To replace his sister. Now why would you go and do that?
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So Tom Cruise's sister is being replaced as his publicist. She is the one who has been taking care of his public profile since last year. It kind of makes sense though, if you think about it.

Ever since I was a kid, Tom Cruise has constantly been viewed by most people as one of the coolest men on the planet. No one could beat him, he was the best at everything. He was a jet pilot, a pool-hall champ, an ace racing driver, a slick-dog lawyer, a spy, a motor-mouth sports agent, a hot-shot barman and even a vampire - EVERYTHING I wanted to be! In Risky Business he trashed his parents' house when they were away on holiday, pumped a hooker, had the house ripped off and got everything back before they returned from holiday. He was like the older brother I never had (only-child-feel-sorry-for-me moment). God, he was cool.

And then over the last year, Tom Cruise set about gently shitting all over himself. He took his coolness, his mystique, all he had built up over two decades and reduced his name to a punchline. Tom Cruise jokes are the new Michael Jackson jokes. Thanks for that, Sis! Thanks for letting me out into the open! Clearly Cruise's publicist before his sister knew that he was a fucking loony case and did exactly what you should do with famous fruit cakes - keep them locked up. This, in turn, added to his mystique. But now it's too late.

Cruise losing his mind on Jay Leno

I watched the new love of his life, Katie Holmes, present him with with an award at the MTV Movie Awards. It was an absolute emwoerrisment! The crowd were silenced. Honestly, it was a mockery. He has totally and utterly brainwashed her. Our cute little angel from Dawson's Creek has had her brain shat on by Tom Cruise. Not only that, but she is also is carrying his alien child inside her once beautiful little body. Now her body is tainted. There is poison inside it - Cruise poison. God, where will it all end?

So good luck to the new publicist! I don't mean to be negative, but it's too late. You're fucked.

In a totally unrelated piece of news, I remind you of this week's Sunday Times headline : "ZUMA RAPE CLAIM".

Aaah. As Tom Cruise said in A Few Good Men "The hits just keep on coming"!

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
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