How creative are you with your driver?

I remember years ago having loads of fun with Butlers pizza drivers. Sometimes we would all be roaming around the house in G-strings when the driver arrived - really freaked them out. Another thing we did was act mental when the driver walked in - one guy would be lying on the floor, trying to dig a hole - like a dog. Another guy would be chewing on the corner of the couch, drooling and making 'aaarrrgh' sounds. The person doing the paying for the pizza would have a strange twitch as he paid the driver. Or the time we pretended to be mafia types, with tuxes on, guns lying around and cash in piles on the table. We even had friends wearing secret service type earpieces.

Some friends and I were discussing new ideas for Butlers drivers the other night and they told me about an absolutely beautiful idea. I tried it out last night....

So the driver rings the door bell and is let in. As he walks through the garage towards the front door, he notices 4/5 pairs of shoes and slops lined up next to the front door. I waited inside for him so that he had to walk inside before he saw me. As he walked a few steps into the house and locked eyes on me I jumped.

"WHOOOOOOOOAHHH, J*SUS BRU, STOP !!!!" I cried.
"Get those shoes off before you walk in here, buddy!".

"Oh shit, sorry" mumbled the driver as he retreated to the garage to remove his socks and return in his little white socks with cartoon characters on them. Now that was highly amusing. You see no-one can say no because there are actually homes like that. Its like respecting someone else's religion, its careful stuff, it can be awkward if you f*ck it up. This is why it works so well. The guy immeidately realises he has stumbled upon 'one of those homes' and knows he should just respect the rules of the house.

Try it out - you'll love it.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Delve into the gorgeous tart's litle world

I nearly cried when I found this. The guys at Liquid Generation have made an interactive online version of the infamous Hilton cellphone hack. Now if you know your phones, you'll know that Paris had the T-Mobile phone. So these guys re-made the T-mobile phone with rip off versions of Hilton's phone numbers, messages, photos, videos. You can even sms the people in her phone book and they sms back. It's pretty f*cking funny.

CLICK HERE to try out Paris Hilton's interactive cellphone

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Concert at Buitenverwachting - Back by popular demand

If you missed McCully Workshop when they played at Buitenverwachting then the God's are indeed looking down on you. The pressure became too much and the band have agreed to bow down to their fans and have another live concert at Buitenverwachting. I was lucky enough to make the first concert and it was truly awesome. The venue is something like you have never seen. Absolute beauty. Chill on the lawn with some snacks and booze and take it all in. The concert is in aid of the Cape Times Bursary Fund.

THIS IS THE BIG ONE
THE FINAL CONCERT. THE LAST TIME.

BOOK AT COMPUTICKET

March 6 @ 18h00 @ Buitenverwachting.

All their hits of the 70's PLUS their HIGHLY ACCLAIMED COVERS OF Supertramp, Jethro Tull and more.

I did a breakdown of the band a few weeks back :

South Africa has a proper, old school, Stones type, rock band and they are a slick act. ‘Veterans’ is certainly not the word. ‘Pro’s’ is. I know we have the younger hot acts, like just jinger and all that lot, but these guys are the original, real rock band. All original members, Tully and Mike McCullagh, Richard Black and Rupert Mellor. Mike is the guy that brought you Sixty Something and Station 70 and is as perfect a rock band drummer as you can get. Head band et al. Tully on guitar and vocals has stamped his authority on radio, doing more ad voices than you can imagine. Currently he is your De la Rey guy on the radio – hilarious. Richard Black on guitar is another classic pro. With a grey mop on his head and high pitched voice, he is all rock and roll. When he has a guitar in his hand he is lost in his own world. So much feeling it wouldn’t alarm me if he shed a tear whilst playing. God, they’re good. Rupert Mellor on keyboard is so f*cking good you can only stare with your mouth agape. I do know Rupert and I am biased, but from what I hear I am not alone. Rupert works the keys and the harmonica better than any international artist you can throw at me. He will blow you away. If you don't remember the days at The Oyster Bar, your parents will. But it’s not a concert like you might think. It’s a showcase of who and what they are and where they’re heading. Just watch, listen and be amazed. If you’re lucky enough to have seen or heard them in their number 1 days, just remember that they’ve been playing ever since. They’re even better now.

Don't miss this one. It' s the big one.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

The Mount Nelson's baby becomes an adult

It really has come along leaps and bounds. The Planet bar at the Mount Nelson is now a firm fixture in the week, with it's first birthday coming up on Friday, March 4.

I caught up with the Planet bar team and found out some little titbits. It seems the party on Friday is NOT invite only. What that basically means is we all have to go. Unlike the dark, evil gloom of Opium and the like, Planet don't charge cover and probably never will. It's not that kind of place. I can't resist it, I must just say that Opium really has turned into a pit of dirt and filth. With nothing but coked-up, sexed up, jaw grinding crotch hunting packs of male-human-hyenas, I struggle to leave in a upbeat frame of mind.

Sorry, I was saying that Planet's birthday is not invite only and there is no cover. What does that zero cover charge include, you ask? Well, for zero Rands you get a couple of drinks on arrival, a birthday cake the size of the TBG, half price specials on things like Jaegermeister, a second massive outside bar and Goldfish are playing their funky, sexy, urban, jazzy electro beats. You also get gorgeous little angel waitresses who will call you sir. That's right, the title of 'Sir' for free. And the booze. And Goldfish.

Don't be scared to try Planet's new cocktail, the 'Stargazer'. God, it is delicious. Not to be confused with the 'Starfucker', which is actually a type of model that is found on the Camps Bay strip. Normally standing next to (or f*cking in the loo) the likes of Jay Leto, Nic Cage or even the Pacemeister (Pacey from Dawson's Creek). So anyway, the Stargazer is a passion fruit and champagne fusion that tastes like sex.

So we'll see you there, friends. Or are you an elzer?

Planet bar....... Glam.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Try work it out - at your peril

Instead of wasting the next minute, hour, day, month, year, or God knows how long, trying to work the opposite sex out, just remember one thing – Men and Women’s magazines are still selling every month. Whether the boys are confusing the girls or the girls are confusing the boys, we’re all wasting our time. If there was an answer then all you'd find on the shelves would be home decor mags.

Try and make sense of it. Go for it.

Humans have been dealing with this shit since the beginning of time. But then, out of the blue, only a handful of years ago, a book is released called ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' (or the other way around, it really doesn’t matter). It was just ANOTHER book throwing ANOTHER angle on a subject that will never ever reach a conclusion. Notice how every month’s GQ, Mens Health, Cosmo, Marie Claire etc. come out with another take on the other opposite sex – how to work them out – what are they thinking – why do they do that? You see, we’re so very different and the only option is to learn to deal with each sex’s traits and built in characteristics.

It definitely, without a doubt, comes from the actual act of sex. Giving vs receiving. Unless you’re otherwise inclined, the boy gives and the girl receives. Now these two VERY different acts are generally categorized as the same thing. “They had sex”. When in actual fact the boy GAVE and the girl RECEIVED. That sort of ‘intrusion’ will certainly have COMPLETELY a different effect on the girl than the effect felt by the boy – who ‘intruded’.

This brings up the big topic which can sell another million books if written in the right way and dragged along long enough – the ongoing classic argument that boys throw at girls – “It’s different if guys fuck around”. The classic argument states that a boy cheating on a girl is not the same as a girl cheating on a boy. This biggest-starter-of-fights-between-girls-and-boys-than-anything-else argument is SURELY the effect of the boy giving and the girl receiving? This is ACTUALLY the argument the boy wants to use when he’s blundering through excuse after excuse, squirming on the other end of the phone, wondering if he will ever shag her again. The boy knows that in the heat of the clash of words/wits he may not DARE involve anything scientific/factual/genetic to back his argument. Reason has no place here.

But then God forbid SHE cheats on him! The boy is repulsed, disgusted and feels it is very different to when he did the same thing. Again, there was INTRUSION, whereas in the boys case, he merely INTRUDED. Another classic, “Boys can have sex with other girls and still love one girl”, springs to mind. AGAIN, DO NOT USE THESE LINES IN ACTUAL ARGUMENTS AS YOU WILL LOSE.

There is another angle to the same argument which could be the sequel to the bestseller mentioned above. This would obviously be the argument that girls and boys can’t be TRUE friends AFTER the breakup. Sure, people become friends further down the line, but don’t expect overnight miracles. The girl wants to stay friends and the boy wants great sex like they used have. What’s the big deal with that? Because of the difference between GIVING and RECEIVING. Because both sides will NEVER be able to grasp the full understanding of what this means to each side, a conclusion will never be reached.

So go down to your nearest Exclusive Books and buy whatever new explanation they have on the shelves and listen to someone else’s reasoning. Personally, I’d rather give up and accept that neither side will ever have a true understanding of the other. Leave it at that. It’s fine. It’s how it’s been for hundreds of years. Keep hunting, The One will turn up and you'll fluke an understanding of each other.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Talking about the sport he invented - Shotgun Golf

In conjunction with the local sheriff and Bill Murray, Thompson invented a new sport called Shotgun golf. He talks about it in his last article ever, before he shot himself in the head. The game involves a golf course, golf clubs and a shotgun. Nice.

"Shotgun Golf was invented in the ominous summer of 2004 AD, right here at the Owl Farm in Woody Creek, Colo. The first game was played between me and Sheriff Bob Braudis, on the ancient Bomb & Shooting Range of the Woody Creek Rod & Gun Club. It was witnessed by many members and other invited guests, and filmed for historical purposes by Dr. Thompson on Super-Beta videotape."

His article is mainly the transcript of a 03h30 in the morning phone call to Bill Murray which I thinkm in itself is pretty hilarious.

CLICK HERE FOR Hunter S Thomson's last article

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Live pics

These two pics were taken within an hour of each other this morning. As you know, the exchange rate at the moment is about eleven to one. That said, please look at the two pictures side by side. Tell me now, is the picture of the ocean only eleven times better than the picture of London?

Cape Town Today

London Today

Do you want to be in Cape Town only eleven times as much as you want to be in London? Please remeber there are numbers greater than eleven - like fifty thousand for example. Or seventy thousand. Or a million? Eleven is pretty small.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

All the numbers, all the email addresses

If you're on the ball you would have read earlier this week that Hilt's cellphone was hacked and all her phone number and photos from her phone were released to the Earth.

As you cruise around the net in a wild blur trying to find Paris Hilton's phone book, you'll notice that all of the websites showing the phone book are doing nothing more than showing the names in the phone book. Or you'll find they show the first section of the phone numbers and email addresses and replaces the rest with 'xxx'.

Anyway, because our love for you is so great, we have all the names and numbers and email addresses for you. From Avril to Anna to Christina etc etc.

Click here for Paris Hilton's phone book

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Courageous and caring

Faithful and friendly with stories to share. All through the forest they sing out in chorus, Marching along as thier song fills the air.

Gummi Bears! Bouncing here and there and everywhere.
High adventure that's beyond compare.
They are the Gummi Bears

I know, it's crazy! If you know the words above then you would have almost certainly felt a shiver down your spine. And don't worry, it's not emboerboer if you know all the words - you were young then.

I called a friend and asked him if he used to watch the Gummi Bears.

"Ummmmm" was his reply.

I assured him I was not trying to trick into admitting that he was gay and that it is normaly to watch children's TV when one is/was a child.

"Oh, I think I did.... WHEN I WAS REALLY YOUNG". Oh, ok, as long as you were under 15. WHATEVER, Michael!

Anyway, without wasting too much time.... I managed to get hold of the theme tune!!

Don't be scared of being caught. Listen to it with your headphones on. You know you want to!

If you don't remember the Gummi Bears then this entire 'piece' is wasted. Listen to it anyway, it might ring a bell. Tool.

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD GUMMI BEARS THEME TUNE
(WITH EXTRA VERSE !!!! - MENTAL )

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

LIVE - Tonight at the armchair theatre

We like to think we've supported this band since the beginning. A hot trio with loads of spice. A live act with a bit of juice added. Their songs have played on national radio. 'Little Tsunami' (No relation to the big one) and the Mating song are something to behold.

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll dance.

We're going - smell you there.

Don't ask

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Why would I? He is the number one batsman in the World

I doubt this little ‘piece’ will get much longer than a couple of lines – but it’s worth a go. Our national cricket side has been playing at home for a number of weeks and we started to remember the rules etc. It’s exciting stuff. Watching ‘Quirkie’ get smashed in the Long Room, and smiling at the blonde who’s f*cked half the team.

When SA beat England at Newlands during one of the multiple day tests (3 day/5 day… I REALLY don’t know) I was covered in pride. Particularly as we know it’s (Newlands) the one that counts (send arguments elsewhere, not here – thanks). I can’t remember what Shower-boy got that day but it did spark my attention and a small dose of cricket fever hit me. The one days sucked me in. So much excitement. And the boys were nailing down some centuries.

It was during this time that I remembered (God this is really dragging out) reading somewhere of Jay Kay’s (Shower-boy’s / Jacques Kallis’s) status as number one batsman in the world.

I think that’s really cool. I think it’s f*cking hard core to be number one in the world. Imagine going to bed at night thinking about it. ‘I am number one!’….’IN THE F*CKING WORLD!!’ You probably wouldn’t be able to sleep the first night, but eventually you might be able to get some shut eye.

But would you REALLY get any sleep? I doubt you could……….. I reckon every time you’re about to drift off to sleep you’ll awake only to realize that you ARE number one….................................... BUT GIBBS IS THE BEST!

Would you rather be number one or the best? Tell me Jay Kay. WOULD YOU RATHER BE NUMBER ONE? OR THE BEST?

Nailed

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Blows himself away

I was pretty shocked when I heard the news of 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas' writer, Hunter S Thompson's death today (Monday). It's one of those names that you don't expect to die. Some names come up in the news and the announcement doesn't sound all to crazy. The WAY in which Thomson ended it all (with a gun to the head) made sense though. Thomson was too smart for his own good, a non-norm. He thought WAY too much. We're all familiar with thinking thoughts that we know we shouldn't think. Thoughts to do with why we are here and 'what's it all about' and 'what's the point'. We're all clever enough not to let those thoughts turn into discussions within. ourselves. That's when it gets dark. We know we can't handle it. That's when you start freaking out. That's what Thomson did. He would always go that way.

Hunter S Thompson & Taki. 2oceansvibe kind of people. We've still got Taki though. If you don't know whno Taki is, check out the two last months in the archives. I mentioned something about him somewhere there.

During the haze of the Cape Town season, I stumbled upon an article in one of the Cape Town papers. It was ahead of the US election and Thompson was called upon to comment on the situation. A 'state of the nation' from a totally different is basically what it was. It was an interview really. A 4,500 word interview. Cocktails etc. on the beach dragged the article out for me. I read it over a period of three weeks - only on the beach. I had to read it carefully. Hunter S Thompson is too funny. He has seen so much. He knows so much. He backs up his statements and ridicules others without blinking.

The interview began with a request for Thomson's comments on George W Bush. I knew it would be a roller coaster when it began like this:

The first time I noticed George W Bush," Hunter Thompson tells me, "was when he passed out in my bathtub at the Hyatt Regency in Houston. He was with a guy who had come to sell..." Thompson, sitting at his desk in a faded-green dressing-gown, stares down at a plate of untouched food: Danish pastries which were warm half an hour ago, smothered in red jam and melted ice-cream.
"Look, I'm not going to put this next sentence on the record. Let's just say that 'a friend of mine' was buying cocaine. I have friends in Houston from all walks of life. Lawyers. Professional men. Bush was hanging around with this crowd of what you might call gilded coke dilettantes."

Another killer line was :

"I never thought," Thompson says, "that I would ever see a president worse than Richard Nixon. But he is the worst president in American history, this one. Because he is the dumbest. And because he has destroyed, in four years, what it took two centuries to build up. He has taken this country from a prosperous nation at peace to a dead-broke nation at war. We are losing this stupid, fraudulent war in Iraq and every nation in the world despises us, except for a handful of corrupt Brits, like that simpering little whore, Tony Blair."

"Simpering little whore, Tony Blair"

Whaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!! Can you cope with that? The interview was printed in major newspapers across the World. He really didn't care about what he said about anyone. Read the book or see the movie, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", written by Thomson. He used to be commission to write stories. He was sent to Las Vegas and absolutely drowned himself in drink and drugs. His story was hilarious. If you haven't seen or read it, you should.

So that's it, just a toast to Hunter S Thompson. Cheers.

Click here for the full interview mentioned above.
(It's a Word Document)

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Little angels..... everywhere

“I went to [insert club/bar name here] and it’s got soooooo young” is a sentence thrown around quite often, usually in a negative tone. I don’t know how valid it is. I think part of the problem is the people saying it don’t realize that they were/would’ve been at the exact same place when they were younger. It’s just that you’ve grown older, my love. Don’t be angry about it. Don’t hate the angels.

Why can the phrase never be uttered in a positive sense? I thought about this on Sunday night. My conclusion :

I am happy to announce that Caprice on Sunday appeared considerably younger than usual! The rah-rah skirt frequency has tripled. We're noticing an increase in rah-rah DRESSES. These are full length t-shirt material dresses, with a rah-rah finish at the end. The white one I saw with muti-coloured (with apologies to Jacquie Golding-Duffy) polka dots is pretty much all you could ask for in a rah-rah.

Please feel right at home, little angels.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Like some sort of a gift from God

We have been blessed. It was Hilts' birthday on Friday and instead of us giving her a prezzie, SHE gave US one!

This has to be one of the funniest things we've seen for a while. Our little princess/tart has had her cellphone hacked. Let's not digress and start flapping about asking questions like "how did they hack her phone" and "what if my phone gets hacked" - that is not the point. The point is all her phone numbers and pictures on her phone are now available to all. And anyway, why would someone hack your phone? Do you have pics of girls kissing girls? Do you have Snoop Dogg's number? Eminem's number? Nick Goldblatt's number? Brett Sherman's number. No, exactly.

We shall waste no time and go straight to it. Here is a handy collage!

CLICK HERE FOR FULL SIZE - BE CAREFUL - YOU KNOW WHY

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

For the boys

It's been sitting on my desktop for weeks and I've been lazy. Yes, friends, Uma Thurman topless. Obviously we blurred the picture because this IS a family website. Just click it and you'll get it. On the beach..... nice Uma.

CLICK FOR BIG PIC - BE CAREFUL AT WORK KIDS

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Killing it

I was very impressed with our H.A.C. (Human Auction Competition) contender, John Dane. I received an email from Don S saying that he was out at Tin Roof in Claremont and was absolutely broken. All of his friends had burnt him. He recognised John Dane from the competition and approached him for help.

Well, I tell you, what I heard next deserves praise.

Our very own John Dane gave Don a lift from Tin Roof. But not to Don's house, TO JOHN DANE'S HOUSE, where they carried on drinking. Don had a little sleep on the sofa and was fetched by a friend in the morning.

This is typical of the guy we're dealing with. John Dane.... The People's Employee. Well done John.

More on the subject, we have received two bids for John's services, with the top bid sitting at R4,500 a month. This is still a grand short of the reserve price on his head of R5,500 a month.

Keep 'em coming people.

Wow, I am particularly unfunny at the moment. It's just one of those Fridays.

If you know about the Rah Rah skirt thing happening in Bantry Bay tonight then we'll see you there. It's not a 2oceansvibe party, that is still to come. I have nothing to do with the Rah Rah skirt party tonight, but I won't miss it for the world. Report back on Monday. Rumours that the TBG wll be there.....

Chin up guys, three more hours left and you can fill your bodies with all sorts of toxins. You'll be happy again.

Something else that might make you happy is that 2oceansvibe loves you and rates you very highly. You are super cool and you should rate yourself - talk to Gareth Cliff - it works for him.

Gotta sign off now.

Have a STUNNING weekend.

So much love,

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Still hotter than ever. Sends a message for yesterday.

David 'The Hof' Hasselhof Still loves you

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

But not a bad one

This was sent in by Hylton R of what he thought was the TBG (Tall Blonde Guy) spotted in Stellenbosch on Feb 12.

No no no, Hylts. That is not our boy. Let's take a look at some of the classic TBG sightings for a comparison.

TBG - Close to nature

TBG - surprised

Good luck next time, Hylts.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Living in the shadow of Mr 2oceansvibe takes its toll

It certainly is no laughing matter. We have just found reports that Stormers pretender, David Britz (hooker) has failed a drug test.

Although it wasn't mentioned in the news report, we can only blame ourselves. As you may know, first choice Stormers hooker, Pieter Dixon walked away with the title of Mr 2oceansvibe at the end of last year.

Whilst Britz failed to make the final cut (dé·jà vu?) for Mr 2oceansvibe, his colleague went ahead and won it! Turning to drugs was possibly the only option.

We wish Britz well and hope everything turns out well in the end.

Mr 2oceansvibe winners ceremony
The final blow for Britz

READ MORE ON IOL - CLICK HERE

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Treat us kindly, please

I haven’t been to a 21st in a while and last night I realized I really miss them. I couldn’t go totally and utterly balls to the wall as it (a) wasn’t my party and (b) I’m 27. It’s quite a shock to the system that the little angels might not take you seriously on the dance floor as they saw you earlier ‘hanging with the adults’. It’s a bit weird. When you find yourself chatting to ‘the adults’ and sitting with ‘the adults’ and dancing with ‘the adults’ it eventually dawns on you that you are a f*cking adult! My worst fears were realized when I went to the bar to get a toot and asked mine barman what was on offer. He said there was wine, beer and cider . “For you guys there is also whisky, cane, champagne, brandy etc. “

“for you guys”

Oh, so I’m old? Oh, I won’t get carried away? Oh, I’m tame? F*CK YOU BAR MAN. Have you seen me dance? I f*cking move! I ‘score’ chicks after ‘spading’ them. I am a f*cking child. Do NOT serve me whisky. I don’t want to be allowed it. I want to be restrained in some way. Can’t you see I am a potential liability?

I left the bar with two whisky’s, two Amstels and a bottle of champagne. Speeches were about to start.

But the reason I’m writing this ‘piece’ is to harp on about what a brilliant 21st it was. If any of you know Ken Stephen there will be no need for me to explain his status of ‘legend’. People use the word ‘legend’ very carelessly these days. Does anyone realize what a serious word ‘legend’ is? It’s a massively serious word. It’s not some willy nilly word that you fart into the middle of a sentence to describe someone.

For example, Trevor Quirk has been referred to as ‘legend’ before.

I went to Newlands during the new year time to watch South Africa take England from behind. I went with a gentleman from England who is a well known TV and radio personality in the UK. An older English fan introduced himself to my guest and informed him that he (my guest) HAD to meet Trevor Quirk who was inside at the long room (capitals perhaps? Long Room). My guest asked who Trevor Quirk was (I feel so bad having a go at Trevor Quirk as he really is too easy and it has been done before. Thousands of times. Millions of times.). The stranger replied, “’Quirkie’ is one of the great TV and radio commentary personalities. A legend”.

I never had a chance to tell my guest that ‘Quirkie’ was actually a twat who has the excitement and charisma of a beige station wagon (hearing-aid beige). He excitedly went along and met the ‘legend’. Needless to say Quirkie was not impressive. Why would he be? How could he be?

J*sus, why did you have to punish Quirkie like that?

Ken Stephen is a legend and his 21st was nothing short of legendary. Thank God his parents happen to be legends too. A perfect recipe. Ken’s friends were exceptional too. These guys crack me. It’s the little details that matter. On the wall were lists of table numbers and names of people at each table. First names were used for the lists, no surnames. EXCEPT ONE. A girl who’s surname was/is ‘Cocks’. Nice. I laughed out loud.

Speeches were terribly funny too, with Ken taking a seat on his own in the middle of the dance floor (Afrikaans wedding style) as his ‘best men’ tore him apart. Jack, you were good.

The highlight for everyone was at the end of Ken’s speech where he presented his father with a gift. The gift was a pair of scissors. Ken has grown his hair over the last couple of years into what can only be described as a mop. Obviously the mop was becoming tiring for everyone. Ken announced that his father can cut it off. Everyone was invited to help out. Ken sat in the middle of the dance floor on a chair as his father and every guest had a snip. There were no less than 500 photographs taken of the spectacle. It lasted about twenty minutes. Like some sort of a sex symbol, Ken basked in the moment, often raising peace signs as Vietnam-movie-type-music played in the background. Nice, Ken.

I had another highlight of my own later on which was nice. Thank you angel, you shouldn’t have.

Friday night took us to Grand West where we watched McCully Workshop play at their show. Once again, brilliant. South Africa has a proper, old school, Stones type, rock band and they are a slick act. ‘Veterans’ is certainly not the word. ‘Pro’s’ is. I know we have the younger hot acts, like just jinger and all that lot, but these guys are the original, real rock band. All original members, Tully and Mike McCullagh, Richard Black and Rupert Mellor. Mike is the guy that brought you Sixty Something and Station 70 and is as perfect a rock band drummer as you can get. Head band et al. Tully on guitar and vocals has stamped his authority on radio, doing more ad voices than you can imagine. Currently he is your De la Rey guy on the radio – hilarious. Richard Black on guitar is another classic pro. With a grey mop on his head and high pitched voice, he is all rock and roll. When he has a guitar in his hand he is lost in his own world. So much feeling it wouldn’t alarm me if he shed a tear whilst playing. God, they’re good. Rupert Mellor on keyboard is so f*cking good you can only stare with your mouth agape. I do know Rupert and I am biased, but from what I hear I am not alone. I spoke to Tom (ex Taboo owner, ex DJ at Kelvin Grove Barn in the days when Kelvin was the hottest spot to go out. (Chat to your parents about the days, 18-30 year olds, they’ll tell you)) at Ken’s 21st. He went to the concert at Buitenverwachting last weekend. Tom didn’t know what to say, he couldn’t find the right words. Rupert works the keys and the harmonica better than any international artist you can throw at me. He will blow you away. But it’s not a concert like you might think. It’s a showcase of who and what they are and where they’re heading. Don’t expect sex on the tables. Just watch, listen and be amazed. If you’re lucky enough to have seen or heard them in their number 1 days, just remember that they’ve been playing ever since. They’re even better now.

Enough now. Happy Valentines Day. Girls, feel free to send topless valentines day pictures with messages of love.

And remember, it's all for you. Everyday is Valentines Day over here. Where everyone knows your name. 2oceansvibe, your place in the sun.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

From the readers - on a Friday

At my desk, contemplating what to do at lunch? Gym or pub, gym or pub, hmmm pub or pub??
Been in meetings all morning which is cool for a Friday - feels less like work!

Am off to the Snoop concert in Hammersmith tonight. Will catch the tube there, may fly home!

Keep up the great stuff, loving it all!

JRM
PS. All the boys are currently in CT for a 2 week holiday - report backs are good so far!

From the readers - on a Friday

At this moment in time, I\'m sitting at my desk, thanking God I\'m in London. No, easy, before you jump to conclusions and assume I am some jaded \"SA basher\", allow me to explain.

This morning I was once again rudely awoken by The DJ playing f*cking Maroon 5 for the 143rd in the hour, I put a toe out from under the duvet and realised a) it was still cold, b) I was still in London and c) it was Friday, not Saturday. So, the \"receipe for near-suicicde\" I hear all my hometown friends in CT say ?

No, dear fellow 2oceans addicts, in steps my memory of the alternatives. Why only yesterday I spent the day travelling to, and from, Scunthorpe for a meeting that lasted 1/2 an hour. For those of you not familiar with the geography of the UK ... go to London, go north to Nottingham, then keep going north past Leeds and you eventually get to Scunthorpe (Twinned with Chernobel). Yes, just inside the artic circle but unfortunately completely devoid of those godess-like visions of female beauty that are their Scandinavian neighbours, accross the North Sea. Seth my good man, I\'m not sure if you ever ventured that far north during your UK travels, but as I have never heard any stories of you inflicting self harm, I assume not. I can honestly say it is one of the most depressing places on the planet. The grass is grey, the buildings are grey, the Burger King sign on the motorway services just outside the place was even grey (unless it was actually printed in black and white, probably to save money - tight bastards). I was so depressed I almost robbed a bank in the hope someone would shoot me.

So sitting at my desk, reading the my fellow 2oceans fans contributions to your \"reality show\", I can only offer this taste of how much better off they are than the citizens of the Scunthorpe\'s of this world. During my journey into work this morning I was almost blinded by the realative colourfulness (is that a word ?) and brightness of London. While JHB and London are no CT, they are better than most.

Right, after that little pep talk, I\'m ready to spend the rest of the afternoon planning this evening. To all, enjoy the most eagerly awaited working hours of this week and of course, getting bee-elll-ohhh-win tonight.

PS - If hounored with publication, please withold name to avoid a northerner led retribution attack.
   

From the readers - on a Friday

Hey Seth (can i call you seth?)

Well, its Friday afternoon, officially the most unproductive section of the week. It’s hotter than a Rustenburg’s girl’s panties at a Rondebosch disco. Luckily, I have beach views from my office, so in a way, its almost like I am on the beach right now, actually it is even better than that… because the wind is thumping and I only go to the beach when I can play Frisbee… and I don’t have the speed of a turbo-charged border collie… so playing in the windless office while looking at the beach is just tit.

That’s just it really, it Friday, the sky’s blue, the beach is still just over there and thousands of girls are wondering what they are gonna wear for us blokes tonight.

Fridays are tit.

Thanks Seth, smooth moves mate, have a completely gnarly weekend.
   

From the readers - on a Friday

Have you noticed how people complaining are always those in Jozi? Sitting at our desks…picking snot, or traffic that’s bad or running a survey for MTN staff – more useless info that will just float out there…..

U lot must all be on the beach by now…It really does suck working on a Friday afternoon. But Jozi is not that bad. We have a great night life! Anyway…still would rather be on a wine farm right now….

From the readers - on a Friday

I\'m sitting at my desk... doing sweet buggerall. I mean it\'s frieken friday right. Productivity on a friday?? Like trying to get Graeme Smit to be humble. No me is planning the weekend, the only type of work you should be doing on a friday. Have a killer one in C-Bay, I\'m going to go big! Man, we are spoilt...

From the readers - on a Friday

What I\'m doing at my desk at the moment...

Working on finishing off the year end accounts and playing with Excel trying to reconcile some numbers to some other numbers, while trying to drink enough Starbucks to get over last night\'s beer and curry, but so much that my system goes into total overload...

And checking the 2Oceansvibe website regularly for a taste of Cape Town - it\'s little things like glorious sightings of the TBG that make me forget for a moment that it was dark when I got up this morning in London, and that it will be dark before I leave work tonight... Still, we may get a little sun in between the rain and cold this weekend so it\'s not all bad.

From the readers - on a Friday

Hey Seth,

What happened to your SMS Reality show...??? I was secretly living my life through your almost possible romance there... given the fact that I have not been laid for about 5 months and that women think I am too forward... I only camped outside her house for 3 days and she wasn\'t using that bra anyway...it was just hanging on the line???

Well I got in to work at 09h37 and was very late for a presentation thing...I got some stick for that but its only the boss so who really gives a toss? I have a hangover of note cos I cruised Billy\'s last night to see if I could pick up some mid-week stik, none! Oh there was plenty there but none that would buy me a drink... Stingy tarts!!!

So I left for an early lunch and a short run on the promenade. There were and no word of a lie about 30 single looking super model types also running...

We are so lucky!

I only managed to keep up with two of them and they both gave me the hugest tonk into deep long off. It must have been the new skin tight running shorts that frightened them. They will warm to them as I have, besides pink is the new black.

I got back to the office to check out my favourite website and then check out whats happening on 2oceansvibe...

I have plans to maybe do the \'out of the box\' and have a drink at Forries later, I am not to sure, I think all the out of town students are arriving and someone needs to show them the ropes...young chicks who never met me before... hey its worth a shot?

I have to score for my team mates at cricket tomorrow cos I dropped a sitter last week. So childish that lot, then I was thinking of dropping by this chicks house who sometimes lets me swim at her house... well not so much lets me but I do enjoy looking through her window when I sneak in for a goof in her pool... Its by accident true... If I wanted to be a perve I would just open the Dani section in this website... pic number 2 is my favorite

Ok.

Love your work.

Love Wonder \'Philly\' Yours

PS: If there are any chicks you know who need a 2nd hand bra, I have a \'friend\' who collects them and I am selling them for about R12.50 or the same price as an Amstel at Forries... If I sell 6 then I can have 5 beers and bum R3.50 for ciggies...

PS: Please respect the usage of pseudonyms and any resemblance to anyone fact or fiction is completely on purpose!

Sitting at the desk, waiting for a bus

Some emails from the readers as to what EXACTLY they are doing right now.

ANOTHER EMAIL:

What am I doing at my desk at this moment? I\'m sitting in this mine-dump that we call Joburg, dreaming of the Atlantic (and the Indian, mind you) and all of its pretty fishes, waves and whales - wishing I could be there and feeling decidedly sorry for myself that I\'m not.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

A message from the top floor of the 2oceansvibe skyscraper

'Ell can you believe it! Friday! It's a cracker on the Atlantic, people. I spice you not when I say that there are 5 whales in the ocean, as I look out the window. They're not mating or anything CRAZY like that, they're chillin'. Nje, they're blowing water and chatting.

We really are very spoilt.

Thanks for your votes on that think, kids. They emailed me to stop because it was only nominations, not for actual voting. The rules say that only the top 10 nominated in each category will make it to the finals ('You're in the FINALS' (The Cave, Plett, 1992 - 1997)). They emailed asking for it to stop and gauranteed me that we (and it is 'we' - it's for you as well. It's not for me. It's for us. Together, forever) made it to the finals.

So I'll let you know when the finals are [insert Cave DJ here] as it will be a live voting system on their website (much like the Mr 2oceansvibe competition was. God, the genius of Pieter Dixon).

What are you lot up to? HATING FRIDAY. I think we should have a bit of interaction today. Email me (contact oceans in the left menu) what EXACTLY you're doing at your desks and I'll post it on the site.

GO!

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

TBG (Tall Blonde Guy) zoomed in

Well done to Richard A who managed to capture the inner workings of the TBG's mind! We have never had such a close up of the TBG! From this pic we can see the TBG wears Von Zipper sunglasses. Once again we see he is on the beach.

The enigma of the TBG continues. Why does he tease us?

God bless you, TBG.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

"tatta ma chance. tatta ma website"

Live '2oceansvibe endorsed' gig by Graham John Murray

We were most impressed by the reported turnout at the last gig by Mr Murray in London. Well, his hits have gained momentum and he's starting to make a bit of a name for himself in London. No longer supporting other gimps, he's an act that is quite in demand.

So this is it, get your London posse together, put on your ugg boots and willy warmers, grab your A to Z and head over to thegig. You won't be disappointed. Trust me.

It's 17 Feb which is a Thursday so it's PERFECT for you workers out there. You don't do anything on a Friday anyway!

TEXT INFO FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO CAN'T SEE IMAGES

GRAHAM JOHN MURRAY
17 Feb, 2005
19h45 - 20h00 START TIME
'Jamies' on Charlotte Street
Nearest tube - Goodge St.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

and the British

Wow! Do our international sportsmen not get briefed on what not to say? Whether you read it in the right context or not, surely it is nothing short of niaive for Andre Nel to utter the following statement on his aggresive bowling manner:

"I do sometimes take it too far, but you only get one chance. You don't want to give it away, you want to do it so badly. It's all tied up with the Voortrek. It's part and parcel of the way we've been brought up, of our history and culture. We had a tough time with the Zulus and the British."

Ummm, I don't know, Andre. I just don't know. The following statement in the article I found went on to say:

The Voortrekkers helped to give South Africa its distinctive character. Thousands upon thousands of them trekked across the country from the Western Cape, upset by British rule, and established themselves in isolated communities further north. As Nel observed, those experiences still drive them on.

Andre Nel. Had a tough time with Zulus and British

I hope to God Andre was talking about them (the Voortrekkers) having a tough time with the fighting between the Zulus and the British. I assume this is what Stephen Brenkley (the author) from the Cape Times was trying to put across with that follow-on paragraph. At the same time, why was his sub heading "Andre Nel has tough time with Zulus and British"? I can't quite get my head around this one.

Either way, you just can't be quoted saying such amazingly ambiguous statements.

Dear Andre,

Hello angel. Let me bring you up to date.

Pretty much every word put in the news is available on the internet these days. The internet is a global information medium which allows people from any corner of the World to access this combined information.

What does this mean? This means that people who don't have as sound a background in Voortrekker history as you might, (and who may not have the luxury of thinking back to their history books at school so as to allow you the benefit of the doubt) will think one thing. It's got something to do with apartheid and different races.

"We had a tough time with the Zulus and the British"

Look at that statement, my baby. What does it look like to you? Yes, that's right, Andre. It looks f*cking ridiculous!

COME NOW, NARROW MINDED AMBASSADORS.
THE WORLD IS JUST GETTING TO LIKE US.
BE CAREFUL

READ ARTICLE HERE

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

gets pumped from behind

It's not that I'm doing it to be cool or to prove something, but I think it does take something quite funny to make me laugh out loud (If I was sending this story as an sms and I was a f*cking loser I would have type 'LOL' instead of 'laugh out loud'). It's just a certain brand of humour that gets me to exert so much force that I cannot contain a verbal laugh. One of the great forces of laughter for me has to be when a movie critic decides to make a masterpiece out of his/her negative crit of a movie. When the movie is so bad that you can see the critic has spent most of the evening deciding the very best way to humiliate anyone and everyone involved in the creation of the movie. When they do it well, they do it well.

Take blonde-toothbrush-brain, Tara Reid's new movie and give it to a number of these individuals and this what you get:

"The three stars have seen better days, but I'd like to think they could still do something classier and more dignified than this. Like gay porn."
-- Rob Vaux, FLIPSIDE MOVIE EMPORIUM

"The film is filled with hilariously bad performances, expository dialogue and production values that suggest it could have been a low-budget film-school project."
-- Jeff Vice, DESERET NEWS, SALT LAKE CITY

"Saying Uwe Boll’s Alone in the Dark is better than his 2003 American debut House of the Dead is akin to praising syphilis for not being HIV."
-- Nicholas Schager, SLANT MAGAZINE

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

The new i-mate Jam pocket pc phone

If you know this website well then you'll know the i-mate phone quite well. Let me give you some news you can use. They've launched a new one. IT IS INCREDIBLE. It's the same except faster, better and smaller than before.

The i-mate Jam close up

This new one is just bigger than the latest Nokia and features everything the last one did PLUS a 1.3 megapixel camera (stills and videos) and the ability to SEND and RECEIVE FAXES. It's pushing it a little bit I think.

It's sound is even amazing. I put in a 512Mb memory card and put over 100 MP3's on it. You can play it through the built in speaker (great sound) or through the headphones (sounds easily as good as an i-pod). It can play continuously for over 5 hours. Deal with it. You can even play videos that people email you.

When you're surfing on the web you can make it show the screen in landscape mode instead of portrait - so you get full website screens. CRAZY! Internet and email come through your normal Vodacom/MTN network using GPRS. You are charged according to how MUCH info you download. So it's not HOW LONG you are online. For example, Vodacom have packages. I am on a MYMEG20 package which costs around R200 a month. That is for 20Mb of information. I surf the net and email on this thing ALL DAY LONG and I never go over the extra R200 on my cellphone bill. Pretty rad hey? Geek.

The i-mate Jam having a chat with a Nokia

Here are some facts and stats for you to play with. Get a load of this beast!

• System: GSM & GPRS, triband 850/1800/1900 or 900/1800/1900 MHz
• Operating System: Windows Mobile™ 2003 software for Pocket PCs (2nd Edition)
• Colour: Stylish black & silver
• Dimensions: 108mm(L) x 58mm(W) x 18.1mm(T)
• Screen: 2.8 inch, 240x320 pixels TFT transflective LCD, 64k colours
• Camera: 1.3 mega-pixels
• Inbuilt Bluetooth™ v1.2 and Infrared
• MMS compliant
• Processor: Intel Bulverde 416 MHz
• Memory: 64MB ROM, 64MB RAM
• Battery: Removeable and rechargeable Lithium-ion Polymer battery, 1,200 mAh, up to 11 hours in PDA mode
• Audio: Crisp audio playback via WMA/AMR/MP3 full stereo player, hands-free
• Weight: 150g (with battery)
• Talk time: up to 3.5 hours
• Standy time: up to 190 hours

Over to you. Let me tell you something - you CANNOT find these. They were selling at the Waterfront at R8,000. If you come to 2oceansvibe we will get them for you at R7,200.

There are 20 left at our offices and all the shops that did have them have sold out.

If you want one then get in touch. (contact 2oceans on the left menu).

HURRY HURRY HURRY

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

The Shizzolator makes websites easier to read for gangsters

Thank God Snoop Dee Oh Double Gee has released a website that translates websites into gangster shiznit. Awesome for kids from the Bronx and even more exciting for kids from Mitchells Plain who try even harder to be American gangsters than American gangsters (just listen to Radio Good Hope phone in sessions for fake American accent proof).

Even more exciting must be for wealthy private school white kids who can read websites in the lingo they aspire to, whilst wearing their R2,000 FUBU tracksuits, listening to Jay Zee and Linkin Park's new track and instructing their live in maids to 'Get sum' fuckin' marmite sandwiches in here beeyutch'.

We ran 2oceansvibe through the translator (naturally) and we advise you to do the same. It's pretty funny. Here's a translation of the Michael Jackson article below:

Secret footage of da 'King of Pop' shows Michael Jackson preparing fo' tha dude's trial at tha dude's ranch n' shit. We're not sho if that shiznit wuz tha dude's final choice but in this instance that shiznit seems tha dude is 'bout try on da black nose, know what I'm sayin'? Michael hasn't worn da black nose since da recording of 'Wanna be starting somethin'' in da 80's.

Quite a hoot

CLICK HERE TO TRY THE SITE

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

thanks si

In a blatant attempt to turn the trial into a race case

Secret footage of the 'King of Pop' shows Michael Jackson preparing for his trial at his ranch. We're not sure if it was his final choice but in this instance it seems he is about to try on the black nose. Michael hasn't worn the black nose since the recording of 'Wanna be starting somethin'' in the 80's.

It will be interesting to see how a change of nose should effect the trial results.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

thanks crispee

I'm 5'10,

Into kayaking, books and conversation (by day), justice, honour and vengeance (by night). Seeking arch-enemy, possibly crimelord or deformed megalomaniac. Contact below.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Be still my angels

I must again apologise for the silence. It has been quite a weekend. I know this is not your fault and you should not be punished for it. My sweet readers. Let me just do a couple of things and I will be back.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

To these intelligent, brave young men

It is without thought or consideration that all of us at 2oceansvibe would like to deliver a high five to these gents for such amusing form at the J&B Met. It is very well known that 2oceanvibe does not support and is never part of any humour in the form of 'toilet humour'. That said, we do not believe this falls into that category. We believe that the fact that the sign was placed in full view, and was professionally made, vindicates it from any 'toilet humour' finger-pointing.

We also think it even more necessary to show the image as the gent on the left is showing a 'peace' sign which, again, saves these youths all playa-haters.

Congratulations, boys. You have amused us.

And now, a pic that was claimed to have been from the J&B Met but we know it is not as we received another identical pic before the Met. It is funny, nonetheless... Browse the pic.

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

As Angelina Jolie steals the two tarts' limelight

Footage of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan on the phone after Angelina Jolie has been hogging their tabloid covers.

Very unnecessary pic of Paris

CLICK HERE FOR THE PHONECALL

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

Please, dear God, keep them together - for the sake of the Earth

It looks like they're still living together and are even wearing their wedding bands. Obviously we can't comment on exactly whats going on but, from here, it looks like they've decided to remain f*ck buddies.

Tristan and Rachel - f*ck buddies

The article has this to say : Sources tell Star magazine Aniston is trying to win Pitt back. The tab quotes a friend as saying she's going into therapy to conquer "fears about bringing a baby into a marriage she felt has been less than perfect." Pitt's grandmother Betty Russell tells Star: "The whole family is praying that Brad and Jen can work out what they need to."

READ MORE HERE

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

He's intelligent, he's hard working, he's yours!!

INTRODUCTION
When an old friend, John Dane, stopped by the office, we couldn't have dreamed up the reason for his visit. When his feelings and plans were revealed to us we became obsessed!. And there it was, as if by magic, a human being auction! A Human Auction Competition (H.A.C.) to be more precise.

What is the reason for this? Here is the background:

It's no secret that finding a well suited job (particularly for a white fellow) is not the easiest of tasks these days. The human we're auctioning is unhappy with his job and wants more stimulation. His current job is as mundane and unstimulating and badly paid as one could ever hope for. It is also coming to an end very soon. Even sooner if all goes ahead as planned.

THE JOB & EXPOSURE
This is a fully fledged, very serious online auction for a 6 month job. The job can be virtually anything as long as it is not illegal and within the Cape Province. Be creative though. Although worth considerably more, there is a reserve price/salary of R5,500 a month.

A signed agreement is in place between the candidate and this website. As long as the reserve price is met, the candidate will be resigning from his job and will begin employment with the winning bidder. A signed affidavit from the candidate is also in our possession - showing his agreement to the competition.

The winner will sign a contract with John for a minimum of 6 months and will also receive free advertising on this website (2 million+ hits a month) for the duration of the employment (value is R10,000 a month). This exposure is a guarantee.

Another bonus in being involved in this initiative would certainly be the media exposure which will be taken care of by our PR company. A competition of this nature is something we have not had in South Africa and the novelty will gain massive public interest. The 2oceansvibe.com website alone will raise immediate public interest.

THE COMPETITION
The competition will launch 1 February, 2005 and bidding will close March 7, 2005 at 12h00.

All serious bidders should contact 2oceansvibe at editor@2oceansvibe.com. Gaurentee's for bids will be sought at the time of each bid.

THE CANDIDATE
Our candidate, John (28), hails from a top Cape Town private school and has all the necessary I.T. qualifications and experience. His skills don't stop at I.T. John has had experience in everything from event coordination to hotel/catering work and even experience in South African fruit export.

We (2oceansvibe) also guarantee that we have known the candidate for over 10 years and, along with the others on his CV, are available as reference. John Dane is EXTREMELY well connected and would be an asset to any company. From management level to grass roots he wouldn't put a foot wrong. He really is one of those guys who is wasted at his current job.

Not only would John be suited to any job, but you could really have some fun with him. Personally, if we had spare change, we would almost definately hire him as a butler. John could open your car door before you get out. He could wait in queues for you. He could set up a spot on the beach before you get there. He could get drinks at bars for you. It really is endless.

THE CANDIDATE'S CV
Name : Jahn Dame
Birthdate: 6 January 1977

EDUCATION:
-1995 Diocesan College (Bishops) - Matriculation with Exemption
(English, Afrikaans, Mathematics, History, Geography, Biology)

- 2000 ITIQ Microsoft Technical Training Centre - Certified Novell Administrator. (incl. A+, Netware 5, Windows NT4, Service & support, NDC design and implementation)

- 2003 University of South Africa - Bachelor of Commerce (Information Systems)

CAREER HISTORY:
February 2004 - present
Desktop support - Undisclosed, Cape Town
- Responsible for the resolving network and software issues
- In charge of the day to day running of all PC's
- Installation of new PC's
- Network administration, profiling of users

April 2003 - January 2004
Online property broker agent - capetown365.com, Cape Town
- Responding to online enquiries
- Closing online deals for luxury holiday accommodation
- Client liaison for when the client arrives in the country incl. organising of tours, activities, transport.
- Crisis management.

February 2003 - April 2003
Desktop support - Distell, Stellenbosch
- Desktop support in Windows 95, 2000 and XP environments for 200+ users
- User setup for Terminal Servers.
- Backup administration of all data on multiple servers/platforms
- Maintaining strict call closure standards.

August 2001 - February 2003
Ousourced to various companies
- During this period, the candidate worked for various companies including Caltex, Santam, Electronic Data Soutions (EDS), African Harvest, Department of Justice, Vodacom.
- Primary functions and tasks included:
- Desktop support for 350+ users. This included trouble shooting of hardware and software problems, installation of PC's and printers and network-ready home PC installation for hotdesks.
- Email account creation on multiple exchange servers and platforms.
- Windows 2000 rollout (auditing, configuration, testing and backup)
- Desktop and mobile building, rebuilding, installation.

Jaunary 2001- August 2001
Fruit export - Saratoga Farm, Robertson
- Administration of fruit export to the UK.
- Marketing co-ordinator
- Wage determination and contract compiling
- Programming of pack house grading machine

REFERENCES ARE AVAILABLE ON REQUEST

EMAIL editor@2oceansvibe.com TO MAKE A BID or GET IN TOUCH

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com

At the J&B Met

Just a quick one. We look forward to reports of J&B Met winnings from you lot out there. I haven't checked but I've been told the tips were fairly successful. Send info of great winnings.

In terms of the actual day, it was loads of fun. The angels looked very good and we must thank the organisers of the picnic spot we were in. Barmen in gold waist coats set the tone for the day. Very civilised and well stocked. Good work boys, you know who you are.

The after party was pretty confusing and left us bewildered. We left after 10 minutes as we honestly don't know what to do with thousands of people going mental to 5FM tunes from hell.

It might not be the Met report you were looking for and for that I apologise. The day went by so far I feel as though I slept for a section of it. Perhaps it was the constant small talk we have to endure at events like this. There were a number of people angry about their names not being remembered, but, we've said it before, no-one thinks its cool to forget names - so don't be angry.

Just noticed that Lizzie at Caprice is still on the Waitress Watch - that must be the longest stretch so far. Congrats Lizzie!

Ok, wrapping this up now because we're about to launch the BIGGEST 2OCEANSVIBE INITATIVE EVER! It's called H.A.C. - what does that stand for? Wait for it...

Seth Rotherham
Editor
2oceansvibe.com