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Uncool
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We Say Crocodile. Drug Addicts Say Krokodil – Enter Russia’s New Designer Drug
22 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Americans put them in pies, Africans make them into bags and now, Russians turn into them. The drug, a mixture of codeine, petrol and paint thinners, is injected and actually turns your skin scaly and green like that of a crocodile. It also bursts blood vessels and results in amputation. Dodgy.
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Gautrain’s Hidden Millions, Another Shock For The Taxpayer
22 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
This week we have seen two interesting reasons why the information bill, in its current form, needed amending. We learned of South African sniper weapons in Libya, and we have now learned of the many millions Gauteng tax payers will likely fork out for the lack of passengers using the Gautrain.
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Deep-Fried Cherry Kool-Aid Balls: What Does Your Heart Attack Taste Like?
21 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
If you don’t know what Kool-Aid is, it’s the American equivalent of Oros, only with a shit ton of sugar and an abundance of magical E numbers. If the American Heart Association had hitmen, the guy who invented this snack would be at the top of their list. But really, he loves deep-frying so much that you can actually see the excitement in his eyes.
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Child Found Wearing Eight Kilogram Suicide Bomb Vest
21 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
A nine-year-old girl has been found with an eight kilogram suicide vest strapped to her body in Pakistan’s troubled north-west region. The Pakistani police said they detained the schoolgirl on Monday after learning she was allegedly told to blow up a police checkpoint, which wasn’t far from where they stopped her.
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Jackass Star, Ryan Dunn, Dies In Car Crash
20 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 3 Comments
One of the star’s of MTV’s highly-successful Jackass franchise, Ryan Dunn, has died in a car crash. Click through for details and pics.
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Ridiculously Intoxicated Amy Winehouse Embarrasses Herself In Front Of 20 000 Fans [VIDEO]
20 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 3 Comments
It’s not clear exactly what Amy was on when she performed in Belgrade on Saturday night, but whatever it was, it was a lot. During her 90 minute performance, Winehouse managed to mumble mostly and may have even hallucinated a few times too. The next few legs of her European tour have obviously been cancelled.
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Man Narrowly Escapes Jail After Shooting Wart Off Finger With Shotgun
17 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Yes, English security guard Sean Murphy thought it was a good idea to blast off his wart with a shotgun, and in the process, his own finger too. Murphy decided to use a 12-bore Beretta at a Doncaster garden centre to consign the wart to history, along with most of the middle finger on his left hand.
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Apple Patents Technology That Lets Other People Turn Off Your Camera
17 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
And they’d been doing so well with the ‘not evil’ thing. Apple’s new patent is for software that would sense when people are trying to film concerts or events with their iPhone, then automatically disable the camera. It’d be nice to see a concert without a thousand iPhones blocking the way, but Big Brother much?
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Cape Town Assesses Damage After Massive Storm Ravages City Overnight
16 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
While the rest of South Africa spent last night enjoying the lunar eclipse, Cape Town was battered by a storm that dropped as much as 50mm of rain in the space of a few hours in places. The storm was accompanied by gale force winds and lighting that have caused widespread damage in parts of the city.
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Woman Critically Injured In Accident With Idols Presenter
15 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
An accident has left a woman in a critical condition after musician and Idols presenter ProVerb, whose real name is Tebogo Thekisho, knocked her over on Wednesday morning while driving home from his early morning show on a local radio station. Details of the cause of the accident are yet to emerge.
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World’s Most Miserable Countries – Where Does SA Rank?
15 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 6 Comments
Many of us believe that South Africa is quite simply the best country to live in on the planet. But have you heard of the “misery index”? It’s a measure which takes into account a country’s unemployment and inflation rates. Here’s the list of the 15 most miserable countries in the world for 2011. Take a guess where SA ranks – it’s not cheerful.
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Rapist Dies Halfway Through His Crime From Heart Attack – Karma Triumphs
15 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
You’d think Isabel Chavelo Gutierrez learned his lesson in the past 22 years while he was sitting in jail for being a pedophile. But it seems he was under the impression that if he went for a 77 year-old this time he’d fly under Karma’s radar. Not so, because as he was halfway through his despicable act, he was struck down with a heart attack.
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Celebrity Dwarf Actor Arrested For Exposing Himself To Underage Girl
14 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
A well-known Star Wars and Harry Potter actor has been arrested for indecent exposure. Nicholas Read, famous for playing dwarf and/or other small-statured fantasy-related characters in movies, recently sat on a bus with a hat on his lap. True story. A 17 year-old girl was sitting next to him, and he apparently pulled everything but a rabbit from that hat.
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“Gay Girl In Damascus” Blogger Is A Married Dude From Georgia
13 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
There was a fair amount of coverage about the apparent arrest of “Amina Arraf”, the pseudonym of openly gay Syrian blogger behind ‘Gay Girl In Damascus,’ which did a lot for getting word out about human rights issues in Syria. Except it turns out that Amina was invented by 40-year-old Tom McMaster, from Georgia.
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Woman Sues Mpumalanga Hospital For R7 Million
13 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
A mother is suing the Mpumalanga department of health for negligence on the part of the hospital which delivered her son, to the tune of R7-million. The boy suffered severe injuries during birth. He is now eight years old.
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The La Fee Absinthe-Minded Moment Of The Week
10 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
We all have our lapses of judgment. But some of us make such horrendously poor decisions that one simply has to ask, “What were they on?”. Every week we bring you three contenders in what can only be described as a battle of small wits. So, with great pleasure we present this week’s three La […]
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The Prawns Have Infiltrated The Food Chain
10 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Yesterday we received this harrowing report from the Far East by a brave 2oceansViber. Before you continue, note that we indemnify ourselves from any angst or emotional complications that you may suffer as a result of reading the following letter.
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Mother Gives Daughter Boob Job Voucher For Her 7th Birthday
09 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Sarah Burge is no stranger to the Mother of the Year competition – almost a veteran, really. Last year she made the finals for teaching her six-year-old how to pole dance. This year she’s made the short list once again with a brilliant example of motherly love: giving her daughter a boob job voucher for her SEVENTH birthday. Well done, mom!
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Untag, Quickly: Facebook Enables Tagging Through Face Recognition
08 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Reject tag. That’s the best solution to most Facebook picture problems involving you looking dodgy, drunk or disorderly in someone else’s weekend photo album, right? Not anymore. In more FB news today, the social network has decided it’s rad and totally okay to have face-recognition software automatically detect users in images, even career-damaging ones.
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2oceansVibe Exclusive: Leaked FIA Bahrain Report – Full Transcript
08 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 3 Comments
The FIA has reinstated the Bahrain Grand Prix on the 2011 F1 Grand Prix calendar, despite numerous independent reports of government-sponsored torture and murder of political dissidents in that country, since February 14 of this year. The FIA report, endorsing the re-institution of the event on the F1 calendar, has just been leaked, and has […]
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Jilted Ex-Boyfriend Puts Up Abortion Billboard [PIC]
08 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Break-ups can sometimes turn very nasty. Take this guy for instance – he appeared on a billboard slamming his ex.The featured photograph shows him holding the outline of an infant, along with text that reads, “This Would Have Been A Picture Of My 2-Month Old Baby If The Mother Had Decided To Not KILL Our Child!” That’s pretty harsh! See pic inside.
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Defiant Mladic Shuns ‘Obnoxious’ War Crime Charges
03 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Former Bosnian Serb army general Ratko Mladic appeared before the UN Yugoslav war crimes tribunal in The Hague today on charges of genocide. He is definitely not impressed by the war crimes with which he has been charged, using the words ‘obnoxious’ and ‘monstrous’ to describe some of them. Without a hint of irony. He was just defending his country, he said.
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Amazing Dog Survives Being Bound, Shot In The Head 40 Times, And Buried [VIDEO]
03 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
A stray collie named Star has managed to survive despite being bound and shot in the head 40 times before being buried alive. She managed to wriggle her way to the surface of the shallow grave she’d been left in to die. It is near impossible not to judge the kind of “people” responsible for this, but at least the story has a good ending.
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Joburg’s Only Refugee Centre To Close
01 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Johannesburg is undoubtedly the economic centre of Africa. With this follows the allure of prosperity and the chance to better ones life through economic empowerment and social status. Now the only centre for asylum seekers and refugees in Joberg will be closed after local businesses won a court application against the Department of Home Affairs.
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Meet The Mother Of The Year Who Smoked 3500 Cigarettes During Pregnancy
01 Jun 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 7 Comments
The Mother Of The Year title so far for 2011 has to go to this young lass from the UK. She just gave birth to a premature and underweight baby, who also endured carbon monoxide levels SIX TIMES higher than the level considered safe for a baby before birth. Why? Because mum smoked 3 500 cigarettes during pregnancy. Read her priceless reasoning behind it inside.
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“Virginity Checks” Forced On Female Protesters By Military In Egypt
31 May 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Multiple news sources reported today that a senior Egyptian general has come forward to confirm that forced “virginity checks” had been performed on women arrested during demonstrations. This had previously been denied by military authorities, but general Amr Imam has not only confirmed but defended the practice as a protective measure for the women’s own good.
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German Hotel Holding Parties In Former Nazi Work Camps
30 May 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Please save your ‘holla-caust’ comments for the end of the article. Hotel Stadt Hameln, a four-star hotel in northern Germany, has converted an on-site jail into a themed party location, sort of the way the Nazis converted the jail into a forced labour camp during World War II. Some people are angry about this.
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Sean Kingston Hospitalised After Crashing Jet Ski
30 May 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Sean Kingston knows what living the holiday is all about. The cuddly rapper has no problem with the good life, and he’s never appeared to be having anything less than a completely fabulous time. Until yesterday, when he crashed his jet ski into a bridge in Florida.
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Tornado Twists The Heart Out Of US Midwest [PICS]
23 May 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
A chain of particularly violent storms ripped through the American Midwest on Sunday. Joplin, Missouri, has become iconic of the increasingly-depressing storm season blighting the US.
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That Awkward Moment When The Rapture Doesn’t Happen, And You Have A Hotel Bill
23 May 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Johannes Coetzee took up the mantle of spreading Harold Camping’s doomsday prophecy throughout the southern African region. And on Friday night, he and 50 other May 21 prophets booked in to the Devonshire Hotel in Braaimfontein ahead of their impending float up to the ether. They woke up in bed on Sunday.
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