-
Health
-
700 000 Ultrathin Rubbers Stolen
03 Feb 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Well it looks like the new Durex six-pack falls way short for a sexually active syndicate operating in Indo. A group of sex hungry thieves pounced on a container in Malaysia en route to Tokyo, busted the lock and made off with, I would say, more than enough merchandise. Then again, who am I to speak on the libido of people in the Far East?
-
Gold Bond : Your Personal Air Conditioner – Get it Now!
31 Jan 2011 by Seth Rotherham / 4 Comments
I’m sure the smarter audience out there – both boys and girls alike – will be well aware of the basic joys of having some talcum powder around. Perhaps more traditionally used to combat rash and aid in cut-throat-razor shaves, it is great for your feet when wearing sockless loafers, and equally useful around the nether region on a hot day. The latter being what I wish to talk about today. My point being – Imagine if your talcum powder had a menthol cooling vibe to it as well. Two words – GAME CHANGER. Follow the link – THIS STUFF WILL BLOW YOUR MIND.
-
Charlie Sheen Goes Down Like A Champ
31 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
If Charlie Sheen carries on like this I’m making a shrine for him on my wall. 36 hours of coke and vodka until your stomach pushes through your oesophagus. This is the work of a superhuman. Charlie’s in rehab now, but I’m sure it’s only a break. Superhumans also detox.
-
Madiba Media Blackout – We Deserve Better
31 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
For two days all we heard from Milpark Hospital was how family members of Nelson Mandela arrived in droves. Hundreds, nay thousands, of words were churned out keeping us up to date on the state of journalists converging on a bridge. Not one word was issued describing how Mandela was doing. Why was the public draped in silence?
-
Madiba To Be Discharged
28 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Acting President and official Deputy President Kgalemo Mothlanthe held a press conference regarding the health of Nelson Mandela on Friday afternoon at 12h30. Mandela was admitted earlier in the week to Milpark Hospital in Johannesburg under a veil of secrecy for a collapsed lung.
-
America’s Justice System Runs Out Of Juice
25 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Foreigners have been meddling in US affairs again and told them that they’re not allowed to have any more sweets. Except in this case they’re not allowed to have any more sodium thiopental. Sodium thiopental is the drug that US States use to lethally inject their murderers, terrorists and other beastly miscreants, and the US can’t get its hands on any of the stuff.
-
Dr 90210 Is In Joburg
24 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Keep your shirt on. No really, keep it on. Apparently people start undressing in the presence of TV’s nip and tuck butcher hoping he’ll dish out some advice. Thankfully this didn’t happen at the Houghton Golf Estate Saturday night where he spoke to some plastic fans. The well-mannered crowd did hang onto his lips though. Their own aching for a refill.
-
Hickey-Related Strokes On The Rise
24 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
In a bizarre incident of love-gone-wrong, a 44-year-old New-Zealand woman arrived at an Auckland hospital suffering partial paralysis. After mulling it over for a while doctors concluded that the woman had in fact suffered a stroke, induced by a hickey over a major artery in her neck.
-
Too Much Helium WILL Make You Pass Out [VIDEO]
24 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
It’s Monday so why not watch this girl take in a cubic meter of helium and pass out? There’s a beautiful moment where it looks like she’s seeing visions but then things get out of hand and she connects with some furniture. Maybe she saw P Divvy, the original helium sucker, and just couldn’t take it. Maybe she’s just a lightweight. Don’t try this at home – go to the Spur.
-
Wellness Wednesdays on 2oceansvibe!
19 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the inaugural Wellness Wednesday, brought to you by Wellness warehouse! We have all of your Wednesday regulars coming up today, including the Sports Report With Pi, G-Man’s school of Rock, Whats the Vibe in Jozi, and Ondine On. The morning show peaks with the all new Dr Dee With Wellness […]
-
DIY Gastric Bypass Fun
17 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
If you’re as grossly obese as this man taking a brisk walk every couple of days just won’t do when attempting to lose weight. There are a number of reasons for this, foremost amongst which are that you weigh so much that you cannot walk and if you do manage to get up your legs will sheer at the ankles.
-
Michael Douglas Beats Cancer – Thanks Kirk Douglas’s Genes
11 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Michael Douglas has beaten cancer and says it’s largely thanks to the strong genes bestowed upon him by his father, Kirk. Kirk Douglas is 94 and still as strong as a canary. Michael Douglas’s mother is pushing 90. If my calculations are correct that means he will live for at least 30 more years.
-
Fat Man Blames The UK NHS For Making Him Fat
10 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Paul Mason, once the most grossly obese man on the planet, wants to sue Britain’s National Health Service for “letting him grow”. At one stage Mason weighed in at very nearly 410 Kg, but after gastric-bypass surgery the virtually waif-like Mason now weighs 235 Kg.
-
Obama Anak Menteng Trailor – Featuring Drug Mule Model
06 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
You probably read in this morning’s spice about the Saffer who played Obama’s mama in a movie and then got busted. Now, we’re used to hearing of Saffers smuggling contraband abroad but never against the backdrop of a movie featuring a young Obama playing albasters. So here, free of charge, is that movie’s trailer. An indie flick. Made in Indo. Starring a model junkie. Compulsory viewing, really.
-
Famed SA Photographer Maimed By Landmine Is Recovering
05 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Joao Silva, who can easily be described as one of South Africa’s most accomplished photographers, is on the mend in the Walter Reed Army Medical Centre after losing both of his legs below the knee while on assignment for the New York Times in Afghanistan. The next stage of his recovery is physical therapy and rehabilitation.
-
Possible Link Between Post-Natal Depression And Baby Names
05 Jan 2011 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Gwyneth Paltrow opened up recently and said she felt like a zombie after giving birth to her son in 2006. She said this is weird because she felt, like, on top of the world after her first baby was born in 2004. Well Gwyneth, I’m afraid that’s exactly what’s going to happen if you give birth to organisms named Apple and Moses.
-
Medscheme Overcharges Because It Makes Sense, Not Money
23 Dec 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
This according to Andre Meyer their big chief executive. The Big Chief came under fire last week because his company is increasing their rates by 6.9 percent instead of the recommended 3.6 percent. But you and I profit. “After all, by law medical schemes are not for profit entities,” he said in a statement. You scheme?
-
Cycling Is Terrible For Humanity, And Semen
10 Dec 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 2 Comments
Recent medical studies have indicated that a high number of hours spent on a cycling saddle per week is likely to lower your semen count.
Not all bad news, that is if we’re all aiming to be like Lance and Live Strong (read: sterile).
-
It’s Better To Be A Late Bloomer
17 Nov 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
You notice how that guy in your block of flats who hits the reefer regularly always seem a little mentally slower off the mark? Shockingly, a new study has revealed that smoking weed regularly lowers cognitive function, especially if you started smoking before you were 16. I think (the irony) I speak for all of us when I say we were all younger than 16 when we started smoking weed
-
Your Sperm Hate Phone Calls
10 Nov 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Phone calls are, by their very nature intrusive, and downright offensive for the majority of the occasions that you’re determined to suffer them. But we won’t go in to that in too much detail right now. All you need to know is that your sperm are on our side, and they hate you for all that calling you’ve been getting up to.
-
Manufactured Livers A Reality; Students Everywhere Rejoice
01 Nov 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
The thing about the future that excites me the most, besides the talking monkeys and the sexy robots, is the cure for the hangover. Some mornings I wake up and I just want to pry out my liver with a spoon and get myself a new one – and thanks to the researchers at the Institute for Regenerative Medicine, that dream is a possibility.
-
Humanity’s Greatest Hope: Alcoholic Whipped Cream
28 Oct 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
There are some products that offer depressing insight into the kind of marketplace we’re living in today. Sandwiches that use chicken for bread; drinks that give teenagers heart attacks; fixie bikes. But every now and then a product comes along that tells you it’s all going to be okay – and this, friends, is that product.
-
Not Tonight, Honey
28 Oct 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
How many times have you heard, “Not tonight, I have a headache.”? It is possibly one of the greatest cliches of all time…probably due to the fact that every single person has experienced this in one form or another.
But do not fear my fellow lovers, it seems that there is hope after all, well maybe not hope, but rather an explanation.
-
WOMAN’S LIFE ENDS IN PERFECT CRESCENDO OF IRONY
05 Aug 2010 by Jasmine Stone / 1 Comment
Some of our parliamentary readers will be aware that yesterday the South African parliament was the scene of a death for the the first time since the the 1966 assassination of one Hendrik Verwoerd, esq. Louisa Phumela Zama, 27, was one of three people in a delegation representing a KwaZulu-Natal Reserve Force unit, the Durban […]
-
THE DUREX iPHONE APP – IF ONLY WE HAD IDEA CONDOMS
22 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Durex, the international condom manufacturer have, just like every other company with a marketing team worth its salt, developed a snazzy iPhone app. Kudos to them. That said, there are a few interesting things to note in the promotional video. Say, for example, their reasoning that guys don’t use condoms while making the beast with […]
-
VIRGIN ACTIVE CONTINUES BATHROOM SEX INNUENDOS
20 Jul 2010 by Seth Rotherham / 4 Comments
Not content with public notices blatantly confirming they will turn a blind eye to gay sex in the bathrooms, Virgin Active are taking the sexual innuendo messages even further. This time they are encouraging members to strip naked and help the “drainage” problem they’re having. The notice requests members to “bare” with them. Virgin Active […]
-
THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SKINTONE
14 Jul 2010 by Jasmine Stone / No Comments
Vaseline is taking capitalising on social pressures to a wonderfully tech-savvy level. They’ve launched a Facebook app for a range of skin lightening cream due to be released next month in India. The page name for the app is “Vaseline Men BE PREPARED“, and incites YOU to “Transform Your Face on Facebook With Vaseline Men” […]
-
PONDS “FLAWLESS MATTE”
10 Jun 2010 by Seth Rotherham / No Comments
I’ll just kickoff by saying that Ponds did not pay me for this. I swear to God. I found this moisturizer and I want you to know about it. I first used it when I stayed at The Fruit Farmer‘s house in Robertson last weekend for the Wacky Wine Weekend. His wife, Cate, uses it. […]
-
GOOGLE WILL NOT ASSIST YOUR SUICIDE
13 Apr 2010 by Seth Rotherham / 4 Comments
There are a number of ways to kill oneself and it makes sense that people would have a squizz in Google to find out the method that best suits them. Not me, I know the vibe I would go for if everything went tits up – the classic hosepipe from the exhaust into the car […]
-
FRIDAY MORNING SPICE
02 Apr 2010 by Seth Rotherham / No Comments
Jesus Christ – Superstar Today Is Good Friday – That said, there won’t be too much activity around these parts. But for now, let’s chat about what Good Friday is. Also known as Holy Friday, Black Friday, Great Friday, is a holiday observed primarily by Christians commemorating the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, his death at […]
-
-
-
2oceansvibe Partners
-
-
