There are some shopping malls in Cape Town that are not very much fun to visit.

They tend to have a high density of individuals who may prove useful to science in one or other capacity (and that capacity definitely won’t be as scientists). What is it about shopping malls that attracts the slack-jawed and the dead-eyed?

The air is warm and stale. There is something sticky on the floor in front of you. I bet that kid with the bright green hands left that there. Why are is hands bright green? Why is his dad wearing a moon bag?

You get the vibe. You know the place we’re talking about.

It’s not very much fun to people-watch in those kinds of places.

Which is of course why you shouldn’t visit shopping centres. Ever.

So here’s a quick guide for you to identify whether or not you’re in the modern shopping mall.

1)   Is the space enclosed?

2)   Do you begin to feel drowsy from an overwhelming combination of body heat, oxygen deprivation, and light stimuli?

3)   Are children crying?

4)   Are couples bickering?

5)   Is there one guy who insists on running into the back of your heel with a trolley?

6)   Are you outside of the City Bowl?

7)   Are your legs aching?

8)   Do you feel hollow inside?

9)   Is your car an imperial mile away from the nearest entrance or exit?

10)  Is there a distinct lack of celebrity in the place?

Run through that list the next time you’re at the Cape Quarter Lifestyle Village. Do it. Not one point, hey?

You’re totally right. Which is why the Cape Quarter is almost ridiculousy popular with celebrities.

The other day, Bryan Habana strolled past the studio with his missus. Just like that. He kept on staring, and I think we caught him mouthing something along the lines of “I wanna play on that field, coach…”, before his wife hurried him along to one of the myriad amazing stores in the CQ.

But he’s not the only one. I’ll let you in on a little secret. We don’t actually schedule most of our guests, we just take a quick stroll around the centre and pull whoever’s outside, in. Invariably they turn out to be:

• Freshly Ground
• Arno Carstens
• The Beach Boys
• Public Enemy’s Chuck D
• Ard Matthews
• The Dirty Skirts
• John Smit
• MC Hammer
• Jack Parrow
• Graeme Smith
• Mark Boucher
• Lyndall Jarvis
• Jeannie D
• Peter Sarstedt

And many more. But there are loads more celebrities kicking around the cape Quarter every day, just hanging out.

You’ve seen them. Your friends don’t believe you. Well we’re going to change that situation for you.

Snap a photo of a celeb in the Cape Quarter, send it to us, and we’ll reward you with a bottle of bubbles from Boschendal. That’s right, you’re reading correctly.

Not only will you have proof of said celebrity sighting in the Cape Quarter, but you’ll have a bottle of champagne to celebrate your victory over your cynical friends.

Simply mail a copy of the pic to studio@2oceansviberadio.com with “Celebrity Sighted!” in the subject bar, and we’ll get a bottle of Boschendal bubbles over to you post haste.

You ready kids?

Go!