“Welcome to Haiti!”
“On your left, you will notice dead bodies. Now get your swimming trunks!”
[source:guardian]

Cruise Ships Still Docking In Haiti – Luxury liners are still docking at private beaches near Haiti’s devastated earthquake zone for holidaymakers to enjoy the water. Wow, that is quite surprising. The stench of death would probably distract me from tanning. They should strip the ship of all foods, caviar included, and deliver it as aid to the survivors. They should give their furs as blankets and sink the ship as a “symbolic gesture.” [guardian]

Haiti Death Toll Could Easily Be 200,000 – The leading US general in Haiti has said it is a “reasonable assumption” that up to 200,000 people may have died in last Tuesday’s earthquake. Lt Gen Ken Keen said the disaster was of “epic proportions”, but it was “too early to know” the full human cost. Rescuers pulled more people alive from the rubble at the weekend, but at least 70,000 people have already had burials. [bbc]

Tiger Woods Returning To Golf In Spring – Today’s Tiger Tale suggests our boy is planning to return to the PGA tour in the Spring. By that time “he will have completed rehab for sexual addiction and hopes to have his life back on track.” For those of you who aren’t seasonally inclined, Spring in the US starts around 21 March. *cough* six days before my birthday. [radar]

Nike Golf Launch New Range Without Tiger Woods – Nike Inc. will launch new golf clubs this month without the promotional muscle of golfing great Tiger Woods. Nike says that its Victory Red STR8-FIT Tour fairway woods were designed with input from all 13 of Nike’s U.S. golf stars. But the promotional materials make no mention of Mr. Woods, whose tradition of wearing red shirts on the final day of golf tournaments inspired the Victory Red name. [wallstreetjournal]

NASA Space Shuttles Go On Sale, At A Discount – Here’s a recession bargain: the space shuttle. NASA has slashed the price of these 1970s era spaceships from $42 million to $28.8 million apiece. NASA has moved up the delivery date to the latter half of 2011, instead of 2012. Potential customers have until Feb. 19 to put in a request. [huffers]

Johnny Depp’s Wife, Vanessa Paradis Becomes Face Of Chanel’s Rouge Coco – France’s former favorite lolita and stinking-hot actress Vanessa Paradis embodies the Chanel Coco Rouge for Spring Summer 2010. With foundation replacing red lipstick as ‘recession must-have,’ beauty brands have to come up with more original ways to market the makeup classic. Ja, look, absolutely! [luxuo]

Man Who Shot Pope John Paul II Released After Nearly 30 Years – The man who tried to kill Pope John Paul II nearly 30 years ago, Mehmet Ali Agca was released from a Turkish prison on Monday, rekindling the mystery over who may have been behind the assassination attempt. On release, the 52-year-old issued a handwritten statement: “I proclaim the end of the world,” he wrote. Awesome! There’s more.. [mail&guardian]

Christina Aguilera Looked Amazing At The Golden Globes – There is no reason for this headline other than to direct you to a pic of Christina Aguilera at Sunday night’s Golden Globe Awards. I don’t know how she manages to impress me each and every time. It’s like she knows I’m watching and goes for that extra effort. And hats off to her for doing so! [thesuperficial]

Ricky Gervais Quits Twitter – British comedian Ricky Gervais has blasted Twitter as fun for teenagers but “undignified” for grown-ups — and questioned the motives of celebrities who use the micro-blogging platform. “As you may know I’ve stopped with Twitter. I just don’t get it I’m afraid. I’m sure it’s fun as a networking device for teenagers but there’s something a bit undignified about adults using it,” he wrote on his blog. [yahoo]

Man Gets Arrested Over Bomb-Joke Tweet At Airport – For those of you who don’t realise it, the word “bomb” is a big no-no at airports. I don’t know why people still risk it. Whether you’re saying it or tweeting it, it doesn’t make a difference either. As was the case for this idiot in England who tweeted that he was going to “blow the airport sky high.” Repeat after me, I “I” am “am” an “an” arsehole “arsehole.” [breitbart]