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Uncool
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Breaking News: Stay The Heck Away From St Georges Mall
21 Oct 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Unless you have a penchant for getting shot in the face. Details are hazy, but word on the street is of an armed robbery in St Georges Mall, Cape Town, which is alleged to have spun slightly more out of control into a hostage drama. One shot was heard. Links to real time reports after the jump. [UPDATE: The perp is on the run]
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Right To Know Campaign On 2oceansvibe Radio
19 Oct 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
If you value your freedom of speech, you may want to get involved in voicing your disapproval against The Man’s attempts to throw a black curtain over every mote of data it feels tetchy about. If you couldn’t be bothered to pipe up, then I suppose you won’t be losing much in the transition to a police state, anyhow. That’s right kids, we’re talking about the Secrecy Bill.
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End Of The Line
19 Oct 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Remember An Inconvenient Truth? You watched it, right? This may shock you, but the vast majority of the planet we live on is constituted of aquatic environments, and inhabited by aquatic species. A new film premiering in South Africa later this month, The End Of The Line, is An Inconvenient Truth for the ocean. [VIDEO]
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Die Antwoord’s Interwebs Site Hacked
13 Oct 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 4 Comments
Either Yolandi and Ninja are writing a Die Antwoord-esque love letter to a friend named Dirk, or their website has been hacked. Lines of text stating, “Dirk F*cks Whores” cover the screen, and the source points to a hacker named “poesgesig”. Really? You hacked Die Antwoord’s website and you couldn’t post the eff word in it’s entirety?
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UK Phone Company Announces Redundancies Using Super-Fun Traffic Light System
12 Oct 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
There are many different traffic light systems employed today. There is, of course, the very successful and highly regarded precursor to all of the traffic light systems, the traffic light. Then there’s Everything Everywhere’s take on the traffic light.
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Rolls-Royce Ghost “Diva”
11 Oct 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
If you have gold front teeth, a gold chain, a gold ring, gold-rimmed sunglasses and a gold watch…you might want to roll around in this bad boy. Check out the new Rolls…
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Locals Pick Up The Tab At Cape Town Stadium
07 Oct 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 4 Comments
The R4,4 billion rand Cape Town Stadium is officially ship sans rudder. So who is going to pick up the operational costs? Don’t look at me, alright? Ah, but you already are. Dandy.
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Death By GPS
06 Oct 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Technology has claimed its second victim in as many weeks. Not long after the Segway Company owner plummeted to his not-so poetic death (he was attached to a Segway at the time), a Spanish man has perished after plunging his Peugeot into a reservoir, at the instruction of his GPS. Maybe he had the Yoda voice activated?
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Mara Louw Admits Being Drunk On Air
06 Oct 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Monday evening’s episode of Idols SA was the standard mix of tepid content, low production values, and a small group of talented vocalists vainly struggling against a tide of disinterested public, average backing tracks, and of course, inebriated judges.
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50 Cent Does Not Like Gay People
05 Oct 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Part-time homophobe and full-time joke, 50 Cent (or Curtis James Jackson to his grandmother) has refused to apologise for an apparent anti-gay rant on his Twitter page.
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Malema – No News At All
01 Oct 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Boring FYI to anyone concerned with the daily drama that is Julius Malema, man-child extraordinaire:
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New Zealand Herald Tees Up The All Blacks For Epic Fail
01 Oct 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 8 Comments
Jinxed, much? Please, enjoy this photograph of the front page of the New Zealand Herald, dated Wednesday 29 September 2010. That’s unusually arrogant for an agriculturally-based society, isn’t it?
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P DIVVY – WON’T BE TOUCHED WITH A TEN FOOT POLE
30 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 6 Comments
That’s because the first thing that headhunted potential employees ask themselves is, “Is this company a sinking ship?” And SA Rugby, the company, is a sinking ship.
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WORK IS LIFE, LIVE THE HELLDAY
29 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
That’s if you’re living in the UK. Indeed, recently-conducted research (which is is of course always reliable; remember the Da Vinci Code?) has indicated that Britons between the age of the thirty and forty are the most unhappy group of people in the whole world. What’s there to be unhappy about?
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STEVE HOFMEYR STILL ALIENATING HIS CREDIBILITY
29 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 4 Comments
Tape: Doesn’t help Die Pompmasjien ry nog weer! Steve Hofmeyr, a South African “music artist” best known for extreme fertility singing Neil Diamond covers and accusing South Africans of lacking originality in the same breath, has proffered his cutting insight on yet another weighty topic.
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EFFECTS OF BIEBER’S VISIT ALREADY FELT IN THE MOTHER CITY
28 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 3 Comments
Scores of dead pigeons lay strewn across the Table Bay Boulevard in Cape Town on the weekend, metres from the Cape Town International Convention Centre. A report has indicated that while the birds were initially thought to have suffered from a mass bout of the deadly avine Newcastle’s Respiratory Disease (no relation to the mining […]
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LONG WALK TO ARMS DEALS
28 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The film rights to Nelson Mandela’s bestselling biography, Long Walk to Freedom, have been sold to South African film producer, Anant Singh. This is the same man who produced such gems as: Mr Bones Mr Bones 2: Back from the Past Mama Jack Wulin Warriors: Legend of the Seven Stars So prospects are looking good […]
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OUR COUNTRY IS TAINTED
23 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Justin Bieber arrived in Johannesburg this morning. Heat magazine caught the horror unfolding on film. Mass hysteria has been reported in the greater Gauteng area, as the great walking insect zapper carves a swathe of destruction along the Ben Schoeman highway. Droves of moth-like recently pubescent girls are reportedly flinging themselves at his moving vehicle. […]
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KOEBERG WORKERS NOW GLOW IN THE DARK
22 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
News24 reports that 91 Eskom employees suffered radiation contamination while doing maintenance at the Koeberg nuclear power plant on Monday. During maintenance on Koeberg Unit One, 91 workers tested positive for cobalt 58 as they left the site on September 12, said Eskom spokesperson Karen de Villiers. The workers then had body scans to search […]
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HOUT BAY HULLABALOO
21 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 5 Comments
Twitter is abuzz with realtime reports of clashes between police and residents of Hangberg, in Hout Bay. News24’s Dan Calders is on the ground, posting an up to the minute photo essay on Twitter. Eye witnesses have reported plumes of smoke rising from the area, and police firing rubber bullets at residents, who are firing […]
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MARINE TAXIS SHOWS US THE BEST WAY TO FAIL
20 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 21 Comments
You know at school when you were playing cricket, or tennis, or badminton, or javelin, or whatever, and the coach lent in for a little advice? “Go hard.” That’s what every self-respecting coach tells his charges when the moment demands it. Even if you fail, at least you’ve failed hard. And Marine Taxis have gone […]
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PIGSPOTTER: THE HUNTED TWEETER
16 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
A Johannesburg saint tweeter, @PigSpotter, has come in for a lot of stick lately. PigSpotter debuted on Twitter at the end of July this year, and in the space of less than two months, they’ve racked up over 11 000 followers, and that figure is growing at a rate of a few hundred per day. […]
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SLAVERY: THE GP’S CHOICE
15 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The face of a slave owner… If you were a domestic excellence technician, what kind of professional would you prefer to work for? I know which bracket of society I’d be angling for – medical doctors. They earn a good bit of tin, you’ll never suffer a lack of attention when you’re in the throws […]
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FRESHLY GROUND BANNED FROM ZIMBABWE
13 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Popular South African band, Freshly Ground, have suffered a potentially massive blow to their revenue stream after the Zimbabwean authorities banned the group from traveling or performing in Zimbabwe.
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THE MOST HATED BAKKIE IN CAPE TOWN
13 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 24 Comments
On Saturday afternoon, at around 15h30, a group of young men in a white bakkie (that’s a “pick-up” or a “ute” for our foreign readers) called a Big Issue vendor over to their stationary vehicle at a traffic light in central Cape Town. They then allegedly poured acid water all over her, and her wares. […]
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WE ALMOST DIED – ASTEROIDS WAVE HELLO
09 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
It mightn’t look it, but what you see above is a graphic representation of narrowly-dodged doom.
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HARRY POTTER IS OUT MAGAZINE COVER BOY
08 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
“Daniel Radcliffe needs a date.” He looks ab-fab, hey? In case we had any doubts, Daniel Radcliffe (best known for his role as Harry Potter) is very comfortable with his sexuality. And everyone else’s, apparently. He’s rocking the pale skin, bright red lips and chest hair triad of erotic signifiers pretty hard here. And how […]
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ANOTHER WORD FOR TWITTER IS “KARMA”
07 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The legendary fail-whale When you happen to be an Australian Olympic gold medalist swimmer sponsored by an elite care brand, it’s probably not a good idea to talk trash on Twitter. If you’re a naturalised English sportsman that’s suffered a run of poor form in recent times and have since been cut from the national […]
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DISCOVERY CHANNEL MAKES THE MOST OF A BAD SITUATION
02 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
US news wires were buzzing this morning with news that a hostage situation was unfolding at the Discovery Channel headquarters in Montgomery County, USA. This, from the Associated Press: James Lee, 43, a gunman with what police described as “concerns” with the Discovery Channel networks took at least one person hostage in the company’s Silver […]
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ONE MORE REASON NOT TO LIVE IN JOHANNESBURG
02 Sep 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Besides the fact that Gauteng will soon be wallowing in a soup of watery mining acid, the Earth has decided to weigh in with yet ANOTHER reason not to live in Johannesburg. News24 reports: Johannesburg – Residents of the Witwatersrand may in future experience more and bigger earthquakes due to water rising underground in mined-out […]
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