[imagesource:pexels/annakester]

Weeks of optimistic and not-so-optimistic speculation came to a head last night as our current rabble of governing overlords gathered in the usual pomp and ceremony for the 2023 SONA in Cape Town.

City Hall once again hosted the festivities, seeing as Parliament is still in ruins, but this did not stop all the dignitaries from putting on their brightest F*$@ The Poor attire and, under a 21 gun salute, the hall filled up as the single remaining SA Airforce jet screamed overhead, burning what is most likely the last bit of jet fuel we have left in the budget.

If Zimbabwe decided to invade us last night, we would have been stuffed as most of the defence force and police were in Cape Town protecting VIPs from whatever threat requires that R1.7 Billion budget.

But enough about the circus on the outside of the hallowed halls where Mandela once urged us to be vigilant against oppression from a cruel government. The circus inside of City Hall was in stark contrast to the managed hubris outside, but for a surprising and terrifying twist, it featured almost the same amount of security.

[imagesource:flick]

There’s nothing quite like seeing a soldier in full battle armour ‘escorting’ dissenting MPs from the room to cement your trust in our democracy. As predictable as a laxative, Cyril’s speech got off to a jerky start when the red Teletubbies began raising points of order as soon as the Nyaope kicked in. You can have a look at the video below of the Red Revolutionaries being jackbooted out of the proceedings. Funny stuff if it wasn’t so counter-productively childish and dictator-ish behaviour.

Once Cyril got going though, all hope of a Rubicon speech disappeared like our strategic oil reserves. Instead, we have been put under a State of Disaster. Same shit leaders, different shit approach. Nonetheless, we’ve broken down some of the most important parts:

Electricity

After 8 years promising to end load shedding, Ramaphosa has now put NDZ in charge – with Covid-19-level powers.

When People Zol is now the single most important person in Cyril’s cabinet, and probably the country. Dlamini Zuma has been made ‘a single point of command’ and in the process received powers that the ANC itself will have trouble taking away from her if she declares a ban on flip-flops, ciggies, or whatever else annoys the ex-wife of the Zuma who sold the country to the Gupta’s, and whoever else could pay for his spoilt brat’s lunch.

Minister of Cooperative Governance and Traditional Affairs Nkosazana Dlamini Zuma had gazetted the declaration of the State of Disaster, which began with immediate effect.

Cabinet was not blaoted enough, so Rhamaposa appointed a minister of electricity in the Presidency. The role of the minister would be to take full responsibility for overseeing all aspects of the electricity crisis response, including the work of the National Energy Crisis Committee.

This year, he would ensure the Electricity Regulation Amendment Bill was passed to transform the energy sector and establish a competitive electricity market.

Unemployment

South Africa bled two million jobs in the aftermath of the Covid pandemic. Cyril noted several new programmes that would get the country, and especially the young ones, back to work.

The Social Employment Fund was recruiting 50,000 participants in its next phase of undertaking work for the common good.

The National Youth Service would create a further 36,000 opportunities through nonprofit and community-based organisations.

The rising cost of living

Unless you are suckling at the taxpayers’ teat, you will have been aware of just how expensive your bag of groceries has become. For those without an income, the situation has become dire indeed. Taxpayers, however, will be picking up most of the tab. Again.

Social grants had to be increased to cushion the poor against rising inflation.

Work was underway to develop a mechanism for targeted basic income support for the most vulnerable, within fiscal constraints.

The National Treasury was considering the feasibility of urgent measures to mitigate the impact of load shedding on food prices.

Crime and corruption (a.k.a. ANCism)

Realising that the police’s power has been severely limited by a lack of resources and leadership that is either stupid, corrupt or both, the president has allowed the private sector to at least help man the lines on our dysfunctional 911.

Social grants had to be increased to cushion the poor against rising inflation.

Work was underway to develop a mechanism for targeted basic income support for the most vulnerable, within fiscal constraints.

The National Treasury was considering the feasibility of urgent measures to mitigate the impact of load shedding on food prices.

As we noted before, everything about the SONA was predictable. In summary, Cyril said what he was told to say, Malema got his ass kicked out of another SONA, the DA was offended and outraged, and NDZ is now the God of Electricity. Have a look at some highlights of the dumpster fire below, courtesy of ENCA & SABC:

And for those who have the stomach for it, find the full SONA below:

Aannnd, just because it’s Friday, and while we can still buy a packet of Marlboro and some beers, let’s end on one of our previous disasters’ highlights:

[sources:dailymaverick&sabcnews&news24]