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Politics
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WikiPedia Nails A Summary Of The Middle East Political Situation
03 Feb 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Yemen is situated on the southernmost tip of the Arabian peninsula, neighbouring Oman and Saudi Arabia, and is a geographer’s spitting distance across the Red Sea from one particularly troubled Arab state – Egypt. With revolution standing a fair chance of spreading to Yemen, WikiPedia has stepped in to nail a prediction.
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ANCYL Is Against Eating Sushi Off Half-Naked Women
02 Feb 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
The ANCYL agrees with a lot of outlandish practices, but they do not, however, agree with the serving of any kind of food off human bodies. Especially when the food in question is served off a half-naked model draped across a white Maserati. Jeez, just when I was thinking of joining.
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Mandela To Watch Lots Of Cricket During Recovery
02 Feb 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
When the world’s greatest living icon sends a message that simply says, “bring back the trophy”, AND your president dresses up in Proteas gear to send you off, you know the pressure is on. One wonders if that dreaded c-word is banned from the Proteas camp as they prepare to leave our shores in search of that ever elusive first World Cup triumph…
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Speak2Tweet Lets Egyptians Contact Twitter With Phone Calls
01 Feb 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Speak2Tweet was launched over the weekend, a joint venture by Twitter and Google that allows anybody to post to Twitter using just a phone connection, in the hopes of getting more word out about the situation in Egypt as it unfolds. Google bought the company that engineered the technology last week because hey, it’s Google.
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Kim Jong-un Confirms His Destiny With A Fur Hat
01 Feb 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Our Dear Leader’s son/amorphous bag of goo/successor has taken the next great step towards ruling North Korea – he bought himself a furry hat just like his dad’s. It’s not any old hat. The Fargo inspired accessory is made of otter fur by the hands of a master craftsman. Only if you’re very serious about ruling North Korea do you get to wear one of these.
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FOX News Needs To Work At Geography AND Objective Newscasting
31 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Alright, yes, I know, I’m the liberal media and I’m just getting all uppity at Fox over it’s insane coverage of this silly little ‘Egypt’ thing. But you will understand if I get a little worried when Egypt’s biggest ally’s most popular news source literally fails to find Egypt on the map. Follow the link and check this out..
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Madiba Media Blackout – We Deserve Better
31 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
For two days all we heard from Milpark Hospital was how family members of Nelson Mandela arrived in droves. Hundreds, nay thousands, of words were churned out keeping us up to date on the state of journalists converging on a bridge. Not one word was issued describing how Mandela was doing. Why was the public draped in silence?
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Do You Hear The People Sing?
28 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
When Tunisians marched en masse a few weeks ago, their long-serving president fled the country. The success of the popular protests have since set off a wave of dischord across North Africa. Yemen is fast following Tunisia’s lead, while Egypt is reportedly on its last legs, parliamentarily-speaking. Shit, as they say, is going down.
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Madiba To Be Discharged
28 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Acting President and official Deputy President Kgalemo Mothlanthe held a press conference regarding the health of Nelson Mandela on Friday afternoon at 12h30. Mandela was admitted earlier in the week to Milpark Hospital in Johannesburg under a veil of secrecy for a collapsed lung.
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We’re Out Of Chocolate By 2014
28 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Unrest in the Ivory Coast is making it impossible to live there let alone farm cocoa. Now, half the world’s cocoa comes from the Ivory Coast. Which means half the world’s chocolate comes from the Ivory Coast. We can absolutely not get by with half the world producing the whole world’s chocolate. Absolutely not.
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US, China State Visit Gets Lost In Translation
20 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The US, China state visit was always going to be a tricky affair. They speak different languages and good translators are so hard to find these days. Nevertheless, they met. Things were off to a good enough start but got testy when Obama straight up told the Chinese head of state they should do something about their human rights record. Whether he heard ‘human’ rights we’ll never know.
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His Excellency, Robert Mugabe Is Not Sick
19 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Over the last few days many a report has been circulating claiming that the great proponent of Zimbabwean democracy and all round nice guy Robert Mugabe may be on the dying-side of things. Mugabe’s illness was reported by Britain’s Daily Telegraph; apparently he is in Malaysia, recovering from having the old prostate removed.
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Finally We’re Allowed To Call Jacob Zuma A Loser
18 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Hang on a tick. I thought that calling anybody a loser was the prerogative of the person doing the loser calling. Not so, according to Mr C. Ngcukana, viewer of e.tv’s Justice Factor.
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Patricia De Lille Next Cape Town Mayor? Maybe Premier?
18 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Helen Zille did it that way so it works. It’s not going to happen for current mayor Dan Plato but unlike Helen, Dan never got the Best Mayor In The Whole Wide World Award. I’m not saying he did a bad job, I’m just saying he didn’t get the award. And now his term is up. So who’s next? Some people say it’s Patricia De Lille.
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Silvio Likes His Girls Not-Barely-Legal
17 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Man about town and real man’s man, Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi is in trouble again. But luckily this time it’s only because he (allegedly) slept with a 17-year-old.
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As If Getting Fat Wasn’t Enough To Make You Feel Guilty
14 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Now your chocolate hoovering habit is propping up the revenues of would-be dictators, more specifically, the regime of the Ivory Coast’s political limpet, Laurent Gbagbo. Feel bad. Feel very bad. And fat. Evil and fat.
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Kim Jong Il Is The Greatest Golfer Of All Time
14 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Our Dear Leader, The Great and Beneficent Kim Jong Il has, after all these years of preserving its purity, seen it fit to allow his adoring public access to the great and magnificent Pyongyang Golf Complex. Players from all across the world (except South Korea, naturally) are invited to take part in the first North Korean Amateur Golf Open.
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Judge Ends Obama Artist Vs Press Trial
12 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 4 Comments
A judge put his foot down and ended the trial between the Associated Press and Shepard Fairey, the artist who painted 2008’s most famous image. The AP said the dead beat (their words) artist took their photograph and copied it with crayons and pens and things. He said are you crazy, it’s art. They said are you crazy, it looks exactly the same. I don’t think the judge had a choice.
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ANC Rings In 2011 With A Four Day Bender
10 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
This is a novel idea from our ruling party: Move the end of year party to the start of the year, stretch it out over a weekend and end the whole thing with a concentrated celebration bash at the Moses Mabhida stadium. Add class to the event by serving Jack Daniel’s honey-glazed boerewors and subsidising the liquor. Now who said governing shouldn’t be fun?
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MaNtuli Cuckolds Zuma, Claims Baby Looks Like JZ
06 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Nompumelelo Ntuli-Zuma is one of the wives of South African President, Jacob Zuma. Allegations emerged last year of an affair between Ntuli-Zuma and one of her body guards, who committed suicide in the wake of the allegations. Ntuli-Zuma claims her baby looks like JZ. Well sure, but…
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Our Dear Leader Shows Grace And Mercy
06 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Kim Jong Il, the bluebird on the arc of the rainbow, the morning stag – Our Dear Leader – has offered the simpering worms, South Korea, an olive branch of peace. Will South Korea take that branch, or will they perish in a Sea Of Flame?
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Julius Malema On The Late Show With David Letterman [VIDEO]
22 Dec 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
If someone had told you that the creator of the Simpsons, Matt Groening, and late night talk show king, David Letterman had parodied ANCYL[biters] president, Julius Malema, you would not have believed them.
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Top Entertainers Of The Year
22 Dec 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The Associated Press, bless them, voted Betty White as top entertainer of the year because she starred in a Snickers ad and stays on longer than an iPad. Look, I love tannie Betty but if you put entertainer and 2010 in the same sentence you kind of want to throw these names in there too.
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Our Dear Leader Looks At Stuff
09 Dec 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Kim Jong Il’s thousand yard stare is known from all four corners of the earth. His enemies tremble before it, his friends allow it to fill them with the glory of ages past, and the certain hope of yet more to come. Our Dear Leader, as we like to call him (some us even get to call him Special K, but hey, each to his own, right?) enjoys staring at things. We should enjoy staring at him, staring at things.
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Lots Of Space At This Year’s Nobel Peace Prize Bash
08 Dec 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
That’s because everyone’s boycotting it. China said they’re not going so then Russia said if China’s not going they’re not going and obviously if Russia’s not going Kazakhstan’s not going either. Now Iran, Iraq and Vietnam joined a growing number of countries that refuse to attend the western world’s award ceremony run by “clowns” who are “interfering in China’s judicial affairs.” Where is the love?
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Why Government Wants To Stop Press Freedom
02 Dec 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
It’s no wonder that the South African government, and, by implication, the ruling ANC party wants to pull the plug on Press Freedom and curtail reporting of the facts, dragging the country back into the Dark Ages of Apartheid. Last Sunday’s Sunday Times (UK), listed some remarkable – and appalling – statistics on the members of […]
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Lingerie, Wrestling, And Politics
02 Dec 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
It’s Thursday. Look at this video. It’s partially a rant on nanny-state politics, so you can watch it and act like you’re smart and politically engaged, and it also has footage of ladies in lingerie playing American football, which is relevant to the debate at hand, but also good for its own sake. SFW
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Obama In Stitches – In A Bad Way
29 Nov 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
So there you are shooting hoops with some buddies on a Friday afternoon and bam! Your elbow connects the face of the most powerful man on earth. Naturally you don’t own up but wait for the world’s media to catch on to the story and identify you with the help of the Secret Service.
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Facebook Stalking: Even The Israeli Military Does It!
25 Nov 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Poor Israeli military. You’re like that lonely guy, going through a pretty girl’s photos to see if she really does have a boyfriend, like she said that one time at that club. Except replace ‘boyfriend’ with ‘Orthodox Jewish background,’ which is a way better excuse anyway.
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Our Dear Leader Gives It One Final Rev [VIDEO]
23 Nov 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The Asian rumour mill has been grinding away on the same grist for some time now – Our Dear Leader is on his way out, health-wise. Reports have surfaced in recent months of Kim Jong Il’s chronic kidney failure, and general lapse into a malaise of poor health. In short, he’ll soon be re-joining the rainbow from which he was born. And he’s going out with a bang, ask South Korea.
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