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Stephen King doesn’t make movies.

He writes novels – 64 have been published, to be exact, including seven under the pen name Richard Bachman. He’s also written more than 200 short stories.

Many of those novels have been adapted for the big screen, with varied success, and some stand out from the rest.

The remakes of It and It: Chapter Two are two movies that I have avoided like the plague. The originals made me fearful of flushing the toilet and looking into sinks, and there is no need to revisit that.

Neither of those crack a spot in the top five of Paste’s rankings – the 2017 remake of It comes in at 10th – meaning we can proceed.

In fifth is 2007’s The Mist:

A lot of the monsters and ghosts that terrorize a large and diverse group of protagonists in King’s work are excuses to deliver deft sociological studies on how easily members of a “civilized” society can toss out their polite and calm pretensions and let their reptilian brains, infused with fear and paranoia, take over in order to do horrific shit in the name of individual survival…

King’s tale [is] of a bunch of normal townsfolk gradually turning into a death cult when they’re trapped inside a grocery store after a mysterious mist that harbors a bunch of not-so-friendly monsters covers their town.

There’s also a twist in the tale to keep things interesting:

Fourth, we have Stand by Me (1986):

Stand By Me, based on King’s novella, The Body, endures as one of the quintessential coming-of-age dramas…

The dead body for which the children travel for days and through many perilous adventures, just to sneak a peek, represents the final fleeting moments of their previously unshakable bond. They know that their friendship, and their childhood along with it, are on their last days, and that’s what makes the journey that precedes their discovery so special.

The film also features River Phoenix, who would die in 1993 at the age of just 23:

In the third spot is a movie you should most definitely not watch with your parents when you’re a teenager. It will get awkward.

We’re talking about 1976’s Carrie:

The third and oldest adaptation of Carrie White’s adventures in alternative prom decorations, Brian De Palma’s take on King’s novel stands head and shoulders above the other two because of one very simple reason: Brian De Palma…

Study the series of pulse-pounding slow-motion shots, aided heavily by Pino Donaggio’s “Bernard Herrmann on steroids” score, right before the dastardly act is committed, combine it with the manic immediacy of the mayhem that follows it, and you’ll get a crash course on how to perfectly structure a genuinely terrifying horror sequence.

Brian De Palma is the film’s director:

Second place goes to an all-time classic, which I feel obliged to watch if I ever stumble across it while channel-hopping.

1994’s The Shawshank Redemption:

Call it overrated or make as many “It’s on a loop on TNT” jokes as you want, The Shawshank Redemption is a timeless classic and one of the last great American dramas. This adaptation of a lesser-known Stephen King novella by a first-time director could have failed in so many ways, but Frank Darabont’s focus and determination, aided by extraordinary performances by Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman, turn The Shawshank Redemption into the prestige powerhouse it is today.

The movie sits proudly atop IMDb’s Top 250 Movies list with a score of 9,2.

You’ve seen it but we’ll drop the obligatory trailer anyway:

Before we get to number one, let me say I had no idea The Green Mile was a Stephen King novel. That cracked seventh on the list.

And now, your number one ranked Stephen King movie adaptation is…

The Shining (1980):

What more can possibly be said about Kubrick’s horror masterpiece, the one that still deservedly tops every one of those “Scariest Movies Ever Made” lists? A film that’s meticulous and unrelenting in its quest to unnerve the audience and shake them to their core, with impeccable camera work that qualifies any random screenshot as a piece of photographic art?

…A movie that gave an elevator the worst period of its life, causes people to still be afraid of adorable twin girls almost forty years after its release, and bravely tackled the issue of dog-on-man fellatio? One of the greatest films ever made, regardless of the genre? Nope, nothing more can be said about it, so I’ll stop right here.

You just had to mention the dog.

Yeah, twin girls can be excused for hating it.

That’s your horror movie list sorted. You’re welcome.

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