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Politics
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Nando’s Is Hiring
30 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Always picking up on the nation’s mood, the best in the business have been at it again. There isn’t really much need in beating around the bush with this one. The bushes, quite frankly, aren’t there to be beaten around any more. They have withered and dried.
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The Springbok Gets Kicked Off The Front Of The Jersey
29 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 12 Comments
This was not a very difficult prediction to make, but I did kind of predict that this would happen. Our glorious rugby union has seen it fit to move the Springbok emblem off the front of the jersey, and have relegated it to the left sleeve for the World Cup. And today it has been unveiled for an already miserable South African public to see.
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Schabir Shaik for President!
28 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Good news, ye trodden under masses of South Africa! ‘Anonymous’ has finally taken note of your plight and you can expect deliverance from your daily misery as soon as before the Rugby World Cup ends! So rise up and conquer, People! What are you waiting for?
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World’s Oldest Woman Won’t Get Recognized Because Her Parents Were Slaves
28 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Hoo, boy. Somebody at Guinness had best be working on some serious back-pedaling. Rebecca Lanier just turned 119 years old, which should make her the oldest person now living. As the daughter of former slaves, however, she doesn’t have the right documentation, and therefore doesn’t count.
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Jimmy Manyi To Publish Government Newspaper
28 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
The government is going to be launching its own printed propagand… err newspaper, and it will be published by the head of government communications, Jimmy Manyi. Yes, Jimmy who doesn’t like coloured people that much. Basically we shouldn’t get our hopes up and expect much investigative journalism.
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Zuma’s R200 Million Renovations [UPDATED]
23 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
At the beginning of this month a story caught our eye that almost seemed too shocking to be true. We can now happily report back to you that the lunacy surrounding these pricey renovations has been met with trepidation by Public Works Minister Gwen Mahlangu-Nkabinde, and for the most part, been put on hold.
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All Blacks’ White Fern May Go Red
22 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Darren Shand, the manager of the New Zealand national rugby team, says that they are considering changing the traditional white fern to a red fern over the world cup, as a gesture towards earthquake-hit Christchurch.
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Water Soon To Be Subjected To Eskom-esque Tariff Hikes
22 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
A report about a month ago attributed that South Africa indeed stared a water crisis directly in the eye. Experts told the inaugural South African Water and Energy Forum in Johannesburg that we even face the possibility of chronic water shortages as early as 2020. Now Eskom-esque tariff hikes loom too.
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How Not To Win Elections #435 – Campaigning At Funerals
22 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
You have to give this guy some credit for thinking out of the box – posters tied to lamp posts are getting old. But choosing a funeral to tell everyone to vote for the ANC is just plain wrong. Especially if the woman in the front row just lost her husband and seven-year-old triplets all in one go.
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Removing Gaddafi Not Allowed – David Cameron
22 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
On Friday we discussed what the no-fly zone over Libya meant and how it would be placed into effect by the international community. “But the UN resolution is limited in its scope. It explicitly does not provide legal authority for action to bring about Gaddafi’s removal from power by military means,” explained UK Prime Minister David Cameron.
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Donald Trump Says He Screwed Muammar Gaddafi…Over
22 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Donald Trump running for the American presidency might sound like a bad idea to some – just like his haircut. Say what you will about his political ambitions, but I actually think Trump embodies the American ideal, which is perfectly encapsulated in this reminiscence of how he screwed one Muammar Gaddafi over in a property deal.
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London Teenager Drops Wii For Gun, Seeks To Join Libyan Rebels
18 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Unfortunately yes, you did read that correctly. Sam, a somewhat timid and reserved 19 year old, is standing up for what he feels is right. He has decided enough is enough and it’s time that he joined the rebel forces on the front line in the Libyan Desert.
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The Libyan No-Fly Zone – What It Means
18 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Aside from the shit literally hitting the fan, let’s break this down and look at what it’s going to mean for the nation that is embroiled in one of the worst struggles against a dictator in history.
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Disbanding Of Scorpions Unconstitutional, Decision Welcome
18 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Opposition parties are in strong agreement with the Constitutional Court’s ruling that the legislation providing for the dissolution of the Scorpions and their replacement by the Hawks was constitutionally invalid. In a decision yesterday, the highest court in the land found that a section of the Act in question did not allow for enough protection from political influence. Opposition parties have welcomed this decision.
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Quarrelling Begins To Boil Around Mandela Gun Dispute
17 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Described as a holy grail for South African historians, the gun Nelson Mandela buried almost 50 years ago is nowhere near being reunited with its original proprietor. The owner of the property where the gun is supposedly buried, originally part of Liliesleaf farm, is at loggerheads with museum officials representing the Liliesleaf Trust.
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EU Trying To Enforce Enhanced Privacy From Facebook
17 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The European Union is attempting to establish the “right to be forgotten online,” as a legislative response to embarrassing old data – risque photographs, stupid statuses – that refuse to disappear. The proposed bit of legislation would enforce higher privacy settings and offer greater user control.
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Grade 1 Teacher Allegedly Drops K-Bomb, No Spice
17 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
A grade 1 teacher from the Orchards Primary School just outside Centurion in Gauteng has been suspended by the schools governing body after pupils claim she called them k*****s. She now also faces a disciplinary hearing next week. Apparently she also called them “black monkeys”. But, has she been levelled with false accusations?
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Oh Honey, This Is How You DO NOT Get The Gay Vote
17 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Chris Rock reckons that all of us have at least one gay uncle. If that is the case, the ACDP and FF+, might have just lost a lot of votes in the upcoming elections. A motion for Parliament to congratulate South Africa’s new Mr. Gay World winner, Francois Nel, has been blocked by these two parties. Gaga is not going to be happy about this.
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Holiday Time On Election Day
16 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 3 Comments
As if we didn’t have enough public holidays already, here’s another one. May the 18th is the day of the local government elections and great president Zuma has declared it a public holiday, so we can all vote, safe in the knowledge that another day in the country’s economy won’t be productive at all.
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Renovations To Gauteng Premier’s House, Millions Squandered
16 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Gauteng’s top brass are being flushed out again for misappropriation of taxpayers’ money. This time it’s totalling a little over R12 million since 2005 on lavish refurbishments and renovations to the official Bryanston residence of the Gauteng Premier.
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Al Qaeda Launches Women’s Glossy Magazine
15 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Clearly not satisfied with the launch of their English magazine, Inspire, which first appeared about nine months ago, and included a feature called “How to make a bomb in the kitchen of your Mom”, al Qaeda’s media arm has followed up with a magazine for women, titled “Al-Shamikha”. Apparently the editorial team will be mixing beauty tips with lessons in jihad. No spice.
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Float Like A Butterfly Sting Like A Bee – It’s Schabir – Now Rearrested
14 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
You may or may not have noticed the Sunday Times front cover yesterday. The headline was gripping and revealing. One usually sees this when tabloids have a secret they’re unable to keep. This time however, tabloids aside, the headline had every right to froth in its very large font. Behold: “Shaik In Mosque Punch-Up”
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The New ANC Album – A Little Musical Propaganda For Everyone
11 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Did you know that our ruling party just dropped their new album? It’s all part of their local elections campaign, and it’s totally awesome. No, really, forget the new Radiohead or Lady Gaga, this is what you should be listening to right now…
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Meet South Africa’s Very Own Mel Gibson
10 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
He might have been competent enough to run a major theatre in South Africa, but someone forgot to mention to Matjamela Motloung that when you type anti-Semitic rants on your Facebook page, other people can also read the statement. And they can make screenshots of the rant, which can be emailed to news outlets in a heartbeat. Read the quote that got him fired inside.
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Dalai Lama To Retire As Tibetan Leader In Exile
10 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
In a press conference in Dharamsala, India, His Holiness the Dalai Lama announced that he’d be stepping down as political leader of the Tibetan government in exile, to make way for an elected representative. He will be retaining his position as Tibet’s spiritual leader.
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Just How Tight Are Zuma And Gadaffi?
10 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Links between these two high rollers have been gossiped about and reported on before. It’s no big secret that shortly after his 2006 arrest on rape charges, JZ made a shimmy over to Tripoli for five days where he met with Colonel Gaddafi. Now JZ and the Colonel have had a little phone conversation.
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Pop Quiz: Politician Who Called For Bill Clinton’s Head Gets Caught Out Doing What?
10 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Politicians cheat on occasion, and I don’t just mean at cards. Sometimes they sleep with people that they’re not married to. Sometimes politicians condemn their peers for adultery, only to be caught in the very same act some time later.
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How Did The Police Manage To “Lose” 20,429 Weapons?
09 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Top management in our extremely effective police force were asked yesterday in Parliament how they happened to lose 20 429 weapons. Click through for facepalming disappointment.
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Lion Cited For Voter Registration Intimidation Over The Weekend
08 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
That is correct. A real lion has been fingered (no) as reason why potential voters from the Vhembe region in Limpopo were not able to register to vote this past weekend for the upcoming local government elections. I’m thinking The Ghost and the Darkness and humming the chorus to Bon Jovi – Wild In The Streets.
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News Just In: Trevor Manuel Is Apparently A Gangster
07 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
As if gangsterism in the Western Cape wasn’t bad enough, I was as shocked as anyone to find out that Planning Minister, and former Minister of Finance, Trevor Manuel is a hardened gangster whose open letter accusing Jimmy Manyi of being a racist, may have unleashed the full wrath of Jacob Zuma’s best friend.
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