I’m a huge fan of The Office, both Ricky Gervais and Steve Merchant’s original and the American rendition. Steve Carell’s recent announcement that he will no longer resume his role as Michael Scott genuinely forced moisture from my face. I was immediately cheered up by an awe-inspiring clip: a meeting between Michael and David Brent.

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Well, ladies and gentlemen. Here we have demonstrable proof that Google Street View is a technology that a) makes our lives better, and b) provides canny insight into the daily habits of the human being. In this instance, it is one particularly special character from 40 Stella Road (corner of Dick Burton), Plumstead.

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Even I, most cynical man alive, am pretty choked up about this recording. It’s from an unknown soldier in Afghanistan who’s calling his pregnant girlfriend. In the 90 second call he tells her that one of his fellow soldiers had just been killed and that he misses her terribly. Then… he asks her to marry him.

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Unrest in the Ivory Coast is making it impossible to live there let alone farm cocoa. Now, half the world’s cocoa comes from the Ivory Coast. Which means half the world’s chocolate comes from the Ivory Coast. We can absolutely not get by with half the world producing the whole world’s chocolate. Absolutely not.

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I can only assume that Will Smith is doing this to punish me for not watching Hitch. I mean, he remade The Karate Kid with his son as the lead, which was fine (awful) except for the part where there was no karate. And now he’s remaking Annie, with Jay-Z’s help. Look out for the ‘Hard Knock Life’ rap.

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I knew I wasn’t alone in my misery. Well that’s not true, I thought I was alone in my misery. But according to a new paper in the January issue of Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, so do many other people.

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The new Larry King and TV’s most famous petrol head are at it again trading blows in public. Piers cordially invited Jeremy to join him for a chat on CNN. Jeremy said no ways not even if they record the show in his back garden. Piers hit back and called Jeremy an “ageing pot-bellied Brit”. It’s a middle-aged slam down.

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You gotta love the happy clappy church. They’re happy and they’re clapping about it. Sometimes they get so happy they hit the floor and convulse. That’s a lot of happy. Now watch what happens when you take all that happiness and put a funky drum ‘n’ bass beat underneath it. Who’s willing to go crazy? Is everybody readyyyyyyy!

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If you’re feeling like a dose of good, solid live performance, head down to the Fugard Theatre to catch Neels van Jaarsveld and co in Athol Fugard’s ‘Die Kaptein Se Tier’. That’s Afrikaans for ‘the Captain’s Tiger.’ But don’t worry too much if you barely scraped through tweede taal Afrikaans, the performance comes complete with subtitles.

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A supermarket in Arkansas has caused a stir by placing a ‘family shield’ in front of the US Weekly cover which features Elton John and his partner, David Furnish, cradling their adopted baby boy. NSFW if your screen is within the vicinity of small homophobic children.

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Whoof. So they’ve recently released the promo for Clifton Shores, a show about “an American cast coming to live and work in Cape Town where we follow them seeing how interesting their lives get.” So far as I can tell, this is an attempt at placing the Jersey Shore in Cape Town, and it is The Worst Thing.

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Christopher Nolan has been ignored yet again by the fickle American Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for a “Best Director” nomination, and plenty of people are peeved about it, including renowned film-score composer, Hans Zimmer.

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You’ve got to hand it to these Mexican drug smugglers. They spent a lot of time building and testing a drug-launching catapult, only to have the National Gaurd and Mexican cops take it all away from them.

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Building on the solid foundation laid by her meat dresses, Lady Gaga will be launching a fragrance that captures the essence of blood and semen. Yup, blood and semen. Those two. In a dark and sweaty club I can see this working. It’s edgy. In the workplace? No. Go wash man, you smell like a crime scene.

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Can I be the first to say awwwww yeah? Would that be okay with you guys? I mean, I don’t want to step on anybody’s toes or anything, but Isaiah Mustafa and his striking brown eyes are back to peddle Old Spice at me, and it just feels right. Okay? Here I go. Awwwww yeah.

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Everybody loves guns. My proof: Ask a child aged 7 what he’d like for Christmas and he’d say: “An AK-47 please”. Ask a Nigerian drug dealer what he’d like for Christmas and he’d say the heads on his enemies, a brick of coke and a gold-plated Desert Eagle. Now simply extend my evidence to include all the people in between my two examples.

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Two of the players participating in the Neo Africa Tri-Series, Anton van Zyl and Doppies Le Grange, will be popping in to the 2oceansvibe Radio studios this afternoon to shoot the breeze. There is a strong possibility that we’ll get on to the subject of rugby, what with Anton’s recent titanic performance for the Barbarians […]

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Attention all good music lovers: January is winding down, and that only means one thing: The U2 360 Tour to South Africa is almost here. Click through to find out how to get tickets!

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Well, ladies and gentlemen. That’s what we call a “success”. Weather-wise, Cape Town served up a typically stunning Friday evening. The sky was azure, the rays were mild, and oh hey, look at that – a rooftop covered in beautiful people, ice cold beverages, and international music superstars. Click through for the pictures.

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For some weeks now we’ve brought you the episodes of Sex In The Mother City, detailing the life of intrepid sex pioneer, Kira, and her exciting exploits around the Mother City. Sex In The Mother City is based on true happenings in the Mother City (names have been changed).– Follow the link for episode 7.

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They’re Spanish, they’re called FLO6x8 and they don’t seem to like Capitalism. To demonstrate their contempt for the free market this group of radicals engaged in a flash-mob style “Rumba Rave” in a branch of Santander bank.

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On Sunday residents in Manenberg Avenue started hearing voices coming from the ground. Initially it looked like nine boys made a drain their new home. That quickly changed to three boys and a girl. At one point 15 kids were believed to be in the drain. Currently no one knows what’s going on down there.

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In it’s 2011 Traveller’s Choice Awards, Lonely Planet has named Cape Town the second best beach city in the world. Who was first? Barcelona. So we don’t feel too bad. We’ll take second, ahead of Rio, Sydney and a whole bunch of US cities.

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The inventors and perfectors of binge drinking, the British, have come up with a handy little tool called the Booze Calculator. This highly scientific test will help you find out exactly what you did to your body and your wallet this weekend. Click through to take the test.

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Is your toddler impulsive, easily frustrated, restless and unable to think about his/her long-term future? If they are, you’re unfortunately the proud parent of a future alcoholic, drug addicted, criminal with no future prospects whatsoever. No, really, that’s a scientific fact.

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Nic Dawes, editor of local investigative news publication, the Mail & Guardian, has said that the paper’s website, MG.co.za, is the victim of sustained organised hacking attempts.

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Oh, good! Somebody with a PHD decided to speak out against ‘the twitters,’ on the ground that social networking websites are making us “less human” by isolating people from reality. Presumably also responsible are trading card games, Playstation, and books.

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Representatives of Sky Sports said they had no hesitation in sacking football pundit Andy Gray over ‘unacceptable behaviour’ after footage emerged of him directing a lewd request at Sky Sports presenter Charlotte Jackson, before roaring with laughter. Well, YouTube has further implicated colleague Richard Keys. This just keeps getting better.

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The 2010 Academy Award nominations is, essentially, one of the least surprising events since the election of our great president.

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The producers of Idols South Africa have let Mara Louw go after three seasons of racist slur, violent outbursts, faux couture and drunken shenanigans. Boy, that was fun. She was the single judge who could always be counted on to do something unscripted and rash at around the 40 minute mark of every episode. What do we do now?

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