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Crime
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THE DEAR LEADER’S KID FLIPS OUT JUST A LITTLE BIT
02 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The North Korean football team, along with it’s entire complement of staff, were recently subjected to a “grand debate”, to discuss the tender matter of their ideological betrayal of their nation. The players were hoofed up on stage, and the big daddys spanked them for about six hours. I was actually there at the time. […]
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EVERYBODY HATES JULIAN
30 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 12 Comments
WikiLeaks founder and destroyer-in-chief of American military credibility, Julian Assange, is not a very well-liked chap. Last week he leaked literally tens of thousands of US Military Afghan War Logs to the press after posting them on WikiLeaks.org. The logs detail the nitty gritty details of the nine-year US occupation of Afghanistan. Assange himself claims […]
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GLENN AGLIOTTI – INCOMPETENCE STICKS TO HIM LIKE CRAP TO A SHOE
29 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 5 Comments
The Brett Kebble trial has been roaming the news cycle lately, in case you didn’t know. Incidentally, if you didn’t know, you should probably plug in to the world. It’s quite kiff here. Don’t delude yourself, you’re not a reclusive oil painter, or a brilliant poet laureate wallowing in a malaise of red wine, cheap […]
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KALK BAY FISHERFOLK – BEWARE THE LURKING DANGER
28 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
About three hours ago a Kalk Bay fishermen walked into the e.tv Studios foyer off Kloof Street, and demanded to see the News Editor of e.tv. Surprisingly, the arb fisherman was denied access to the ed by security. And then…And then he lost his temper.
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SHOCKING NEWS – THE SABC EMPLOYS CONMEN
19 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
I hope by now that you’re all well versed in sarcasm, and you’ll take the first part of that headline appropriately. Here’s the scoop: Convicted fraudster and conman extraordinaire, Tsepang Morie, managed to hoodwink the entire Springbok rugby team and management by posing as the head of the team’s security detail ahead of their first […]
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JACKIE SELEBI GUILTY
02 Jul 2010 by Seth Rotherham / No Comments
It doesn’t get more emboerrissing than a former Police Chief and head of INTERPOL, being found guilty of corruption. Burn in hell, Jackie Selebi. Former head of interpol and SA’s Police Chief, Jackie Selebi, has been found guilty Former police chief Jackie Selebi is a person with low moral fibre, who cannot be relied upon, […]
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GRAND DADDY HOTEL DROPS THE BALL – AGAIN
22 Jun 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 55 Comments
Remember the “alleged” tale of the Grand Daddy Valet who stole a customer vehicle and rolled it 70 kilometres away in Blue Downs? The Grand Daddy Hotel left a comment on that story. Let’s enjoy it with our morning coffee: A response to this post from the Grand Daddy: It is regrettably true that this […]
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HOW TO GET MURDERED SHA’P SHA’P THIS WORLD CUP
09 Jun 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The Soccer World Cup will attract some 350 000 foreign visitors our shores. Most of them are already arriving, and you can bet they’ll be bringing their national idiosyncrasies with them. Today, we offer a sincere prayer that no fun-loving Dutch fans bring this quirky bit of fan paraphernalia with them, or they WILL be […]
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IT SUCKS TO BE McHOMELESS
07 Jun 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
According to a report by Shanghai’s Southern Weekly, the southern Chinese city has a bit of a McProblem. And that would be the McRefugees. It’s a pretty heavy vibe.
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MOBILE NUMBER CURSED – OR NOT
26 May 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
A mobile phone company in Bulgaria has suspended a particular mobile phone number, 0888 888 888, after “every single person assigned to it died in the last 10 years.”
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NIGERIAN POLITICIANS – NOT KOSHER
21 May 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Nigerian politicians are pretty colourful characters, if news reports are anything to go by. If they haven’t got two kilograms of coke (NOT the kind that fizzes with Mentos) in their political tummies, then they’re off marrying Egyptian 13 year-olds.
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SAPS – “YOUR [HUMAN] SAFETY IS OUR GOAL!”
05 May 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The South Africa Police Service – a bastion of efficiency, and relatively humourous accents. Ever tried calling 10111? No answer, right? Exactly. Because every South African police service man or woman is out on the STREETS. Bam. Chew on that rubber bullet, critics. But in all sincerity, we’re pretty lucky to have a decent police […]
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COMPETITION: OH SNAP!
04 May 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 6 Comments
Morning boys and girls. By golly, do we have some fun for you this morning. Ever been the victim of camera theft? Ever thought a retrieved photo of your sun burnt gluteus maximus might pave the way for you recovering your camera? Well, you can think it now. We got this email from a truly […]
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GRAND DADDY HOTEL VALET NOT LIKELY TO GET A TIP
20 Apr 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 8 Comments
Word on the street is that a valet attendant employed by the four star Grand Daddy on Long Street may have allegedly abused his position last Saturday night. And when we say “abused his position”, what we really mean to say is “stole a Grand Daddy client’s Mini Cooper Sport, and wrecked it Jub Jub […]
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LOCAL TRAVEL AGENT GETS NAMED AND SHAMED ON INTERNET – INCLUDING PHOTOGRAPHS AND PRIVATE DETAILS
07 Jan 2010 by Seth Rotherham / 28 Comments
A new website, by the name of www.stephaniekohler.co.za has gone viral in South Africa’s Twitter universe. From what initially like someone’s own personal webpage, the person to which the domain name refers, “Stephanie Kohler,” has nothing to do with the website whatsoever, other than being the target of an online attack. Retribution for alleged fraudulent […]
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GOOD, MORNING HEADLINES!
22 Oct 2009 by Seth Rotherham / 1 Comment
Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman Patrick Bateman Was Based On Tom Cruise – Mary Harron, the director of the film adaptation of Brett Easton Ellis’ 1991 classic novel, American Psycho, sat down for an interview recently and was asked about Christian Bale’s inspiration for the book’s Manhattan serial-killing monster, Patrick Bateman. He found it on […]
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THE “PENIS KILLERS” HAVE BEEN FIRED
19 Sep 2009 by Seth Rotherham / No Comments
There’s something very special about logging into News24.com and finding yourself confronted with the leading story shown below: The “Penis Killers” were fired.. They say it in a way that suggests you should know about these characters. In a way that suggests everyone is talking, quite frankly, about the “Penis Killers.” Can you imagine the […]
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LEAKED RENAULT FORMULA 1 SCANDAL DOCUMENTS
18 Sep 2009 by Seth Rotherham / 4 Comments
An anonymous source dropped off a flash drive with the Cape Royale concierge, for my attention. The drive contained scans of all the documents pertaining to the recent Formula 1 scandal, involving the Renault F1 team, boss Flavio Briatore and driver Nelson Piquet Jnr. The same scandal which has resulted in Flavio’s recent immediate resignation […]
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DRUG BUST ON LONG STREET
15 Sep 2009 by Seth Rotherham / 8 Comments
I was chatting just the other day about the drug peddling issue on Long Street. You’ll recall I was saying how nice it is to visit Hudsons Burger Joint on Kloof Road, where drugs, parking and dirt is not as much of an issue. Looks like some of the Long Street boys got bust on […]
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KIDNAPPED GIRL FOUND 18 YEARS LATER
28 Aug 2009 by Seth Rotherham / 6 Comments
After kidnapping her 18 years ago, Phillip Garrido kept Jaycee Dugard in his backyard and fathered two children with her. Garrido is a convicted sex offender and suddenly, out of the blue, walked into a California police station with the victim by his side. He told authorities that God had spoken to him. Obviously. This, […]
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STUNNING LITTLE CRACKHOUSE IN WOODSTOCK
19 Aug 2009 by Seth Rotherham / 5 Comments
Got this little pearler last week. I want you to see it. It’s really special. Stunning! Hi Seth, I hope your Hollywood adventures are going swimmingly! The cold, wet weather has returned to Cape Town this week – but I’m counteracting the appalling weather by contributing to the South African red wine sales, […]
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THEY’RE STILL TRYING TO KILL BARACK OBAMA
12 Aug 2009 by Seth Rotherham / 4 Comments
My brother, Barack Obama, was in New Hampshire on Tuesday for a Town Hall meeting about healthcare and the changes he aims to introduce to the system in America. Now this is a pretty damn intricate topic and something I certainly won’t be discussing right now. For those of you who want to read more […]
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MUGABE’S GOVERNMENT DUPED INTO “DIESEL FROM A ROCK” SCAM
28 Jul 2009 by Seth Rotherham / 4 Comments
To actually believe in the concept of someone tapping diesel fuel from a rock is one thing, but to actually be conned into funding the person…. well, that’s just another story altogether. It happened to Rubert Mugabe’s government, funnily enough. You will not believe this! Actually, you probably will.. This, from News24: […]
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UK VIOLENT CRIME STATS HIGHER THAN SOUTH AFRICA
07 Jul 2009 by Seth Rotherham / 26 Comments
Wow, this is something to add to the voices in your head asking why exactly you live in London. A recent study has found that violent crime is higher in the UK per capita, than it is in South Africa. This, from the Daily Mail : The most violent country in Europe: Britain […]
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THE WOLF OF WALL STREET – BY JORDAN BELFORT
24 Jun 2009 by Seth Rotherham / 5 Comments
I don’t read a lot of books and when I do they usually have to be non-fiction and/or biographies. It takes a lot for me to pick one up on recommendation and, when I do get to that point, I usually don’t get past half way. I’m happy to say that this is not the […]
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MAN (55) CLAIMS HIS PARENTS KIDNAPPED HIM
18 Jun 2009 by Seth Rotherham / 8 Comments
This is one of those radical stories that only come along “once in a blue moon” (a phrase I made up to describe a rare event – use it, don’t use it). Some of you (none of you) will remember the famous kidnapping of toddler Steven Dammanin New York, 1955. The boy was snatched when […]
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PETE DOHERTY FOUND IN BATHROOM ON PLANE WITH NEEDLE IN ARM
09 Jun 2009 by Seth Rotherham / 1 Comment
It’s one thing behaving like a rock star, but it’s a fine line between being a rock star and losing every last ounce of sense. Like Pete Doherty who was recently arrested in Geneva, Switzerland after he was found slumped over in the airplane bathroom with a hypodermic needle. Pete DohertyIn very good nick […]
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LIKE THE VATICAN, THE WATERFRONT IS A COUNTRY OF IT’S OWN
09 Jun 2009 by Seth Rotherham / No Comments
Local law enforcers and “peace officers” should be warned – they are not above V&A Waterfront law. As we see in this pic, Cape Town cops who think they can abuse a yellow/red line vibe, are going to find themselves getting a bit stuck. Literally. And punished!Outside the Aquarium It’s not the first […]
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SHAMELESS SPAR CYCLING HELMET ATTACK IN HOUT BAY
19 May 2009 by Seth Rotherham / 7 Comments
“Shameless” and “disgusting” is what local residence of the Republic of Hout Bay are calling it; following this, the latest unprovoked attack on the seaside community. Cycling helmet attack in the Hout Bay Spar Not so “good for you” Marc P gave this sobering account: A HUGE attack on human rights went […]
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PINELANDS “ROCKED TO THE CORE” FOLLOWING LATEST ATTACK
01 May 2009 by Seth Rotherham / 3 Comments
This just in. Having spent some time in my youth in Pinelands, it always cuts me deep when I hear bad stories to do with the once sleepy hollow. I was having a great day today, between working on the movie script and some down time at Caprice – before I received this email and […]
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