2oceansvibe readers join the hunt !

UN BE LEAVABLE !!!!! There have been more sightings of the Tall Blonde Guy (TBG)! One of our female readers ran into the elusive TBG in the Cattle Baron in Claremont on Saturday night and sent in this picture taken with her phone.

TBG with a fan at Cattle Baron

Some decent tunes... HATING THAT !!!

Now as most of you know, we're not a local newsletter so please don't get excited and start sending gig guides to our mailbox after hearing about this.

We've been very quietly following a new local band which is making a rumbling around Cape Town. KINGSIZE, the hot due rock act of Kaapstadt is playing live next week, Tuesday, at Mercury Live. It's in that road opposit Viglietti Motors (Ferrari - Roeland Street). It's the road that runs next to the petrol station.

So be cool and come along on Tuesday, 31st August.

Choose the biggest and play

We're pretty stoked to find this website where you have a choice of which lottery to play. From the UK lottery (which we know about) to the others around the World, including America! It's called the Big Big Lotto and it rocks!

So you can go to the site and check which lottery has the biggest payout and buy tickets over the net using your credit card. 100% safe as well. We gave it a bash and it works well. We didn't win... but we'll keep trying! Check it out!

So make some money and
CLICK HERE FOR THE WIDEST RANGE OF
WORLDWIDE LOTTERIES
AVAILABLE ONLINE !!
HATING THAT !!

What are we up to?

The boys have done well!

From the Glaisdog and The Hand

Finally, from Athens!

So although we have had photos sent from our boys in Athens, we have still not heard from them. Well, that has come to an end with the following from The Glaisdog and The Hand.

Their first corrospondence:

Hello Boytjieeeee!

The 2oceansvibe.com reporters are now comfortably onboard their yacht in Athens. The weather here is warmish but the angels are HOT we said.

Keep in touch with us through the 'Contact 2oceans' (link in the left menu) and we'll keep you up to speed with exactly what's happening this side.

Bye bye now

Glaisdog and The Hand

The latest:

Dear Seth

Firstly I must report that we are sitting on our balcony sipping Fanta Orange where we are comfortably accomodated in Stateroom 4138 aboard the Queen Maaaaaaary 2 in the port of Pireus in Athens.

Don't fly Lufthhansa Business Class from South Africa 'cos they STILL don't have the lie flat seats !!!

We can confidently report that Athens has achieved what few thought they could. The streets are immaculate, with special Olympic lanes for all members of the games.

A street peddlar of sorts

So far The Hand has been extremely impressed with the quality of the Olympic angels .... mnandi he says.

Tonight we are dining at Todds English Bistro onboard and then we are off to Heineken House in Syntagma for a quiiiiiiiiiiet one.

Tomorrow we are going to athletics in the morning.

Keep you informed.

Regards JTH and GD

So there you have it. The boys seem well. We welcome emails via the 'Contact 2oceans' link in the left menu which will be sent to the boys. They will respond to your various requests and comments so let's give it a go!

The plot thickens

More and more emails have come in regarding the identity of the TBG (Tall Blonde Guy) as mention further down, earlier this month. The claims of his identity range from 'United Colors of Benetton model' to 'Swedish Royalty Playboy' to, our personal favourite, 'ex Rondebosch Boys High School scholar' - what are the chances! What would someone like that be doing at the Monaco Grand Prix? We all saw the pics!

Here is the latest shot we've had sent it by someone anonymous.

Please send any new info you might have.....

Swedish Royalty? Who knows!

Our boys are doing well !

So far we haven't had a writeup from our boys at the Olympics but we can tell you this. They are stationed at the Olympics on board the Queen Mary 2. That's right! Keep an eye on the Discovery Channel and you might spot a feature on the ship. You just can't beat it. I think we're all very aware that when it comes to travel expenses, 2oceansvibe doesn't hold back.

Only the best will do. In return, our boys send only the best pics..... on board the QM II. For your viewing pleasure. MNANDI !

Arrive in Athens

We have been close to peeing our pants with excitement as our representatives finally arrive in Athens for the Olypic Games. So, before we get any spicey stories I want to introduce you to the boys. 'The Glaisdog' and 'The Hand' !

'The Glaisdog' and 'The Hand'

Britney's boy

Have another good look at Britney's downfall - Kevin Federline. White trash and father of 5. Britney's latest zits and her penchant for ciggs and booze are all thanks to him. Ladies and gentlemen... The Bastard..

For a change. GENIEDIIIIT !

Here you go ladies. For a change I thought you'd like a treat. Apparently this young man is quite delightful. Owww SHAIYA THORPEE !!!

Knows you're jealous!

You fat tit

Aaaah! God it feels good to be the best again. Thanks Jake White for allowing us to lose the fake layer of humbleness we have had to drag around with us for the last few years. Now we remember the feeling we had when we were the best. Keep it up you crazy kids.

Seriously though, Rudolf must have had one helluva hangover this morning. I mean he was the downfall of South African rugby, he looks like Mr Potato Head and his successor immediately puts together a tri-nations win. SUCKS RUDOLF YOU FAT TIT!

Well done Joe van Niekerk on making it semi-believable that you didn't plan having your jersey off for the changing room interview after the game. The only guy in the side. Your body is sensational, I don't blame you. If you had the smoothness of Brett Hamilton the world would truly be your oyster.

What I found amazing was noting how many different angles the '95 World Cup winners (pretty much the entire Supersport staff) were able to jerk off over one another. Joel, Joost, Chester, Wiese, Os (on the field) interviewed one another in an orgy of rephrased questions for about an hour after the game. By the end of it Joel and the boys were so covered in each other's fluid that they were struggling to operate the microphones. But let's not get too revolting here.

Speaking of revolting, Chester could you please get a decent suite jacket like everyone else. It looks like it could be a trenchcoat. Whatever it is, it's a very odd cut and it needs to be looked at. ta.

We have said it a thousand times but must, once again, mention that Joel Stransky is THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO SOUTH AFRICAN SPORTS COMMENTATING. And to think that our country is being represented on INTERNATIONAL television with the voice of Joel Stransky! Never before has it been so blatant that a job has been created for someone who has zero flair whatsoever for the task at hand. Your voice, Joel, is so f*cking nausiating I actually find it rude that you lasted anything longer than two weeks on the job. Combined with your blandness, lack of humour and obvious void of intelligence, you are arguably the most painful person in South Africa. . So Joel, on behalf of MOST of the nation, F*CK OFF.

Very funny for us was crossing back to the studio with the anchor being none other than Neil Tovey, local soccer player and tenth choice SuperSport anchorman! Clearly Neil was left at home to man the controls whilst the '95 winners refrained from wanking for a day before exploding in unison at the ABSA Stadium after the game. 'Neil, would you mind staying? We're ALL going to Durbs!'. Shame.

What happens at the mansion

Finally a Playboy model has exposed Hugh Hefner's bedtime secrets! Finally we can all hear what it's like to be the Hef!. Check it out as this tart sells her story to the Sun.

CLICK HERE

With Saddam

Just have a little look at THIS WEBSITE. Watch Saddam play the classic Rock, paper scissors game! F*cking funny.

To keep you coming back

You're pushing it

I took this shot yesterday. SURELY you have to see the signs that your hobby is starting to take over your life? It's like having a pony at home but you live in an apartment.

And this stunning bonehead having a quiet smoke as his workers dump shit in the back of the truck - please enjoy the dust on the 4X4 parked next to the truck. stunning!

Who is he?

We have had some response as to the identity of the Tall Blonde Guy (TBG) in the picture below.

From a 2oceansvibe reader:
Who the hell is he? I used to spot him around town when I was still there. Sightings occurred from Fish Hoek all the way through to Camps Bay (including Claremont, Cape Town and Green Point along the way). He is either well connected or just like to travel around town.
Peter

Ok, so there you have it. We'll keep looking.

With thanks to the sponsors

Stunning evening in Camps Bay the other night at Villa Seth. Thanks to all involved. You are all very much unique and somewhat plausible.

Look, there's that tall blonde guy you always see around town. Who the HELL is he?

Watch him take over the world - as we laugh

As usual, I really never had time to spell check this, so deal with it.

You lot are so tiresome. I leave you for one day and it's like the sky has fallen on your head! You know I always come back. But I need to keep you on your toes. You know what they say about spoilt children.... I don't want to give you a hiding.

Ok, so the vibe is this. David Hasselhof is doing some West End vibe in London. It is common knowledge that 'The Hof' is the biggest pop sensation Germany has ever seen so it is semi-credible that he is singing professionally. Those who know London and pom humour will agree that you just can't get a better occasion for things to get a bit silly.

The Hof is greeted at his backstage exit of the show with crowds of people wearing 'The Hof' T-shirts. Now listen carefully because this is possibly the funniest thing ever. Hof-mania has hit, but it's nothing like the classic pop star mania. People are taking the piss heavily. No-one REALLY idolises Hof but, just like wearing 80's style clothing, it's fun to go Hof mad. So everyone is buying t-shirts, scanning the press and getting their knickers in a knot when there are 'Hof Sightings' around London.

I liken it to a Sunday night at Caprice. People walk in with Von Dutch caps, slightly skew on their heads and tear drop Top Gun Ray Bans over their eyes. They parade in their t-shirts with sunset prints on them, whilst fluffing their mullet haircuts. They wear pre-torn jeans and order cocktails. I promise you these people are taking the piss. I know because I do it myself. It's a load of fun and people who arrive in their rugby kit and label Caprice as 'pretentious' need to see the humour in it. I see this as the same as becoming a Hasselhof addict.... it's just bloody hilarious! As I mentioned, the other day someone shouted to Hof, "You're nothing without your robot car, nothing!". Now we know the person shouting wasn't serious, it's just taking the piss out of how crazy the 80's were, I mean a talking car in Knight Rider is as far as you can push it.... just like the clothes, which, again, are quite a lot of fun. David Hasselhof is every peace of 80's memarobelia wrapped up into one very spicey, cheesy, leather jacket wearing individual! With the knight Rider theme tune in the background of your mind, it is just too much to handle!

I am so happy that he has arrived in London because it is the perfect platform for this kind of hystericalness (is that a word?) to go global.

Now the beauty of this whole vibe is how does the hof see it? Does he know that it is becoming a fashion trend to worship him or does he really believe that it is in the same category as a Tom Cruise? God only knows. From what we can see from his unchanging poses for cameras (producing two double thumbs up for the camera, or two peace signs, with the cheesey smile we remember) he could be taking himself seriously.

In this light, he is the PERFECT candidate for the Ali G style interviewing technique whereby the interviewee has no idea he is being laughed at. I thank the Lord that a radio show in London managed to interview him, with this very same technique AND managed to put it on the net for us.

So, without wasting anymore of your pen doodling time, turn on the sound on your PC and listen to it..... (dialup connections might struggle. Get with it guys)

CLICK HERE FOR THE INTERVIEW

Followed by...

CLICK HERE FOR THE MOST HILARIOUS BRAND NEW KNIGHT RIDER RIPOFF SONG

Inconspicuous on bicycles

Watch out for them....... We honestly don't quite know what to make of this pic.

We are here

Guys, so sorry. don't hate me. Will have more later today - I promise. Something OUTSTANDING from David Hasselhof!!

Meantime here are some pics of Paris Hilton after her ex beat her. Check out her lip, her jaw and her arms. Yes, bruises on the arms..

Hi there!

Just to say there will be updates today so chill out.

Maybe you want to think about this....

Which Cape Town socialite was caught sneaking into the sunbed room at The Point Gym in Sea Point this week?

Catch you a little bit later....

Stunning individual

Quote from ezboard:

The alleged stalker of Britney Spears outside her Santa Monica Apartment with a large bag of popcorn. When asked why he had so much popcorn he said it was for him and Britney to eat as they watch TV tonight. When told that Britney's minders have been watching him and that she thinks he is a stalker he replied that he is not. Minutes later he ran off down the road as one of Britney's minders had seen him.

Please man! How F8cking funny is that!

What a Beaut !

And just for fun we thought we'd throw in this pic of Britters before the divorce, before the drugs, before the new white trash fiance, before the acne. What happened Britters? Where did our angel go?

Shes gone boys

Well they're slowly getting taken as we sit back...helpless.

Classy British tabliod, The Sun has reported that our star crossed lovers have recently become engaged. Justin Timberlake asked Cameron Diaz's parents and went on to propose. And of course she accepted. Personally I think hes playing out of his socks. More here

Cam and jerk-off

Blame us

We continue our obsession with Tara Reid's breasts with these latest pics

just

for

you

Many apologies

Hi hi hi !!!!! So sorry for the lack of updates my loves but you can't expect me to rack my brains over a long weekend! I think I'm back now and had to use today to clear my desk which is clearing somewhat.

To keep you going til tomorrow's update PLEASE enjoy this site. In the spirit of the shaunoakes.com website I mentioned earlier this month... PROMISE ME you will go to this site.... www.rhode.co.za - It's not rude so feel free to open it at work.

For the poms, I know you've been dying to see this pic of Cape Town last week. But remember the sun is back today so jump right off that high horse of yours... ta:

That one is a bit radical. I took these with my pocket PC/phone (click link of the pocket PC on the right of the screen to get more info about these amazingly wonderful little toys) which I can gaurantee authenticity.

Thought you might also wanna see this ridiculously big HOUSE at the top of Clifton, Cape Town. Really silly.

Of course a pic of my car getting it's R10 discount (leaving a mere R35 to be paid) for a full carwash at Starwash. (R10 vouchers available - as many as you want - using the link at the right of this page - towards the top.)

No nipples today, no lewd conduct - just a little chat.

smell you tomorrow.

Seth

Let's bring him back

Spotted this article in Popbitch (popbitch.com). It's a killer!

Our Hasselwatch appeal has brought an unprecedented response. 380 of you have reported Hasselspots so far. It seems that when David came to London he tried to settle into a cool lifestyle at the Covent Garden Hotel, wearing Von Dutch and hanging out at Joe Allen.

Last weekend the Hoff paid a visit to the Festival Hall to see Brian Wilson, where he was heckled by an American man shouting,

"You are nothing without your robot car, NOTHING!"

In very good nick

A big thanks to everyones favourites, Tara Reid and Kirsten Dunst.

Looking a little worse for wear

Jeez our Britters needs to sort herself out. What the f*ck is going through her head? Ever since she met the trailer trash she has really been letting the side down. Whats with the bra Britters?

Some interesting stuff

To begin with there is something I've wanted to tell my magnificent 2oceansvibe readers for quite some time. With the current exchange rates you are able to subscribe to the American GQ magazine for R21 a month (sent to your door). $40 for 12 copies. Yes, you are correct, that is cheaper than buying the local edition at your local Exclusive Books. So obviously that is what we do. Yesterday my August edition arrived which is not bad for having travelled half way across the World.

So, apart from this unbelievable pic of George W Bush during the Vietnam war.......

There was also this ad with our very own Paris Hilton....

And funnily enough this morning I stumbled across these pics of Paris in MacDonalds.

And look what the magazine is on the MacDonalds counter that she just bought! Interesting. Anyway, thought you'd like that.

Looking for a job?

Our partners, www.capetown365.com have contacted us. There is a position for someone young looking for a junior job. They need someone to start at the bottom - someone who wants to grow with the company. Would be good to have a years experience somewhere.

Duties will begin with filing, fetching etc and will eventually be dealing with overseas clients etc. (check out the website to see what they do) - own transport necessary - knowledge of Cape Town Atlantic Seaboard pretty important.

Money not that good but nice to start with. Will also come with petrol and cell phone. MUST BE PRESENTABLE, SMART, WELL SPOKEN, HARD WORKER, NOT STUPID, PLEASE GOD!

Send CV and attach photograph to info@capetown365.com

For YOU, our treasured 2oceansvibe readers !

Ok, we have made a deal with StarWash car wash.

Starwash is cool! Starwash is retro! Check out the logo! How cool is Starwash? V Cool! And 2oceansvibe is coooool ! So we just had to team up!

THIS IS HOW IT WORKS. Starwash have agreed to allow us to create vouchers which will give you R10 off a FULL car wash (one per car wash) at Starwash at the two branches mentioned above. Bearing in mind that Hannibals charges R50 and then an extra R40 to do your wheels (R90 in total), you'll be happy to know that you will be getting R10 off a R45 wash!!

AND IT TAKES 20 MINUTES (Hannibals up to an hour). They offer newspapers, magazines, coffee shop, sweets, chips - whatever!

The wash includes full hand wash, spray down, auto dryer (full car inside and out and mags/rims). You think everything is over until you drive around the corner and hop out. Whilst you read the paper, 5 oompha loompha type people attack your car with hand cloths and pump it inside and out. Honestly you will not believe that you never used Starwash before.

The beauty is that for the month of August you can do it AS MANY TIMES AS YOU WANT. JUST PRINT OUT ANOTHER VOUCHER!!!

JEEZLIKE !!! It's like printing money!

CLICK HERE FOR THE VOUCHER !!!!

IT IS ONLY AVAILABLE AT TWO STARWASH CAR WASH CENTRES.

1)IN THE GARAGE NEXT TO THE ENTRANCE OF THE WATERFRONT / CONFERENCE CENTRE - CAPE TOWN. As you get to the traffic lights as you get into town next to the conference centre, stay in the far right lane and drive into the parking lot - follow the signs.

Or on your way out of town keep in the right lane at the traffic lights next to the Waterfront. Drive into the parking lot on the right.

You can exit into town or onto the highway.
Call them if you need - 021-4218009

2) The Culemborg Starwash off Oswold Pirow drive - behind Barons. Either you know where this one is or you don't. Or you can call them and ask 021-4183013

CLICK HERE FOR THE VOUCHER !!!!

Very Spicey

Not 100% sure about this vibe but it's worth a read. Sleepsex has to do with having sex while the other partner is asleep or pretending to be asleep or has agreed to popping a couple of sleeping pills.

FIND OUT MORE HERE

Black Eyed Peas quietly change their lyrics

I don't know how many of you realised, but the song by the Black Eyed Peas - "Let's get retarded" has been replaced by "Let's get it started". At first you'll think they are two different songs but after some research you'll find they are exactly the same song.

Obviously people complained about the use of the word 'retarded' and they had to change it. Amazing it went through in the first place.

The only reason I bring this up is I am seeing more and more of it. It is now being treated as a swear word.

Check out this article in the Rolling Stone where Lindsay Lohan uses it and they block it out! Hectic! The article is worth a look - it's mainly about her tits and how they're not fake etc.

Please stop boring us

It's like ground hog day. At least once a week I am hit with a news bulletin on the way to work. And it's the same every time!

"The 'XYZ' virus has been released and is causing havoc on computers around the country. The virus takes advantage of a flaw in the Windows operating system. Your machine should be fine if you have latest updates and virus protection software".

That's like announcing that it might rain today and if you don't have an umbrella your clothes might get wet. Or you should close your car windows as the rain may damage electronics in your car.

If you don't know that you should have up to date virus software on your machine you're a stupid fool. Why don't we all get up to date and then we won't have to listen to boring news reports anymore. please.

Get the lowdown

Some of you might be interested in the following transcript

"DETAILED BACKGROUND BRIEFING BY SENIOR INTELLIGENCE OFFICIALS ON NEW TERROR THREATS"

Get it now at the Drudge Report - CLICK HERE

Throws like a fag

So we see the first pic of the president throwing a ball at 'Brown's Camp'. It's very clear that the players are laughing at him.

Shame, then our angel wants to try again... not many people interested anymore. Now that they know he's a raging homo.

See more pics of the jerk at FoxSports

Magna Cum Lauda

There's a new version of the classic Leisure Suit Larry age restricted video game we remember as kids.

Click HERE for the official site.

Then click HERE for a site which has the trailer download and much more.

And American Culture

There are some situations which simply demand the excusing of a pun. Especially serious news type services on TV. Carte Blanche ('Carters'), did a hidden camera vibe on the dangerous levels on cooking oil in fast food outlets. Shame, I think the Something Fishy chain is going to take a knock after that little investigation. Anyway, the Indian presenter on Carters (Who I would shit myself for if she walked into my office) was referring to the scientist guy who has a process which checks the levels of oil in his lab. She very calmly read over the camera that him and his team ran a very 'well oiled machine'!!!! SURELY YOU HAVE TO AT LEAST GIVE A CHUCKLE AFTER SAYING THAT!! Or acknowledge the pre-knowledge of the coincidence by means of a pun-excusal! She didn't flinch after saying it and carried on with the report!

Moving swiftly on, I don't think you guys all spotted a link to a website I mentioned in passing the other day. People have written to me asking if this guy is serious. So please, all go to this site - www.shaunoakes.com and try take him seriously. It's office friendly, nothing rude, just a guy you have to see to believe.

It's very easy to begin an attack on a local tv reality series and that's why we only did it the once (IDOLS I think). This is the reason I have resisted even watching Project Fame, knowing I would get carried away. Well, I watched some by mistake and must get slightly carried away. I'll leave the contestants as it's too easy to target them. I'll ignore the judges/teachers as there are some decent choices.. I won't even mock the two presenters (pre-requisite one black, one white) clothes as they have no choice. I just want to know this one thing...

WHAT THE F*CK IS WITH THE AMERICAN ACCENTS ?

Which city in South African is breeding the American Accent cos we've never heard it before. Is there a sub section to Bethlehem which churns out American sounding kids? Obviously it has to do with some sort of embarrasment with our accent. To make the programme look slick? To make it look American? That's emwoerrissing guys! Why, man? You almost forgive them as they slip into a stereotype Cape Town accent. In Cape Town we no longer say 'arse', we say 'ass'. I must say I used to say arse and have progressed to ass. It seems my one word slip up can digress fully into a complete American Accent as we see on Project Fame. The same thing occurs if you listen to phone-ins on Radio Good Hope - a bunch of Americans from somewhere in Cape Town. You aren't American you stupid freaks. Hip-hop culture has given us a sense of clothing, a sense of bling bling, a sense of lifestyle, an attitude..... and now, we are actually changing our accents. Leave it guys, as long as it's not one of the revolting accents our country produces (you know who you are), our accent is pretty cool. So let's be coooooool, ok? Let's not be emboerboer, people are watching and asking why.

If you believe that the Tyson fight was not rigged you need to pull yourself towards yourself. Perhaps you just haven't decided to look at it from that angle. We have all agreed that one punch from Mike Tyson would probably paralyse us, or give us a goofed sensation for the rest of our lives. We know what an animal is, he eats ears for God's sake. Another thing most of us know is that Mike Tyson bought one too many Bengal tigers and is a tad cash strapped. We also know that the chances of him dealing with shady characters is about the same as me never eating at Something Fishy in my life.

The lead up to the knockout was a little spicey. I never watched the first three rounds...... But wouldn't you rig a fight for the fourth round rather than too early? Much more realistic than in the first 20 seconds. What really got me was the 27 punch pounding that Tyson got before he went down. The guy, Williams, was hitting the same two spots on Mike's head over and over again until he fell to the canvass. Again, wouldn't you do it like it? Get pounded until you do actually get knocked out and can't fuck it up by being too obvious. Afterwards, Tyson did not say one single word. Not to his team, no-one. They kept him away from anyone. He knew the only way he won't fuck up the rigging is just to close his mouth completely. They also know he has the brain of a 4-year-old and shouldn't have the opportunity to f*ck anything up. Cameras were pushed far away from him as he was lead, with people holding his two arms, to the back. Can you imagine how easy it must be to organise a consortium who spread $50,000,000 in bets throughout America on the fact that Mike will be knocked out in the fourth!? He could've totally cleaned his debt and been macking it again!

Is that enough for a Monday morning?

Seth Rotherham
Editor
www.2oceansvibe.com