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Health
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Dr 90210 Is In Joburg
24 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Keep your shirt on. No really, keep it on. Apparently people start undressing in the presence of TV’s nip and tuck butcher hoping he’ll dish out some advice. Thankfully this didn’t happen at the Houghton Golf Estate Saturday night where he spoke to some plastic fans. The well-mannered crowd did hang onto his lips though. Their own aching for a refill.
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Hickey-Related Strokes On The Rise
24 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
In a bizarre incident of love-gone-wrong, a 44-year-old New-Zealand woman arrived at an Auckland hospital suffering partial paralysis. After mulling it over for a while doctors concluded that the woman had in fact suffered a stroke, induced by a hickey over a major artery in her neck.
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Too Much Helium WILL Make You Pass Out [VIDEO]
24 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
It’s Monday so why not watch this girl take in a cubic meter of helium and pass out? There’s a beautiful moment where it looks like she’s seeing visions but then things get out of hand and she connects with some furniture. Maybe she saw P Divvy, the original helium sucker, and just couldn’t take it. Maybe she’s just a lightweight. Don’t try this at home – go to the Spur.
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Wellness Wednesdays on 2oceansvibe!
19 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the inaugural Wellness Wednesday, brought to you by Wellness warehouse! We have all of your Wednesday regulars coming up today, including the Sports Report With Pi, G-Man’s school of Rock, Whats the Vibe in Jozi, and Ondine On. The morning show peaks with the all new Dr Dee With Wellness […]
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DIY Gastric Bypass Fun
17 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
If you’re as grossly obese as this man taking a brisk walk every couple of days just won’t do when attempting to lose weight. There are a number of reasons for this, foremost amongst which are that you weigh so much that you cannot walk and if you do manage to get up your legs will sheer at the ankles.
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Michael Douglas Beats Cancer – Thanks Kirk Douglas’s Genes
11 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Michael Douglas has beaten cancer and says it’s largely thanks to the strong genes bestowed upon him by his father, Kirk. Kirk Douglas is 94 and still as strong as a canary. Michael Douglas’s mother is pushing 90. If my calculations are correct that means he will live for at least 30 more years.
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Fat Man Blames The UK NHS For Making Him Fat
10 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Paul Mason, once the most grossly obese man on the planet, wants to sue Britain’s National Health Service for “letting him grow”. At one stage Mason weighed in at very nearly 410 Kg, but after gastric-bypass surgery the virtually waif-like Mason now weighs 235 Kg.
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Obama Anak Menteng Trailor – Featuring Drug Mule Model
06 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
You probably read in this morning’s spice about the Saffer who played Obama’s mama in a movie and then got busted. Now, we’re used to hearing of Saffers smuggling contraband abroad but never against the backdrop of a movie featuring a young Obama playing albasters. So here, free of charge, is that movie’s trailer. An indie flick. Made in Indo. Starring a model junkie. Compulsory viewing, really.
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Famed SA Photographer Maimed By Landmine Is Recovering
05 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Joao Silva, who can easily be described as one of South Africa’s most accomplished photographers, is on the mend in the Walter Reed Army Medical Centre after losing both of his legs below the knee while on assignment for the New York Times in Afghanistan. The next stage of his recovery is physical therapy and rehabilitation.
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Possible Link Between Post-Natal Depression And Baby Names
05 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Gwyneth Paltrow opened up recently and said she felt like a zombie after giving birth to her son in 2006. She said this is weird because she felt, like, on top of the world after her first baby was born in 2004. Well Gwyneth, I’m afraid that’s exactly what’s going to happen if you give birth to organisms named Apple and Moses.
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Medscheme Overcharges Because It Makes Sense, Not Money
23 Dec 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
This according to Andre Meyer their big chief executive. The Big Chief came under fire last week because his company is increasing their rates by 6.9 percent instead of the recommended 3.6 percent. But you and I profit. “After all, by law medical schemes are not for profit entities,” he said in a statement. You scheme?
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Cycling Is Terrible For Humanity, And Semen
10 Dec 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Recent medical studies have indicated that a high number of hours spent on a cycling saddle per week is likely to lower your semen count.
Not all bad news, that is if we’re all aiming to be like Lance and Live Strong (read: sterile).
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It’s Better To Be A Late Bloomer
17 Nov 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
You notice how that guy in your block of flats who hits the reefer regularly always seem a little mentally slower off the mark? Shockingly, a new study has revealed that smoking weed regularly lowers cognitive function, especially if you started smoking before you were 16. I think (the irony) I speak for all of us when I say we were all younger than 16 when we started smoking weed
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Your Sperm Hate Phone Calls
10 Nov 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Phone calls are, by their very nature intrusive, and downright offensive for the majority of the occasions that you’re determined to suffer them. But we won’t go in to that in too much detail right now. All you need to know is that your sperm are on our side, and they hate you for all that calling you’ve been getting up to.
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Manufactured Livers A Reality; Students Everywhere Rejoice
01 Nov 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The thing about the future that excites me the most, besides the talking monkeys and the sexy robots, is the cure for the hangover. Some mornings I wake up and I just want to pry out my liver with a spoon and get myself a new one – and thanks to the researchers at the Institute for Regenerative Medicine, that dream is a possibility.
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Humanity’s Greatest Hope: Alcoholic Whipped Cream
28 Oct 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
There are some products that offer depressing insight into the kind of marketplace we’re living in today. Sandwiches that use chicken for bread; drinks that give teenagers heart attacks; fixie bikes. But every now and then a product comes along that tells you it’s all going to be okay – and this, friends, is that product.
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Not Tonight, Honey
28 Oct 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
How many times have you heard, “Not tonight, I have a headache.”? It is possibly one of the greatest cliches of all time…probably due to the fact that every single person has experienced this in one form or another.
But do not fear my fellow lovers, it seems that there is hope after all, well maybe not hope, but rather an explanation.
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WOMAN’S LIFE ENDS IN PERFECT CRESCENDO OF IRONY
05 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Some of our parliamentary readers will be aware that yesterday the South African parliament was the scene of a death for the the first time since the the 1966 assassination of one Hendrik Verwoerd, esq. Louisa Phumela Zama, 27, was one of three people in a delegation representing a KwaZulu-Natal Reserve Force unit, the Durban […]
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THE DUREX iPHONE APP – IF ONLY WE HAD IDEA CONDOMS
22 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Durex, the international condom manufacturer have, just like every other company with a marketing team worth its salt, developed a snazzy iPhone app. Kudos to them. That said, there are a few interesting things to note in the promotional video. Say, for example, their reasoning that guys don’t use condoms while making the beast with […]
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VIRGIN ACTIVE CONTINUES BATHROOM SEX INNUENDOS
20 Jul 2010 by Seth Rotherham / 4 Comments
Not content with public notices blatantly confirming they will turn a blind eye to gay sex in the bathrooms, Virgin Active are taking the sexual innuendo messages even further. This time they are encouraging members to strip naked and help the “drainage” problem they’re having. The notice requests members to “bare” with them. Virgin Active […]
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THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SKINTONE
14 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Vaseline is taking capitalising on social pressures to a wonderfully tech-savvy level. They’ve launched a Facebook app for a range of skin lightening cream due to be released next month in India. The page name for the app is “Vaseline Men BE PREPARED“, and incites YOU to “Transform Your Face on Facebook With Vaseline Men” […]
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PONDS “FLAWLESS MATTE”
10 Jun 2010 by Seth Rotherham / No Comments
I’ll just kickoff by saying that Ponds did not pay me for this. I swear to God. I found this moisturizer and I want you to know about it. I first used it when I stayed at The Fruit Farmer‘s house in Robertson last weekend for the Wacky Wine Weekend. His wife, Cate, uses it. […]
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GOOGLE WILL NOT ASSIST YOUR SUICIDE
13 Apr 2010 by Seth Rotherham / 4 Comments
There are a number of ways to kill oneself and it makes sense that people would have a squizz in Google to find out the method that best suits them. Not me, I know the vibe I would go for if everything went tits up – the classic hosepipe from the exhaust into the car […]
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FRIDAY MORNING SPICE
02 Apr 2010 by Seth Rotherham / No Comments
Jesus Christ – Superstar Today Is Good Friday – That said, there won’t be too much activity around these parts. But for now, let’s chat about what Good Friday is. Also known as Holy Friday, Black Friday, Great Friday, is a holiday observed primarily by Christians commemorating the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, his death at […]
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DID SOMEONE SAY “WINTER?”
31 Mar 2010 by Seth Rotherham / No Comments
Very strange behaviour, if you did. I’ll tell you why. You see this morning I tried something new – I went for a 5km run. Which is weird, given that I’m known as a 4km specialist. It’s true, people often refer to me as “The Four Kay Specialist.” It’s either that, or they call me […]
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THE NEW ATKINS FOR A NEW YOU – THE WORLD FAMOUS ATKINS DIET HAS BEEN REWORKED
29 Mar 2010 by Seth Rotherham / No Comments
With our finger on the pulse of Cape Town’s Atlantic Seaboard, you can only imagine what an issue diet, health and looking good is. If they’re not running along the promenade or having sex in the Virgin Active gyms, they’re watching what they eat and, in particular, keeping an eye on those carbs! A new […]
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BODY BEAT
23 Mar 2010 by Seth Rotherham / 8 Comments
I marvel at videos like this. Not because of the obvious fact that the guy looks like a raging porn star, but more because of the fact that we did not realise it at the time. I remember watching Body Beat, the early morning TV exercise show in the late 80’s, with a straight face. […]
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VIRGIN ACTIVE WILL TURN A BLIND EYE TO GAY SEX IN THE LOOS. BUT ONLY A FEW TIMES.
01 Mar 2010 by Seth Rotherham / 19 Comments
Virgin Active seems to be having a problem with blowjobs “lewd conduct” in their men’s changing room toilets. Given that the changing rooms are single-sex, they are clearly referring to gay physical one-on-one activity. Something which has become such a problem that there are now signs up in an attempt to control the growing trend. […]
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MONTROSE FOUNDATION HOSTS VALENTINES DAY CONCERT, FEATURING RUPERT MELLOR, AS WELL AS ‘THE CAPE TOWN OPERA’ AND ‘THE HOUT BAY MUSIC PROJECT’
27 Jan 2010 by Seth Rotherham / No Comments
The Montrose Foundation does not require much introduction, given its affiliation to Montrose Place, the Cape Town rehabilitation facility at which Tiger Woods was rumoured to be receiving treatment. Whether Tiger Woods will be there or not, the ‘Midsummer Melodies’ in the Gardens on De Grendel is not to be missed! The evening promises a […]
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GOOD MORNING HEADLINES – THURSDAY
07 Jan 2010 by Seth Rotherham / No Comments
Hello there, shapely girls.. Curvy Models – The Shape of Things to Come? – As always within the fashion industry, your dress size dictates your validity and of course whether or not you are added to the catwalk line up or left at home experimenting with the latest diet fads in an attempt to ‘fit’ […]
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