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Uncool
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Burn Down The Herald: ANC Leader
23 May 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
ANC Nelson Mandela Bay chairperson Nceba Faku encouraged more than 100 party members to burn down Port Elizabeth’s The Herald newspaper as he celebrated the party’s election victory outside the Port Elizabeth City Hall on Thursday night. Faku said the party was celebrating an “important battle that is between the ANC and the media”.
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The Great Cape Town Airport Parking Scam
19 May 2011 by Seth Rotherham / 33 Comments
A few weeks ago I dropped off La Muse at Cape Town International airport, ahead of her buying trip to three corners of the world. We ate at the Spur (as you do) and when I paid for my parking ticket I was shocked to see I had been charged R105. I didn’t have the […]
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First Class Passenger Attempts To Smuggle Leopard Cubs, Panthers, A Bear And Monkeys
13 May 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
A 36 year old United Arab Emirates citizen, who was waiting to check in for his first class flight at Bangkok’s Suvarnabhumi International Airport, has been detained by undercover anti-trafficking officers for attempting to smuggle a bizarre mix of rare creatures. The animals had been drugged and were headed for Dubai.
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New Zealander Cuts Off And Eats His Finger
04 May 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Self-cannabalism is not for the faint-hearted. And there are only eight recorded instances of it in the world. Most recently, a man from New Zealand cut off his little finger and ate it. It’s interesting to note that he’s a vegetarian.
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Pretoria Woman Attempts Suicide, Hangs From A Crane
03 May 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
In planning the perfect suicide some people go to great lengths, and some with a flair for the dramatic go to great heights. Like the lady from Pretoria who climbed a 50m construction crane in an attempt to jump to her death yesterday.
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Obama On Alabama Twister Devastation
29 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
A further tornado outbreak yesterday has killed at least 210 people in Alabama, prompting President Barack Obama to sign a disaster declaration to assist the clean up of the aftermath of the twisters. Tornados have been ravaging the southern states of the USA for days now, and the death toll has risen to 300.
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Traffic Officer Arrested For Drunk Driving
21 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
With the Easter weekend but a heartbeat away, please be careful on the roads. And don’t even think about driving while under the influence, ok? Not even traffic cops can get away with that anymore. In another ironic turn of events in the world of law enforcement, a traffic officer was arrested for drunk driving last weekend.
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Man Commits Suicide On Stage, Gets Cheered
19 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
One cannot but be amazed and horrified at the actions of Kipp Rusty Walker of Bend, Oregon, who stabbed himself to death on stage, in front of a live audience. Kipp had just finished playing a song called “Sorry For All the Mess”, at an open mike night at Strictly Organic Coffee Co. when he repeatedly stabbed himself in the chest with a six-inch knife.
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Johannesburg Infested By Bearded Rats
19 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Remember the story about the Pied Piper of Hamlyn? He was the guy hired to lure rats away from the city by playing his magic pipe. The city of Johannesburg may be in need of its own modern day PPOH, given the rat infestation currently plaguing the CBD.
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Veld Fire Destroys Somerset West Hotel
18 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Nature showed her claws again this weekend in the Western Cape, when Somerset West’s Straightway Head Hotel was ravaged by a veld fire along with 15 other houses on Saturday. Built in 1939, The Straightway Head was a well-known luxury establishment which many of your grandparents would have been familiar with, even if you weren’t.
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Will A Mining Tax Help Clean Up Toxic Water?
15 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
A new levy for the mining industry is currently under consideration by Government. The purpose of the tax would be to finance the clean up of toxic acid water which rises and flows out of abandoned mines. Pollution from acid mine water is a major problem in Gauteng. Very unpleasant.
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France Introduces Burqa Ban Today – Ban Defied
11 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
The controversial law banning full-face veils came into effect today in France, home to Europe’s largest Muslim population. Public wearing of niqabs or burqas is now liable for a fine of 150 euros and a citizenship course; people charged with forcing women to wear full-face veils may be subject to jail time.
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Japan Braces Itself: Tsunami Warning Issued For North East Coast
07 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
In what is quickly becoming a cosmic joke, the North East shore of Japan is expected to be struck by a tsunami in a matter of hours. An earthquake with a magnitude of 7,4 struck off the coast of Honshu, with local reporters in the North East of the country citing concern over an unusually strong aftershock.
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Another P-Bomb Dropped In Court
05 Apr 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
It seems it’s all the rage to voice ones displeasure with how one finds things are going in court these days. Instead of it being an advocate this time, it’s a 71 year old “Brett Kebble-type character” from the Strand near Cape Town facing fraud charges. He had recently celebrated his 71st in Pollsmoor too.
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Spotted: The Golliwog Alive And Well In Tygervalley
31 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 8 Comments
I know it is the northern suburbs, behind the boerewors curtain, and all that. But wrong is still wrong. The picture to my left is part of an actual logo for a toyshop in Tygervalley Shopping Centre. Yes, your eyes are not deceiving you – that is an actual Golliwog you are looking at.
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Robbers Lock Up Police
29 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Three robbers enter a police station, lock up the officers on duty and steal a whole lot of stuff. There is no punchline. This happened in the early hours of this morning in the Eastern Cape.
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German Doctor’s Juicy Malpractice Lands Him In Jail
28 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
I’m all for advances in alternative medicine but this is a little too alternative. A German doctor has been found guilty of endangering the lives of 25 patients due to his highly eccentric methodologies which included using lemon juice to sterilise his surgical procedures.
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Mind The Bus
24 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
While walking is not always the most practical way of getting around, with troublesome Mercury turning retrograde in a few days’ time, you may want to try staying off trains, planes and other forms of mechanical transport for a little while. As evidenced by a tragic public transport collision in China earlier today.
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This Is What A 60 Kilogram Baby Looks Like
23 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 5 Comments
Remember Britain’s first quarter-of-a-ton teen? She had better watch her back because this three year-old boy is gunning for her title. Lu Hao weighed just 2.6kg at birth. However, from the time he was three months old he began to gain weight rapidly.
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Tragic End For Public Holiday Hike On Table Mountain
22 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
One of the greatest pleasures Cape Town has to offer is free access to jaw-droppingly beautiful mountain walks. But please take care in the wild, kids. A tragic accident took place yesterday on a Table Mountain trail, resulting in a lethal fall for a local hiker.
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Quarrelling Begins To Boil Around Mandela Gun Dispute
17 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Described as a holy grail for South African historians, the gun Nelson Mandela buried almost 50 years ago is nowhere near being reunited with its original proprietor. The owner of the property where the gun is supposedly buried, originally part of Liliesleaf farm, is at loggerheads with museum officials representing the Liliesleaf Trust.
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Grade 1 Teacher Allegedly Drops K-Bomb, No Spice
17 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
A grade 1 teacher from the Orchards Primary School just outside Centurion in Gauteng has been suspended by the schools governing body after pupils claim she called them k*****s. She now also faces a disciplinary hearing next week. Apparently she also called them “black monkeys”. But, has she been levelled with false accusations?
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Renovations To Gauteng Premier’s House, Millions Squandered
16 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Gauteng’s top brass are being flushed out again for misappropriation of taxpayers’ money. This time it’s totalling a little over R12 million since 2005 on lavish refurbishments and renovations to the official Bryanston residence of the Gauteng Premier.
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Ugandan Press Push It Quite Far With “Bum Driller” Headline
14 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The Ugandan Media are famous for their outrageous homophobia. Please enjoy the latest flaming, pucker-lipped homosexual red flag leaked from Africa’s most sexually awkward nation. Incredible, actually-published one-liners after the jump.
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Add Your Voice To The Groundswell: Sign This Petition Against Friday Afternoon Work Hours
11 Mar 2011 by Seth Rotherham / 20 Comments
Gang, we’re facing a serious problem. It affects our daily happiness. It affects our ability to be effective human beings. I’m talking about the creeping, evil tendency for wolves among us to insist on work commitments on Friday afternoons. Or on Fridays at all. Don’t these people value life? Look, I’ve talked extensively about this […]
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Shell Makes A Promise It Can’t Keep
04 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Shell claims its SA exploration for shale gas in the Karoo will use safe techniques not known to harm the environment and “vows” not to pollute Karoo water. But since when is hydraulic fracturing a safe technique?
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Brazilian Police Nab Cyclist-Smasher
04 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Yesterday,social cyclists taking part in a Critical Mass event in Sao Paulo, Brazil, we’re struck and injured by a vehicle accelerating through the crowd of cyclists. How no one was killed in the process is mystifying, and the only bright spot on this whole affair. Police have arrested a suspect.
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Crowd Of Social Brazilian Cycles Run Over By Lunatic [PG13 VIDEO]
03 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 15 Comments
Long-time 2oceansvibe readers will be aware of our mild allergy to offensive cyclists – you know, the chaps who cruise in to cafes on Saturday morning, sweat gushing from their epidermis, balls cupped by spandex, which are at eye level as they walk in. But we never said anyone should drive at full speed into a crowd of cyclists.
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The “Manyi” Bill, Let’s Crunch Those Numbers
03 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Oh, you didn’t know that cabinet has already approved this little racial nugget? Well, basically it’s just waiting for a few more signatures now before it forces change upon us. According to the SA Institute of Race Relations, who kindly did crunch the numbers for everyone, a lot of job loss and not much job creation is in order.
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Kuli Roberts To Make Public Apology This Evening
03 Mar 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
This has not been a great couple of days for Kuli Roberts. Apart from calls for her public lynching, and curses placed on her mother’s private parts, she has also lost her weekly newspaper column. But she is expected to make a public apology on her TV show, Headline, this evening – details and time inside.
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