Stop it! That, is perfect. JUST perfect. Apparently Ron Jeremy is playing Joost (with Matt Damon as Francois Pienaar) in that new movie about Nelson Mandela and the 1995 World Cup. Should be good.. [thanks peter]

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You see, this is the point I was trying to put across the other day. You find yourself turning and staring and you’re like, “Jesus, look at that piece of…” and then, as your eyes focus your brain signals you to shut up and stop what you’re saying and doing and thinking. PULL OUT!! PULL […]

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Oh my goodness this is a little beauty I’ve got in my hands. Sent to me by Griffin at WatKykJy, it is a TRADITIONAL HEALER’S sick note a friend’s domestic employee brought to work after going missing for a few days. He was mad, but now is healed..     That, my friends, is a […]

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It’s all happening, people! The FIFA 2010 World Cup tickets are going on sale this week. I think I need to get a few, just in case the Mozambiquen connection doesn’t pull through (boys, I trust all is in order?).     Tickets are currently priced between R140 and R6,300. And I say “currently” because […]

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Whilst the original nasty judge, Simon Cowell exudes an air of intelligence, the character is once again lost on Randall Abrahams as his increasingly unconvincing facade gains momentum.   ..and the hits just keep on comin’   I had another perverted tingle down my back and I turned on the Idols highlights channel for a […]

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It reminds me of when my mother arrived home and I was wearing her high heels. She did a bad job of hiding the panic and told me to remove them at once. Although I was only seven, a boy, and the shoes were not my size; I think my mother secretly agreed that I […]

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94.5KFM is where you wanna be tomorrow morning where we gonna get LOOOOSE with Ryan O’ Connor!   OBVIOUSLY you are a part of my body and therefore I will go there with you in mind and should hopefully please you. 07h00 tomorrow morning – probably starting at 07h10 but tune in at 07h00 just […]

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Another classic from the national broadcaster SABC who, through forced employment, produce continually below-par basics:     This, from Clayton S:   Yes, folks, the Incredible Comrade Fidel Castro went to University six years before his birth and spent four years underground before busting out. At the tender age of 3, he led a revolution […]

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The first time I heard this song, Sideways (or anything by Citizen Cope, for that matter), was about a year ago. It was a rehashed version with Carlos Santana, which Citizen Cope’s staunch faithful believe over-punctuated the song, taking away too much from Cope’s (Clarence Greenwood) intention. Personally I loved it. Enjoying Rolling Stone reports […]

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It’s too good.   [thanks belinda]

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Aaah, this one is just too precious! I got this OUT STANDING email from one of my very special loyal readers.   Hi Seth, Sorry this is quite long but well worth the read. Basically 2 colleagues of mine found this website www.thefirstworldwidewebsitewerenothinghappens.com and one of them picked up that there was a typo in […]

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I strongly suggest all girls make their way to the Cosmo Sex Survey. And I strongly suggest that the guys don’t! I made that mistake, you see..   Get there fast, ladies!   I smelt a rat when I came to the question that asked: “How long would you date someone before having sex with […]

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Those of you who know what Twitter is, you’ll be pleased to know that 2oceansvibe is now on Twitter – dishing you the same incredible humour and wit, leaving you weak at the knees, only this time it will be done with a twit twat twot twitting twatter. Click here for our Twitter vibe. Oh, […]

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Amazing how Idols is doing “so well,” yet they have urgently changed the rules, following disappointing ratings. SUDDENLY the process has changed from entering into the 12 girls / 12 guys vibe, and has gone straight to a final 14. Desperate measures to save the show in this, the Dying Swan scene. From TVSA:   […]

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The sun shone through very nicely earlier, which resulted in a well deserved little dip at Beta Beach. And now the clouds have come over. Not that it’s a problem from The Safe House, as this is the result..   FINE!

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elSIES RIVER   Good. PASS   [thanks sudhir]

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Great to piss your buddies off at work. It comes with a big red button – which is the sole purpose of the website. You press this button for a beautiful rimshot, like the old-school comedians used to have after each joke. Please refrain from any “rim job” jokes. We’re quite particular about using jokes […]

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I’m a big fan of the colour pink and don’t mind splashing my vibe with a little bit here and there. Like the odd pink shirt, or pink socks. I must say, I don’t have any pink jocks. Do Calvin Klein make pink boxers/briefs for guys? Mum, could we investigate that please? Ta. Now, much […]

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EAT YOUR FOOD, TINA!   Lindsay Lohan at the opening of Matthew Williamson’s New York store yesterday during the Mercedes-Benz Fall 2009 Fashion Week   That photo has not been photoshopped, by the way. I’d like to take this opportunity to confirm to all women out there, that we (men) do NOT like that look […]

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  WHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! [thanks charl]

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Whereas I would almost certainly claim to have a bigger dick than that of an offending sex tape, Joost has gone the other route – he claims that it can’t be him, because the guy in the video’s main-chap is way too big to be his. Joost and his wife, Amor (Before sex tape) This, […]

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Just chilling here with my main man, The Photographer. So he says to me, “Jeez, it’s tit today! the sky is very pastel.” I was like, “fucken big time! I need to show my gorgeous readers!” And here it is!!    

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I don’t like to give all my secret tricks away. But when you have over 18,000 tricks up your sleeve, it REALLY doesn’t dent your inventory if you give the odd one away. Especially when it is helping you, my gorgeous 2oceansvibe readers – the most treasured of my possessions. Now, a lot of you […]

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So this little shit in the UK has become a dad at the age of 13. Which is fairly incredible, given that 13 would put us in standard 5 (“grade” 7). Personally, I was in standard 6 (I was incredibly bright as a child) at that age and talk of sex was definitely apparent in […]

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I’m just gathering myself. Joost van der Westhuizen has apparently been caught in a sex tape, filmed by a whore, whilst on coke. It doesn’t get better than this, ladies and gentlemen. This is the the biggest SA scandal since Hansie lied to us. Quietly enjoy this, from HEAT: You’ve seen the headlines and read […]

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I was browsing our preferred eventing and organising company, Marina’s Little Black Book, and I noticed there were two more names added to the coordinating powerhouse!   Marina’s Little Black Bookwww.thelittleblackbook.co.za I don’t know about you, but these pics I found on the Little Black Book website of Brodie Thompsett and Amanda Boardman suggest we’ve […]

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It’s interesting to note that this whole debacle with Idols began when 2oceansvibe suggested that Dave Thompson experienced a Freudian slip when he told a contestant that there might be no a show next year. We even gave reasons for the slip, including the possibility that the show might be going on, but perhaps Dave […]

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Rihanna   Jesus, Chris Brown gave her quite a serious tight left. It’s amazing how quickly something like that can completely strip you of all street cred. That, and kiddie fiddling – instant downfall.   [thanks anna]   UPDATE: THIS PIC IS A PHOTOSHOPPED FAKE. UNFORTUNATELY OUR SOURCE IS QUITE GULLIBLE AND DIDN’T CHECK HER […]

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One of the most famous pics to come out of the latest Australian fire tragedy, is this one, showing a fireman giving water to a Koala bear.     The bear was first called Ken, but then they found out that he was actually a female. So they went for Sam the Koala Bear. There […]

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Before I kick off here, it should just be noted that, although being in the same league of beauty, Bar Rafaeli is no relation to local female publishing dynamos Vanessa and Julia and the Raphaely Dynasty. They went for the “ph” and the “y”, rather than the “f” and the “i.” I must say ‘m […]

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