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Politics
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US Politician Caught Forwarding Photo Of Obama As An Ape
19 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
A prominent US politician, Marilyn Davenport, is in trouble for sending out an email with a photo of chimpanzee parents and their infant. Barack Obama’s face is superimposed on the chimpanzee infant, and the caption reads: “Now you know why no birth certificate.” Her response to the whole matter, however, is even spicier.
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Facebook Faces New Suit
18 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Just when it looked as if the commotion over Facebook’s early days might be about to disappear, the long-running legal shenanigans over the rightful ownership of the online social network has sprung another surprise. Paul Ceglia has submitted a complaint with e-mails that he claimed would support his case for a share in the company.
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Robert Mugabe Renames UK To “British Gaydom”
15 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 3 Comments
Robert Mugabe has used the funeral of ZANU-PF intelligence chief Menard Muzariri to voice his concerns about tolerance towards homosexuality in Europe. See how masterfully he combines the words “unnatural”, “Gaydom”, and “filth” in a patriotic attempt to unite his country in the fight against moving into modern times.
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Fake Army Recruited In American Immigration Scam
15 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
A resident of Temple City, California, is accused of running a fake military recruitment centre, where Chinese would-be-immigrants were made to pay to join a “special forces reserve” unit that would supposedly improve their chances of becoming US citizens. The “unit” is well known in Los Angeles, and was assumed to be genuine.
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The President of the Czech Republic Is A Stationery Pilferer [VIDEO]
14 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 3 Comments
Vaclav Klaus is the president of the Czech Republic. He also seems to be a human magpie. See how he spots a shiny pen on his desk, and then sneakily pockets it. The brazen stylus heist, however, took place in full view of the media (with video cameras) during a ceremony to announce a trade agreement between his country and Chile.
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The National Party Is Back – Can Like To Have Cape Town
14 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
The National Party is back, baby. Wake up and smell the freshly-opened emotional wounds, followed by a faint whiff of “too soon”. Their self-proclaimed goal is to unseat the DA in the forthcoming municipal elections. Good to see that they’ve developed a sense of humour in the wilderness of Democracy.
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Bafana Will Change Their Name, Maybe, No Comment
13 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The South African Football Association (SAFA) has decided not to tell anyone anything about the decision as to whether or not the national Soccer team will change its name from Bafana Bafana to something else.
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Gbagbo Unseated, Arrested In Ivory Coast
12 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Following a military assault on his residence in Abidjan, Ivory Coast politician Laurent Gbagbo has surrendered and been placed under UN guard, thus ceding power to his UN-recognised successor, Alassane Ouattara; this after Gbagbo’s refusal to accept defeat in November’s presidential poll.
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Politician Snapped While Watching Porn In Parliament (With FAIL Pic)
12 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
An Indonesian lawmaker quit politics yesterday after he was caught watching pornography on his tablet computer during a session in parliament. At least this guy was awake, unlike some of the pictures I’ve seen taken during our parliamentary sessions.
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New Book Claims Malcolm X Was “Gay-For-Pay”
11 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Oh Malcolm, my brother, say it isn’t so! A new, extensive biography on the famous man himself claims that Mr. X intentionally fabricated, exaggerated, glossed over, and omitted vital facts about his life. One such fact omitted was his same-sex relationship with a white businessman.
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France Introduces Burqa Ban Today – Ban Defied
11 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
The controversial law banning full-face veils came into effect today in France, home to Europe’s largest Muslim population. Public wearing of niqabs or burqas is now liable for a fine of 150 euros and a citizenship course; people charged with forcing women to wear full-face veils may be subject to jail time.
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China Bans Time-Travel Movies
08 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Well this is probably just the cherry on the big ol’ authoritarian cake they got going on over there, but hot damn. All the best movies had time travel in them. Never mind the fact that now a generation of Chinese kids won’t spend every waking moment waiting for their future selves to arrive in a DeLorean.
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New York Busies Itself With State Vegetable Debate
07 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
We can all guess what the official fruit of New York State is, can’t we? That’s right – the apple. Official drink of the New Yawkers? Milk. But now the race is on to name the official state vegetable. And the lawmakers are making a meal of it.
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Angelina Causes Slight Riot
06 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Angelina Jolie, savior of Africa, had to cut her trip to a Tunisian refugee camp short after a riot broke out.
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Facebook Launches “Journalists On Facebook”
06 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
In a much anticipated move, the social media giant has finally unveiled its next step in advancing the power of journalism through social networking. It’s described as a central resource tool for journalists and the public to share, interact and find sources on the site. Try and stop us now Julius, Jimmy, Floyd and the other haters out there.
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Julius Says Zille Dances Like A Monkey
05 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
In an interesting case of irony, head of the ANC youth league, Julius Malema, said yesterday that head of the DA, Helen Zille, dances like a monkey. An astute political statement from the well learned gentleman.
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Fake Weed Gets Naval Academy Student Expelled
04 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
It seems this is a common problem that the US Naval Academy faces. Another midshipman was expelled from the force for using or having a banned weed-like substance known as “spice”. No spice. This brings the total number of expulsions to 12.
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ANC Youth League Website Hacked
31 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 3 Comments
The ANC Youth League’s website was hacked yesterday. A message was posted saying that the great one himself, Julius Malema, had decided to quit as president of the organisation due to his own incompetence, lack of integrity and a lot of other stuff we know all too well.
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Tanzanian Shaman Takes Break, 26km Queue Too Long
30 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
The Tanzanian “miracle” pastor, Reverend Ambilikile “Babu” Mwasapile has called for a break. He has temporarily asked people to stop going to his remote home for a “miracle cure” after thousands flocked there, resulting in chaos in the surrounding area.
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Nando’s Is Hiring
30 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Always picking up on the nation’s mood, the best in the business have been at it again. There isn’t really much need in beating around the bush with this one. The bushes, quite frankly, aren’t there to be beaten around any more. They have withered and dried.
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The Springbok Gets Kicked Off The Front Of The Jersey
29 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 12 Comments
This was not a very difficult prediction to make, but I did kind of predict that this would happen. Our glorious rugby union has seen it fit to move the Springbok emblem off the front of the jersey, and have relegated it to the left sleeve for the World Cup. And today it has been unveiled for an already miserable South African public to see.
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Schabir Shaik for President!
28 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Good news, ye trodden under masses of South Africa! ‘Anonymous’ has finally taken note of your plight and you can expect deliverance from your daily misery as soon as before the Rugby World Cup ends! So rise up and conquer, People! What are you waiting for?
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World’s Oldest Woman Won’t Get Recognized Because Her Parents Were Slaves
28 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Hoo, boy. Somebody at Guinness had best be working on some serious back-pedaling. Rebecca Lanier just turned 119 years old, which should make her the oldest person now living. As the daughter of former slaves, however, she doesn’t have the right documentation, and therefore doesn’t count.
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Jimmy Manyi To Publish Government Newspaper
28 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
The government is going to be launching its own printed propagand… err newspaper, and it will be published by the head of government communications, Jimmy Manyi. Yes, Jimmy who doesn’t like coloured people that much. Basically we shouldn’t get our hopes up and expect much investigative journalism.
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Zuma’s R200 Million Renovations [UPDATED]
23 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
At the beginning of this month a story caught our eye that almost seemed too shocking to be true. We can now happily report back to you that the lunacy surrounding these pricey renovations has been met with trepidation by Public Works Minister Gwen Mahlangu-Nkabinde, and for the most part, been put on hold.
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All Blacks’ White Fern May Go Red
22 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Darren Shand, the manager of the New Zealand national rugby team, says that they are considering changing the traditional white fern to a red fern over the world cup, as a gesture towards earthquake-hit Christchurch.
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Water Soon To Be Subjected To Eskom-esque Tariff Hikes
22 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
A report about a month ago attributed that South Africa indeed stared a water crisis directly in the eye. Experts told the inaugural South African Water and Energy Forum in Johannesburg that we even face the possibility of chronic water shortages as early as 2020. Now Eskom-esque tariff hikes loom too.
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How Not To Win Elections #435 – Campaigning At Funerals
22 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
You have to give this guy some credit for thinking out of the box – posters tied to lamp posts are getting old. But choosing a funeral to tell everyone to vote for the ANC is just plain wrong. Especially if the woman in the front row just lost her husband and seven-year-old triplets all in one go.
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Removing Gaddafi Not Allowed – David Cameron
22 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
On Friday we discussed what the no-fly zone over Libya meant and how it would be placed into effect by the international community. “But the UN resolution is limited in its scope. It explicitly does not provide legal authority for action to bring about Gaddafi’s removal from power by military means,” explained UK Prime Minister David Cameron.
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Donald Trump Says He Screwed Muammar Gaddafi…Over
22 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Donald Trump running for the American presidency might sound like a bad idea to some – just like his haircut. Say what you will about his political ambitions, but I actually think Trump embodies the American ideal, which is perfectly encapsulated in this reminiscence of how he screwed one Muammar Gaddafi over in a property deal.
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