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Comedy
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Schwarzenneger’s Relevant Again, And It’s Hilarious [VIDEO]
21 Nov 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Other than his recent scandal, and subsequent divorce, and a brief cameo in The Expendables, it’s been a while since former governor and once-upon-a-time Hollywood action star Arnold Schwarzenegger has made headlines. That’s all about to change, and he probably doesn’t even know about it.
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Even Superman Wants A Piece Of Julius
11 Nov 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
I think it’s safe to say that hatin’ on Julius has now officially saved more conversations than the weather. Having said that, after a good rant most of us move on. Most of us. One Eastern Cape man, however, decided to put on a cape, jump on some cars and claim that he is a superman from the clouds, sent to kill Malema.
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The Average South African Drinks A Bakkie-Load Of Booze A Year
09 Nov 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 5 Comments
Some organisation by the name of “The Central Drug Authority”, is here to tell you how bad you are. Or, in the words of the authority’s acting chairman, Dr Ray Eberlein, “If we had a boozing world cup, South Africa wouldn’t even have to practise.” Duh, Dr Ray, we already had one. And I’m still hanging from it.
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Chicken Pox Lollipops For Sale – A Tale Of American Parenting
08 Nov 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 3 Comments
American mother and pillar of the criminally insane community, Wendy Werkit, identified a gap in the junk food market and took a leap of faith. “Why has no one thought of this yet”, she thought, as she put the finishing touches on her Facebook ad. “Fifty dollars isn’t bad for a ‘pox’ infected sucker”, she thought, as her brain fell out of her ass.
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Ronaldo Accidentally Forwards Fan’s Sexy Pictures To Everyone In His Address Book
02 Nov 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Did I mention that his fiancee was in his address book as well? According to Ronaldo, he was attempting to delete the Dutch fan’s saucy snaps (which included her in numerous half naked poses in a shirt with “too hot to handle” scrawled on the front), but pressed forward instead. Clearly something broke his concentration.
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Two And A Half Metre Tall Lego Man Washes Up On A Florida Beach
28 Oct 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
I’m almost certain that when Jeff Hindman found the 50-kilo exact toy replica, floating in knee-deep water he probably thought someone had spiked his sun cream with liquid acid. Fortunately, it was just part of a creepy Dutch artist’s experiment, for what I’m not exactly sure.
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Jurassic Park Scientist Plans To Turn A Chicken Into A T-Rex
25 Oct 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
When reversing genetics in an attempt to create a real, live, man-eating dinosaur, it pays to know what the consequences may be. In this case, being the paleontologist who advised Steven Spielberg on the making of four Jurassic Park movies and decades of children’s nightmares about killer lizards should just about cover it.
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19-Year Old Evicted For Hosting All Night Vuvuzela Parties
24 Oct 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
It’s good to know that somewhere, someone is still celebrating in true World Cup style. Unfortunately for Toni Nicholson, she took things a little too far. Her neighbours’ complaints include all night parties, hurtling of things off balconies and the fact that they haven’t slept in a year. Good thing they weren’t anywhere near Cape Town in 2010 then.
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New York Burglars Inspired By Ben Affleck
20 Oct 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
A group of four copycats told police they used techniques from his recent movie, “The Town”, after they were arrested for a string of 62 small time, New York robberies. In the film, a group of four friends rob a string of banks and always douse the scene with bleach, destroying any DNA evidence that may have been left behind.
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i-Phone 4S’ “Find My Friends” App Claims Its First Marriage
18 Oct 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 3 Comments
It seems Apple’s new iOS5 operating system for the iPhone 4S has a new surprise around every corner. The App in question uses GPS, and if your friend agrees, it allows you to see their location, give or take a few metres. Unfortunately, one poor guy on Macrumours.com found another use for it, after installing it in his wife’s new handset.
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They May Be Drug Smugglers, But At Least They Pay For Parking
13 Oct 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The latest in a series of phenomenally creative, Hollywood movie style smuggling stories involves false-bottomed cars, parking meters and a total of 16 tunnels. Of course no one was caught in the act, but if you guessed that the tunnels were supposed to be filled with drugs and some very naughty Mexicans, you’d be correct.
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The Compound – Full Pilot
12 Oct 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The Compound was shot on location at the offices of secretive Cape Town institution, 2oceansVibe Media. For the first time ever, the world has a glimpse into the daily lives of those tortured, twisted souls. Catch the full length, 26-minute pilot of 2oceansVibe’s groundbreaking mocumentary, The Compound, by clicking the frame below. The Compound (Comedy […]
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BBC Screws Up Subtitles And Angers Viewers, Ron Burgundy Style
10 Oct 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Being hard of hearing is most likely difficult enough as it is. So, you can imagine the anger of some BBC viewers when errors in the live captions started talking about “pigs nibbling on willies”, instead of wellies, and spoke of “a moment’s violence”, instead of silence, at the Queen Mother’s funeral.
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Let Them Eat Cake – In A Jacuzzi Hanging 153 Metres Above Ground
07 Oct 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
This shitcrazy group of extreme jacuzziers have just made your Friday. The group, who are members of the organisation, jacuzzi.ch, suspended themselves 153 metres in the air from the Gueuroz Bridge in Switzerland, with naught but cables and ropes keeping them up. They then proceeded to set up a special platform where they chilled, ate cake and drank champagne in a mid-air jacuzzi. Definitely bucket list material.
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Doh! The Simpsons Could Be Cancelled Over Actors’ Pay Dispute
05 Oct 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
One can understand the anger of Dan Castellaneta (Homer Simpson), Julia Kavner (Marge) and Nancy Cartwright (Bart) when Fox Television explained that they would be receiving a 45% pay cut. The broadcasting network claims they can’t afford production costs and, if the actors won’t budge, they’ll pull the plug. I think I speak for everyone when I say: Fox you, Fox.
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Twitter Shows How Our Happiness Declines Throughout The Day
30 Sep 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The study, which took place over a two-year period, is based on a “mood analysis” of some 509 million posts from 2,4 million users. Researchers found that our outlook varies greatly depending on the time of day, the day of the week and the season, with our moods improving as the summer solstice nears and over weekends. So basically it’s a study of what we already know. Kiff.
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Hypocrisy And Political Posturing – Starring The SA National Taxi Council
23 Sep 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Raise your hand if a taxi has ever put your life in danger. At the recent launch of Transport Month in Richard’s Bay, Santaco president Jabulani Mthembu made it clear that he is fully behind Transport Minister S’bu Ndebele’s call for a speed limit reduction. He’s also urging motorists to stop “rushing” on our roads. Rich.
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Steve-O Dives Into Mike Tyson’s Fist, Breaks Nose For Charlie Sheen [VIDEO]
20 Sep 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Charlie Sheen has been winning for real a bit lately. He revealed on Comedy Central’s, “The Roasting Of Charlie Sheen”, that it’s the love of his family that made him realise this. He gave a touching monologue that seemed to signal he is ready to get back on the straight-and-narrow. Oh, and Steve-O ran into Mike Tyson’s fist.
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According To An ‘Expert’, Increased Crime Is Now A Good Thing
09 Sep 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Gareth Newham, head of the crime and justice programme at the Institute for Security Studies, is claiming that the increase in drug-related crimes, possession of illegal firearms and drunk driving are a good thing. According to him it doesn’t mean more crime it means more criminals being arrested. A spokesperson from ‘Fake it ‘til you make it SA’ had this to say: ‘stop talking kak.’
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The Next Biggest, Most Awesome Waste Of Time – Batmanning
08 Sep 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Horsemanning, Owling and Planking are like, so last Tuesday. The art of Batmanning is simple, hook your feet onto an object and hang upside down. The trick? Don’t die. It seems a group calling themselves the Batman Broilers is claiming responsibility. Lets take a minute to laugh at that name. Okay cool. They did however, make a pretty cool video, check it after the jump.
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Gotta Get Down On Braaiday! [VIDEO]
07 Sep 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 4 Comments
Whether you’re kickin’ in the front seat, or sittin’ in the back seat, this September 24th is officially South Africa’s Braai Day – and what better way to get down on the Braai Day vibe than take a squizz at this priceless parody of Rebecca’s internet YouTube sensation ‘Friday’? Check out the Braaiday vibe after the jump! We so excited, we we so excited!
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Fried Bubblegum – A Heart Attack For Your Mouth [Video]
07 Sep 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The Texas State Fair: a place where families can come together, play games, and eat some deep fried shit. Know this, Justin Martinez’s strange creation isn’t actually bubblegum, it’s a concoction of marshmallows and pink bubblegum extract topped with blue icing and Chiclets (bubblegum). It might sound lethal, but hey, he still won the prize for most creative food at the fair.
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Introducing G-Male: The Perfect Boyfriend [VIDEO]
01 Sep 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Just yesterday 2oceansVibe explained to you the new online dating agency that allows users to attempt to match themselves up with someone who has decidedly similar facial features. Now, “Google” has come up with G-Male, the perfect boyfriend, and he knows everything about you and just how to make you feel really special.
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Security Company’s House Arrest Fail
30 Aug 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Two staff members from private security firm, G4S, have been fired after failing to notice that the leg they were strapping a tracking device to, was a prosthetic limb. The offender, Christopher Lowcock, wrapped his get-away-stick in a bandage, disguising it like a boss.
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The Lighter Side Of Hurricane Irene
29 Aug 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The world is a funny place, and as ironic as it is, it always helps to find some humour in sad situations, especially where the possible destruction of a major city is concerned. Check out these tweets that have been popping up in the midst of the all the chaos, they’re pretty bloody hilarious.
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Arizona Street Sign Hacked, Warns Of ‘Rogue Panda’
25 Aug 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
With all these incidents of hackers lately, I’m waiting for Angelina Jolie to pop out somewhere and some guy named Cereal Killer to commandeer my TV. In this incident someone hacked a digital roadside sign in Flagstaff, Arizona, warning civilians of a ‘rogue panda on the rampage’. What a legend.
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PETA – How Vegans Will Invade Porn
22 Aug 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The website will be full XXX, but here’s the twist, the porn will be coupled with graphic images of mistreated animals. With previous campaigns seeing the likes of Ron Jeremy and Jenna Jameson, this isn’t exactly shocking. Just weird. Now I can think of a few other words to make with the P, the T and the A.
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The Cruzin Cooler And Some Guy Banned From Driving It
18 Aug 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
This thing needs no introduction but this poor Aussie chap at least deserves some publicity. So when Chris Petrie bought his motorised beer cooler online, for a mere R4 700, he probably didn’t expect to get busted driving it drunk only minutes after he’d assembled it. He also had his licence suspended for 10 months. Who cares.
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It’s Not Porn, It’s A Documentary – Courtesy Of Qantas Air
17 Aug 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a 50-minute long ‘instructional video’ is now available on the in-flight entertainment systems of select few Qantas flights. The movie, called ‘The Female Orgasm Explained’, claims to explain the ‘mysteries’ of female sexual pleasure. Don’t be surprised if, on you’re next long haul, you find a third sock in the complimentary toilet bag.
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Insert Poop Joke Here, And It’s Vatican Toilet Paper
11 Aug 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
A company called Renova has released a special edition, perfumed toilet paper in the colours of the Vatican flag to ‘honour’ Pope Benedict XVI’s visit to Spain next week. Moisturizer, paper towels and black toilet paper are among the other holy cosmetics the company has produced.
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