The North Korean football team, along with it’s entire complement of staff, were recently subjected to a “grand debate”, to discuss the tender matter of their ideological betrayal of their nation. The players were hoofed up on stage, and the big daddys spanked them for about six hours. I was actually there at the time. […]

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WikiLeaks founder and destroyer-in-chief of American military credibility, Julian Assange, is not a very well-liked chap. Last week he leaked literally tens of thousands of US Military Afghan War Logs to the press after posting them on WikiLeaks.org. The logs detail the nitty gritty details of the nine-year US occupation of Afghanistan. Assange himself claims […]

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So it turns out that most of what we know about dinosaurs is lies. ALL LIES. And Steven Spielberg seduced us with deception in the greatest movie of all time, Jurassic Park. If you’re not keen on having your childhood memories of triceratops and all his mates shattered, then don’t read on. If you value […]

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The Brett Kebble trial has been roaming the news cycle lately, in case you didn’t know. Incidentally, if you didn’t know, you should probably plug in to the world. It’s quite kiff here. Don’t delude yourself, you’re not a reclusive oil painter, or a brilliant poet laureate wallowing in a malaise of red wine, cheap […]

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So after an evening of sushi, springbok bruschetta, Belinni coctails, bubbly, and of course, Butlers Pizza (*COUGH* 2oceansvibe Radio launch COUGH*), there’s only one thing you eat for breakfast. And it’s not a bottle of Boschendal!

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About three hours ago a Kalk Bay fishermen walked into the e.tv Studios foyer off Kloof Street, and demanded to see the News Editor of e.tv. Surprisingly, the arb fisherman was denied access to the ed by security. And then…And then he lost his temper.

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Full time human being impersonator, Gwyneth Paltrow, has given us all a perfectly-weighted surprise (shocks are never perfect) by perfectly capably singing an authentic-sounding but none-too abrasive country music song. It’s titled Country Strong. She reportedly recorded the song as part of the sound track to one or other upper-middle tier blockbuster film about a […]

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You hear the news? Multi-talented musician and purveyor of all things chilled, Wyclef Jean, is perhaps, potentially, maybe, could-be, considering running as a presidential candidate in the forthcoming Haitian elections. Apparently he’s been tempted to run because of a grassroots youth following lobbying strongly for his political voice in that country. It’s called Face to […]

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Seth posted this footage of a man allegedly trying to steal the World Cup (that’s right, the trophy) at the 2010 Fifa World Cup final at Soccer City on July 11. Some of you were kind enough to point out that “a man” was actually Jimmy Jump, a 34 year old professional pitch invader and […]

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The Expendables will be the manliest movie you will ever watch in your whole life. Warning: Effeminate viewers may suffer death. Written and directed by the star of the film, Sylvester Stallone, The Expendables promises pretty much the same kind of action as Rambo 4, except this time there’s more than one guy with huge […]

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So, some of you may have noticed, some of you not, that the sixth South African season of the least-successfully exported show of all time, Idols, has crawled it’s tawdry way on to our television screens. You have to give it to the Idols producers. They must be rimming someone with a corner office at […]

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You ever heard a blogger say, “You want impartiality? Read a newspaper”? Ja, well, if you want impartiality, don’t read a newspaper. At least, don’t read the New Age newspaper. What’s that? You haven’t heard of the New Age newspaper? No, that’s quite alright. You’re not expected to know about it. They themselves confess that […]

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Simon Cowell is a news maker. He’s made his mark by being the asshole judge on shows like Idols, America’s Got Talent, and Britain’s Got Talent. More importantly, he’s earned the reputation of an asshole who very seldom makes a bad call. So some might regard the man to be evil, others may hold the […]

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If you have a taste for sushi and other good food, and you haven’t tried ceviche, you simply must. Ceviche, for those of you who are uninformed, is a dish of unknown hispanic origin comprised of thinly sliced raw white fish, which is subsequently “cooked” in a thin bath of lemon juice, or a similar […]

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Durex, the international condom manufacturer have, just like every other company with a marketing team worth its salt, developed a snazzy iPhone app. Kudos to them. That said, there are a few interesting things to note in the promotional video. Say, for example, their reasoning that guys don’t use condoms while making the beast with […]

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You know who Sarah Palin is, right? She’s that most painful of creatures – a self-righteous, insular hockey mom with the backing of a powerful political party. And she’s also not very bright. Which is perhaps a great reason to keep herself AWAY from social media tools, like Twitter, for instance. The great TweetMachine has […]

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You know AB De Villiers, the South African cricket team’s star batsman? Well, he’s singing now – the recorded kind. And, best of all, he’s making music videos for his moer lekker treffers. In his powerful ballad, titled Maak Jou Drome Waar (“Make Your Dreams Come True), AB teams up with previously obscure but presumably […]

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You know what could have made Twilight (any and all media produced under that banner) better? This could have. But that’s just personal opinion, correct? Well, seeing as the next graphic comes in the form of scientific data, it’s totally irrefutable.

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There is a particularly handsome homeless man in China. And people are FREAKING OUT about it. Web forum locals in China have dubbed the sultry street walker “Brother Sharp”, apparently with reference to his hauntingly good looks and snappy avant garde dressing style. Mmm, yes. Those homeless bastards sure do know how to trump us […]

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I hope by now that you’re all well versed in sarcasm, and you’ll take the first part of that headline appropriately. Here’s the scoop: Convicted fraudster and conman extraordinaire, Tsepang Morie, managed to hoodwink the entire Springbok rugby team and management by posing as the head of the team’s security detail ahead of their first […]

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Love him or hate him, but mostly hate him, Sepp Blatter was the lucky recipient of the Order of the Companions of OR Tambo, bestowed upon his reverend person by the magnanimous nation of South Africa. Well, alright then. You diplomats brown nose each other in whichever way you prefer. But, oh sweet heavens, how […]

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Morning, Chaps. If you didn’t tune in 2oceansvibe Radio this morning, then you missed a cracker. Make sure you hit the podcast when it comes out. In any event, you have an opportunity to redeem yourself and prove once more that you’re worthy of the Vibe. Cape Town is hosting the Ubuntu Festival this weekend […]

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In the gulag that Seth has us working in, we have a beating chamber. It’s the one small mercy of my life at 2oceansvibe. When I’m relieved of my duties as a human coffee table (after meetings), I go back to the beating chamber, where I get to break microwaves, furniture and sunglasses from rival […]

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Czech it out. Eastern Europe is blessed with public servants who not only do their job, but look great doing it. Good grief. Members of the Public Affairs party will feature in a 2011 charity calendar posing provocatively in revealing outfits. The party’s racy calendar comes after a record 44 women were voted into the […]

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Vaseline is taking capitalising on social pressures to a wonderfully tech-savvy level. They’ve launched a Facebook app for a range of skin lightening cream due to be released next month in India. The page name for the app is “Vaseline Men BE PREPARED“, and incites YOU to “Transform Your Face on Facebook With Vaseline Men” […]

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Morning, kids. Are you ready for some delightfully cheery death chat? The “what happens to my online presence when I die” question has been haunting our minds in recent months, ever since the story broke about Facebook suggesting people “reconnect” or “share the latest news” with a deceased friend. Epic failure. Think about it. Twitter, […]

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The Hef “Hugh” Hefner, as we like to call him, has lured an equity company to bed, and together they plan on buying out all of Playboy Enterprises remaining company shares in a bid to make things a little more private. Apparently he’s not interested in selling his shares, or merging with other shareholders. But […]

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Doctors are calling the syndrome LAWC, or Life After World Cup. Symptoms include being productive at work, not watching SABC, and facing up to the fact that there are still crippling pot holes on most of Johannesburg’s roads. And on that note, this article makes for eleven-herbs-and-spices kind of reading, if you know what I […]

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Cape Town vibers, a little blue bird told me that South African muso Farryl Purkiss will be playing an exclusive, intimate gig at a chilled, private venue on the Atlantic Seaboard this evening. The first five vibers to email me (correct email after jump) get their name on the list, as well as the details […]

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Independent Newspapers [IOL, Cape Times etc] is known for its occasionally obtuse and ambiguous headlines. For example, when more boring news groups might report “TWO MEN ARRESTED IN DRUG BUST”, Independent would probably phrase it thus: “WITNESS FINGERS DRUG LORDS – TWO ARRESTED” Shockingly enough, what I’m about to show you did NOT, I repeat, […]

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