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Unless you’ve been living on Mars, you probably know by now that Everything Everywhere All At Once won all the Oscars. Hooray for them and probably well deserved too. But just in case all the film-worshipping is getting on your nerves, we went searching for some bad reviews of the film, because well, you can’t make everyone happy everywhere, not all at once.

Just in case you’re flight from the red planet was delayed, Everything Everywhere All At Once is a futuristic film that won seven awards, including for best picture, directing, and in three of the four acting categories. In the end, they walked away with seven Oscars and since then every single publication has been praising the movie.

So, what about those critics that thought the Oscars should have gone to someone else? (Just not The Whale – If Brendan Fraser weeps one more time he is going to need a saline drip).

The ‘meh’ reviews :

“I wish I liked it more.”

“Sometimes you get it and sometimes you don’t, and I just didn’t get this movie.”

“It’s a peculiar taste that might even split the opinions of diehard sci-fi/act/com fans.”

The ‘I didn’t like it that much’ reviews:

“Admiring the chutzpah of The Daniels doesnt necessarily translate into actual enjoyment of the film, which is a high-concept project with plenty of flair, but a crucial lack of finesse in storytelling.”

“A great deal of energy and talent has been expended here on the idealisation of the family unit, and the quest for a United States that never existed.”

“This movie suffers from Terry Gilliam-itus, in that it suffers from too many ideas.”

“Admiring the chutzpah of The Daniels doesnt necessarily translate into actual enjoyment of the film, which is a high-concept project with plenty of flair, but a crucial lack of finesse in storytelling.”

“There are enough ideas in “Everything Everywhere All at Once” to fuel a dozen movies, or else a full-blown TV series, but the Daniels have shoehorned it all into a bombastic, emotionally draining 139 minutes.”

And then there are the ‘I hate Hollywood and wish this piece of shit movie was never made’ reviews:

“The Movie was a chaotic mess. It was painful to watch. I felt the directors were insulting the audience, it was sloppy, lazy and just a really bad script.”

“Sooo painful to sit through! It is definitely over-praised (and has no substance) and it was very pointless. This film was just bullshit spewed by someone who was high and others are sitting there imbibing that BS.”

“I have 40 minutes left and I stopped to see if anyone else hated this movie as much as I am hating it. I will probably hate watch the rest and then inevitably hate myself even more because I know this isn’t likely to get better.”

“It’s simplistic, childish concepts that a five year old can express.”

“Worst movie I have ever seen and believe me I have seen REALLY bad and/or overrated movies! Stupid, full of bad taste (makes Farelli brothers look like Ingmar Bergman), meaningless and tries to be cleverer than it really is. Avoid it by any means!”

“EEAAO is that insufferable child whose parents trot her out in tap shoes, then watch to make sure you register adequate amazement at her Buffalo turns and Bombershays. You appreciate the kid’s skill and preparation — but gawd, how you wish it were over.”

In all honesty, these misers probably have a few points that could have been articulated with a bit more nuance, the fact that it took home every award that really mattered does take the wind out of their sails a bit.

Most likely these people consider Steven Seagal’s Under Siege 2 as a theatrical masterpiece. Who knows? Perhaps that is the great thing about movies – everyone finds something that speaks to them, and if you are lucky, it is something that makes you feel something new. Obviously, the majority of people found something special in Everything Everywhere All At Once.

For me, the best part was that it didn’t feature Brendan Fraser.

What do they say again about assholes and opinions?

[source:rottentomatoes/imdb]