And reinvents herself as Martha Stewart
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When one buys and moves into a furnished house or apartment, there will always be various items lying around that you would never normally own. Sometimes you never even realise they are there. In the case of the safe house, I had no idea that there was a drawer or vase that was holding a number of porcupine quills. I have never owned a porcupine quill, nor have I felt any need to. Mavis, however, found some porcupine quills and decided that something had to be done with them.

I arrived home today to the safe house and waltzed into my bedroom, only to find that Mavis had chosen today to get creative. This is what I was presented with:

As you can see, there is a candle on a brown wooden stand, set against the mirror. That is all I normally have in the centre of the counter. Not today, today is different. Mavis has done a number of interesting things here. She seems to have taken items from around the safe house and added them to this feature. We'll start with those effing porcupine quills. What she has done is she has pierced the candle with seven porcupine quills - three on either side and one at the back of the candle rim - creating a sort of porcupine quill fuckfest. On the counter in front of the candle stand she has lined up the two Alessi figures (floss and nail clippers) on either side of the Dolce & Gabanna eau de toilette. It's as though the Alessi characters are bodyguards for the bottle of Dolce & Gabbana (why she chose this particular brand over the others available in the bathroom is obviously because Mavis prefers Dolce to Ralph Lauren, Burberry and the rest of the gang).

In front of the actual candle she has placed Mr Mysterioso (if you don't know who Mr Mysterioso is, I would advise you to do some research on Google). You can't see him properly because he is white like the candle. He glows at night time and is normally stored in a drawer. I haven't seen him in about three months. Mavis doesn't like him stored in a drawer and would prefer him here - in front of the candle.

The daughter of a friend gave me the plastic teddy bear you see ABOVE the candle - stuck onto the actual mirror. (I didn't want you to wonder why I had a small plastic teddy bear in my possession). The teddy bear is normally lying flat on the counter, in the corner where I keep medication and other small items - eye drops, Rennies, Rohypnol etc. Not any more! We've made some changes around here! Mavis decided the teddy bear needed more exposure and it seems he will be residing on the mirror for now and eternity.

I'm not sure if you're playing some sort of mind game with me, Mavis, but I don't like it. Am I meant to read something into this? Do you want the porcupine quills? Must I offer them to you? Is it for medicine? Have you put a curse on me? Have you put a curse on Mr. Mysterioso?

Are you going to kill me?

Is this new feature staying here forever? Will you change it?

What is going on?

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
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