Real friendship is being able to reveal your deepest, darkest secrets to someone. But true friendship is being able to while away the time bitching about your half-friends without fear of them finding out.

In the old days we all used to meet up for a braai or a dop or ‘book club’ to let off some steam about other people we knew and mutually despised, usually based on rumour and hearsay. These wildly entertaining sessions with likeminded individuals used to happen a lot when we were younger, but these days we have actual lives, so those episodes are few and far between. But that’s fine, because now we can bitch and moan together, without being physically in the same room. What’s even better is we’re not relying on rumour and hearsay anymore. Oh no – we’ve got photographic proof – from Instagram in the form of screenshots discussed on Whatsapp groups.

Pause that thought for a second and consider the rise of the ‘Instagram Tool’ – you’ll know a few of them – the monsters that have emerged as Instagram’s popularity has exploded. These are people – men and women – that you know (or thought you knew), but aren’t necessarily friendly with. Usually someone who THINKS you’re friends – and they must THINK you’re friends, otherwise they wouldn’t let you follow them in the first place. And so they (boys and girls) carry on, oblivious to the fact that their selfie-obsessed, whoops-my-breasts, inspiration-message-riddled, hashtag-infested Instagram account has become fodder for Whatsapp groups across town and indeed the globe. Not knowing that every time they post another OUTRAGEOUSLY over-the-top picture, it’s being gobbled up for all the wrong reasons. I blame the Kardashians of the world who make these one-time-normal people turn into monsters. They don’t understand that’s what Hollywood celebrities do – that’s their job. It’s. Not. Normal. Behaviour.

And we don’t stop following these monsters when their photos get progressively worse. Oh no – on the contrary, we LIKE their pictures – encouraging them to carry on their (truly) remarkably socially unacceptable behaviour.

I’m a member of at least three Whatsapp groups that focus almost entirely on discussing Instagram Tools. Even Tools with closed accounts that don’t let you follow them cannot hide. There will be someone else in the Whatsapp group with access to that Instagram Tool’s account, treating the group to a screenshot every time another gem gets posted. That is their job in the Whatsapp group – to infiltrate that particular Instagram Tool’s account.

‘Skinner sessions’ (skinner = gossip, for our international readers) have always existed, but it’s just easier for us to ‘get together’ these days – thanks to social media. It’s nasty and shallow, but that’s what true friends do together. It’s a reality. Just like Instagram Tools with their incredibly thick skin are a reality.

We will continue to watch them and encourage them, as their behaviour becomes more and more bizarre.

Thank you, monsters – we find our Whatsapp group skinner sessions terribly entertaining!

Now go forth and post!