I feel a little bit sorry for the organisers of London’s Olympic Ceremony. They’ve got to follow on the epic opening ceremony held in Beijing, with thousand of drummers beating along in unison. The British just can’t control their people like that.

In trying to make their ceremony as British as possible, Danny Boyle, of Trainspotting fame, has stated that it will be raining at the ceremony. You know, because that’s the quintessence of Britishness.

They will be real clouds that will be hanging over the stadium. Work that out if you can. We know we’re an island culture and an island climate. One of these clouds will provide rain on the evening, just in case it doesn’t rain.

The three-hour ceremony will be entitled “Isles of Wonder,” conveying the story of a green and pleasant land. 12 horses, three cows, two goats, 10 chickens, 10 ducks, nine geese, 70 sheep and three sheep dogs feature in the opening scene. Yes, seriously.

No ideas have been off-limits, it seems, as The Sunday Times even reports that a 40 foot Lord Voldemort will be fought by an army of 30 Mary Poppinses, right after 100 kids are wheeled out on hospital beds and do a “bed dance”.

There has to be some seriously good crack in the UK, is all I’m saying.

[Source: The Sunday Times (subscription only) via Gawker, Telegraph]