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World
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WYCLEF JEAN – DON’T GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT
27 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
You hear the news? Multi-talented musician and purveyor of all things chilled, Wyclef Jean, is perhaps, potentially, maybe, could-be, considering running as a presidential candidate in the forthcoming Haitian elections. Apparently he’s been tempted to run because of a grassroots youth following lobbying strongly for his political voice in that country. It’s called Face to […]
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THE MANY ADVENTURES OF JIMMY JUMP
27 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Seth posted this footage of a man allegedly trying to steal the World Cup (that’s right, the trophy) at the 2010 Fifa World Cup final at Soccer City on July 11. Some of you were kind enough to point out that “a man” was actually Jimmy Jump, a 34 year old professional pitch invader and […]
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COMING SOON – THE MANLIEST MOVIE EVER MADE, EVER
26 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 7 Comments
The Expendables will be the manliest movie you will ever watch in your whole life. Warning: Effeminate viewers may suffer death. Written and directed by the star of the film, Sylvester Stallone, The Expendables promises pretty much the same kind of action as Rambo 4, except this time there’s more than one guy with huge […]
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SIMON COWELL SUED FOR BEING NASTY – CUE SURPRISED FACE
23 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 3 Comments
Simon Cowell is a news maker. He’s made his mark by being the asshole judge on shows like Idols, America’s Got Talent, and Britain’s Got Talent. More importantly, he’s earned the reputation of an asshole who very seldom makes a bad call. So some might regard the man to be evil, others may hold the […]
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THE DUREX iPHONE APP – IF ONLY WE HAD IDEA CONDOMS
22 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Durex, the international condom manufacturer have, just like every other company with a marketing team worth its salt, developed a snazzy iPhone app. Kudos to them. That said, there are a few interesting things to note in the promotional video. Say, for example, their reasoning that guys don’t use condoms while making the beast with […]
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SARAH PALIN IS NOT, AND NEVER WILL BE SHAKESPEARE
21 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 4 Comments
You know who Sarah Palin is, right? She’s that most painful of creatures – a self-righteous, insular hockey mom with the backing of a powerful political party. And she’s also not very bright. Which is perhaps a great reason to keep herself AWAY from social media tools, like Twitter, for instance. The great TweetMachine has […]
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THE REAL DERELICTE
20 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
There is a particularly handsome homeless man in China. And people are FREAKING OUT about it. Web forum locals in China have dubbed the sultry street walker “Brother Sharp”, apparently with reference to his hauntingly good looks and snappy avant garde dressing style. Mmm, yes. Those homeless bastards sure do know how to trump us […]
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CULTURE CLASSICS – SPOTTED ON THE STREETS
19 Jul 2010 by Seth Rotherham / 1 Comment
Well with Mel Gibson’s latest rage and George Michael smashing his Range rover into a shop, pissed, one can only be impressed with these quick-off-the-mark thinkers. This, sent in by Nick W, which his mate took and sent him – taken at the very Snappy Snaps outlet which George Michael crashed into. the damage is […]
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SEPP BLATTER IS A “DICKHEAD”
16 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Love him or hate him, but mostly hate him, Sepp Blatter was the lucky recipient of the Order of the Companions of OR Tambo, bestowed upon his reverend person by the magnanimous nation of South Africa. Well, alright then. You diplomats brown nose each other in whichever way you prefer. But, oh sweet heavens, how […]
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THE BEATING CHAMBER – NOW IN MALLS
15 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
In the gulag that Seth has us working in, we have a beating chamber. It’s the one small mercy of my life at 2oceansvibe. When I’m relieved of my duties as a human coffee table (after meetings), I go back to the beating chamber, where I get to break microwaves, furniture and sunglasses from rival […]
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THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SKINTONE
14 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Vaseline is taking capitalising on social pressures to a wonderfully tech-savvy level. They’ve launched a Facebook app for a range of skin lightening cream due to be released next month in India. The page name for the app is “Vaseline Men BE PREPARED“, and incites YOU to “Transform Your Face on Facebook With Vaseline Men” […]
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DEATHSWITCH – BECAUSE YOU CAN’T EMAIL WHEN YOU’RE DEAD
14 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Morning, kids. Are you ready for some delightfully cheery death chat? The “what happens to my online presence when I die” question has been haunting our minds in recent months, ever since the story broke about Facebook suggesting people “reconnect” or “share the latest news” with a deceased friend. Epic failure. Think about it. Twitter, […]
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THE HEF IS A GREEDY, GREEDY MAN
13 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The Hef “Hugh” Hefner, as we like to call him, has lured an equity company to bed, and together they plan on buying out all of Playboy Enterprises remaining company shares in a bid to make things a little more private. Apparently he’s not interested in selling his shares, or merging with other shareholders. But […]
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BEST HEADLINE OF 2010?
12 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Independent Newspapers [IOL, Cape Times etc] is known for its occasionally obtuse and ambiguous headlines. For example, when more boring news groups might report “TWO MEN ARRESTED IN DRUG BUST”, Independent would probably phrase it thus: “WITNESS FINGERS DRUG LORDS – TWO ARRESTED” Shockingly enough, what I’m about to show you did NOT, I repeat, […]
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DOOMSDAY ARK – NOT LIVING THE HOLIDAY
09 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
So the European Space Agency has had a bit of a revelation, and they’ve struck upon the idea to build a “remote access toolkit to rebuild the human race” on the moon. In other words, said toolkit is what evil geniuses refer to as a “doomsday ark”. Apparently, the ark will contain the essentials of […]
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THE ULTIMATE VUVUZELA QUESTION
08 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
We’ve debated it, we’ve dealt with it, we’ve heard that it’s really bad for your hearing (well, we actually read that, we’re completely void to the world of sound now). Hell, we’ve exported it to the world. There is only one last thing to ask of the vuvuzela.
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IRAN BANS MULLETS, PREFERS THE CHIN-HAWK
08 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
There’s a crisis in the Middle East, ladies and gentlemen. For centuries, the mullet has stood on the threshold of visual offense and radical expression of freedom. And in yet another move to isolate itself from the global Wayne’s World generation, Iran has banned that most majestic and elusive of creatures, the mullet. Imagine a […]
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IRISH KUNG FU IS STRONG
07 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
When you think “Irish movie”, what’s the first thing that pops into your head? You think dreary coastlines, people with a strange affinity for potatoes, seaweed and fish (usually together in a pie), the IRA and The Cranberries. At a push, you might be thinking Gerard Butler and posthumous love letters (why, Gerard, why?). But […]
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THIS IS THE WORST SENTENCE EVER?
07 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 3 Comments
Okay, so some of you may have sniffed out the Bulwer-Lytton Award in the press recently. In a nutshell, it’s an annual prize for the most heinously horrible complete sentence known to the English language, penned in the year of the award. No, the IOL sub-editors did not clinch the prize this year. Without further […]
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YOU CAN STAY AT MY PLACE, ARJEN
06 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
No spice, the Dutch soccer team needs a place to stay. While the Uruguayans were getting an undeserved peaceful night’s sleep in Newlands (despite a small Twitter campaign calling for Capetonians to please “not” blow vuvuzelas and bang drums outside their rooms), the dutchies were bumming around the Cape of Good Hope looking for a […]
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iPAD A LA CARTE
06 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Sydney Restaurant, Mundo Global Tapas, may have a silly sounding name, but they are rocking the their technological potential as an eatery. Picture this: You walk into a restaurant, and instead of being handed the usual crusty leather-bound tome of a menu fitted with pseudo-brass corners, you’re handed an iPad. You think, “Cool! A pre-drinks […]
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SO THE TRAFFIC’S BAD? BUY A CHOPPER, FOOL
05 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
In the most stunningly apathetic move since Marie Antoinette told the dirty kids to shove off and eat their cake, Moscow’s regional governor suggested that residents should buy a helicopter if they’re suffering with road traffic congestion. “I fly in a helicopter. (You) should also buy helicopters instead of cars – then you do not […]
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ACCIDENTAL PENIS
02 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
As we wrap up this eventful week with the news that Jackie Selebi has been shafted, there’s no better browsing than a bizarre but thoroughly humurous site, Accidental Penis. It’s not the “I was on steroids for five years as a professional woman body builder and ended up with an accidental penis” kind of accidental […]
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WEED LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE – HUH?
02 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Rosebud, the marijuana lifestyle magazine. The guy in the photo is James Daly, the editor of this new print publication. What’s wrong with this picture? Well, I dunno about you, but that guy seems a little paranoid weary of the camera. But that’s to be expected, because the man is […]
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LIONS AND LIGERS AND BEARS – OH MY!
30 Jun 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 3 Comments
This has been in the news cycle for about a week now, so it’s not exactly hot off the press stuff. Nevertheless, I thought you ought to know that a restaurant in Arizona is GRINDING UP OUR EFFING LIONS FOR BURGER MEAT. Didn’t any of those cruel bastards watch the lion king? I’m not feeling […]
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EXTREMELY HOT RUSSIAN SPY SURFACES IN NEW YORK
30 Jun 2010 by Seth Rotherham / 1 Comment
News items like this only come around once every few years. They remind you of why Ian Fleming was such a genius, as he churned out the iconic James Bond novels – most of which featured extremely hot woman spies. With Kim Jong il as today’s real-life Bond villain, and this smoking hot Russian spy […]
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FLAME THROWERS – THE HEN’S TEETH
29 Jun 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
I was feeling particularly generous this morning, so I decided to find a solution to Seth’s toast problem. Enter the personal flame thrower. How awesome is this? For just a thousand US dollars, you can have hard toast whenever, and wherever you want. And there’s an added benefit, Seth. Talking to the manager is effective, […]
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THE BIG CAPTION
28 Jun 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The best thing about the Eyjafjallajokull eruption, besides its name, was the brace of rocking pictures that it produced. At the forefront of the photographic excellence was the Boston Globe. Luckily, the guys at the Boston Globe, in addition to being unbelievable photographers, also have a great sense of humour. So ask yourself, what’s the […]
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LEGO FUSSBALL – IT’S TOO AWESOME
25 Jun 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Remember the time when you were talking to that perfectly normal friend-of-a-friend at a braai? He was into futures trading or whatever, and didn’t have any abnormal ticks of any kind. A totally enjoyable human being. And then, WHAM, he tells you he’s crazy about Lego. Thirty years old, and still clinging to Lego. You […]
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YOUTUBE, MEET VUVUZELA
25 Jun 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The number of small but pleasing World Cup software add-ons is growing by the day. Remember the little Google Maps vuvuzela man? Cool stuff like that. Of course they’re trivial gimmicks, but they’re official tips of the cap to our lovely country, so it gives me great pleasure to present YouTube‘s World Cup gimmick offering.
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