fine, given that I was doing my glider flying training for the first half of the proposed fortnight. The P.A. assured me everything would be taken care of and that Mavis had an understudy, Ethel. Apparently Ethel would be briefed in-depth as to the ways of Seth, before her Royal Highness finally gets a chance to put her feet up. (Obviously the chilling-out on the sofa at the Safe House watching e-TV WWE wrestling, was not enough.)

Needless to say, Ethel is a fucking disaster. But I don't know if it is because she is slow, or if Mavis did this on purpose to put the final nail in the coffin and kill me. Either way, I am close to death.

I put all of my laundry into the magic laundry basket on the weekend and looked forward to getting some of my favourite T-shirts back by, latest, Tuesday. This is what I found in the bathroom on Tuesday. (Bearing in mind that I don't see laundry - clothes are either in the cupboard (ironed, folded and colour-coded) or in the laundry basket. There is no in-between. Until now, it seems.)

Next to the basin. Where Seth operates.

That photo might seem quite tame to you, but let me fill you in on some minor details. The clothes you see folded and piled on the counter ARE ALL SOAKING WET! And let me tell you something else, THEY ARE STILL FUCKING THERE AND IT'S FRIDAY NOW!

Are you fucking kidding me?

Can you even comprehend the smell permeating from a four-day-old stack of soaking wet, FOLDED clothes? It cannot be described! But I'll try to describe it. It's.....it's....it is FUCKING HORRENDOUS!

And that's not all! I called in time and received a BONUS prize!!!! That's right, I found my "Carmel Strong Dill gherkins" completely RAPED of all the fat juicy gherkins. Ethel had quite carefully taken out NO LESS than 10 FAT gherkins and left me with about four small ones. The carnage in the Safe House is QUITE staggering!

Carmel Strong Dill gherkins
Sodomised

That's where I am at the moment - not in a good place. It is Ethel's last day today and I thank God for it. I will have to have words with Mavis on Monday as I know for a FACT that she is laughing her fucking head off, wherever she is.

Probably the Caribbean.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
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