Sung to the tune of yesteryear's hit, "Spin spin sugar"
[permalink]

I lay next to the pool from 2 o clock yesterday. By 4 o clock I was feeling the summer feeling. The feeling that just makes you want to play Jay-Z's 'HOVE' (H to the izzo) and pretend we're right back where we were last summer. I decided to go for a swim. I got into my car and headed down the road to Camps Bay.

Oh my shattered nerves.

The first sensation was joining a queue of cars into Camps Bay - starting at Glen Beach. I didn't mind it. Little angels in their cars with wet hair. Waves of memories mounted my body. Waves of pleasure, even. Rolling into Camps Bay produced one of the better Camps Bay Strip parking places. That little spot outside Sand Bar which looks like its a driveway, but it's not. Look further than the lowered pavement stones, people, there are tables and chairs on the 'driveway'. The combination of the sun, the queue, the packed beach and my 'door spot' parking place brought me close to euphoria. Euphoria was only reached once I felt the sand between my toes and submerged myself into the Atlantic Ocean. The classic "Sorry, can you look after my towel" approach ensured a chat with a little angel before I re-emerged, glistening from the salt water. I looked down at my body and, although there isn't any major change since last season, I am happy with it.

Thank God the renovations at Caprice have finished. Good job, kids. It's looking good. I settled in after my swim and a couple of us had dinner.

BYOH - Bring your own helmet

Aaah yes, all the usual suspects were present. Some people clearly couldn't contain their excitement. There were some interesting scenarios. One fellow arrived in full police/security guard gear - with a helmet on. Including a 2-way radio (been dying to say that for years), 9mm pistol, handcuffs and torch. He approached a table near us where he was given four high-fives from the table and then downed two tequila's. Now, I'm a pretty liberal, non-conservative guy, but if you ask me, I think downing alcohol with a pistol on your hip is a little risque. We decided, judging my the gentleman's jaw line and stubble length - he was almost certainly a stripper who was en route to a 'gig'.

We're still on the same topic but I had to start another paragraph. It was getting cluttered. So the guy in the police outfit removed his helmet and handed it to his friend who was EASILY the most excited guy at Caprice. He was bouncing of the walls long before cop-stripper guy arrived. His hair hair long and Fabio-like and he wore shades long after the sun set. He hurtled inside at high speeds - with the helmet on. That was when I noticed the shiny silver writing at the top of the back of his vest (you knew it was a vest, didn't you?) - it read, "Fuck You". At the top of the back of the vest. "Fuck You". In shiny silver writing. Are you with me? It said "Fuck You". In shiny silver.

Hmmm.

Ok.

Good.

Good.

Nice one.

I have to wrap it up there, team. I'm calling it for the day. Mink party tonight.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
[permalink]

One of this year's greatest video clips
[permalink]

I get a lot of crap sent to me and can honestly say that the good stuff is few and far between. I thought I had put this clip on the site already and realised I hadn't. It's a video showing a series of clips from actual Knight Rider footage which were obviously not used, due to the Hoff swearing. I believe they're called 'outtakes' in "The industry". My favourite is Michael Knight saying some sort of technical jargon to KITT (Knight Industries Two Thousand), followed by Knight saying, "Whatever the fuck that means!". Quality. Pure quality. Sorry, I didn't mean to cuss back there.

Michael undressed another helpless victim with his eyes

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE FINEST HASSELHOF VIDEO (1Mb+)
Right click and 'Save target as'
It's too funny

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
[permalink]

A public announcement
[permalink]

It's always a pleasure receiving stuff like this. I have a genuine problem with speed traps and have learnt where they are. Then you get the ones that confuse the crap out of you. Thank God there are people out there who clearly walk the length of the N! searching under every shrub for speed cameras. And look at what they found! Just near Teazers on the N1 heading towards Cape Town, near the Durbanville turn-off. I can hear you all mumbling 'bastards' under your breath.

Click for big pic
 

Click for big pic

2oceansvibe, with you on the "internet", AND the road!

Do you know that I have come across afrikaans people who, when saying the word 'internet', use their fingers above their head to make the listener aware they are using apostrophes in their spech (deeltekens). as if to say that the "internet" isn't a real thing. Like, APPARENTLY there is an internet. Like they're still investigating, but for now we'll play along and call it the "internet". These are the same people that sometimes spell the 'site' part of website, 'saait'. Nice.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
[permalink]

Is not made from dogs' balls
[permalink]

Having just spent some time in London and New York (another reminder that I lead a cosmopolitan lifestyle - adding to my string of attributes), there was one particular dining experience that got my attention. Being a fan of semi-hot foods, I have, along with my house mate, formed a Tabasco Sauce addiction. Before I go on I want to mention that they have produced a garlic Tabasco sauce which is amazing, as well as the Smoked Tabasco sauce. We took a while to get into the smoked one, but we're sold now. The Super Spar in Sea Point don't sell Mello and Mild squeeze mustard OR Carmel gherkins in a tin, but they have smoked Tabasco sauce - wierd. Then there is the green Tabasco sauce which is CALLED the 'Jelapeno Tabasco' but it's actually made from green peppers. I find that confusing. Is that illegal?

Tabasco Sauce - ask for it by name

Moving swiftly on, there was not ONE establishment in either London or New York that didn't have Tabasco sauce when I asked for it (I'm sure I could have juggled that sentence to use the word 'nor' which is a particularly funny word). Neither London NOR New York had restaurants that didn't have Tabasco sauce available. It was like a dream. They would usually bring both the original sauce AND the green one. This brings me to my next point. What the f*ck are our local establishments trying to prove? Tabasco Sauce is an institution and people ask for it for a reason. I am over the local sauces that are produced as a substitute, using humour to get over the fact that they cost less and you get more (volume). That's not the point.

"Hi, could I have some Tabasco sauce please"

"Oh! Ummm. Ummm"

"You don't have Tabasco sauce?"

"Ummm, no. But we..."

"You have a local suace which is twice the size and is called something silly and funny like "Dog's Balls Sauce" or "Bushman's Arsehole Sauce"?"

"Yes! We have Dog's Balls! Tee hee!!!"

"That's very funny, Flo. Now why don't you get that sauce and, whilst my friend hold's your eyes open, I'll pour it into your brain? Would you like that?"

Even better is when they say, "Yes, of course! I'll bring it right away!", and then they bring 'Dog's Fart Sauce". Do they think 'Tabasco' is a generic name?

Go ahead and buy your local sauces (yes yes it's awesome to support local products) and serve them at the table; but if someone asks for Tabasco sauce by NAME, make sure you have a bottle. You don't have to serve it to every table - just have it ready for people who are addicted. While you're at it, make sure the inside of the top is wiped clean.

Have you even seen a bushman's arsehole up close? Have you had a good look at a pair of Dog's balls? They're not nice - I don't think it's funny.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
[permalink]

We ask the readers to come to the rescue
[permalink]

We've been thinking very seriously about starting an agony aunt section for this website. It seems the readers of this site are turning to Seth for advice. I believe in getting advice through public opinion and I think we can help people using a simple voting system. Just this morning I received the following :

Dear Seth,

I really hope you can help me because I am at risk of losing somebody very special. Let me explain.

I have been single for a fairly long time and have always enjoyed the status. My last relationship with a girl from Johannesburg was an emotional rollercoaster and I have been licking my wounds ever since. My fear of relationships has been present ever since that one ended. I have pretended that I thoroughly enjoyed my single status, but the truth is that I couldn't find the right person. Someone who I could talk to. Someone who thought like me. Someone who made me laugh. Someone who I could be comfortable saying nothing to. Someone with whom I could share my love for Buitenverwachting Buiten Blanc. Honestly, I didn't think it was possible.

I had flings with a few girls over the last few months and, because of my part cast-iron, part tungston bullet-proof plate I have developed over my heart, I never allow any emotions into the equation. I made a point of holding back. Girl friends of mine warned against this attitude - saying that I might end up over looking someone who is perfect for me. I was sure I would know when that special someone came along.

Then I started having something with a girl a few months back. I completely guarded myself from getting emotional, although I suspected she really liked me. I just wasn't thinking that far at the time and was so used to being single. I was so used to being selfish with my time and not worrying about anyone besides myself.

After a few months it dawned on me that the girl I had been paying hardly any attention was actually the girl I had been looking for. Right there, under my nose! I couldn't believe how obvious it was! She's beautiful, super intelligent, classy, sophisticated, caring, gorgeous, funny, and so much more. I was so excited that I had finally found clarity!

Guess what........ too little, too late! Now she's upset about how I treated her before - when I was too scared to put my emotions on the line. Oh my God! I have tried to explain to her what the reasons were and, although she has forgiven me, she still has a sour taste in her mouth. I don't blame her, any girl with a bit of self respect would do the same thing. I told her to forget about it and for us to just have a good time. It's not working. She says she needs time.

I don't know how much time she needs and I don't know what to do. I absolutely adore her and I am worried that if I continue trying I might get even more hurt. My gut feel is to keep on trying because she is more than worth it. I also very much doubt there are other girls like this. If I mess this up I may just be single for the rest of my life. I don't want to be single for the rest of my life, Seth!

HELP! Please tell me what to do!

A Fool
CAPE TOWN

Ok, 'Fool', just relax in your slacks! I see we have a problem. Just take it easy and we'll get through this together. Personally I want to smack you over the head for being such a moron, but that's not why I'm here. Seth is here to help, and help he will.

I have put together an online automatic voting system below and want the 2oceansvibe community to help this idiot decide what to do next. As far as I can see it there are only three options.

UPDATE: We asked, and you voted. After 200 votes, the 2oceansvibe community has given advice to Fool to the tune of:

43% of you said Fool should keep trying
(Don't give up, these girls don't come along every day)
16% of you said Fool should move on
(Too late, Buddy! You f*cked it up - move on, before your heart bleeds through your ears)
41% of you said Fool should stay single
(Stop whining like a big fat baby and get a round of tequila's for the boys!)

Good luck with that, Fool. And please get back to us and tell us how things went.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
[permalink]

THE definitive wine event. Bring out 'sophisticated Seth'.
[permalink]

It's amazing how romantic I become about classy and/or regal things, places and events. I look at my last fortnight ("fortnight" - amazing word of the day) overseas purchases which indicate a moment where I got all romantic and classy. Not only did I buy sex-bomb lingerie from Ann Summers in London, but also a book from Ralph Lauren in New York called "Royal Holidays". The book breaks down a number of the past various royal families' holidays all over the World. I mean really! I saw it and thought, "Shit, that looks awesome, I'd like to become well versed in where King God-knows-who preferred to holiday". What was I thinking? Anyway, it looks good on the coffee table and is a far cry from the Ann Summers collection - demonstrating how diverse Seth is.

So that's what happened today. I was forwarded info about the 'Winemaker's Choice Diamond Awards' next Tuesday night(27 September). Now, as you know, I am forewarded all sorts of crap all day long. Events and places and things go through a helluva a tight screening process before I decide that you, my adoring readers, should be given the information. Only the best will do. It's all about you. I put that in 'bold type', because I mean it.

From what I gather it is the difinitive Wine awards evening and apparently the only award show in South Africa judged exclusively by (the finest) winemakers. This "would result in the most accurate and unbiased assessment of over 600 South African wines".

Well, I think I speak on behalf of everyone when I say that it's about time they sorted out this country's wine judging system, of which I have absolutely zero knowledge! But look, I'm sure this new angle appeals to a number of you wine lovers out there.

Getting boozed on fine wines was the main appeal for me. I reached for my wallet and bought two tickets. But let me tell you what else is in store for me at this, what can only be described as, glittering event:

Guests will be welcomed outside the venue, over looking the vineyards and the Simonsberg mountain, with a glass of our winning Cap Classique, one of the finest in South Africa. Nestled at the bottom of each glass will be a diamond-resembling crystal. One lucky guest will, however, find a brilliant 0.5 carat diamond, valued at R15000, which they will keep for their enjoyment and use!

The main area will be draped in white and burgundy strips merging the sophisticated images of flawless diamonds and awesome deep red wine! Beautiful girls, elegantly dressed and frosted in diamond jewelry will welcome each guest personally (we like this part).

Guests will all be treated to a fantastic bar display and will enjoy the experience of drinking “blind” for the first 3 hours of the night by consuming the winning wines without knowledge of who or where they are from. This will add to the enjoyment of the awards revealing which guests may then match to their personal favourites from the evening. Guests will also be treated to drinking the finest whiskeys with South Africa’s top wine selection! Make it a double Jammies.

Cape Town MC and funnyman, David Newton, who will host the event and maintain hysterics all night, will welcome the guests and introduce the first fantastic performer, Cabaret and Piano Star, Sarah Theron. Thereafter, the winning wines, will be acknowledged and presented with their fully-deserved award. A Graffiti artist will also amaze with wall art which will culminate in a graffiti style revealing of the 2 trophy awards for the best red and white wine of the competition! Finally, the evening will run its course under the control of entertaining band, Sans of Time as whiskeys, coffees, cigars (aah) and a chocolate fountain are offered! Yes, they said a 'chocolate fountain'.

This event has been designed to create an experience for everyone to enjoy. It’s not just an awards show; it’s an event to celebrate the quality wines as selected by South Africa’s top winemakers and provide an opportunity for guests to party with the winemakers and enjoy their wines!

I can't say anymore. But I MUST impart knowledge of fine events to the loyal 2oceansvibe readers, for they are my everything. But wait, I have done even more homework for you! To help you further, I can show you how to pretend you belong at this orgasm of class and elegance. (I believe they still have tickets available).

Click here for The Winemaker's Choice Diamond Awards website.

Click here to get tickets.

Have a great weekend, kids.

UPDATE: The organisers of this event caught wind of this story and have told me they will still have tickets available at the door at R200 a person.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
[permalink]

It's bound to be a success
[permalink]

Let me throw some words at you.

Flirt

Mink

Kink

What a nice young lady. Click to enlarge.

Now take the picture of the kind lady in the flyer above. I would suggest clicking it to enlarge it. She appears to be sucking on a strawberry with some sort of red (probably sweet tasting) syrup spilling down her mouth. Looking further comma we notice some sort of a miniature nurse's hat on TOP of the strawberry. (The word 'miniature' envokes visions of my Mother dragging me to 'miniature fairs' as a child. What are these, you ask. Well, usually in a park, any item you know of in the World is for sale - only they're all smaller than my earlobe. Think dolls houses. Furniture, people, washing machines....anything....only very very small, so as to fit them in the little dolls house. Interesting fact: Seth Rotherham's Mother has close to 1,000 porcelain dolls. It's all starting to make sense now, I'm sure. Only child..... Mother had 1,000 dolls....).

Sorry, umm, ok, so you've got flirt, mink, kink, lips, sucking, strawberry, syrup and a miniature nurses hat. WAIT! I've just also spotted a doctor's stethoscope on the flyer as well. From here, it looks like it's threatening to turn into an organised orgy similair to the one that The Bay Hotel organised. (See THIS article for more).

Look, it won't be an orgy, but I tell you what, it looks like it's going to be out of control. These flirt parties produce angels the likes of which you've never seen. And anyway, next week Friday is too far away to have any other plans. I've diarised it.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
[permalink]

Bridget Jones muffs her first marriage
[permalink]

As the worldwide divorce trend continues, we see that Renee (put a dash above the FIRST 'e' in her name - God knows how to do it manually) Zellweger and Kenny Chesney (amazing) have joined the club. After four months. The first marriage for both of them. Nice one guys!

Awesome necklace, Kenny

Am I the only one around here who is learning from everyone else's mistakes? Did Renee and Kenny not see examples of failed marriages before they got hitched? To realise after four months that you're not made for each other must SURELY mean that you never did your homework? I mean, did you guys live together for a bit? It has been suggested that living together for, say, a year, is a good way to work out what living together for all eternity will be like. It's just a tip that they give to crazy lunatic 'love'-struck children.

Jerk-boy and South African women fan, Craig David, said in a magazine interview recently that he could meet a woman in the morning and marry her by lunch time. Jeepers Hudders! That's fairly amazing, Craigie. In your one song you claimed that you met a girl on Monday and you were banging her on Wednesday. So you're saying now that it takes you even quicker to get married?

I met a girl on Monday (got married that arvi)
Took her for a drink on Tuesday (well that's bloody decent of you, Craig)
We were making love by Wednesday (consummating after two days)
And on Thursday and Friday and Saturday
We chilled on Sunday (ja, well, look - it's been a rollercoaster ride)

And COMPLETELY seamlessly I flow into a brief discussion about holding sex before marraige. I am passionate about this topic and deeply saddened by (generally) women who decide "no rock, no cock".

Personally, I believe that sex makes up 20%-30% (conservatively) of the total compatibility of two people. Particularly in the fragile early building block years. Jesus, imagine falling in love with someone and only after you marry them you find out that the sex is revolting? Give me a break. I reckon some girls KNOW they are shit in bed and hold their vagina ransom until they have that ring on their finger. Like those expensive-to-run women who hold back sex and, whilst in the spoon position (the boy grinding desperately from behind (too graphic?)), quietly whisper the two magic words to their suitor:

"Louis Vuitton"

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
[permalink]

As the cries for more continue
[permalink]

Wow! I think I know some little boys and girls who need to relax! Jesus, I get nagged to write an article so I give you a little teaser yesterday. I mention a phrase 'rapist wit' in that little teaser and receive an email from Jack S asking if I was not meant to use the term 'rapier-sharp' wit.

Ummm, no, Jack. Surely if I meant to use the phrase 'rapier-sharp wit' then I would have said something like "Rapier-sharp wit"? I said rapist wit and I meant rapist wit. I find it funnier. 2oceansvibe followers also probably found it funnier. People have used it before. Click here for google's reply to the search term 'rapist wit'.

The word 'rapist' has appeared five times in this article. More reason for the firewall at Deloitte's and Old Mutual to ban this website from it's staff who couldn't possibly think for themselves.

I'm warming up. Give me some room to stretch my legs

Articles to come include something about cutlery on airplanes, News Cafe 'about the vibe' radio ads, girls who are 'expensive to run' and genius hairdressers.

I've missed you guys.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
[permalink]

2oceansvibe 'calls for calm'
[permalink]

Be still, be calm. Seth is back. Back again. Tell your friends.

Give him time to settle down. This could be a couple of hours. But it will, as usual, be worth the wait. He has returned even better than before. He has further fine tuned his rapist wit.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
[permalink]

Tortoise-shell in fine, as long as it is dark
[permalink]

The previous tour bestowed upon on us the two pairs of Prada's, which have faired well up until now. Sunglasses can take a good three to four months to hit Cape Town's shores, thus enabling the shopping traveller to sport 'this season's' shades, as opposed to buying 'last season's' shades locally. Before my departure there were sightings of the same (at one stage unique) Prada's all too often at Caprice. Acknowledgement from a fellow wearer can only but interrupt a pleasant cocktail. This must SURELY be the main reason why it is IMPERATIVE to stay a season ahead of the Caprice rabble.

The beauty of Chanel is that the brand itself is generally perceived as a brand made exclusively for the fairer of the sexes (it's words like that that ban the Deloitte's staff from reading this site - pity). The cleverness of these particular Chanel's is that they opted for a little chrome square on either side of the lens, instead of the usual linked 'C' letters. The linked 'C's make it virtually impossible for men to wear Chanel shades - it just BELONGS to women - like the gorgeous black C's on last season pink Chanel handbags (I'm sure we mentioned the bag before, somwehre on this God forsaken website). This is why these particular Chanels are a good purchase - most posers wouldn't buy them anyway; thus saving us altogether from pretenders. (Awesome semi-colon back there).

From the depths of the King's Road to the banks of the Hurlingham's croquet lawns, Chanel has been a treat. Whilst tortoise shell can often come across as a particularly hurl-inducing colour, I find a good dark tortoise shell can come across as black, but far less harsh on the face than exact black. I think it is fair to say that Chanel KNOWS how to do tortoise shell. Congratulations, Chanel, today belonged to you.

Chanel - boys can get away with it

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
[permalink]

Moments away from kickoff
[permalink]

The tour begins this afternoon. A jet will cart young Seth to the city he made famous. As an Atlantic Seaboard ambassador, Seth understands that get togethers in London are important and has therefore earmarked Blue Cactus on the Fulham Road for Saturday night. The nearest tube is South Kensington (won't catch me in those death traps). Later that night, guest list nominees will perform flick flacks at Bouji's club. Sunday night will obviously provide a bit of nostalgia in the form of P&P Fulham. Final song of the evening will no doubt be a toss up between Angels and New York New York. I would prefer the latter as a teaser for the following Thursday's departure to the York of New.

New York's highlights are yet to be decided and are in the hands of London's Big Steve, who we assume will have the various door lists primed for the arrival of the "Strengthening Ties Tour 2005" party.

What is the point of this trip, I hear you ask? What is Seth running from? Well, it's basically to do with goodwill and happiness. It's about uniting people of like minds. It's about reinforcing the already established network. That's what I mean by strengthening ties. That's what I'm saying anyway. I hope no one finds out that the real reason is I can't cope being in Cape Town while Caprice is undergoing renovations.

As luck would have it, London's weather includes three days of rain from my time of arrival. That whole sun lark was obviously a rumour. Cape Town's rains have stopped (thank God the dams are full) and there are five days of sun to look forward to. It's all quite confusing.

And what of this column? Don't fear - there will be updates. Seth is taking his camera with and will take photo's where necessary, when possible.

So that's it, people. Please, Lord, make sure you download the 'Bush doesn't care about black people' video. I play it for myself hourly.

Goodbye.

"Goodbye WHO?!?!?" (in angry mother's voice)

"Goodbye, MUMMY!"

"That's better"

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
[permalink]

HILARIOUS - The quote that slipped through the censors
[permalink]

This is the stuff I love. During a live Hurricane Katrina fund raising appeal on one of the American networks (NBC), with Mike Myers (Austin Powers) and Kanye West (rapper), West decided he would inform the Earth that he believes that "George Bush doesn't care about black people".

A village in Texas has lost it's idiot.

Whaaaaah! It's just too funny. Apparently Mike Myers froze and they cut to a commercial break. The chirp was apparently after it was mentioned that black people were 'looting' and white people were 'victims'.

Click here for the full article.

UPDATE : WE HAVE THE VIDEO !

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE FUNNIEST VIDEO
YOU MAY EVER SEE IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE (3.5Mb)
(Right-click and 'save target as')

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
[permalink]

Continues his good work
[permalink]

As we mentioned before, we have an insider at most of this year's major tennis tournaments. He was the one who challenged the odds to bring back this shot of Anna K.

Paul P (our man onthe ground) has subsequently sent in a truck load of images from the latest tournaments including Steffi Graf (first time back from retiring), Hingis and Andre (for the girls).

What is this about? Why do 2oceansvibe have a man on the ground at tennis tournaments? I don't know. But it's nice.

Andre, ok?

Stef - legs seem fine

Hingis - pensive

John Mac's response at being asked
to enter this year's Mr 2oceansvibe competition

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
[permalink]

Bernice Breedt not hot enough
[permalink]

After Seth proved his advisors wrong and was vindicated by Sunday night's IDOLS show, he can now return to his original choice of Jessica. Please note that Seth's advisors had previously chosen using only head shots...

Jessica - little sex bomb

We're sad to let Bernice (Breed(t)) go, but because we're choosing PURELY on looks, Jessica is the choice as she really proved that she is a little sex bomb. Welcome, little sex bomb. Welcome to the 2oceansvibe community. We'll look after you. Apologise to Bernice. It's not her, it's you.

Goodbye, Bernice.
Don't beat yourself up. It's not your fault.

UPDATE: Both of them are out. That means there are no more good looking people in IDOLS. Awesome.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
[permalink]

Perhaps the greatest Friday treat ever?
[permalink]

Today there are no fantastic stories or mind boggling wit. There won't even be a bit of flesh for you to look at. Nay, it is something far funnier. It is a link to a website.

It is just too staggering and cannot be put into words. Go there yourself. But please do it towards the end of the day as you won't be able to do any other work after you've seen it.

Ladies and gentlemen, The Friends of Jacob Zuma website.
(Note the name, 'Friends of Jay Zee' (like the rapper))

friendsofjz.co.za


CLICK FOR WEBSITE
What a treat. A Friday treat. For you. Only for you.

Personally, I struggled to read past the line near the top that reads:

SMS the word “Zuma”  to 36045 to pledge your support of R5 which goes towards legal fees for Jacob Zuma’s trial

UPDATE: The Friends of Zuma site has crashed due to over activity. Hilarious.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
[permalink]

The Cape Times provides insight into four letter word
[permalink]

Well done to the Cape Times! To follow up on the story below, the Cape Times has this morning dedicated a few more lines to John Smit's alleged racial slur. This morning we are (finally) given the first letter of the second part of the slur. Today it said that John Smit was alleged to have called a Samoan bouncer a "black c - - -".

Ok! So the other three letters were obviously 'unt'. Now we are FINALLY able to decide how serious the alleged slur was. Pretty serious.

UPDATE: We notice that further on in the article they have given us another letter. It says "c - - t". We're pretty sure what you're talking about. But can't you guys just write "c*nt"? Then we'll know for sure. It could easily be 'coot', of "as pissed as a coot" fame. "Black coot" is far less serious than "black c*nt".

FURTHER UPDATE: It must be 'c*nt'. We've decided this on the grounds that "coot" is a name of a bird and not rude at all. The papers would therefore have no need to hide the letters. We can now confirm that John Smit is alleged to have called the bouncer a "black c*nt". We still very much doubt he said it. I don't know why they don't just dodge all of this and say they called him an "All Black c*nt".

thanks justin

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
[permalink]

Local papers hide severity of John Smit's alleged racial slur
[permalink]

I've come across a number of articles now referring to Springbok captain John Smit's alleged racial slur (I very much doubt it) to a Samoan bouncer (risky) in Sydney. Now how, may I ask, are we supposed to form a point of view when we are unable to gauge the severity of said slur? I am referring to the way the papers report the slur. So far, all we have been told is that John Smit called the bouncer a "black - - - -". What the fuck is a "- - - -"?

As we all know, swear words and racial slurs have varying degrees of severity - The 'k' word clearly being the top of the list. Now in order to get into an article like this we honestly need to know what the fuck we're talking about. For example, if they wrote 'black - - - - - -" then we would count the spaces and work out that they're probably referring to the 'k' word which would cause an uproar. But in this case they have used four blank spaces. Four letters are used for a multitude of words and swear words - fuck, c*nt (even I cannot say it out loud), twat and many more - each of them varying the severity of said racial slur.

So please, local newspapers, help us a little bit and give us the first letter at least! Was it "c - - -" or was it "f - - -" ?

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com
[permalink]