“On the mean streets of Amish country, no hair do is safe.”

Here in South Africa, we suffer some of the worst excesses of violent crime. But don’t think for a minute that other countries are spared the onslaught of criminal masterminds.

Police Investigate Amish Drive-By Haircutting Spree

In rural Ohio, communities in the East of the state are being plagued by a clan of Amish haircutting bandits that break into homes and cut off hair and beards from those within, sometimes even dragging their clients victims outside to for an outdoor set and rinse. Sheriffs in four counties are pursuing the thirty-man gang who have reportedly accost-cuttered (not cool! -Ed) victims as young as 13 and as old as 74, leaving them traumatised and horribly un-conditioned.

The clan of Amish suspected responsible, led by a Bishop Sam Mullet (not kidding), reportedly use a horse and carriage as their high speed getaway chariot/salon once they’ve worked their magic.

Police in Jefferson County have arrested a good number of the  suspected snippers this past week, having discovered hair clippings in the back of the carriage and battered copies of Amish Coiffure Quarterly hidden under the carriage seat.

UK Great Granny In 16km/h High Speed Car Chase Drama

“Don’t Mess. She also has a sawed off shotgun under her orthopaedic seat cushion.”

Meanwhile, 76-year-old Caroline Turner led UK police on a 40km car chase this week when she took the wrong turn off a roundabout near London and entered oncoming traffic. Officers pursued her for more than an hour, both in vehicles and on foot, running alongside her Ford Fiesta and banging on the window as she gunned down the motorway at all of 16km per hour.

Eventually her speedy escape caught up with the elderly hellion as she drove straight into a road block officers had created in front of her. She spent a night in jail (to keep the roads safe from the feisty red head and her Fiesta), and has had her license revoked.

Her comment, as four officers wrestled her into handcuffs:

It was a surprise to me when he knocked on the window.

[Source: Daily Mail and Herald Sun]