I knew the Cape Town coffee scene had reached a whole new level a few years ago when it finally happened.

I ordered a cappuccino at some coffee joint in town and the hipster serving me pulled a lower-teeth-exposed ‘this is awkward’ face, before informing me with great pity that they didn’t serve cappuccinos. Instead of suggesting something similar, he just watched me squirm.

“What other coffees do you serve that are made up of coffee and milk mixed together,” I asked.

He really had to think hard and after some time, reluctantly (due to the vast difference between the two) suggested a ‘flat white’. Ja, that might work…

The flat white came and I really had to summon all my yoga and meditation teachings to resist grabbing him by his man-bun and pushing his nose into the coffee, whilst asking him what was so vastly different between a cappuccino and a flat white. There was, obviously, a difference between the two, but the fact that they just REFUSED to serve a cappuccino? I mean, WTF?

In time I’ve learnt that a flat white SHOULD come standard with a double shot of espresso and the same amount (1:1 ratio) milk, but let’s face it – it hardly ever does. Most of the time it comes with more milk than it should. That’s part of the problem with today’s coffee culture – consistency. You’ll get the right thing if you order at Importers Coffee, for example, because they’re the oldest coffee brewer in the Western Cape, but anywhere else is a lottery.

I’ve progressed considerably since that hipster encounter and, to avoid death by milk, I have settled on the cortado to get my kicks. It’s a double shot of coffee and the same amount of milk (1:1 ratio). It’s also usually that silky milk (‘microfoam’, according to the geeks), rather than bubble bath milk foam. A cortado is similar to the dictionary definition of a flat white, but it’s more ‘smooth’, rather than the ‘velvet’ texture of a flat white. OK, got you.

Anyway, if I’m not at Importers Coffee, I think a cortado is a safer bet than a flat white, as a flat white can often be incorrectly served as a cappuccino. At least with a cortado, they’ll pay attention.

Give it a bash – I think you might like it.

Oh, and, just a heads up when travelling – they don’t know what a cortado is in Italy and France, so I order a macchiato in Italy (slightly less milk) and a noisette in France.

You’re welcome.