Dominique Strauss-Kahn and Arnold Schwarzenegger are the latest in a long line of high profile men who have allowed the smaller of their two heads to gain the upper hand when making crucial decisions.

DSK, as the Frogs refer to him, is the self-styled “Great Seducer”, or “Le Grand Seducteur”. Any self-respecting Frenchmen seeking a meaningful career in public life knows full well that a pre-requisite for success at the highest level is to be a lothario. Presidents and Prime Ministers throughout French (and Italian) history have engaged in behavior that outside of their own country would invariably result in a messy resignation, an even messier divorce, and Sky News vans camped outside your house.

An Englishman would only notice his wife wasn’t around if the washing started to pile up. An Australian’s idea of foreplay is to ask Sheila if she’s awake. South African men would rather be lifting in the lineout than lifting their girlfriends’ skirt.

Frenchmen worship women and the art of making love, which is why the odd dalliance here and there, while not absolutely condoned, is usually greeted with an extravagant collective shrug by men and women alike. DSK’s case is different of course, in that he has allegedly assaulted his victim, something that has caused a form of mass apoplexy in his native land. Seduce the girl consensually by all means, after all, as Jerry said to George Costanza in an episode of Seinfeld when they were analyzing their attraction to chamber maids, “She’s a girl in your room”. But forced entry? Non. Absolument NON.

The case continues.

As for Arnie, well this is an altogether different story. The Austrian beefcake, while undoubtedly talented in the fields of making yourself physically repulsive through years of narcissistic and pointless lifting of heavy objects and destroying the economy of California, he’s not what you might call brainy. Browsing through some of his quotes on the interweb, it comes as no surprise that the Sperminator has the fruits of his loins scattered across America:

“Having a pump is like having sex. I train two, sometimes three times a day. Each time I get a pump. It’s great. I feel like I’m coming all day.”

“Well, there was no sex for 14 days.” – On getting the cold shoulder from his wife after backing President George W. Bush at the Republican Convention.

“This is what she fell in love with – me. This is the way I am – outrageous, out there. And it comes with things that are not all rosy.” – Vanity Fair, 2005

Well done America for putting this specimen in charge of your most important economic State.

Bill Clinton did it by choosing to insert a very fine cigar inside a well-nourished intern with little thought of how he was going to light the thing afterwards.

Tiger Woods did it, despite having a devoted, fragrant, delicate, Scandinavian beauty who, if he hadn’t the rare ability to knock a ball in a hole better than any man on Earth, wouldn’t have allowed him to wash her car.

Bill should’ve been engaging with Castro rather than using the latter’s finest export as a dildo, while Tiger should’ve rather employed his wristy golf action in the ancient men’s art of knocking one out during moments of sexual emergency.

Sometimes I think we South Africans are a step ahead of the Yanks and the Eurotrash. When our leaders want relief, they have the back up of polygamy.

If they cause a fuss, we marry them.