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Business
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Jimmy Manyi To Publish Government Newspaper
28 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
The government is going to be launching its own printed propagand… err newspaper, and it will be published by the head of government communications, Jimmy Manyi. Yes, Jimmy who doesn’t like coloured people that much. Basically we shouldn’t get our hopes up and expect much investigative journalism.
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Get Me To The Greg Secker Forex Trading Seminar
25 Mar 2011 by Seth Rotherham / 5 Comments
Forex trading is a way to earn money. Enough money to live the holiday, ergo, not work. Get out of the office, okay? Which is of course desirable because (I needn’t necessarily tell you) you’ll have both the times and the means to do whatever you want. What kind of things might you like to […]
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Peta Holds Naked Shower Protest, Causes Car Accident
25 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
I know we did this last week, but this is unfortunately the reality of the hour that one officially applies the Cape Town Friday Rule. It’s called habit, and there’s no better way to form a habit other than through repetition. Essentially you should now start embracing everything non work-like, so let’s celebrate with a naked shower protest.
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Man Opens Chicken Hotel, No Spice
24 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
And that’s an unintentional pun in the headline too in case you were wondering. But, these really are the times that we live in. Now UK residents, Cornwall residents in particular, won’t have to worry about who will look after the chickens if one were to take a holiday or go on ones “gap yah.”
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Hippo Scares Grandfather And Grandson Up Tree
23 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
This will probably rate right up there with their worst ever experiences together as grandfather and grandson. It certainly wasn’t one of those happy days like you’d see on adverts or in the movies. Although, mind you, I suppose it did start out as an innocent canoe trip which was probably fun for a while.
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First Edition Harry Potter Auctioned For ZAR 205K
23 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
So Heritage Auctions sold a 1997 edition of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone for $29, 875. A book that you can remember the release of just sold at a rare books auction. You’re Old now. If you can’t remember 1997, please crawl back into the womb.
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Zuma’s R200 Million Renovations [UPDATED]
23 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
At the beginning of this month a story caught our eye that almost seemed too shocking to be true. We can now happily report back to you that the lunacy surrounding these pricey renovations has been met with trepidation by Public Works Minister Gwen Mahlangu-Nkabinde, and for the most part, been put on hold.
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China Tightens Electronic Security By A Whole Bunch Of Notches
23 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
If you say the word ‘protest’ too frequently in a cell-phone conversation in Beijing, your call gets cut off. No spice. We have pretty strict phone etiquette policies here at 2ov, granted, but generally we allow calls, once placed, to proceed without Big Brother intervention.
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2oceansvibe And New Age Collaborate To Make A Better Media Space In SA
22 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 5 Comments
We wrote earlier in the day that The New Age had engaged in a small but embarrassing bout of mistaken identity, having posted a picture of world renowned fashion mogul, Karl Otto Lagerfeld, above a story regarding the appointment of one Karl Otto, esq., to one or other lofty position at the Maritime Authority of South Africa. Enjoy the update after the jump.
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Water Soon To Be Subjected To Eskom-esque Tariff Hikes
22 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
A report about a month ago attributed that South Africa indeed stared a water crisis directly in the eye. Experts told the inaugural South African Water and Energy Forum in Johannesburg that we even face the possibility of chronic water shortages as early as 2020. Now Eskom-esque tariff hikes loom too.
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Karl Lagerfeld Quits Fashion To Head Up The South African Maritime Safety Authority
22 Mar 2011 by Seth Rotherham / No Comments
Don’t know if you caught The New Age‘s recent article about our new pirate tracking satellite service. It seems they believe that fashion designer extraordinaire, Karl Lagerfeld, is heading up the SA Maritime Safety Authority. Something I was unaware of. Follow the link for more.
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Google Launches ‘Umbono,’ Cape Town Based Startup Funder
22 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Google has set up the first of its startup-funding offices in Cape Town, under the ‘Umbuno’ flagship. “Umbono” is isiZulu for ‘vision’ or ‘idea’. Google also showed that it knows how to make a girl feel special, saying it chose Cape Town because the city is in “the process of positioning itself as a hub for innovation and technology”.
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Removing Gaddafi Not Allowed – David Cameron
22 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
On Friday we discussed what the no-fly zone over Libya meant and how it would be placed into effect by the international community. “But the UN resolution is limited in its scope. It explicitly does not provide legal authority for action to bring about Gaddafi’s removal from power by military means,” explained UK Prime Minister David Cameron.
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Casey “The Punisher” Heynes Speaks Out
21 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
About a week ago a video featuring an Australian victim of bullying, literally body slamming his much skinnier bully into the concrete, did the rounds on the interweb. Casey “The Punisher” Heynes received immediate hero status and has now had his say on events that led up to one of the more memorable fight backs in bullying history.
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Smart Wristwatches, Not Just In The Movies
21 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
It was a matter of time before the wristwatch had its biggest redesign moment since the croc-like invasion of the big-faced bling disaster that took hold and made hipster fashion designers rich. Smart watches are on their way, but there’s one feature we’d include in ours, if we designed these things, which we don’t.
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London Teenager Drops Wii For Gun, Seeks To Join Libyan Rebels
18 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Unfortunately yes, you did read that correctly. Sam, a somewhat timid and reserved 19 year old, is standing up for what he feels is right. He has decided enough is enough and it’s time that he joined the rebel forces on the front line in the Libyan Desert.
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The Libyan No-Fly Zone – What It Means
18 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Aside from the shit literally hitting the fan, let’s break this down and look at what it’s going to mean for the nation that is embroiled in one of the worst struggles against a dictator in history.
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2oceansvibe’s Overtures To The Mayor Are Snubbed
18 Mar 2011 by Seth Rotherham / 1 Comment
Hear ye, hear ye! Today is Friday. You know what that means. That means that we knock off at 12h00. Do you know why we knock off at 12h00? Because we’re not lying to ourselves. “I”M NOT LYING TO MYSELF.” You shouldn’t either. No one is working productively after 12h00 on a Friday afternoon. The […]
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Quarrelling Begins To Boil Around Mandela Gun Dispute
17 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Described as a holy grail for South African historians, the gun Nelson Mandela buried almost 50 years ago is nowhere near being reunited with its original proprietor. The owner of the property where the gun is supposedly buried, originally part of Liliesleaf farm, is at loggerheads with museum officials representing the Liliesleaf Trust.
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Grade 1 Teacher Allegedly Drops K-Bomb, No Spice
17 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
A grade 1 teacher from the Orchards Primary School just outside Centurion in Gauteng has been suspended by the schools governing body after pupils claim she called them k*****s. She now also faces a disciplinary hearing next week. Apparently she also called them “black monkeys”. But, has she been levelled with false accusations?
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Disgrunted Customer Hires People To Destroy His Lamborghini [VIDEO]
17 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 4 Comments
This hurts me somewhere deep inside. A customer disgusted by the poor service at Lamborghini China service station responded to the situation by hiring a mob with sledgehammers to tear into his Lamborghini Gallardo L140 – this, apparently, to draw attention to poor customer service.
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Renovations To Gauteng Premier’s House, Millions Squandered
16 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Gauteng’s top brass are being flushed out again for misappropriation of taxpayers’ money. This time it’s totalling a little over R12 million since 2005 on lavish refurbishments and renovations to the official Bryanston residence of the Gauteng Premier.
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Scourge Of Geriatric Drug Peddlars Sweeps Cape
16 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
A 52 year old woman was arrested in the middle-class suburb of Kenilworth, Cape Town, for dealing in drugs on Monday. She is not alone in her entrepreneurial endeavors. It seems a growing number of grannies are entering the underworld and deceiving the greater public of their criminal tendencies.
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Microsoft Kills The Zune; Techies Everywhere Need New Thing To Mock
16 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
At long last, Microsoft has taken their iPod-but-worse MP3 player, the Zune, out behind the shed with a shotgun. Microsoft announced that they would stop making new versions of the music/video player due to “tepid demand.”
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Koeberg Nuclear Power Station Shuts Down, Routine Maintenance
15 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Take a deep breath and don’t panic. It’s nothing to be alarmed about and this is why we have eased it in on this beautiful Tuesday afternoon in Cape Town. Unit two actually shut down yesterday already and we thought we’d now explain why you might see it puffing the odd bit of steam from time to time.
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Al Qaeda Launches Women’s Glossy Magazine
15 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Clearly not satisfied with the launch of their English magazine, Inspire, which first appeared about nine months ago, and included a feature called “How to make a bomb in the kitchen of your Mom”, al Qaeda’s media arm has followed up with a magazine for women, titled “Al-Shamikha”. Apparently the editorial team will be mixing beauty tips with lessons in jihad. No spice.
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Cape Town Taxi Violence
14 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Enraged Cape Town taxi strikers resorted to stone throwing this morning, due to controversy surrounding the issuing of operating licences and the “draconian” enforcement of traffic laws. This resulted in police firing rubber bullets at the protestors. There are still no taxis running on the main routes in Cape Town. So that’s been resolved well.
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Float Like A Butterfly Sting Like A Bee – It’s Schabir – Now Rearrested
14 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
You may or may not have noticed the Sunday Times front cover yesterday. The headline was gripping and revealing. One usually sees this when tabloids have a secret they’re unable to keep. This time however, tabloids aside, the headline had every right to froth in its very large font. Behold: “Shaik In Mosque Punch-Up”
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South Africa Launches Pirate Satellite Tracking Service
11 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Initially instituted as a service to monitor the safety of our local and surrounding shorelines during the World Cup last year, the Long Range Identification and Tracking (LRIT) system is a welcomed spin-off from a successful local concept for maritime protection. It will also help to track shipwrecks and oceanic pollution.
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Life-Size, Promotional Clay Chevrolet Orlando
11 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
News is depressing today, so let’s look at this. GM commissioned the construction of a life-size replica of their Chevrolet Orlando, soon to be launched in the UK; they used about 1000kg of clay to build it over a course of two weeks. It’ll be on display in Essex for a couple more days.
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