Together, we must embrace it
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Umm did anyone even have a look at that Tom Cruise video I mentioned towards the end of last month? I mean did you actually stop and HAVE A FUCKING LOOK? I love him to bits but....

Tom Cruise is off his fucking head

I will direct you again to his video [click here for article and video]. I run hungover/haven't-slept focus groups at home every Saturday morning. This weekend we dealt with the Tom Cruise footage. One of the group even commented that the video footage of him MUST be from a commercial. IT'S NOT!!! IT'S FUCKING REAL!!!! ITS FUCKING LIVE!!!!! TOM CRUISE HAS LOST HIS FUCKING MIND!!!!!

He has to start a cult now or something. He is tailor made for cult leadership. He shouldn't be involved in Scientology. He should make up his own new cult, Cruisology. I swear he'll get millions of followers. Then they can all go and fuck up the Scientology guys and rule the World! Look at his eyes. I would also love to see what David Ike's take is on Tom Cruise because if anyone is an evil monster, it's the Cruisemeister. He is delusional.

I fucking own you

Apparently Steven Spielberg has even pulled a few of the movie promotional spots because Cruise is clearly brainwashed or from another planet. Honestly he should start a new cult. He probably has already. He's probably brainwashed every one of us already without us knowing - Using subtle brainwashing techniques throughout his movies. All he needs to do is say the word and we will destroy each other. Or one day he will go onto World television and announce that we should 'PREPARE'. We'll automatically go to our bedrooms and put on the white Nikes we bought for no reason a few days earlier. With a knife to our throats, we'll wait until exactly midnight at which time we'll end our lives and wait for the Mothership to take us up to Planet Cruise where we can wear black long sleeve shirts and black trousers for ever and eternity.

I think I'd be pretty good at Scientology. It's a doddle.

I see we have a local youngster from Jo'burg by the name of Claire who ran away and married a cult leader in the States. This stuff is fucking hilarious! I love it! She's just a local version of Katie Holmes, who has gone under Cruise's spell and will NEVER be able to get out of the trance. Nicole Kidman is DEFINITELY hiding something. She wants to tell us something; the REAL reason why her and Cruise got divorced. (I hope everyone enjoyed the use of the 'semi colon' back there). You became scared of Tom, didn't you, Nicole? She probably realised there was something amiss when she used to announce to him in the morning, "Your cornflakes are ready, oh Great One".

I can't cope. I watched Tom Cruise on Oprah and something else happened. He went into a trance and Oprah had to help him talk. Yes, 2oceansvibe OBVIOUSLY has the footage for you. But we're keeping it for a bit. It's so good we want to hold it for a while. Like a cat playing around with a dead mouse, we do too. I copied the video onto a little USB memory card and threw it on the ground. When I feel like playing I pounce on the memory card on the floor of my living room and throw it around, rolling on it from time to time - making purring sounds - lost in the pure joy of having it. Like a kid with a new toy, I snuggle up to the memory card in my bed. I will put it on 2oceansvibe soon. Just let me have it for a little bit first, ok?

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
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