The White House is far from the posh pad you thought it was: it’s apparently teeming with giant cockroaches and sinkholes, an article by VICE reports.

Gross.

But while the White House isn’t a stranger to airing dirty laundry (Stormy Daniels, anyone?), it’s a Ziploc bag containing wet, dirty socks (as seen above) that’s been the primary topic of discussion.

Seriously.

Here’s the scoop: the Daily Caller‘s Saagar Enjeti found the sock bag in the White House press briefing room. It was first seen resting next to what appears to be a fully socked and shoed foot:

That’s some fine detection skills there, friend.

But then five days later, Enjeti discovered that the bag was still there – only now, it had been tucked into a dark corner:

Verrrrry suspicious.

By now you’re wondering who left these dirty socks in a Ziploc bag, why they were there, what’s got them all wet, and why somebody hasn’t thrown them out yet, and so on.

Or maybe they’re a kind of new life-form that’s been created to wreak havoc with the White House?

These are the questions, my friends, but the White House doesn’t have the answers.

Or if they do, they’re certainly not giving them.

VICE reckons that perhaps a female reporter “showed up to work in sneakers before changing into heels “because Trump likes women to “dress like women”.

Or maybe the culprit got caught in the rain, and decided to ditch the soggy sokkies before going barefoot at work, hence the socks’ wetness.

Or maybe it was this familiar chap who left ’em behind after he hung out at the White House:

Could actor Sylvester Stallone have ditched the socks on the sly? (Yep, atrocious pun intended.)

Probably not. The socks were found on May 17, while Stallone only visited the WH eight days later.

Per VICE:

Then again, there’s an off chance the culprit might not be a member of the press corps at all, but instead an employee of the White House itself – an intern, maybe, or perhaps one of those Presidential Personnel Office bros who spilled a little Smirnoff Ice.

Plausible, but who the hell is drinking Smirnoff Spin? Grow up, man.

It’s a cold case, this hosiery whodunnit. We may never know who abandoned those socks and why.

Although we do know that the White House seriously needs to up its housekeeping game.

[source:vice]