-
World
-
VLADIMIR PUTIN: STATESMAN, HUNTER, METHOD ACTOR
30 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Similar, much? 2oceansvibe was abuzz in Friday afternoon with news that Russian statesman, Vladimir Putin, had cross-bowed a whale. But we thought it was worth the time to point out, on record, that Putin only spends part of his time shooting sea behemoths from rubber dingies, swimming in frozen Siberian lakes, hunting Brown Bears with […]
-
IT’S FRIDAY, WHY NOT QUIT IN STYLE?
27 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Are you underpaid, undervalued, and sidelined at work? Are you feeling brave? Then QUIT! QUIT I TELL YOU! Everyone else is striking, why not one-up those public-sector amateurs? But if you’re going to do it, you absolutely have to do it in style, like (yes, we know it’s fake), or this. But writing, photography, and […]
-
iPAD: GREAT FOR THE SUMO’S FULL-FIGURE-FINGERS
26 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Sumos…Big hands = big slaps Anyone who knows a thing or two about the intricacies and nuances of life as a Sumo Wrestler (pfft, who doesn’t?) will understand that the Sumo is a creature bred for power, weight, and a surprising degree of flexibility. But they’re definitely not bred for texting, or email, or any […]
-
SPOT THE DICTATOR’S JET
26 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Word is spreading like wildfire through 2oceansvibe headquarters that a British photographer, by the name of Nick Gleis, managed to sneak onto the private jets of a number of Seth’s closest confidants, who also happen to be the steward’s of many of Africa’s most glorious revolutions. These hallowed men include the likes of Bob Mugabe, […]
-
THERE’S NO ACCOUNTING FOR GLOBAL TASTE
25 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Singapore – Doesn’t suck We’re already living in a global village. So the idea of national borders is becoming increasingly strained. Gallup has released data describing where in this big village respondents would re-locate if exorbitant costs (i.e. Visas and travel fees) and international borders weren’t part of the process. “Sulplise!” Most people said they’d […]
-
SEVERING CRIMINAL SPINAL CORDS – DU JOUR IN SA
25 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
And when I say “SA”, I mean Saudi Arabia. Of course, I couldn’t possibly be talking about the South Africa “SA”. We don’t sever the spinal cords of our criminals. We send them to cooking school. But enough of such tom foolery. Where were we? Ah yes. Corporal punishment. You see, they’re quite keen on […]
-
JAMES BOND, ON KETAMINE
24 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
James: Doesn’t take hints well Every now and then Bond movies get a little bit carried away with themselves, and throw the baby out with the bath water. The baby would be logic, and the bath water would be narrative. Remember Quantum of Solace? Or the airport scene from Live and Let Die? Remember any […]
-
TWO FILMS YOU NEVER EXPECTED TO BE MADE
23 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 6 Comments
Word is afoot that a film version of my all time favourite childhood comic, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is in the works, with the writers of the Iron Man franchise on the case. Although, whether this film will work for the generation that actually cared about the comic remains to be seen. After all, […]
-
THE MAFIA SENDS SECRET MESSAGES THROUGH THE GOGGLE BOX
23 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The Guardian reports that an Italian soccer show, Quelli Che il Calcio (of course), has been used as a communications hub by the Mafia to communicate with the Men of Respect doing hard time in the chookie. You know those shows where illiterate viewers text in with their cell phones, and the show scrolls the […]
-
EXXON MOBIL OIL – SUBTLE ADVERTISING MUCH?
20 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Exxon Mobil positions it’s brand at the vanguard of innovating clean energy for the world. It has a clean, 21st century look. The employees on it’s corporate advertising posters are friendly, sharply dressed, multi-ethnic. It produces print advertisements in National Geographic like this: And they like to chat quite a bit about water on their […]
-
TONY BLAIR MURDERED IN YORKSHIRE?
19 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The Sun (the vanguard of high-integrity journalism in the United Kingdom) reported this morning that residents of a council estate in West York are being terrorised by monstrously-sized rodents. One man, known only as “Brandon” was the hero of the moment, after he shot one of the beasts twice in the head, thereby smiting it […]
-
PIMPS ‘N HOS, GUNS ‘N MONEY
19 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Being a rapper is good for business. Or rather, “bidness, yo”. So much so that Forbes has compiled a list of the top ten highest-grossing rap artists of the last year, subtly titled “Hip Hop Cash Kings” And it goes somethin’ a little like THIS, fool.
-
RICHIE McCAW DIVORCES OS DU RANDT
18 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Online encyclopedia and paragon of humankind’s collective knowledge, WikiPedia, has proven it’s unbridled accuracy once again. Remember the story about WikiPedia referring to Sepp Blatter as a dickhead? And how the South African presidency made the fatal error of pulling that corrupted biographical info from WikiPedia and pasted it on their site? Well, we hope […]
-
JUSTIN BIEBER NOW ACTIVELY RUINING LIVES IN SLO-MO
18 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
The greatest Canadian scourge since Brandon Huntley Celine Dion, Justin Bieber stirs grown men to panic. The vapid, androgynous, lesbo-chic music has taken the pubescent world by storm, and the boy girl with the pudding bowl kop chop seems to wield genuine power. As demonstrated by his latest foray into social networking, where he tweeted […]
-
JETBLUE FLIGHT ATTENDENT SAGA – THE INEVITABLE HAS HAPPENED
17 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Remember the JetBlue flight attendant who pulled off the greatest self-termination of employment ever recorded?
-
HOW TO AVOID TORTURING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
16 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Are you a business executive? Do you find yourself tempted to remain at work until the wee hours of the morning, churning out directional missives, illuminating memos and pep-rousing employee bulletins? You may be adding too much douche to your vocab. Not sure? Test yourself. Do you, or have you ever used one of these […]
-
“THE OFFICE” BRING GLORIOUS REVOLUTION HAPPY SMILES TO CHINA
16 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Ricky Gervais has announced via his blog that he’s working on an installment of The Office for China, in addition to the Israely, German, Canadian, and French and American versions already in existence. I’m not so sure an obscure, culturally-based sitcom will work in China, especially considering that their gold standard for comedy usually goes […]
-
AUTO-TUNES: MADE IN THE GHETTO
13 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
What do you get when you combine rape, ghetto smack talk, potentially gay men, and Auto Tunes? No, the answer is NOT “Kuilsriver”. That’s not amusing. Shame on you. The correct answer would be: “Greatest DIY Ghetto Anthem of All Time”, or alternatively, “Eat Your Heart Out, Die Antwoord”. Here’s a little illuminating background info […]
-
AN AIRPORT WORTH WAITING IN
12 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
If you pop over to the Maldives in the next few years (as one is prone to do), you might be inclined to hit an extended hang out at the airport in lieu of finding accommodation. Haptic Architects (London) and Narud Stokke Wiig Architects (Oslo) have teamed up to provide a design for the Maldives […]
-
RUPERT MURDOCH AND KULULA ON A LEGAL COLLISION COURSE
12 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 3 Comments
You may have read on this morning’s spice that Rupert Murdoch has laid claim to the “Sky” in “Skype”, right after Skype announced its plans to float on the Nasdaq stock exchange in New York. The world’s most deliciously-evil media magnate has justified his claim by arguing that NewsCorp derivative BSkyB was established before Skype, […]
-
BEWARE THE FURY OF A MCFLUNKY
11 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Especially when they can’t get their daily McFix. I love McDonalds for one reason, and one reason only – the name is brilliant for McPuns (right, enough of that). But millions of people the world over express a deep and burning desire to consume their preferred McDonalds product each and every day, as the need […]
-
TOP GEAR USA: NOT RIGHT
10 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 6 Comments
If the original Top Gear is sex, then Top Gear USA is sex with a dead person. Mechanically speaking, you’re doing the same thing, but it’s wrong, and you should never, ever do it, and society will hate you for it, and you’ll always be remembered as the guy who took something fundamentally awesome and […]
-
NANDOS CANADA BRAND POSITIONING – QUITE CLOSE TO THE BUTTOCKS
10 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 5 Comments
Let me blow your mind: Nandos is in Canada. And no, Brandon Huntley didn’t franchise it. Shocking news, ey? I mean, Nandos must surely be as quintessentially South African as KFC, what with it’s Portuguese name, recipes and store decor. Nevertheless, the great chicken company in the sky is downright universal, making an appearance across […]
-
THE BOSS EVERY BOSS WISHES THEY COULD BE
06 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
If you’re in an executive position (as most of you LSM 12-14 vibers will be), then this is the kind of boss that you should aspire to be. Clearly, this man has been taking management lessons from one Seth Rotherham, esq. I mean, look at this company memo. Solid gold leadership, ey? There’s oh so […]
-
SINGAPORE INFINITY POOL – NOT LIKE YOUR UNCLE’S
04 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
“Marina Bay Sands” sounds like a fairly generic resort, right? It could be anywhere in the world. It’d be nice, but you know, when you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. Wrong. Infinity pools are as cool as they sound. But a 150 meter long, gently curving arc of water perched on top of a […]
-
ATTENTION IRAN – WE HAVE A URANIUM SUPPLIER FOR YOU
03 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Everyone knows Iran needs a steady supply of uranium to develop it’s peaceful nuclear energy-production. But the west is being all iffy about monitoring the grade and quantity of uranium that the Iranians can get their hands on. Western governments have even gone so far as to implement sanctions against Iran. Those guys are total […]
-
THE DEAR LEADER’S KID FLIPS OUT JUST A LITTLE BIT
02 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The North Korean football team, along with it’s entire complement of staff, were recently subjected to a “grand debate”, to discuss the tender matter of their ideological betrayal of their nation. The players were hoofed up on stage, and the big daddys spanked them for about six hours. I was actually there at the time. […]
-
EVERYBODY HATES JULIAN
30 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 12 Comments
WikiLeaks founder and destroyer-in-chief of American military credibility, Julian Assange, is not a very well-liked chap. Last week he leaked literally tens of thousands of US Military Afghan War Logs to the press after posting them on WikiLeaks.org. The logs detail the nitty gritty details of the nine-year US occupation of Afghanistan. Assange himself claims […]
-
STEVEN SPIELBERG AND HIS DINOSAUR CRONIES LIED TO US
30 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
So it turns out that most of what we know about dinosaurs is lies. ALL LIES. And Steven Spielberg seduced us with deception in the greatest movie of all time, Jurassic Park. If you’re not keen on having your childhood memories of triceratops and all his mates shattered, then don’t read on. If you value […]
-
“GWYNETH PALTROW” MAKES “MUSIC”
28 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Full time human being impersonator, Gwyneth Paltrow, has given us all a perfectly-weighted surprise (shocks are never perfect) by perfectly capably singing an authentic-sounding but none-too abrasive country music song. It’s titled Country Strong. She reportedly recorded the song as part of the sound track to one or other upper-middle tier blockbuster film about a […]
-
-
-
2oceansvibe Partners
-
-
