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News24
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South African Scholars Get Two More Well-Deserved Long Weekends
07 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
To all the overworked and swamped scholars in South Africa, we’d like to say please hang on a little bit longer – help is on the way! The education department has announced that students will now also get June 17 and August 8 off from school. This is due to the those dates’ “proximity to public holidays”.
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Swedish King In Strip Club Scandal
06 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
I shall not for a moment attempt to feign journalistic integrity here. This is the kind of thing the public loves. Allegations that King Carl Gustaf of Sweden has been visiting strip clubs and having affairs has the media baying for blood and the public frothing at the mouth.
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Whites Never Voted For The ANC: Malema
06 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 4 Comments
I can’t help it. I have to write about this. It’s too good not to write about. Insanity is always funny. In this case the insanity comes once more from the king’s jester, Julius. He said yesterday that he didn’t drive white people away from voting for the ANC, because they never voted for the ANC in the first place.
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Breakfast With Malema, A Steal At R50 000
03 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
That’s right, the ANC Youth League; that bastion of the people – that pillar of hope in a senseless world, that celestial body by which we set our lives – is selling access to Malema and friends at the first ever ANCYL Business Networking Lounge™, during the 24th national ANCYL congress.
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Lunar Eclipse Time Everyone
26 May 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
The South African Astronomical Observatory (SAAO) has announced that we’ll be treated to a total lunar eclipse on the 15th of June. And apparently this one is rather special huzza!
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Buzz-Kill Benedict Shuts Down Monastery
25 May 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Pope Benedict XVI has shut down a famous Monastery in Rome, run by a former nightclub dancing nun. The monastery, Santa Croce in Gerusalemme, holds some of the most precious relics in the Church, but the Pope has cut the partying short.
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Vodacom’s Airtime In Advance
24 May 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
In what I think is a great idea, Vodacom has announced that it will be launching a service called “Airtime Advance” that allows customers to get some desperately needed airtime in advance before they recharge.
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How To Fight The War On SMS Spam
20 May 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
I’ve had it up to here with bastard companies sending me text messages about crap I don’t want, have never wanted and will never want. I don’t know what has happened, but suddenly every company in the country has my number. Thankfully I can now go to the Wireless Application Service Providers’ Association’s (Waspa) website and sort this shit out.
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Local Elections Wrap-Up
19 May 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The results of yesterday’s fourth democratic municipal elections started trickling in late last night, after a very long, but mostly quiet day of voting. There were long lines, some scanner problems and one or two questions raised here and there.
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You Won’t Go To Hell If You Don’t Vote ANC, Apparently
17 May 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Despite what our responsible and esteemed president said recently, about us all going to hell if we don’t vote ANC; it seems we won’t be burning for eternity after all.
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Update: The ANC Is Disappointed And Puzzled Over “Shoot The Boer” Ruling
17 May 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The ANC says that it is “extremely disappointed and puzzled” by yesterday’s high court ruling refusing it leave to appeal an earlier finding that the song “Shoot the Boer” is an incitement to murder. It has decided it’s time to take it to a higher court.
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Mugabe Attends Beatification Of Pope John Paul II Despite Travel Ban, Calls It “Fabulous”
03 May 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Despite a ban on traveling to the European Union for the last decade, Robert Mugabe once again found himself there this weekend. He attended the beatification of the late pope John Paul II. The experience clearly touched that (only to be confirmed by autopsy one day) heart of his and he said it was “fabulous, absolutely heavenly.” Fabulous? What straight man uses that word?
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Police Stop ANC Members From Disrupting DA Rally, Makes You Think
28 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Police had to step in yesterday when a group of ANC supporters attempted to stop a DA rally from taking place in the Mamelodi Township in Pretoria. This is just a blip on the South African political radar that will quickly be forgotten, but it gave me pause for thought.
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SA Pilot, Charlie Strachan, Is Invited To Kate and William’s Wedding
26 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
So the royal guest list has been announced and I am pleased to report that South African born pilot, Charlie Strachan, has been invited. Charlie, who works for Kenya-based Tropic Air, befriended the prince two years ago, when William went for a hike in Kenya.
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Five Million Lucky South Africans Have More Than One ID
20 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
You may knowingly or unknowingly be one of five million South Africans who have two Identity Documents, even if you don’t want two. Minister Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma said yesterday that they were able to determine this fact by checking the re-issue dates of documents. Simple, but brilliant.
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How Did The Police Manage To “Lose” 20,429 Weapons?
09 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Top management in our extremely effective police force were asked yesterday in Parliament how they happened to lose 20 429 weapons. Click through for facepalming disappointment.
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Petition Against Thieving Tokoloshes Submitted
01 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
A traditional healer is currently being accused of murder in Pietermaritzburg. But the local community alleges that he is about to employ the services of tokoloshes to tamper with or steal his court dockets.
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Man Shot 17 Times, Lives, And Beats Fifty Cent’s Record
28 Feb 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
In what is being described as a miracle, a Pretoria man has survived being shot 17 times.
How do you like them apples, Fiddy?
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Aroused Elephant Flips Car In Pilanesberg Game Reserve
22 Feb 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 3 Comments
This past Thursday visitors to the Pilanesberg Game Reserve, which is located in the North West province near Rustenburg, were treated to a rather unpleasant experience. The new car that they were travelling in appears to have become the victim of a case of mistaken identity for a large and aroused bull elephant.
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Gauteng’s New Tolls: 85% Goes To The Austrians
21 Feb 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Eighty-five cents out of every R1 profit made from construction and operation of Gauteng’s controversial open road tolling system could land up in the pockets of an Austrian traffic conglomerate.
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Bieber Fever May Be Deadly
17 Feb 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Poor , Ezperanza Spalding- I don’t know who she is either, but apparently she’s won “Best New Artist” at Sunday’s Grammys, despite Justin Bieber being the overwhelming favourite. This has sparked outrage amongst Bieber’s fans or “Beliebers” as they are known, and they have called for her head.
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Facebook Used To Hire Hitman
15 Feb 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
If you’ve been charged with rape, it’s best that you don’t post on your Facebook profile that you need a hitman, ASAP, to help sort out the victim of your alleged crime. It’s especially a bad idea if that person can see your Facebook page.
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Man Speaks About Leopard Attack
11 Feb 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
With statistics indicating that the average person only stands a ten percent chance of actually surviving an attack by a leopard, Pieta Ncube can consider himself a very lucky man. The 39 year old farm worker was attacked on his bicycle in the early hours of Tuesday morning, but used his bike as a weapon to ward it off.
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A Skinned Cat And A Zebra In a Fridge On A Farm
08 Feb 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
But obviously that’s not all. That wouldn’t be spicy enough. Apparently The Hawks are also looking for more than 100 live crocodiles which have disappeared from a farm near Ga-Rankuwa, north of Pretoria, a spokesman said on Monday. Steve Irwin would be proud.
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Woman Jumps Off 23-Storey Building And Survives
25 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
A woman in Argentina flung herself off the top of a 23-story hotel, but her suicide attempt was unluckily thwarted when she landed on a taxi cab, thereby prolonging her life. The lesson being, if you ever find yourself plummeting towards the earth, try locate an empty taxi and get into the ‘bum-first’ position, unless you actually want to commit suicide.
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His Excellency, Robert Mugabe Is Not Sick
19 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Over the last few days many a report has been circulating claiming that the great proponent of Zimbabwean democracy and all round nice guy Robert Mugabe may be on the dying-side of things. Mugabe’s illness was reported by Britain’s Daily Telegraph; apparently he is in Malaysia, recovering from having the old prostate removed.
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Finally We’re Allowed To Call Jacob Zuma A Loser
18 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Hang on a tick. I thought that calling anybody a loser was the prerogative of the person doing the loser calling. Not so, according to Mr C. Ngcukana, viewer of e.tv’s Justice Factor.
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Silvio Likes His Girls Not-Barely-Legal
17 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Man about town and real man’s man, Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi is in trouble again. But luckily this time it’s only because he (allegedly) slept with a 17-year-old.
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News24, Is This Entirely Necessary?
09 Dec 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
The face of news is changing on a daily basis. It really has to. For as long as people have communicated, the basic premise of news has been one person asking another, “Tell me something new and interesting.” One person’s “new and interesting” may not be another’s news. News24 is very aware of this fact.
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STRIKING – A LESSON IN DANCING
09 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The recent four week-long public servant strike taught us two things. Firstly, government is tight with its money, and not in the “tight-thrifty” way. Secondly, and more importantly, we’re a nation of dancers. Truly, you can say what you like about who has the moral high ground in this dog show, but you absolutely cannot […]
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