There was always something that bothered me about News Cafe in Green Point but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. It was suggested by a friend as a potential breakfast spot for Sunday morning. I asked if it was cozy enough. Apparently it was.

What joy on arrival to find that it was, indeed, cozy! With a full frontal fireplace and sofas – what a pleasure. Breakfast in semi-Winter next to a fire. God, this is good.

But then it fell apart at the seams.

I won’t go on about having to ask three times for my coke, or the fact that the actual breakfast took over 30 minutes to get to the table – these are not things to moan about – these things are normal – we are used to crap service. BUT DON’T FUCK UP MY EGGS WHEN I ASK YOU TO MAKE THEM ‘OVER EASY ‘.

To all breakfast chefs throughout Cape Town, ‘over easy’ fried eggs does not mean ‘hard’ fried eggs. It means lightly cooked on the yolk side. This generally forms a white film over the yolk. Usually created by momentarily flipping the egg over.

When I insisted to the waiter that the chef should be careful not to make them hard and that I only wanted a slight white film over the yolk, I thought he would’ve chatted to the chef about it. If I stress something so intricate, I am probably going to take note of the results when the food comes. The result produced two rock hard light yellow yolks. Why did you understand so well what I meant when I ordered, and yet you’re quite happy to bring me something COMPLETELY different? It was the only thing I stressed. I didn’t give a fuck about how your sausage came out, or how you should grill the tomato (longer next time)….. I just asked for one thing – my eggs over easy. I didn’t even articulate the migraine I was developing as a result of the front door that slammed every time someone entered the establishment. I just wanted over fucking easy eggs.

I ate an egg this morning, purely to photograph it. It wasn’t the hardest thing in the World. A little trick, crap chefs of Cape Town – place the lid of a pot over the eggs while they cook. It instantly and effortlessly produces an over easy egg. Without the risk of breaking it.