Those last two Billy Joel golden circle tickets were sold early this morning. Sorry to those of you who missed it or didn't bid high enough. Don't be sad. It's not COMPLETELY over for you!
Never fear! We have just received ANOTHER THREEGOLDEN CIRCLE TICKETS for tomorrow night's concert in Cape Town at the Bellville Velodrome. Our source for these three new tickets is happy with R1,000 a ticket.
So there you go! There will be no auction for these tickets. The first people to come forward will get the ticket. Email to editor@2oceansvibe.com with the subject "Billy Joel".
31 October, 2006 - The Showroom restaurant Cape Town
THE SHOWROOM GETS FULL MARKS
Cape Town's hottest ticket fails to disappoint [permalink]
Ladies and gentlemen, I am happy to announce that genuine international five-star dining is now available right here, in Cape Town. "theshowroom" (actual spelling) restaurant in Green Point seems to understand that a full dining experience takes more than just a good view. These guys have even cottoned onto the concept of "service". How novel.
I am always annoyed when I get asked if I have experienced something, when I haven't. I've been getting it quite regularly for two completely different things. I was asked over 300 times if I've watched the movie "The Devil Wears Prada" and the annoyance of having to continuously reply in the negative necessitated a solo Sunday morning viewing at the Waterfront. I loved it. It's fucking brilliant. Watch it. Seriously. I fucking loved it. The second constant question I was being asked was whether or not I had dined at theshowroom. I kept saying no, until I realised that it wasn't going away.
Show room this.
Show room that.
"ANGEL! Let's get a table at theshowroom, for God's sake!"
I didn't have any background to the restaurant (or probably didn't listen when I was told) and only realised it's unique location when I got there. The restaurant is on one side of the Bloomsbury "investment cars" (whatever) luxury vehicle showroom. At the bottom of Harbour Edge in town next to Cape Town's infamous unfinished flyover.
I like the heart rate monitor in the background .
Oh! I get it!
Showroom.
Like a show room.
Ok.
Good.
I must say, what is in essence the height of ostentatiousness, it (the venue and concept of having full view of R3million motor vehicles whilst indulging in top-end cuisine) is both brilliant and hilarious. It reminds me of my eight foot mounted poster of Paris Hilton I have in the Bantry Bay house. Such open flagrant celebration of the queen of superficial allows me to get away with being shallow. It actually indicates how deep I am. I am deep enough to know that I am shallow. Similar vibe...
Seth is deep enough to know that he is shallow
Back to theshowroom..... The small, split-level, white-on-white, mod 60-seater has got the mix just right. Obviously intending to create a local variation of the UK's celebrity chef culture (God help us), owner and chef, Bruce Robertson, (who decided that his full signature should form part of the logo as well as embossed on the menus) operates from a minute open kitchen in the downstairs section of the restaurant. I didn't spot any tantrums and the vibe between the staff in the kitchen is quite marvelous to watch. No one more so than Robertson's sidekick, the impressive Leigh Trout (I know) who bobs and weaves around his mentor like a shadow boxer in the ring - pure entertainment, keep an eye on him.
The show from the kitchen forms a minor part of the overall experience which Robertson has managed to tie together perfectly. Flawless presentation aside, the food will awaken your taste buds from their slumber and challenge them to a life of being better taste buds. I had the oysters to start which Blues Restaurant might want to have a look at. The menu is created around a large range of sauces, each of which add a unique taste explosion to your main dish. I ordered the springbok shank and went for the Chakalaka sauce. Sensational! My fellow diners all insisted that their particular choices HAD to be the best thing they had ever tasted. I am troubled by the daunting task of now having to try every dish on the menu, using every sauce combination. Seriously, it might have to be done.
From the smiles on the faces and the product knowledge and advice, it is quite obvious that the staff (thank you, Romy) have undergone real training. I use the word 'real' because Wafu restaurant (above and part of Wakame in Mouille Point) use the word 'training' and 'trained' incredibly loosely. Wessel at The Winchester Mansions in Sea Point has also apparently been 'trained'. Whatever, guys. Pop into theshowroom for some lessons.
Keep it up, Bruce and co., you've got it right.
This week sees them serving tables amongst the actual cars at Bloomsbury. I'm booked for Thursday lunch. Can't wait.
theshowroom
10 Hospital Street
Harbour Edge
Green Point
(If you don't have satellite navigation in your car (quite blind) then just turn right at your first traffic lights as you enter Somerset Road from Buitengracht.)
Call them on +27 (0)21 421 4682
Anymore than that I can't help you.
I mean.....really. I can't hold your fucking hand here.
Our THIRD Tuesday Tabs! Already! God, it's incredible!
And it seems like JUST yesterday....
Today we welcome another of the original supermodels - Elle Macpherson. Welcome, Elle.
It's a good look
Some of the guys in the boarding house chose Elle over Claudia and Cindy.
Not as many as Claudia and Cindy. But she certainly did have her support base.
Dubbed "The Body", there were no surprises here. We always knew that she was packing.
Click to enlarge and remove Francois (NSFW).
Thanks again, Francois. For everything. Seriously.
Ok, so there you have it. I was quite happy with the results of that one.
I have defintiely come into contact with duplicates of these before. It's quite hard to focus on enjoying them at the time because you just want to go out and celebrate.
I am getting quite bored of people who are ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIED at the offer of two golden circle tickets for R3,000 (for both tickets, together) for the Billy Joel concert on Wednesday night. Did anyone out there care to find out how much the original tickets cost? Let me help you out there - the original pair of tickets cost over R1,000 together.
Is it really such a mind-fuck for someone to pay just under three times the original price for concert tickets, 48 hours before the concert?
Please, man. Get over it. Get over yourselves.
The reference to R5,000 in the offer below was for people who don't feel like getting into a bid of any sort and wish to abuse their disposable income so as to secure the tickets without haggling. Did it ever occur to you that some people earn more than you?
As most of you will know, and those who live elsewhere may have heard, Cape Town is absolutely fucking beautiful today! These are the days that Cape Town is made for - and what better way to kick off a weekend of extravagance and indulgence, with a quiet glass of champagne at the Mount Nelson's Planet Bar..... ahh it's going to be so good. I am visualising it now as I touch myself. Sophisticated little angels everywhere, with little flutes in their hands, being all proper. But then later you find out that whilst she may be a lady on the street, she is actually a freak in the bed!
We have received MIND ALTERING footage of the great man [permalink]
I am trembling as I write this. A buddy of mine at a local ad agency managed to get hold of this mind blowing footage of the TBG (Tall Blonde Guy). Apparently the City of Cape Town are doing another big 'Keep the Cape in Shape' campaign and they have done a deal with none other than 2oceansvibe's favourite son, THE TBG!!!! They will be using him in a series of commercials doing incredibly amazing God-like things to do with litter-removal. My contact tells me the TBG is not charging a CENT for his services - such is his incredible giving nature.
God, he is truly incredible.
My contact reports, "The vibe during the taping the commercial was unbelievable. His well-known aura seemed to engulf all of us - like we were about to witness a miracle - and we certainly did. He was so cool and spoke to everyone on the set. We could all feel that we were involved in something truly special. Every time the TBG did something amazing (pretty much all the time), we would all just look at each other nodding and smiling - knowing that this was a defining moment in all of our lives. At one stage a crowd of about 300 people gathered to watch Cape Town's gift. He stopped the taping and went over to the crowd and spoke to most of them, shaking hands and signing autographs. I have never seen anything like this man in my life. I will never forget that day. Thank you TBG."
Unreal! The gift of the great man just keeps on giving. Is there no bounds to his grace and glory?
Just enjoy this footage - this has never been seen before. Watch it and remember it.
Apparently they filmed about 50 takes and the TBG got it in EVERY TIME!
Obviously!
I can't speak. I can't walk. I can't type anymore.
My very good friend and muse, James Stewart, is allowing us to indulge in his fine art of music creation on Friday night at Ignite in Camps Bay. James has been making hits since you were a child and he certainly isn't stopping any time soon. Friday night comes in the form of a live recording (with other greats who have worked with the likes of Eric Clapton, Phil Collins, Sting and more) so, if you clap or whoop at the right time, you just might make it onto the album. Either way, just make sure you're there - these kind of events don't come along very often.
Jammo Stewart - Hello my boy!
The show starts at about 7pm - I'm gonna be there with bells on. And balls, I suppose. It will form part of my roadshow which has necessitated the use of a chauffeur. The roadshow starts at the opening of the new Sienna and Mandy G shops at Wembley Square (shoes and jewelry - stunning!), followed by an appearance at Planet Bar and then on to Ignite. Aren't we a busy little boy!
I popped into Boardmans last week to get a desk of sorts and I didn't manage to find what I was looking for. I got to my car and looked under my arm and noticed that I had purchased something else. This happens to me from time to time. I automatically buy things that I simply MUST own and I don't realise I am doing it. I opened the package under my arm and was absolutely blown away!
I had bought an electric egg boiler. Good Lord! This is easily one of the most incredible purchases I have made in a long time. At under R200, you would be a fool not to buy one TODAY! Seriously, if these things sell out you will kick yourself.
Like a bullet
With eggs inside the bullet
They say a picture says a thousand words. Well, I think we all agree, this picture says a thousand words AND is a major turn on. Are you feeling hot? You should be. So enjoy this...... under that silver dome are seven slots to place up to seven eggs at a time. There is a measuring cup which tells you how much water to pour into the beast (determined by the number of eggs and hardness you want) and then you turn it on. The water turns into steam which cooks the eggs and then a buzzer goes to tell you everything is done! And I tell you what..... the eggs come out perfectly. No mess! No fuss!
So that's it, just a heads up on how to make your life better.
I did two batches of seven eggs immediately after purchase and left them in the fridge - AWESOME!
Another angel bites the dust and goes to 'find herself' [permalink]
I found myself at a bar the other night chatting to a very naughty little 20 year old angel. I was trying to get into her pants and was relying heavily on the results of the champagne I was plying her with. It didn't seem to be working. She was one of those "takka-takka-takka" can't stop talking types. Not ideal. She had just finished her studies and was london-bound in a couple months time. I took the 'old pro' angle and regaled stories of my triumphant times in the 'Big Smoke'. She was impressed, but not enough it seemed.
Off you go
On she went.
"Takka takka takka takka"
"oh really!"
"And then my sister..... takka takka takka takka"
The little angel started to moan about the fact that she was struggling to get all the usuals together - the work visa, the bank account, the job etc. before she leaves. I had heard a lot of this talk lately and it seems it is even harder to get organised than it was when I went over and raped the IT industry over there during the late 90's (left before the bubble burst..... 18 to 1 - ahh.. good times).
Personally I don't see what the problem is. I saw the opportunity and told the little angel that I would "sort everything out" for her.
WOW! What a change in her behaviour! The little minx changed her tune completely and was doing a whole "oh Seth" this and "Seth" that and stroking my powerful chest and gaaning aan like a proper little tart.
Some of you might have noticed the new ads on the site for a company called 1st Contact. They approached me to put the ads up because I became very good mates with the guys when I was in London. I gave them a call a couple of days later after the bar scene. Some of the same guys are working there and I put them in touch with the little angel.
It seems 1st Contact still know what they're doing because the results were ASTOUNDING! She honestly thought I had pulled some serious strings to get her sorted out. They literally organised EVERYTHING for her. The bank account, the job, the cellphone contract, the visa, tax refunds etc. I found it quite hysterical that she didn't know about these guys who are easily the biggest and best company in their field. Anyway, I got a house call and everything worked out according to plan!
El Benno
I thought this cute little story would be a good opportunity to tell you about my old mates at 1st Contact. If any of you lot out there are thinking of going over to the UK to work, or if you are already over there and want to extend your visa, you have to talk to these guys. Honestly, I used them for three years when I was over there. I have always preferred to pay a small fee for someone else to do the dirty work for me, and let me tell you, these guys do it well! The last thing you want to do is deal with the gratuitous red tape that gets heaped on you when it comes to things like visas and bank accounts. It's an absolute dog show!
So anyway, here is just a quick heads up to tell you about these guys - you'll be crazy to do it any other way. For the locals, they even have a SA office so give them a shout on 0800 003 163 or email them on saoffice@1stcontact.com
And to the boys over there, I hope you run into that little angel because she needs a hiding. Blonde, tiny, cute and answers to "Lucy" (or "baby shoes").
The response to last week's (our first) Tuesday Tabs was quite astounding. I was just mucking about - you know - like when you muck about with your muckers, (M Brain)......and now it's like a feature on the website.
Tuesday Tabs - a legend is born.
So you can all touch yourselves very gently as you realise you are a part of something that you'll one day tell your red headed step-children about.
Today's Tuesday Tabs feature is none other than Seth Rotherham's supermodel, Claudia Schiffer. We all had our supermodel as kids - and I mean the original supermodels - including Claudia, Cindy, Christy, Naomi, Elle, Helena and Linda. Most of the guys in the boarding house went for Cindy, but Claudia (now 36) was the only one who really completed me. I tried out a massive Cindy Crawford poster in my cube, but I wasn't being true to myself. She could never be Claudia, and she never was. My bedroom at home had pretty much a full wall of Claudia posters, pics and magazine tear-outs. My parents graciously fed my hunger and duly brought home Claudia Schiffer exercise videos from their trips overseas.
I do feel slightly bad showing you pics of Clauds without her top on as (now that I am an international man of leisure and pleasure) I will probably end up getting smashed with her in a jacuzzi somewhere and she'll have to do the walk of shame from my cabin the morning-after. My how the tables have turned, hey Clauds?
She will probably recognise me: "Are you that naughty little boy that used to be naughty in front of my pictures all day?"
"That's right, Schiffers, and I think we all agree...... KYK HOW LYK HY NOU!"
"You speak Dutch?"
"Maybe. You spank my bum?"
"Ooooooooh, you so NAUGHTY!! LIP MY STOCKING!!!"
But seriously, I have to be careful, it is very easy to end up next to anyone you talk about these days. My ex-girlfriend/muse actually worked for Claudia for a while in London and used to report back with tales. I never let on that Claudia was my original supermodel. She would have had too much enjoyment telling me stories. I pretended I didn't care, but put all the info into my wank bank, for later use.
Ok, in terms of her tabs I am very pleased. They have both excellent curvature and weighting. I would say that a together-squeeze would produced a wonderful picture before one's eyes. The nipples are of good size and nature and, when encouraged, could probably transform into a vision of sorts.
Ok, so here we have it. Thanks again to Francois Pienaar for hiding the tabs in this pic, as well as curing AIDS and adopting all existing African babies. You are a shining light and I feel it quite unnecessary for you to spend 27 years on Robben Island for our sins.
Click for bigger version. (NSFW, unless your bosses are semi-cool)
The boys host another glitzy fund-raiser [permalink]
On Wednesday The Rockstar boys host their third charity dinner under their 'Sin4Good' initiative. The first raised R12,000 and the second R28,000. Funds raised went to charities U-turn, Little Angels and the Breast Cancer Research Foundation. One of the gifts afforded by the last dinner was a kiln bought for U-turn which now enables the members to generate an income for themselves.
Continuing the initiative, The Rock Star Fund are hosting Wednesday's dinner at Cape Town's Fashion Cafe. The dinner is almost sold out and, if you move your arse, you could get a ticket which includes a lavish meal and a few friends of mine, including Chivas and Mumm.
Yes, this dinner will also include the extravagent raffle which includes prizes worth in excess of R20,000.
And, just for spice, the after dinner party is Goldfish doing their only gig for October as they take a break before recording their next album starts. They also probably need a rest from all the blow jobs they get backstage after their gigs whilst they toke on Amsterdam's finest and pour Mumm champagne over their bodies.
Mr. Ryan S from Fresnaye, Cape Town - part of the mighty Atlantic Seaboard!
Congratulations, Ryan! You were the fifth correct answer to our competition below. The correct answer was, of course, David Kramer. Mr. Kramer is a regular feature in Camps Bay. We like him there and he likes being there.
Ryan, one of the angels will be in touch for delivery of your three bottles of SKYY vodka - for people who want purer vodka.
To the others that missed it - thanks for trying. Good luck next time and remember, yougottabeinittowinit.
The now famous 2oceansvibe silhouette game! [permalink]
What a wonderful start to the week! I slept most of the weekend and dreamt I was in Las Vegas. The dream was complete with the concrete 2-star cactus infested motel, as well as a casino of sorts. But enough about my nocturnal meanderings, this week is going to kick off with the famous 2oceansvibe silhouette competition!
Below is a picture taken last week from the comfort of Caprice in Camps Bay. Who is the famous South African personality?The Boyes family should find this particularly easy.
Doesn't use a condom, just "broekies sex" [permalink]
Some of you may have read the article in last weekend's Sunday Times about the uprage (outrage combined with uproar) about a porn video that had surfaced on the so called "internet" with Disney characters banging each other with their costumes on.
Obviously I managed to find the video on the internet and I think it's pretty funny. Mr Snowman pumps Minnie Mouse a bit (can't blame him when she is wearing such a fetching polka-dot outfit). Then Goofy bangs one of the chipmunks, followed by Minnie Mouse (after Snowman has already had his way with her - sies!).
The most sexually provoking team- The Teazers 78's touch side [permalink]
I don't know if Tatiana and Bianka are forming a team for Mavericks, but for now Teazers have raised the bar and produced a touch rugby side that has the other strip clubs trembling in their, er, G-strings. Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce the Teazers 78's touch rugby side...
Bottom right - clearly the man to beat
Why the "78's", you ask?
If I may (from one Barry H):
Let me introduce to you the Teazers 78’s touch side …..not the youngest, prettiest and definitely not the fastest touch side about……. but quite easily the peoples favourite and best drinking side and best dressed team in the league….our results on field have been woeful but it's in the pub where these guys really are a cut above the rest. Regular team/sponsor evenings are also mandatory!
The 78’s bit is because 22% of all men statistically have gay thoughts ……….therefore we all form part of the other 78%.
We are arranging for some of our sponsors to assist with rub downs and cheerleading duties shortly…. will be an interesting night down at Villagers for sure!!
Well, thanks for that, Barry H, we now have full insight into the animal that is the Teazers 78's. It is quite obvious that these guys have something more than just good, fast paced rugger, to offer. These kids have sex appeal, and a strip club's backing to boot! Scuze the pun.
I received this from my buddy Al at the Planet Bar at the Mount Nelson. It seems this character is running around town pulling various scams on bars, restaurants and hotels. His latest caper was at the Planet Bar where he pulled a HELLUVA story out his arse. Our boy told the staff that he was waiting for his brother to arrive with R200,000 which they'll be using for a good time. He claims his brother just won $15million (classic stuff). He used a similar story at The Bay Hotel.
Apparently the little beaut has been staying at hotels and then leaving without paying. He has been arrested a couple of times but is currently at large, as it were.
Mm mm mm - enjoy the village, my love. Play nicely.
Here are some pics taken of him the other night.
He looks so trustworthy.
And clean.
Can you look after my kids for a moment, nice man?
In one of our most up close and personal sightings yet [permalink]
They just keep on coming in! It seems the TBG certainly (obviously) did make an impact at the Rocking the Daisies festival a couple of weeks ago. And the quality of the footage we are receiving is something QUITE astounding. So VERY up close and personal.
The following from Mike N:
Well I’m sure you will get a kick out of this! These girls in my office were going thru their photos of themselves at RTD concert (I didn’t go so I was especially interested) then all of a sudden...
WHAM!!!!
TBG all over the place!
I shriek’’ OMG! You partied with TBG!!’’ and they were oblivious as to who he was. So I told them the legacy of TBG – and offered to send them in for them….
Here we are! PURE MAGIC!.. Enjoy – I know I did!!
Cheers,
Mike
The TBG up close - mind blowing and glowing
Oh my God! Look how INCREDIBLY AMAZING the TBG looks! What can we work out from the look he is giving us? It is so hard to tell. One thing is certain though, he just KNOWS. He knows all the answers! He is so very aware.
And that confident smile! Who wouldn't be confident in the knowledge that they have the power to heal?
And look at his T-shirt - It says "LUCKY" on it!
No, TBG, you are not lucky. WE are lucky. YOU have blessed us and we thank you!
Residents begin to communicate with the world [permalink]
(UPDATE: We have subsequently learnt that these are NOT post-boxes, but actually nearly-finished electronic public lockers! Good heavens! CLICK HERE FOR THEIR WEBSITE. )
I made a WELL overdue visit to Clifton 4th each on Sunday with The Roofer. There was life-changing wind all over Cape Town but people seemed to forget about the magic of Clifton 4th beach. People seemed to forget that there is a very good reason why people pay up to (and including) R28million for a little house on Clifton 4th beach - it generally laughs at Cape Town's powerful South-Easter wind. Weather buffs will be insistent that I mention that this wind is known as the "Cape Doctor" - a concept that was satirised with the now-famous Ape Town range of T-shirts that have taken most of the earth by storm (unintentional).
[I am temporarily distracted by the new Trellidor commercial which features the company's MD standing behind an actual Trellidor as it protects him from a large ball swung by a crane directly at him. That's a little bit over the top, guys.]
The biggest change I noticed on 4th beach was that the residents seem to have constructed a nuclear-attack-proof post box station. I don't know who they commissioned to build that puppy but it looks pretty fucking serious.
4th beach post boxes- now able to receive bombs
Perv through the middle as you pretend to get your post
So now, not only can you enjoy the dream living and laughing on Clifton 4th beach, but you can communicate with the world as well! The highly sough-after lifestyle that holidaymakers have long enjoyed (check out these gorgeous Clifton holiday rentals) is making a lot of sense.
Look, sure, how can we live it large in the paradise of 4th beach when the screams of victims permeate the air in other parts of the country? That is a fair comment, but, let's be honest, I doubt you'll hear a thing over the noise of the Veuve Clicquot popping on the verandah.
Mazel, mazel - good things. (with a rub of the ear lobe)
These shots of Pink were taken ages ago by Bryan Adams. Yes, Bryan Adams the musician. I know.....weird. But it's true. This is the first of the Tuesday Tabs series that may or may not be continued.
Now, in terms of the actual tabs in question, I don't mind them at all. I've seen duplicates of these guys before and I enjoyed them. So, to the girls out there, if you've got tabs like Pink, we're absolutely FINE with them!
Photo from the power station proves Springfield is a carbon copy [permalink]
You've always thought the inhabitants of Cape Town reminded you of people from The Simpsons animated TV show, but now you have proof that the it was inspired by Cape Town.
One of our readers found himself at the top of one of the cooling towers and sent in this unconventional pic of Tableau Mountain. Below I have put a pic of the Springfield power station to show the similarity.
Geniet dit.
So THAT'S what it looks like from the other side
The Simpsons, found inspiration in Cape Town
thanks mark
Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com [permalink]
Looks like we have a classic on our hands [permalink]
Anna's emails generally require some quiet time to go through as she is prone to really getting into it. But yesterday I received a one-liner email from her with a link, telling me about a video of her boyfriend and his mates dealing with a customs official on their way back from Botswana - COMPLETELY HAMMERED.
I doubted that it was THAT funny and didn't watch it until this morning. I was wrong. It is one of the funnier clips I have seen in a while. Please enjoy this clip as the boys serenade the customs official with 'That Loving Feeling' a la Top Gun. Keep an eye on our boy hiding below the counter, jumping up when it is his turn to sing. Then the customs woman smacks him in the face with a passport. Beautiful.
Enjoy the fishing rods. Enjoy the shirts they're wearing. It's too much. That's what makes this country beautiful. Can you imagine this happening at customs in the States? Whaaah! They'd be shot on site.
Just when you thought it was safe to go outside [permalink]
Before you go into your weekend, you'll be happy to know that e-TV are continuing their destructive path and are screening ANOTHER Jean-Claude Van Damme movie during the prime time 8pm Sunday night movie slot. We have received further intelligence that this trend will CONTINUE FOR THE ENTIRE MONTH OF OCTOBER as E-TV have announced that this is, in fact, THE JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME FESTIVAL!!!!!!
That is an oxymoron, e-TV - there is no such thing as a Jean-Claude Van Damme "Festival". What is so FESTIVE about it? It's not festive at all. What you are referring to is actually known as a JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMME FUCK UP.
You've lost me e-TV. I'll watch the showbiz report, but other than that....you're dead to me.
Spotted at the Rocking The Daisies festival [permalink]
Another sighting, another photograph, another dream brought to life.
TBG (Tall Blonde Guy) sightings are still producing the magic we have learnt to expect. The mystery of the man still yet to be discovered. The essence still yet to be captured. Not that it ever would. Imagine if the essence was captured? Then every man and his dog would be making TBG perfume. It would never get that far anyway. TBG followers would have the person murdered before any perfume was produced - everyone knows that.
Here, another lucky punter finds his prayers answered. This time in the glorious metropolis of Darling. You've just gotta love the TBG's incredibly amazing shades he wore at the Rocking the Daisies festival a couple of weeks ago. This, from JFL
Seth,
A couple of friends and I went to the rocking the daisies rock festival last weekend and I was blessed enough to have a photo taken with the great man himself. I was hesitant to approach him at first, not knowing whether his magnificent ambiance had been scathed by the drunken crowd. I was, however delighted to find that the great one has a friendliness/politeness about him that far overshadows his lanky stature.
Enjoy all!
JLF
The lucky fellow next to the great man
Notice how perfectly the TBG is dressed
Everything is so perfect
Look how relaxed he is with a complete stranger
I must just say what a completely serene and beautiful TBG sighting this is. How sweet that our man obviously swigged his entire beer as he nervously asked the TBG for a photograph. And how brave of him to bring the empty bottle so near the TBG when there was a good chance that the glass may have shattered being in such close proximity to the TBG and his immense aura.
You've all heard/read the story I'm sure - now SEE the guys who have just become billionaires. Be careful though, you will find them particularly annoying.
I love watching geeks when they become billionaires. You can virtually see the hamsters in their heads breakdancing and wanking off to images of the girls that they're gonna get. Which, funnily enough, they will.
"...loves fine cuisine, luxury cars and alcohol" [permalink]
I thoroughly enjoyed the Business Day article yesterday and thought I would do some research on this fellow. I don't know why everyone is losing their minds over Kim Jong-il, just because he tested a nuclear weapon. I think the big thing that is annoying the West is that no-one knows the first thing about the diminutive rock star. Not the best looking guy in the East, he certainly has made the most of his power by bullshitting and abusing - something I would probably do myself if I was the supreme ruler and leader of one of the world's largest armies and robot-like people.
Kim Jong-il - playing nicely
He has done damn well to confuse everyone as he continues to rule an incredibly secretive North Korean regime, punctuated with cruelty and unpredictability. Obviously the guy is just playing very nicely. He is reported to be an "eccentric ladies' man who loves fine cuisine, luxury cars and alcohol". This is obviously fueled by his love for movies (he has over 15,000 movies in his collection), of which the James Bond series is his favourite. Seriously. Think of all the bad guys in the James Bond series - he must be acting out every part!
He loves movies so much that he once even went so far as to KIDNAP a South Korean actress, Choi En-hui, and her director husband, Shin Sang-ok, to help him make a movie. Whaaaah! Are you enjoying this?
"Kim held Choi under house arrest and imprisoned Shin for four years for a failed escape attempt (silly fool). Kim then FORCED them to work in the North Korean film industry, paying them handsomely while keeping them in the gilded cage of his artistic and social circles. Although the country was having problems paying its debts, Kim lived extravagantly and spent tens of millions of dollars on their film productions".
I think we're starting to understand what is going on here - the guy is just living out a fantasy - ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!!
Whilst he fucks around with the minds of world leaders, he is quietly fucking around at home as well. Enjoy this - the hard-partying playboy has quite an eye for the ladies and once "recruited attractive young girls of junior high school age to take part in 'JOY BRIGADES', whose function was to help in relaxation to his senior officials".
[silence]
Come on! The guy is living the dream!
Not scared of designer shades.
Double thumbs up.
In response to the 2oceansvibe mantra, 'Work is a sideline, Live the holiday', Lil Kim travels on a heavily armoured train and, in 2003 on a journey across Russia, had live lobsters FLOWN out to supply the train EVERY DAY! Now THAT'S what I'm fucking talking about!
He even created a story about his birth. His people (who refer to him as "Dear Leader") believe that when this "genius of literature, art and military strategy" was born, there were "flashes of lightning and thunder, the iceberg in the pond on Mount Paektu emitted a mysterious sound as it broke, and a BRIGHT DOUBLE RAINBOW rose up"!
UN BE LIEVABLE! A fucking DOUBLE rainbow - Jesus, this guy rocks!
Mount Paektu - the venue for Lil Kim's double rainbow
Lil Kim, you're hilarious, pal! Keep it up and, when you're in town we'll have a couple of toots in at Caprice. I'll pretend to be a spy or something - it'll be a hoot!
Oh before I go I must also mention one more outstanding paranoia. For some reason, our boy believes he will be replaced by triplets, and none of his children were triplets. So enjoy this - "all triplets in North Korea are being forcibly removed from parents after their birth and dumped in orphanages. The policy is carried out on the orders of the dictator, Kim Jong-il, who has an irrational belief that a triplet could one day topple his regime".
Our favourite little tart gets a little spaced out maaan [permalink]
The fine journalists at the Daily Mail have done it again and found a fault with Paris Hilton. Just when we thought Paris Hilton was squeaky clean and conservative, they go and RUIN that image for us by busting her this week with marijuana (not to confuse the locals, this substance is, in fact, "dagga") in her handbag at a fashion show of sorts in Milan. That really has ruined the image I had of her. I mean, I know about the video I have on my hard drive of her taking it from behind as well as the subsequent money-shot, but I didn't in my wildest dreams imagine that she would go THIS route. Good heavens! SHE IS FINISHED!!!
Pazza arriving at the event. Cackling.
Clearly ZONKED out of her head
Good Lord! Look at that!
Obviously Pazza denied it was weed. Her publicist's response was an absolute corker! Enjoy: "Things are not always as they appear. It would be unfair to draw any conclusions based solely on these photos".
I LOVE IT!!! Things are not always as they appear!!!!
Brilliant response! Kate Moss should have said the same thing! But I won't say anything nasty about Kate Moss because I like her and I was quite taken by Hello Magazine's article on her and Pete. Whilst their hedonistic lifestyle is not ideal, I am jealous of their raw, crazy, passionate love they have for each other.
Would you like another glass of wine?
People are speculating as to whether or not it is weed. Of course it's fucking weed you idiots.Look, it's not the same as Judah's and certainly doesn't hail from Swaziland, but it's not cherry tobacco, I'll tell you that much! And anyway, did everyone just forget these old family album pics of Pazza?
The catchy hilariously addictive "No Matter" by Will & G [permalink]
Those of you who have a copy of "No Matter" by Will & G will probably be over the moon with these lyrics. IF you don't have it yet then get with the program. There are so many little lines in the song that you miss. I love the end of the song where they are shouting out to various areas of Camps Bay?
"Glen Beach Y'all!"
"All the way to Beta"
Whaaaah! All the way to Beta! That's like a 500m stretch! But then they go on and say "forget Hout Bay"......."playa haters"!!!!!! Hilarious! Creating a rivalry out of thin air! Genius!
Anyway, enjoy the lyrics below. If you haven't downloaded the song, then get it right here.
No matter what we do
you know we never lose
Cos everything we do
is like headline news
Like pieces of a puzzle that keep falling into place
Not only do we take the cake
We stick it in your face
Don’t know what to do
I give a call to my G
On my sixty two ten
You know what I mean
G
What we gonna do
G
What we gonna say
Verse two’s coming
So it don’t matter anyways
Dolce Gabbana
Leevit RSA
Any threads we wear
You know it’s all the same
We cruise in we punish
All the chicks love it
Champagne in my hand
Nothing else will cut it
Hit the dance floor
You know we got rhythm
Everybody come to watch
All they do is jism
Grab a girl by the arm
Make her hit the roof
Like Jack Nicholson said
You can’t handle the truth
Now enough about our nights out
It’s time to give a shout out
To who I just don’t know
Shit I need a word that sounds like ‘out’
Stop thinking that you’re getting
A rap that gets you sweating
Or a guy that keeps on sending
Red roses that you’re smelling
Whilst another guys betting
On a girl for his wedding
Shit I’ll just keep on loving
A girl that keeps me cumming
I remind myself to take it as it comes
When I’m drifting off to sleep
I can’t help doing sums
….cut your losses
Or get the fuck out
Even though last week was without a shadow of doubt
The championship was in the bag
Like a young boxer who couldn’t handle his tag
Like the next big thing
Maybe one of the greats
He’s the only one who knows
He doesn’t have what it takes
Phase threes coming up
You’re feeling tip top
You know its not love
It’s got to be a substitute
For something else
I don’t know what it would be
You’re feeling like the boss
You know what I mean?
Like Springsteen
How you doin’
Joint the team
Play by my rules
And everything will seem
Happy
For now at least
You got to work hard
To keep the peace
Don’t think I’m coming round
To try and spade
Put on UB40
You know I got you babe
Just accept it
Best you sit
Cos you’re bought to hears
Gonna make you shit
Yourself
Don’t worry
Just say sorry
Be like Jerry Maguire
And show me the fucking money
So I can go out with
The big bad G
And when we go out
Everybody’s gonna see
My and G
On our knees
Bing a tease
Girls shout please
Stop that
Before I die
Ah ah ah ah
Staying alive
Ah ah ah ah
Three, four, five
Is how many girls
I’m gonna get tonight
Whilst you stay at home and use your paw
You know I’ll be chosen at the door
Of 54
Yeah
Shit
Street level records
Glen Beach y’all
All the way to Beta
Up the road to llandudno
Forget Hout Bay
Playa haters
Fucking republic
Cowabunga y’all
The Sunday night movie conversation came up today. We were at La Perla and someone asked, "does anyone know what the MNET and e-TV movies are tonight". It's a standard Sunday question. No-one knew. As usual, I needed to find out IMMEDIATELY. I turned on my phone (to tell the truth, it's more a 'lifestyle' than a 'phone') and went to the TV guide.
I announced to the table that the 20h00 MNET movie tonight was "Kingdom of Heaven" with Orlando Bloom. I don't know what the movie is like because I cannot look directly at Orlando Bloom. The table seemed to share my sentiments and the natural response was, "what is the e-TV 20h00 movie?".
I was engulfed by a wave of nausea as I replied, "Nowhere to Run, with Jean-Claude Van Damme".
Sunday night movie?
Impossible!
Everyone at the table looked at each other like people who have just witnessed a dog being run over. The awkward confusion was punctuated with cries of "what the Fuck" and "are you fucking kidding?".
Now THAT is what I want to know. Is e-TV fucking kidding? Everyone knows that there is a very real Sunday night 20h00 movie war between MNET and e-TV and over the years we have been quietly impressed with e-TV's response to MNET's semi-current blockbusters. Whilst MNET always goes for up to date movies which have recently done fairly well at the cinema, e-TV have relied on clever classics to win the odd Sunday night movie war.
But tonight they give us JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMME!
Are you joking, e-TV? What are you fucking talking about? Are you guys smoking crack? Or TIK? You CAN'T make the flagship South African movie slot a Van Damme movie. YOU JUST CAN'T! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT YOU CAN'T. It doesn't take a genius to work out that the BULK of people would be far happier watching an old Bond movie or Top Gun. Van Damme and Siegal do NOT belong in that time slot, they're made for obscure time slots.
Who is in charge of the e-TV Sunday night movie? Someone MUST have said to someone, "and then on 8 October we're going for 'Nowhere to Run' with Jean-Claude Van Damme". Then someone MUST have replied, "fine".
That's the guy I want.
Who at e-TV okayed the Sunday night movie this week?
Just give me a name. PLEASE. I need a name. When I get the name I can start a petition to get the person fired. The job has too much responsibility to be handled by an idiot or a drug addict.
This is the kind of chick I'm looking for [permalink]
This is it. This is what I'm looking for. I want a woman who looks like Rachel Bilson in pyjamas. Good Lord, she is adorable! And look, there are little eskimos all over the pyjamas! Aaaah! Cute!
Does daddy's little angel have little eskimos all over her pee jays?
I think she does!!!
You know what? I think YOU'RE a little eskimo!
NO, YOU'RE AN ESKIMO!
Stop it! You're naughty!
I know! Why don't we play the eskimo and the igloo game?
Oooh, this little eskimo is cold! Brrr! I think I know a cold little eskimo who wants to go inside a warm little igloo!!
Let's put daddy's little eskimo inside the little igloo!
And finally, a word on the awesome Rob Fleck [permalink]
I think we all knew that at the rate I was gong at the start of the week, that there would HAVE to be a day with no articles. Yesterday was that day and it tears me up inside that I upset you. God knows how much I love you.
But now it is Friday and it is QUITE glorious! I bought a new scooter yesterday to get me to and from the safe house and the beach. I can see it coming into play later today. It will also be interesting to see if my Mother reads this paragraph and what her response is to the scooter. It's not really like a motorbike, Mum, and it's just to get from the safe house to the beach and back. And you know I'm a good driver.
"I know Darling, but it's the other guys on the roads that I'm worried about"
Yes, Mum, I know - but you don't come across anyone else on the roads using the secret routes that I take down to the beach.
So I went to Long Street on Wednesday night to fart around with the Kitesurfer and the C. A. We popped into Royale Burger and witnessed quite a sight. At the other table on the road next to us was a group of people having a good time. Clearly a little pissed, they were waiting for some friends to arrive. From the sounds of things the friends were in their car, coming towards the restaurant along Long Street. The loudest of the group jumped up from the table and walked over to the edge of the pavement so that he could wave his arms above his head to signal to the oncoming car as to the location of the restaurant. Now when one waves one's hands above one's head, it is very normal for one's t-shirt hem to lift above one's naval. It is however NOT very normal for there to be a fucking 9mm pistol attached to one's penis, sticking out the top of one's jean pant.
You fucking idiot!
Everyone in the front of the restaurant stopped eating and just stared at the buffoon. CAN YOU HONESTLY TELL ME THAT YOU DON'T REALISE YOU HAVE A HAND CANNON STICKING OUT OF YOUR GROIN? Furthermore, do you not think that it frightens other people? If you aren't aware of the gun then you shouldn't have one. That kind of shit only feeds the problem, bru. You're scaring people. It's not cool. Why do you behave like that? Did your Father use to touch you?
Speaking of touching and incest, I am told there is a lot of in-fucking at Investec. People are calling it Incestec. BRILLIANT!
We popped in to Zula lounge to watch Chris Tait and his band, Tait, play. These boys know rock and they give it to you. Such talent and so tight. If you get a chance to see these guys, do it. They have their own flavour and their own unique image - a very good mix of minds. Check out their gigs here.
I had a drink and a bite to eat at the new Sandbar in Camps Bay last night. I was sitting with Rob Fleck and he said that I had never mentioned him on 2oceansvibe. I think now would be a wonderful opportunity to let you all know how incredible Rob Fleck is. Not only is he good looking with a striking nose, but he also has such a wonderful nature about him. I don't know if you know, but Rob is becoming an auctioneer. That's right, an auctioneer. He is such a multi-talented individual. God bless you, Rob Fleck.
Having a drink at Waku (above Wakami in Mouille Point) later today. I hope the waiters remember to remove the caps from the beers before they leave the table. I also hope they don't stand next to me and throw ice at their friend down below, over the road. I also hope I don't have to ask the barman 3 times for a sushi menu. I also hope the waiters don't spill entire glasses of wine over my friends' backs. I also hope that when we order sushi for four people, that they don't rape us and bring sushi for seven people.
I know, very odd - Alyssa Milano and Desmond Tutu.
It seems young Desmond also watched 'Who's The Boss' in the 80's. Here we see him finally acting out the fantasies that we all had as kids. I hope Robert Mugabe doesn't see this pic as he can't stand Tutu. I know this because he once referred to Dezza as "an angry, evil and embittered little bishop".
I find that very funny, by the way. As I do this photograph.
It has been a while since Hilts flashed a body part and it seems the drunk driving (only geeks say 'drink' driving) charges weren't enough to get us excited. But then, JUST as we were about to forget what her naked body looks like, we get these most recent pics of her anus. I think it is fair to say that her dress is too short but, on second thoughts, is it?
Even if you hate Pazza, which I'm sure a lot of you do, what has her bum ever done to you? To be honest, I'm fine with it.
Click pics to enlarge her arse.
(100% safe for work - her vagina is fast asleep during this photo shoot.)
Tom has obviously done something with her fat, which probably has to do with powering space ships or feeding his most recent spawn. Either way, I'm sure our female readers will be intrigued and amazed at her post-child-birth weight loss.
"I don't give a fuck about her weight loss. I don't fret about my weight. I'm not so vain"
Whatever fatty, put some more Aromat on that pizza.
So here it is, the most recent pics the earth has seen of el Cruiso's. I'd still love to know what Pacey thinks of all this.
Our friends, tAIT, have been in the music scene since 2003, with their first album "Back Seat Driver" being received as one of South Africa's biggest pop-rock albums of the year. Singles including "in My Arms" and "The Best Days of My Life" dominated top 10 charts countrywide.
The tragic loss of their guitarist signaled drastic changes in the band and they have been writing and recording at Street Level Studios for the last two years. This will probably explain why you haven't really heard me talking about them for a while!
But NOW, Chris Tait and the band have just signed a two album deal with a new reputable independent record label. The new album is due for release in October 2006. I've had the hit song "So Many Ways" for a couple of weeks now and it is AWESOME.
tAIT have a number of gigs lined up. Besides the one that I unfortunately missed last night at Mercury Live, they have the following lineup. I am definitely going to the one on Wednesday:
tAITIE and the boys
Wednesday October 4 @ Zula Sound Bar
We won't be missing this one
188 Long Street
With indie/acoustic outfit 'Just Sarah'
Cover charge: R20
Friday 13th October @ Bohemia, Stellenbosch
Unplugged and supported by the amazingly talented young
(hot) singer/songwriter Julia Jakobsen
No cover charge
Saturday 14th October @ V&A Waterfront Amphitheatre Live and supported once again by Julia (hot)
No cover charge
DVD's and CD's will be on sale
Thursday 19th October @ The Coffee Bean, Rondebosch Street Level Records presents tAIT, Julia @ Jedd Kossew (Ex - Cruel April)
Unplugged
Cover charge: R10
Wednesday 25th October @ The Mercury 43 de Villiers Street, Zonnebloem
Live with guest acts The Joshua Grierson Band
Cover charge: R20
You might remember a probably alcohol-fueled attack I made on our Health Minister, Manto Tshabalala-Msimang the other day. The general point of the article was to ask Manto to resign (I may have used the words "fuck off" instead of "resign").
The minister has subsequently NOT resigned and is still very much in charge of the vegetable patch which grows all of our local AIDS drugs. Apparently she is also focusing on something minor called "cancer" and is expecting a crop of asparagus by the end of summer which should nip it in the bud, should you become sick with the cancer 'bug'.
It seems I am not the only one who can't take it anymore. A friend of a 2oceansvibe reader has done the right thing and launched the Sack Manto website. God, you people make me smile when you do things like this!
The website is beautifully put together and apart from including Manto cartoons, quotes and fuck-ups, it ALSO gives full lists of Manto's phone numbers so you can call and harass her office. The website even has ready-made faxes and fax numbers for you to download and send to Thabo Mbeki's office, requesting her resignation.
CLICK HERE for the Sack Manto website. Get involved!
A classic Manto quote from the website:
"I don't know how many South Africans with HIV
would want to take anti-retrovirals"
thanks simon
Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com [permalink]
These kind of websites are huge in the UK - particularly with the electronics side of things - laptops, plasmas etc. Finally someone has taken the initiative and started one over here. It's quite simple. You find the product you're looking for on the site and, along with pictures and a review, it also displays the different prices that the SAME product is being sold for locally. I'm sure you know what you do next........ you choose the cheapest one and you buy it!
Along with sister restaurant, Cara Lazuli [permalink]
Not sure if you heard, but the jointly run Cape Town institutions (famous for their steak with chocolate sauce), Madame Zingara and Cara Luzuli restaurants on Loop street, burnt down at the end of last week.
As we keep an eye on the wine spill progress [permalink]
Some of you may have reached the end of the Rocking The Daisies Music Festival article, where I showed a picture of the wine spill on staircase that leads past the safe house.
Well, it seems we have some progress. Someone from another apartment is obviously APPALLED at the wine spill. The wine was still on the staircase this morning, but now there is a post-it note stuck on the wall at the bottom of the staircase.
Whoah!!!! Hectic!
I have instructed Mavis not to feel obliged to clean up the wine for the perpetrator.
As fans and media make her life complicated [permalink]
So here is a spectacular video of Avril Lavigne spitting of the paparazzi as her car leaves a nightclub. But before she spits on them she signs some autographs. Whilst she is signing the autographs, she reads what she is signing. She signs each one "FUCK YOU".
Hilarious. She is clearly quite smashed.
THEN she climbs into her car. THEN she snorts as much snot into her mouth as she can. THEN she spits on the photographers.
OBVIOUSLY the world is up in arms and calling her revolting and disgusting and a bad role model etc etc. Well boo-fucking-hoo. Are these the same people who probed Britney Spears' sex life when she put on an act for her fans and told them she was a virgin?
Here you have a little rock star running around smashed, swearing and spitting. Is that not what rock stars do? If it was Pete Doherty then people would probably shake their heads but still find the rock star attitude quite amusing. Does everyone have to join the pop bullshitting game?
Avril Lavigne is behaving like a rock star. Maybe she is one. I think we should focus on more important things here. Like why does she spit and not swallow?
As I lie in my nest. Having a rest, you pest. (ok, we're pushing it now) [permalink]
The sanctity of the safe house following a weekend at the Rocking The Daisies Music Festival is something quite moving. I snuck down to Camps Bay for a swim (which was heavenly) and am now safe from all harm. Ok, so, I have finally experienced my first music festival and I can report that I am absolutely FINE with them!
Mr Tweedie was able to balance mini sax players on his head
We were a little bit gay and stayed at a guest house in Darling which was 15 minutes away down a dirt road. Granted, it's not a very 'festival' vibe, but I am quite partial to down duvets and very much doubt that anyone who slept at the fest was presented with a wrapped chocolate and a sprig of lavender on their pillow as they got into their tents at night. When we returned to the festival on the second morning I also noticed that the venue was lacking baths on legs - something I was afforded at the Darling Lodge (which was great but they seem to suffer from the classic cock-up of only making toast AFTER the eggs are served. For God's sake people! Is this really a difficult concept?!).
In terms of the success of the festival I can report that it was unbelievably professional and slick, which went hand in hand with a band lineup second to none. This is something that is going to grow and grow every year. Well done to the organisers - you outdid yourselves. Absolutely brilliant - there were even restaurant tents (including Royale Burger, Rafiki's, Noodlebosch (outSTANDING noodles AND sushi!)) as well as retailers including Hemporium, where they have a very clever way of making you buy things. They basically vaporize your money (merci, Tony). Seriously though, everything was there - bars, snack shops....the works!
In terms of the music, everyone did great. Besides our favourites, The Dirty Skirts and Goldfish, I must say I was also particularly impressed with the Parlotones. Keep that shit up, guys - highly entertaining. Oh, yes, The Rudimentals were fucking brilliant as well. That was pretty much when everything kicked in. That was also when I ran into Gabbi for the first time since I met her serving at the main bar earlier on. But we'll chat more about Gabs later.
I think in terms of the weekend, everyone will have their own particular memories and stories. Some of the stories you hear will be the same - like the story of the two very clean blonde women who had a full on cat fight in front of the main bar tent on the first night. It seems the sweet nectar that flows from the Montevino wine dispensers had taken it's toll! It's so hard to stop once it touches your lips. Anyway....stunning stuff, girls! Love to take you home to meet Mum.
But then, at the same time, something equally as astounding was carrying on right in front of us. There was the guy that spent the whole night pulling this girl who, bless her, was not in his league. Not that he was in the A league, but he could definitely do a LOT better than this young big-boned lass. He was totally and utterly legless and apparently had no idea what he was dealing with. The classic 'beer goggles' were in full effect. Shame, bless her, she was in her element as she could feel herself stepping up a league. So he was pretending that she was hot and she was pretending that he wasn't absolutely fucked beyond belief. They were performing for the entire main bar tent, standing up, under a spotlight. Quality stuff. I went over and had a chat with our boy. The girl was next to him, chatting to someone else. She couldn't hear me.
I said to him, "Hey buddy, I don't meant to be rude, but you just HAVE to be made aware that you're not exactly playing out of your boots right now. Have you had a good look at the chick you've been scoring under the spotlight in front of everyone?"
He looked at me blankly and, although his hamster was moving terribly slowly inside his head, his expression showed signs of understanding and agreement.
"Do you realise that other chicks have now seen what you've been doing and now assume that you are in the same league as this chick?"
He was starting to communicate now and with a slow nod, he mustered, "I know".
"I'm glad you understand me cos this is a very important lesson for you. Not only will other girls think they are out of your league, but other chicks in THIS chick's league will start to stalk you. All big girls will know that they can get action from you. You will become a banker for big girls."
"I know", he repeated.
"The next think you look around and you won't have realised that you have moved down two or three leagues"
He was now saying "I know, I know, I know" constantly whilst I spoke to him.
I continued: "I mean, Jesus, bru, have you had a good look at that?" (I motioned for him to have a look at her shitter).
"I know, I know, I know, I know." (nodding at the same time now)
"Hey?" I asked, angrily.
Still nodding and repeating his "I know" chant, he spun on his heel, didn't say a word to her and walked off into the darkness- NEVER TO SEE HER AGAIN! I swear to you! He vanished!
Unbelievable! I saw our boy the next day and told him how fucking lucky he was that he didn't go any further with her. He thanked me profusely and said that he couldn't believe how badly he had done. We couldn't bring ourselves to discuss what might have happened if he had woken up next to her.
Someone else disappeared..... Aaaah, yes! The angel from the main bar, Gabbi. Where did you go angel? I didn't mean to freak you out. Honestly, I was just teasing when I asked you where you "see us in five years time". That's a pity, angel! I didn't even have a chance to see what you look like in the morning, sober.
So there you have it. Pretty hilarious! All except that one guy. Why do you behave like that, bru? It's not cool at all. You come up to me and say hello. I smile, shake your hand and introduce myself. I talk to you. We chat. I make you laugh. Then you come back again and I make you laugh again. And again. And again. And you don't leave me. I politely indicate that I need some time with my friends. You don't get it. Until I had to make it obvious to you. And then you got all weird and psycho and spend the night swearing at me everywhere I go. Do you realise that that is exactly what stalkers do? Don't you find that kind of behaviour a bit odd? You should watch other people and see how they behave in social situations. It's very different, you'll find. Were you bullied at school? Or.........maybe....... just maybe...... YOU were the bully at school?
Aaah!
Enough about that. I got back to the safe house today and it looks like some little boys and girls were playing very nicely over the weekend. I thought there had been a murder but then I noticed that someone had spilt red wine on every step, the whole way up the stairs, past the safe house, up to a door on the third floor.
I thought it would piss me off but found myself laughing. I mean you have to be PROPERLY pissed to do that!
We finally get out hands on "No Matter" by Will & G [permalink]
God bless Chris T who saved us from certain suicide as he emailed us the song that everyone has been emailing in about. I must say it is quite embarrassing to be the last to know. It doesn't happen very often. I apologise.
But now, I must tell you about this song. For those of you who haven't heard it, it is nothing short of hilarious. It has clearly been made by Capetonians who are taking the piss out of everything. The words are very clever and it has a helluva catchy tune!
I knew the only way to test it for the summer was to play it in my car. I did and I tell you what, I fucking LOVED it! The chorus just makes you want to throw your hands up in the air and wave them around like (yip, you guessed it) you just don't care!
DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR, and play this song on high volume in your car. Just do it now.
I have taken the pleasure in making two versions for you. The first is MP4 format for iTunes and the second is Windows Media format.
Can Dan Craig's eyes get him through it? [permalink]
I don't know what to make of this new Bond fella, Daniel Craig. There seems to be a lot of focus on his eyes. Check out the trailer below and decide for yourself. I'll wait for the movie. You know what I always say, "The proof of the pudding is in the eating". I made that up when I was a kid before my Mother used to bring the dessert to the table. You can go ahead and use it if you want. It makes sense don't you think? Because the proof of the pudding IS ACTUALLY in the eating! Some people don't realise that. Some people think that you can prove a pudding BEFORE you eat it. That doesn't make sense at all. The proof HAS TO BE in the eating. Idiots.
Getting closer to The Song of the Summer [permalink]
Since this morning's article about the "song of the summer" (below), we have received countless emails on the subject and it looks like we have made some progress. Whilst we still haven't heard it for ourselves, it seems a lot of you are very confident on the name of the song. We have received a number of suggestions - the most common is (which a lot of you are "100% definite") about is a song called "No Matter", by a local duo called 'Will & G'. It seems this song has both a Bee Gees type chorus AND mentions the "show me the money" line from the movie Jerry Maguire.
I must say, I am intrigued.
I have never heard of 'Will & G' and the song "No Matter" doesn't ring a bell. But it is you that I adore and if you, the beloved 2oceansvibe readers INSIST that it's a hot catchy song, then I will just have to wait patiently in anticipation.
So please, dear God, if someone out there has a copy of "No Matter" by Will & G, please send it to 2oceansvibe - where it belongs.
There has been a sudden surge of readers emailing 2oceansvibe about the new "song of the summer". From the sounds of things there is a new underground hit doing the rounds and it seems we need to get our hands on it.
Desperately seeking the song of the summer
I assume you're all talking about the same song. Everyone has claimed that it is a LOCAL song and has a rap feel to it. Some of you have said the song includes something about the "show me the money" line from the 'Jerry Maguire' movie and others have mentioned something about the "Bee Gees staying alive chorus". Without being rude, I am sure you understand that I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Looks like we're the only people that haven't heard it.
On that note I would like to set a new task for our beloved 2oceansvibe readers - if you have access to this 'song of the summer' that everyone seems to be talking about, PLEASE send it to me at editor@2oceansvibe.com so that I can finally have a listen to it and offer it as a download to the other valued, cherished readers.
That's all for now. I think we all agree that if there is a Cape Town "song of the summer" then it should be available on 2oceansvibe.
For now we would even be happy with the name of the song or the person/group's name that sings it.
Good luck with that and remember, we're all backing you.
I lose control when this moment arrives. That moment of the year where the weather is out of control, the right song is playing and nobody is bothering me. I stop and think to myself, "Well, fuck me, summer is here!".
I know we say it every year, but I REALLY think that THIS is the summer of our lives. It just feels so right. Sunday night at Caprice was a very real indication of the madness that is developing around this mental institution called The Atlantic Seaboard. With perfect weather and Monday being a holiday, I can honestly report that Caprice was completely and utterly "off it's tits" - I have never seen anything like it. Well done to all the girls who have clearly spent winter at the gym - good work angels!
I must apologise, as usual, to the ex-pats overseas as I present this view (taken right now at 11h00 on 27 September 2006) from 2oceansvibe headquarters. This is the view that one of the P.A. interviewees over this week will enjoy, should they land the job.
In the distance you can see Robben Island - the place where Francois Pienaar spent 27 years in prison before he was released and went on to win the 1995 Rugby World Cup which subsequently cured world hunger.
It can be a bad thing.....................Really? Can it? [permalink]
I received the following from Kevin B last week:
seth
so seeing those pics of kate has made me evaluate a dilemma i am having and hoping you can help....see i am seeing a girl at the moment who is basically a combination of kate moss and angelina jolie - not kidding...maybe also a little cameron diaz and sharon stone in the old days. And she LOVES sex, basically anytime anywhere she is up for it and its blowjob on demand except she doesn't look like a horse..she's an absolute bombshell! She pays her way too...! Problem is - I have NOTHING to say to this woman - we exist on completely different planets and to avoid the silence we just have sex...everywhere! Its been going on for months now and apart from being exhausted i need some mental stimulation. But she looks like kate moss...how do you walk away from that...???
Can you get bored of it?
Right. I will begin by saying that I am very impressed with Kevin B for coming out and saying it. All too often we find ourselves impressed with guys standing next to / pumping hot women and we don't get told the facts. We think they are 'smooth' and they have a certain charm that women find irresistible. We think they are genuinely happy. But, unbeknown to us, she is missing a digit or is an incurable kleptomaniac. The guy next to her won't tell you that because he is enjoying the PR. In a bar / club environment, a proud man wouldn't dare tell you the drawbacks of boning the trophy. He wants you to be jealous. He wants to be elevated.
It's like the clowns who pay Mavericks chicks to spend the afternoon with them on the Atlantic Seaboard. They're from out of town and want to look good at Caprice. But none of them realise that everyone around them is very aware that they can't even communicate with their dates, let alone find out Tiffany's real Christian/Russian name. All they can do is order another round of tequila's.
"Should we have another drink my baby?"
"Ya"
"You like tequila?"
"Ya"
"We have tequila then we fuck?"
"No"
"Why not, baby?"
"More money"
"I give you more money then we can fuck?"
"Maybe"
Then they hop in the rented Ferrari and go to the junior suite at the Radisson. These guys are hilarious.
You know what they say..... "If it floats, flies, or fucks........................rent it".
Just like our playboys from the continent, Kevin B finds himself in a difficult situation. His case is, however, slightly different. Kevin B's bird is hot, can speak english but he just cannot relate to her. He mentions that they "live on different planets". They have been boning, heavily, for a number of months now and our boy has realised that the situation lacks mental stimulation. This is a difficult situation.
Or is it?
I think the big thing here is to keep in mind that when things end with this girl that you might not pump a Kate Moss lookalike for quite some time. Are you sure you have pumped her enough to justify it to yourself when, a month down the line, you wish you pumped her just one more time?
Have you thought about that, Kevin B? You won't find true happiness with this girl and she has to go....... but let's make some hay whilst this sun is shining down on us!
Furthermore, has your exposure been maximised? Have enough OTHER hot girls SEEN you with her? Obviously this is a key opportunity to get them to chat amongst themselves about you - the guy with the absolute belter. What is it that you have? Or, more importantly, what is it that they simply MUST find out about you? You are immediately launched into their 'league' - this is a very important PR time for you.
So, I would say these are the two important factors that need to be realised before you decide to axe her, Kevin. Have you reached saturation point, physically? And, secondly, have you given yourself the appropriate exposure?
The other, more mythical option, is to transform her. You know........... teach her to use a knife and fork and stuff. You can can go ahead and try that but, trust me, you're wasting your time there buddy. Haven't you heard the rap line, "You can't turn a ho into a housewife"? Well, it's true - rappers know these things. They've been around the block. Sometimes the lady in the street disappears completely and the freak in the bed becomes all-encompassing.
So many things to think about and so many positives to be taken away from this. I just hope that we cover all our bases before we make the next move. We have to be careful out there.
So that's it, Kevin B - check those points and, if you think you've got everything covered.................axe her.
In a nice way. Because, after all, genuine happiness is everyone's goal here.
She will be upset and she will frighten you. A wounded animal is a dangerous animal, Kevin. Just be careful during this time. Maybe turn your phone off for a while. (You might remember what happened to Gabrielle)
Don't feel guilty. This is all perfectly natural and it will go away eventually. .Just remember Kevvo - it's not her fault, it's yours.
We'll just have a change of vibe here for a second. I just want to chat a bit about what actually goes on. I know it may seem to a lot of the beloved readers out there that Seth Rotherham probably inherited a large pot of gold before he had his first mochito, and I can't blame you for that. I do find myself surrounded by the finer things in life and, granted, beautiful women DO find that attractive. They want a better life and they truly can learn to love me. I will give that to them - in return for the loving and warmth that I need. I am an only child and I get scared. I also cry at night and long for my first love to come back.
Now let's get these panties off, my little princess.
Whaaah! Lag. But seriously folks, without getting all "property" here and indulging in real estate conversation that is as common as a car guard these days. I do have some property on the Atlantic Seaboard and, as regular readers will tell you, I do indulge in 'the real estate market' conversation from time to time.
I have some connections in the real estate game and I am very aware of the various commissions that are thrown around between bond originators and estate agencies. That is fair enough and that is how they make their money. Well done. You're commission driven. Fine.
So I bought a property on "The Atlantic" and had recently bumped into a friend of mine who was in the bond origination game. Because he was an old friend, and because I knew the game, I thought I would whisper in his ear.
(You can put a comma before "and" sometimes)
I called him one night and, in a muffled voice, asked him if we could "make a plan" with the commission. He agreed and it seemed that he would pay me back some for the commission that he earned on the deal, in exchange for doing the job through him. All very hush-hush, of course. I decided to believe it when I saw it.
It fucking happened! The sale went through and the money was deposited into my bank account. The feeling of guilt was astounding. For the next few months I felt bad paying for rounds of drinks at the bar with "dirty money". Honestly, I felt awful. I was about to buy another property - an apartment in Camps Bay, and I didn't know if I should risk doing the kickback vibe again.
(God, this Degrendel Savignon Blanc is DELICIOUS!)
And then I found out that there was nothing to worry about. It WASN'T EVEN ILLEGAL IN THE FIRST PLACE! Someone had started a company that did exactly that! How funny is that?! And then I realised how thick everyone in the bond origination game is! Here is a concept that is LEGAL but no-one has thought of offering it to the client. Honestly, it's brilliant. I met a guy from www.mymortgage.co.za who has started a company that has made the payback system their angle. God, it's so easy. They just don't pay the estate agent any commission!
And this is a new concept! It seems the average mortgage bond guy on the street is about as sharp as a beach ball.
Feel the rush of stealing - legally
So they give YOU the kickback. They pay for the bond registration fees (the legal crap) which is just less than 1% and they also give 0.05% of the value of the bond, cash back to you. It works out to a total saving of 1.3% which is bigger than the first month's payment on the bond. Are you listening to me? I love you and I am here for you, but I also want to help you. This is how I give it back to you, the faithful 2oceansvibe readers. I took out a R1m bond on my apartment and they paid about R8,000 in legal fees and then they gave me R5,000 cash. I'm fine with that. I don't feel bad about that. I can hold my head up high when I use it to buy another bottle of Dom.
Don't judge me.
I've done nothing illegal.
Thank me later, but for now, chat to these monkeys at www.mymortgage.co.za. Even better, call them on 0861-mymortgage (0861-696678, for the idiots).
