Since sexting is such a new phenomenon, research continues to be done to confirm whether it’s good or bad for your relationship. Most of the early research focused primarily on the dangers of teen sexting, and it’s still somewhat difficult to find comprehensive studies on consensual adult sexting. However, as more and more studies are made, we get to discover interesting findings about the effects that sexting has on a relationship.

Sexting in Long-Term Relationships

Sexting is especially good for long-term relationships. What’s more is that sexting is most common in committed relationships, and most people surveyed say that they sext primarily with committed sex partners rather than hookups. Though people often believe that sexting is the hallmark of teenage relationships or people looking for casual sex, research does not bear this out.

Sexting in a committed relationship takes sex out of the bedroom, something that’s helpful for creating long-term desire. One of the most common sexual problems in long-term relationships is that the sex becomes routinary or one of the partners is not satisfied with the sex due to different desire levels or lack of skill. When sex becomes a routine, foreplay tends to go out the window. But sexting forces you both to focus on foreplay and commit to seducing each other. It gives you the chance to flirt again and helps you realise that sex with your partner should be a privilege and not a chore.

Women especially tend to get bored with sex in long-term relationships even more than men do. Sexting is a way to bring fantasy and desire back in and help keep your partner’s attention focused solely on you.

Sexting and Attachment

Some recent research has asserted that the average person’s likelihood of sexting depends on their attachment style. Attachment style is a psychological concept that links your behaviour in your romantic relationships to early childhood attachment—or the lack thereof. There are four styles: anxious (where you’re nervous about losing a partner), avoidant (where you’re nervous about having a partner), disorganized (where you demonstrate a combination of anxious and avoidant styles), and secure (where you attach healthily). Some research has suggested that having an anxious attachment style is correlated with people who engage in sexting. That means that people who are people-pleasers or feel anxiety when they’re not in a relationship are most likely to sext.

However, without a lot of therapy, people can’t help their attachment styles. And sexting is a healthy way to connect with someone else, regardless of your attachment style. If it serves as a fun, casual, sexy encounter, that’s great! And if it also reassures you about your relationship, that’s okay too.

Sexting Reinforces Desire

One of the reasons sexting is good for your relationship is because it helps you communicate your desire for your partner. When you’ve been with someone for a long time, sometimes the tendency is to stop telling them how sexy they are or how much you want them. If you’ve told them a hundred times before, they probably already know—or so the thinking goes. But healthy relationships make a habit of constant appreciation of the other person. When you aren’t in a  constant state of appreciation, you end up taking the other person for granted. And sexting helps you show appreciation for their physical form, which is incredibly healthy for your sex life.

Some studies show that there is a strong connection between sexting and sexual satisfaction. It makes sense, too, because couples who are sexting are making sex a priority—whether or not they can be with their partner physically. Sexting also forces you to learn how to communicate sexually because you’re typing your wants, needs, and desires into texts and sending them off to your partner. Practicing this can help you learn how to voice your needs and clarify what you like and don’t like—which is a cornerstone of having good sex. No one is a mind reader, so if you can’t spell out what you like, you’re setting yourself up for sexual dissatisfaction

How to Use Sexting to Improve Your Relationship

Whether sexting is good or bad for your relationship depends on the individual relationship. You can’t necessarily fix a toxic or abusive relationship simply by starting to sext. But you can make a good relationship even better by sexting. Start by asking if your partner is willing to try sexting. Once you have consent, find a time when you will be separated for an extended period. Then, share your fantasies with each other and see where the sexting goes. The more spontaneous you can be, the better.

If you don’t have a partner to text with, you can practice with a stranger. Then, when you do have a partner, you will have already polished your sexting skills. When looking for a stranger to sext with, don’t fall prey to scammy sites that don’t prioritize your privacy. Instead, find one that verifies all of its user’s identities and doesn’t share your information with anyone. Text with like minded people at arousr.com and it’s one of the safest ways.