[imagesource:twitter@carlniehaus]

Every village has an idiot, but Carl Niehaus must be the idiot-est of them all.

We don’t often report on politics on 2Oceansvibe. It’s not because we are ignorant of the Machiavellian movements in our corridors of generator-provided power, but rather because we find stories about politics in South Africa similar to exfoliating your face with a cheese grater. But every once in a while we come across a ‘political’ story that makes us wish we could take a cheese grater to humanity and exfoliate our collected faces of some dead skin, or in the case of Comrade Carl, a pimple that just won’t go away no matter how hard you scrub.

For those of you who might not know Comrade Carl, here’s a quick recap of Season 1-2023 of Carl Niehaus: Why I just won’t F@#k Off.

Like Jesus, Comrade Carl was born on 25 December 1959. Shortly after being drafted into the ANC as a young man during apartheid, he was sent to prison for treason. Carl had unknowingly used a police camera to photograph a gasworks in Johannesburg which he intended to blow up, then got a lift to his intended target in a police vehicle, on the way confiding in a police informant about his pyromaniac activities.

The evil apartheid system fell soon after, and in the euphoria and blanket labelling of everyone in the ANC as a freedom fighter, Comrade Carl found himself as the spokesperson for Nelson Mandela. This is undoubtedly the highlight of his career as the next few decades were spent lying about his doctorate and getting fired as ANC spokesperson due to ‘maladministration of his finances, extensive borrowing from political contacts and fraud, notably feigning the death of his mother in order to get out of R4.3 million debt owed to a landlord.’
That’s about it in a nutter’s shell.

For the last few years, Comrade Carl has been singing for his lunch alongside anyone who has an outdated and disastrous idea of what South Africa should be. Most recently he has been a staunch supporter of Zuma, until the showerhead-wearing chief lost most of his power, after which he popped up to defend Ace Magashule.

Once again, when Ace lost the card up his sleeve to the courts, Comrade Carl scuttled around for a new ideological benefactor until even the once-proud UMkhonto we Sizwe Military Veterans’ Association had enough of his shit and gave him the camouflaged boot.

Carl seemed to become a man apart, looking for a new cause, and bank account, to latch his carnie trailer to. This then is where the cheese grater enters the picture.

Comrade Carl has now proudly announced via Twitter that he has met with the Russian Ambassador Ilya Igorevich Rogachev to ‘pledge our support to the Russian Federation in the special military operation in Ukraine’. Quite who the ‘we’ is that he refers to is uncertain as I don’t think anyone would publicly admit to being in a ‘we’ with him. He also took some time to talk about the brainfarts he had under the so-called Radical Economic Transformation banner.

Just concluded an excellent meeting together with Cde. @NShezi, with Russian Ambassador Ilya Igorevich Rogachev, briefing him about the #RadicalEconomicTransformationMovement (#RETMO), and pledging our support to the Russian Federation in the special military operation in Ukraine pic.twitter.com/IgA9bU5Eyo

— Carl Niehaus (@niehaus_carl) February 15, 2023

Russia must be running low on cannon fodder in its war against Ukraine. And yes Carl, if a country invades another sovereign state, blowing the hell out of their cities and killing their women and children, most of the people on planet earth who don’t have their heads shoved up their asses would consider that a war. But then again, Comrade Carl seems to have a completely warped idea of what is right and what is wrong.

Carl Niehaus once had the potential to be a ‘human weapon of mass destruction’, but thankfully for South Africa he is a dud, and his damage is limited to the people who call him a comrade.

This tweet has made us feel dirty, guess it’s time for another exfoliation. Too bad some stains just won’t go away.

[source:twitter/@carlniehaus&wikipedia]