It could happen to anyone
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One's grammar is all important in that headline. A couple of commas here and there ("Butlers, Pizza, Virgin") and you've got an image of the hired help using pizza to bribe the boss's daughter into some kind of orgy.

But no, whilst that does sound like an excellent role-playing scenario that I will almost DEFINITELY try, what I am in fact referring to, is a 2oceansvibe reader's account of her most recent Butlers Pizza delivery. Many of you will be aware of my obsession with Butlers pizza driver perfection and, in particular, that I REFUSE to have a pizza delivered by someone who has done any less than 1,500 missions. Imagine my UTTER DISMAY when a reader emailed in a report about a delivery by someone on their FIRST EVER MISSION!

A Butlers Virgin! Oh sweet Jesus!

Risky.
Very..........risky.

Check it out:

G'day Mr Rotherham

So... i thought i'd share with you that I broke in a virgin last night...

Chris was a bit of an over eager beaver when it came to friendliness... and as with most virgins - he was very quick coming around :p

i know you like your butlers boys experienced, but i think Chris here deserves some credit...

Cheerio

Christy

Jesus. Rather than you than me. Look, you can get the odd lucky one. Granted. If you want to break in virgins, that's the risk you take. You'll find the roads were clear that night with no red lights and the order was probably placed at a convenient time. There were no complications for him to deal with. Can he perform when it's peak hour and he's slicing five pizza's a minute? Chances are high YOUR pizza will be the one he doesn't slice properly. And if there is an accident on Forest Drive, does your beloved "CHRIS" know that you can hang a right into Peak Drive, turn left into Links Drive, left into St. Stevens Road and end up at the traffic lights, thus rejoining Forest Drive after the accident?

Probably not.

But look, it's your decision. Take the rookie, abuse him, play some mind games with him - fine. I've been through that stage. I've had my fun. But now, I just want my pizza; and I want it good. I'm sticking to the old dogs - solid performers who wouldn't be averse to a suck on a joint and a brief smut talk session.

That's all I'm saying.

Good luck, to both Chris's. You guys are perfect for each other.

 

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
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