[imagesource: Instagram/siyakolisi]

There have been hoards of rumours and theories as to why Siya and Rachel Kolisi are splitting after more than a decade together, much of which is spurned on by previous things the pair have said in interviews and podcasts.

A week has passed since Siya and Rachel announced their split, leaving fans devastated and sparking calls for a national intervention. The two-time Rugby World Cup-winning Springboks captain and the charismatic media personality had been together for over 10 years, a relationship many saw as a beacon of love and resilience amidst the spotlight.

The golden South African couple first crossed paths at a dinner party in Stellenbosch back in 2012 and sealed their love in marriage by 2016. Together, they have two children, Nicholas Siyamthanda and Keziah, and, with open hearts, welcomed Siya’s younger siblings, Liyema and Liphelo, into their family after the passing of their mother in 2009.

Then, on October 22, they released a joint statement on social media to announce their split, stating that the decision comes after “much reflection and open conversations” as well as “from a place of love, respect and understanding that this is the best path forward for both of us.”

“While our relationship as a couple is changing, we remain great friends and committed partners in raising our children with the same love and care they’ve always known,” a part of it read.

In the aftermath of the heartbreaking news, Siya turned off his Instagram comments as Saffas tried to unearth what could have caused this split.

Fans recall Siya’s poignant interview with Welsh rugby player Dan Biggar at the Kolisi family’s Paris home, where he opened up about his childhood devastated by violence and bleak days of hunger.

In the interview, Siya confessed that his relationship with his wife was a bit rocky at times and that they had to go to marriage counselling to sustain their vows:

“I had to go to marriage counselling because I couldn’t give everything to my wife; because my heart was so hard and I didn’t know how to speak,” Siya is quoted as saying in the up and close personal Daily Mail interview.

“In my late 20s, I started talking to someone and the first time I went, she said: ‘You are damaged in every level. The stuff that you saw is not normal’.”

Siya touched on the toxic intermingling of love and violence in South Africa further, and how witnessing it as a child seems to have left him unable to have a healthy relationship in adulthood:

“In my community you see it so many times that it becomes normal. That’s not good, being immune to things like that. If a man and a woman argued, then it would end up in a fight, because men don’t really speak,” explained the Bok captain. “It’s extreme, it’s bad. You have to speak about it, get through it. That’s why you grow up and your heart is so hard. That’s normal in my neighbourhood.”

To add fuel to the fire, Siya admitted to also struggling with alcohol and using it as a way to escape his painful past, saying “I drank when I was happy or sad, or dealing with something. Drinking was the only way I knew to get through this stuff,” per The Guardian.

In his book Kolisi explains it was only at the start of 2019, in World Cup year, that Rachel persuaded him to find a Christian mentor, Ben Schoeman, who spoke in blunt terms: “Siya, you drink a lot, you fool around with women, you go to strip clubs. You post on social media about your faith in Christ, but you’re lying to yourself and everyone else.”

Kolisi met Schoeman when “my sin was exposed”. He says: “I started opening up to him and we spoke deeply. He told me I needed to stop drinking. It was tough at the beginning but now I don’t miss it.”

Meanwhile, Rachel’s comments on The African CEO podcast from last month have surfaced, shedding light on her perspective of their relationship issues in the episode titled, ‘Rachel Kolisi: How To Lead Your Own Life’.

 

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A post shared by Rachel Kolisi (@rachelkolisi)

In addition to discussing her role as co-founder of The Kolisi Foundation alongside Siya and her advocacy for women’s empowerment and social justice, Rachel opened up about the challenges that came with Siya’s demanding rugby schedule, per IOL.

She said on the podcast: “From the beginning, you know, we have always had situations of him being away for one, two, three, four months at a time and you learn to kind of live with that.”

“I have friends whose husband will travel for three days and then (they say to me) I don’t know how the heck you do this, this is insane.

“You just get so used to it and so yeah, you kind of just get on with life and I mean, there’s so much access over the phone that’s been made a lot easier now to stay connected.”

Last year, the family relocated to Paris when Siya joined the French team Racing 92, a move that left Rachel shouldering most of the childcare and household responsibilities. Recently, however, they made the decision to return home to South Africa.

She also alluded to Siya’s attention often being elsewhere when he was with her and his family.

“There’s so much nonsense … I think that that is just the most inappropriate and the most disrespectful thing people can do is just to be on their phone.

“It’s different if you, you know, there’s something really important that’s coming or an emergency with the kids or you trying to sort something out, that’s a completely different situation but to sit and be like on Instagram when you’re with people and that like just works on my nerves.”

She added that in the time that you do make for people, you have to make sure that you’re fully present “because that goes a long”, she noted, “just making them feel like they’ve got your full attention, your mind is nowhere else, your eyes are nowhere else, they’ve just got you, that can last you a good few months.”

As we’ve said before, no matter what the future holds, we have nothing but love for both of these amazing people, and we just hope that each of them can find that inner peace and belonging that they both, respectively, deserve.

[source:iol]