I spent the night at The Muse ‘s place at Harbour Edge on Sunday night. We woke up in the middle of the night at some Godforsaken hour, with the intercom ringing. It’s an incredibly loud sound that it gives and, for a moment, I genuinely thought we were under attack. It went on for an excruciatingly long time and we couldn’t answer it as we were literally frozen from fright.

Shellshocked and bewildered, we managed to get back to sleep and, in the morning, woke up asking each other who the hell it might have been. Neither of us had the foggiest idea.

I left the apartment on Monday morning and when I got to my car it all made sense.

My car was parked underground in what we thought was a free parking bay (having asked the security guards which spot was available and wouldn’t inconvenience anyone) with a red sticker on the window, a CLAMP ON THE WHEEL, and the following note lodged under the wiper.

I wish to respond to this person in a logical fashion, according to the flow of the above note.

Regarding my name, it is Seth Rotherham, and you are welcome to address me in writing whenever you wish at editor@2oceansvibe.com

You say that it will be your LAST friendly warning. What exactly will happen AFTER this LAST warning? I wish to advise you that it is also your FIRST warning and in no way is it friendly!

What the amount you paid for your ap(p)artment has to do with the obvious/possible mistake and miscommunication between the security guard and myself has to do with anything I don’t know. I am impressed that you are a homeowner but you did, however, neglect to mention what currency you paid in. Is that 4 million RANDS? If so, I was unaware that you could find anything, anywhere, for as little as 320 thousand Euros! Good heavens!

In terms of the monthly levy you paid for the parking bay, well done. Again, this has absolutely nothing to do with the discussion between myself and the car guards. Something I did PURELY so as not to inconvenience the other tenants in the building and something that turned out to be a miscommunication. It is unfortunate that you did not take this into account. I’m not sure how old you are, but this lesson usually comes with age. It’s connected to all sorts of sayings you might have heard the adults throwing around from time to time. Including the “benefit of the doubt” and “beyond reasonable doubt .”

It’ll come.

Your third point states that you have a vehicle and you would like to park it there. Yes, indeed – this is why I tried my best to locate a parking bay which was not in use. The result was not as I intended. An honest (very possible, let alone plausible) mistake that you did not take into account.

Your final point mentions that it was the second time my car had been parked there. Yes, you’re right about that. Did you not think to contact me the first time? No. Or chat to the security guards to find out what may have caused this? No, you didn’t.

The underlying lesson we have learnt here is that your kneejerk rage and method of addressing this problem, leaves a lot to be desired. You treated me in a way that assumes that I don’t give a shit and park wherever I please. When, in fact, the situation is quite the contrary.

Without any investigation or communication whatsoever, you leapt into an attack and in a disgusting display of manners (or lack thereof) you rang the intercom in the middle of the night for God knows how long (who exactly do you think you are?), followed by penning down what looks like the ravings of a lunatic and then had my car wheel clamped.

Well clap, clap, clap, you silly fool. What have you achieved?

And on Nelson Mandela weekend – a much anticipated weekend designed to promote peace and reconciliation throughout the world! People were asked to spare 67 minutes of their time performing duties or activities useful to the community.

And look what you did with those 67 minutes… locked in a spiral of rage and hate, without, for one second, giving your fellow man an opportunity to defend himself.

Shame on you.

UPDATE

Before you find yourself compelled to comment, it would be pertinent to read THIS follow up article..